Despite the fact that it's early on a Saturday morning, the moment my mother left, I didn't want to be in the house alone so I went out for a run.
I still didn't have running shoes but honestly I didn't feel the difference.
It was too cold outside and I felt numb.
The numbness felt good.
It was the first numbness I could revel in since everything happened and I loved it. I jogged, planning on circling the block until I reached my house again but before I knew it I was in the crowded part of town that met the city limits. I gasped, seeing the city lights and signs guiding my way. I hadn't planned on going so far but I was too far along to turn back now and the thought of being home struck me scare again so I pushed on until I stood in front of the gym.
I came to an abrupt halt and spotted Dimitri inside.
I was about to go in but then I saw he was talking to someone, his mother. Not wanting to face questioning on how I was doing and how I felt, I went around the block and found the path through the forest. I'd never ran out here without Dimitri but there was a first time for everything and I felt good.
My breathing wasn't bothering me, my body still ached because it was becoming a new normal, and I wasn't thinking as much, wanting to go home, shower, and sleep. I paid attention to the trees around me and pushed forward, for once, in what felt like a long time, on thinking about the present.
I was doing pretty good, running on my own, and then I saw a glint in the corner of my eye. En edge of the sun was peeping from behind the clouds and reflected on an old beer bottle buried in the grass.
I skidded to halt at the sight but stumbled over a branch and before I knew it, I was tumbling forward until I landed on my foot in a weird position. I cried out in pain before collapsing on my back, the leaves crunching under me.
Beer.
Beer bottles and the smell.
That night.
I shuddered, closing my eyes shut and digging my palms into my face hoping the memories would disappear as quickly as they came but the images and sensory details were too intense.
Beer. Warm breath. The weight of them on top of me. Me screaming. I screamed right now as I dropped my hands from my face and blacked out.