Chapter 11: Fearful
Nico looked out the window of the SUV. Beyond the dimly lit car, it was nearly pitch black. It was past 1 in the morning and they had been traveling for nearly 13 and a half hours.
The SUV had 7 seats; 2 in front, 2 in the middle, and a large bench seat in the back, meant for 3 people. Naturally, Will and Nico had taken over the back seat, even if there was less leg room.
Though, there were 3 seats in back and there very well could have been a seat between Nico and Will, Will had chosen to seat right in the middle, next to Nico. If it were anyone else, Nico would have scooted toward the wall of the car, as far away as possible, but this was Will. Nico actually felt comfortable near Will now. Nico actually had a friend, a best friend to be exact.

Nico then reminded himself of his utterly obvious feelings for the stubborn son of Apollo. Nico's emotions were more conflicted than ever.
On one hand, he was sick and tired of living in secrecy and just wanted to tell Will about his feelings and then figure out what to do from there.
On the other hand, Nico was absolutely terrified of Will's reaction. What if Will didn't even like guys? What if Will just wanted to be friends and thought the idea of being anything more appalling?
The longer Nico thought about it, the more unruly Nico's stomach felt. He thought he would soon have to have the car pull over so he could puke. Nico was desperate to think about something else, anything else.

He forced his mind to change topic, but no matter how many times he tried to think about anything else, it always circled back around to the sleeping (snoring) blonde next to him. He cursed at himself and just about everything else. Will, the gods, fate. If Nico's head had been censored, you would hear nothing but Bleeps.

He wanted to curse at Reyna and tell himself he wasn't enjoying the trip, being this close to Will, but no matters how many times he lied to himself, it didn't make it anymore believable. Half of him wanted to smile. The other half wanted to scream.

Why did fate pick him to be abnormal? Why did fate decide he had to be an outcast in every way he could? Nico felt the urge to get out his anger but going and beating up a wall somewhere, but he was stuck in a car. A small, enclosed car (the SUV wasn't near small, but by car standards, but it felt like it to Nico).

Nico felt like he was going to go insane if he didn't get to get out of this car for a while. Gods, Nico really hated road trips. The last long road trip he had taken had been from the Lotus casino to his old boarding school in Maine (unless you count the little time Nico spend on Argo II, but that was a boat and at least Nico got to walk around). That road trip was horrible, but still, nothing compared to this one. This one was pure torture, being this close to Will solace and still not being able to tell Will how he felt.

I'm such a coward. Nico said to himself miserably. Nico had already gone through this whole keep-my-crush-a-secret thing once. He really didn't want to do it again. But he still could barely work up the courage to hug Will, much less the courage to tell Will how he felt.

Nico had been to tartarus and back. Somehow, this was worse.
Wait. Nico thought.
He'd been to tartarus and back. He had been through countless battles and horrible places he never wanted to speak of again. He had faced the titan Lord himself.

He could do this. He would do this.

...

Nico didn't wake up until someone said "Hey, we're stopping at McDonald's."
It was a grinning Will, shaking Nico by the shoulder. His grip didn't really hurt, but gods, it was firm. Nico could barely open his eyes. The morning sun was a blinding white. How did the Apollo kids tolerate this kind of light?

"McDonald's?" Nico asked sleepily.
Nico had mixed feelings about the fast food restaurant.

the food was good and cheap. Nico was convinced the fries were made of pure gold. Plus, when he was running low on mortal money, it was budget friendly.

Still, the restaurant brought back bad memories from his past. Nico still shuddered in embarrassment about how foolish he was, using McDonald's to summon spirits. He never wanted to think about that time in his life ever again. He certainly wasn't about to speak of it. If Will was to ever hear about younger Nico, Nico was more than prepared to bury himself in a hole and never come out.
"Yep." Will practically sang. Nico didn't really understand how this boy could just wake up in a good mood.
Nico tried to respond but his brain decided it wasn't time to wake up yet. Soon, he felt Will shaking him again, saying Nico's name louder this time in an attempt to wake him up.
Nico feebly tried to seat Will away. "I'll be in in a minute."

Nico couldn't see Will, but he had a feeling in his gut that Will was rolling his eyes. "Yeah right. By a minute, do you mean an hour? Get the heck up."

Nico forced his eyes open. "Ooooooo, you said the word Heck." He mocked sarcastically. "You're such a rebel, Will Solace."

Will crossed his arms, not looking very happy, but not truly upset. "I'm going outside. You can sit here in the cramped car if you want."

"I'm coming, I'm coming." Nico muttered.

Nico had no idea where they were. It had been almost 21 hours since they left Camp Half Blood, so Nico assumed they had to be a decent distance from New York. Then again, considering how many stops they had made, they couldn't be too far. Indiana? Maybe even Illinois?
Gods, this trip was going to take forever.

By the time Nico got inside, Will was talking with Percy, which was surprising. Nico was sure it couldn't be good, at least not for him. Nico had always been paranoid that people talked about him behind his back, and thinking of Will and Percy talking was terrifying. He could only imagine the conversation.
Hey, imaginary Percy said to imaginary Will, did you know Nico is gay?

No, I did not. Imaginary Will responded.

Well he is. And he had a crush on me. Imaginary Percy practically screamed.

Imaginary Will looked shocked. Oh golly molly!

You better watch out. Imaginary Percy said with imaginary seriousness. He might have a crush on you next.

Okay, maybe Nico's idea of what would happen was a bit exaggerated, but that didn't take away it's scary reality. It could happen.

Nico knew fear was powerful, but he didn't know it was this powerful. It was souring Nico's perception of everyone around him, making Nico think everyone he knew was a jerk basically. Fear was making him lose trust in his allies, his friends. All of this because Nico was gay.

This has gone on too long. Nico thought to himself.
...

Will was sitting in a booth at McDonald's, slurping his cup of sweet tea. He was desperately trying to concentrate on what Percy was saying. Will was surprised he found himself distracted at all, considering Percy was on the other side of the booth, waving his arms around while he talk. Will knew Percy was just trying to help Will picture the scene, but to honest, Will had to keep himself from laughing.

Occasionally, Will would find himself staring at the half-awake son of Hades, standing by the counter. His head was practically looking straight up to see the menu. Will couldn't help but grin about how short Nico was. Nico was approximately only half a foot shorter than Will but it made a huge difference. Will's mind wandered back to when Nico had hugged him. Nico head only made it to his upper chest.

But as Nico turned around, something about him today was unnerving Will. Nico often looked depressed. No matter how much Will disliked it, it wasn't uncommon. But today, something was different. It wasn't just depression. It was also fear.
Why? Will asked himself. Will wasn't sure he wanted to find out. Anything Nico feared had to be something horrible, something beyond terrifying.

Will tuned back into the conversation at the booth, Percy telling some tale about his and Annabeth's adventures. Right now, he was talking about the Labyrinth and a younger Nico Di Angelo that seemed so unlike the one Will knew. Will almost didn't believe that that Nico and this Nico were the same person.

Finally, Nico sat in the booth with his double quarter pounder and fries.
"Oh, Nico." Will said as Nico began eating his burger. "We were just talking about you."

Before Will even finished his sentence, Nico was choking on his food. "What?"
Nico looked ready to faint. His face was paler than Will had ever seen it, which was saying something. Will was afraid Nico was going to pass out and Will would have to use his healing abilities in front of all these civilians.

Will shrugged, trying to act casual in hopes it would calm Nico down. "Percy was telling me about you when you were younger. "
Will watched Nico's face start turning green with nausea. Will was beginning to panic, not because he was afraid of healing in front of the mortals, now just because Nico was starting to panic. "I think we better get going guys. We don't have much time to waste. The sooner we get there, the sooner Jason can start building shrines." Will forced his voice to flow without worry, though Will's entire body was overflowing with concern for the raven-haired son of Hades.

Nico looked at his food, which had barely been touched, and started to open his mouth, probably in protest, but shut it again. Will knew Nico wasn't going to argue about a chance to get out of this situation.

The demigods started packing up and heading back to their SUVs. Will purposely lingered behind until he and Nico were practically alone. "Are you okay?"

Nico was still horribly pale, but he looked like he was slowly returning to his usual shade of ghostly white. Nico wouldn't even completely meet Will's eyes. "I just don't really want talk about my past."

Will felt a horrible pang of guilt. How could Will not have known? It was painted all over Nico's face whenever something from the past was brought up. Will felt ashamed. He had been so inconsiderate to even let the conversation go on for as long as it did.

You need to stop beating yourself up. Will mentally chided himself. You didn't know. It was a mistake. Everyone slips up some times.

But what was the price of every slip up? Nico's trust.

Will was busy scolding himself as he walked outside toward their designated SUV when he heard something unforgettable. It was only a whisper, probably not meant to be heard, but that didn't change its meaning to Will.

"Thank you." Nico muttered, his voice full of sincerity. Will was so surprised, he almost stopped dead in his tracks. Will couldn't believe it. Why on Earth would Nico thank him?
It wasn't until a few minutes later, driving down the road, when Will realized it was because Will had stopped it upon Nico's discomfort. Will had known when the conversation had been too much and when it needed to end.
You should have not let it happen in the first place. Will continued to criticize himself.

...

The sky was painted orange and pink and blue with all the wonderful colors of the setting sun. They had been on the road for hours, not yet stopping for dinner. Will felt his level of energy dropping as the last lights of day began to fade. He had been up since practically the crack of dawn.
Will was having trouble keeping his eyes open. He knew he was going to have to take a nap before dinner or he'd go face-first into his food. He didn't want the spaghetti incident to happen again. Will hadn't been able to live that down for weeks.

Will was semi-embarrassed. Even after all his checking and re-checking, he had still forgotten a pillow. In his sleepy state, Will was determined to find a good pillow, not really caring what the pillow was.

Will's head finally rested on something warm and comforting and didn't even have time to question what it was before he dozed off.

A short while later, Will was brought back to consciousness by a soft voice. "Will, Wiiilll." It said gingerly, gently trying to shake Will awake. The voice was so comforting, it practically lulled him back to sleep. When Will was finally able to keep his eyes open long enough, he saw Nico staring back at him. Nico had a strange, soft look in his eyes that Will had only seen brief glimpses of before.
Will jolted up. "I'm so sorry! I didn't mean to fall asleep on you! How long was I out?"
Will was still subconscious about making Nico uncomfortable from that morning. He didn't enjoy the idea of Nico sitting there uncomfortable for hours in a cramped van.
The soft light in Nico's eyes had not yet disappeared. "Its okay. You've only been out an hour or two. I only woke up up because we're stopping for dinner."

Will couldn't help put feel a small smile pull across his lips. Nico didn't look offended or angry. He looked happy.
Will's heart began beating in his throat. Maybe things really were going to change. Maybe he actually had a chance. He could barely keep himself contained, being overwhelmed with giddiness. "Okay." Will swallowed hard, trying to keep his voice level.

He and Nico walked toward the restaurant (for once, not fast food) in peaceful silence. They walked close together, like they had what seemed like so many nights ago on the way to the campfire. They're hands brushed and Will swore he felt the entire world around him electrify.