AN: Your eyes are not playing tricks on you; this is the LAST time we´ll be in the past now that everyone knows how Bella came to live with Edward.
So get to reading!
DreamTeam approved!
DISCLAIMER: I OWN NUTHIN!
That's What Little Girls Are Made Of...
Chapter Eighty-Six
EPOV
Whoever said that time heals all wounds, didn't know what the fuck they were talking about.
Each passing minute has been more agonizing than the last.
Since we left the hospital, seconds have turned into minutes, minutes to hours, and hours to days.
Yet, the pain remains the same.
A constant throbbing in my chest – where a gaping hole, brought on by loss and grief – continued to fester and grow.
I couldn't even tell you what day it was, or, if it even was day for that matter.
The curtains were drawn tight, keeping out any and all light, and the room was shrouded in silence, save for the noise of a wall clock Es insisted on hanging.
Its humming pierced through the silence.
A constant reminder of what we had lost.
Who we had lost...
That somewhere, for someone, life was moving forward, but for us, time stood still.
Damn my sister and her interior designing shit!
Hah, just another way for time to taunt me. I thought cynically.
I was vaguely aware of the people milling about the condo, some to offer their condolences, some to talk about arrangements, and some to just be fucking annoying, I presume. But neither Bella nor I could bring the two of us to care, or even, leave this room.
Bella and I had been holed up in here since she came home from the hospital days ago. The most effort we´d made was to help each other change bandages.
Oh, and brush our teeth.
We made sure to brush our teeth regularly.
Just saying!
We spent a lot of time just talking, so that was a must.
In the beginning, to their credit, our friends did try to coax us to eat, but soon gave up when the food remained, untouched and cold, outside in the hallway.
Sure, I knew that we needed to eat, but Bella flat out refused. So, following her lead, I forewent sustenance as well. You know what they say, "If you can´t beat ´em, join ´em."
If Bella wouldn´t eat, then neither would I.
Choosing not to push her, I rationalized that she would eat when she was ready. Food was the least of my concerns, when she could be refusing so much more.
This time, at least, she was still talking.
Though, in the beginning, she shut down for hours, and it scared me to death.
Not this time!
She would not close herself off to me!
Not this time!
Unashamed, and not above groveling, I begged.
I begged and pleaded with her not to leave me.
Not this time.
Not again...
My heart couldn´t take it.
I would not survive losing someone else that I loved.
They say that the darkest hour is just before day, but I beg to differ.
Those excruciatingly painful hours, when I lost the sound of my girl´s voice, were some of the darkest of my life.
I could feel her slipping away from me.
Again.
And I was powerless to stop it.
"Bella, please, talk to me, Sweetheart." I pleaded. I had been at it for close to two hours, and still, nothing.
Not one word, not even a single grunt in acknowledgement.
Tears flowed freely down my cheeks as I hugged her to my chest and stroked her hair.
I was beginning to fear it would be worse than the last time.
I refused to let that happen!
I refused to sit by and let her get lost, a prisoner trapped in her own mind again.
Not this time!
After days of hours of nothing, I´d had enough.
And in anger, I lashed out.
That got little Ms. Swan talking.
"Look Izzy, you´re not the only one hurting here," I said, pacing back and forth in front of the bed. "We both lost them, you know, not just you."
Pinching the bridge of my nose, I sighed, feeling all the fight go out of me. Looking across the bed into her dead, lost eyes, I spoke the truth. "Right now, Izzy, aside from our friends, you´re all I have left. You and me against the world, Kiddo, so, you don´t get to checkout, and leave me to handle all this shit by myself, Little Girl," I whisper quietly. "Now snap the fuck out of it, and talk to me...please!"
Still, nothing!
I was once again met with her silence; silence that screamed so loud that it pierced my very soul.
Bella´s only response was to scoot to the foot of my California king-sized bed, crawl into my lap, and wrap her arms tightly around my neck.
That was something.
Right?
Though I couldn't be sure of the exact timeframe, I assume that was a few days ago.
Little by little, Bella started opening up.
Sometimes we talked about Es and Carlisle, and then other times, we just talked about whatever came to mind. Feeling her stir beside me, I waited for her to speak. Little did I know I was going to regret it!
"Edward, Jacob asked me to be his girlfriend," Bella whispered quietly into the darkness. "And I said yes."
Clearly, today was a `whatever the fuck comes to mind day´.
Thank God the room was dark and she couldn´t see the anger brewing in my eyes.
Okay, Edward, you cannot overreact. You cannot overreact! I chanted over and over in my head, struggling to keep my emotions in check.
After Jacob showed up here a few days ago, only to be met with the brick wall that was Emmett McCarty, we had been skirting around the subject of what I walked in on the other day. But, Bella and I had yet to actually discuss it.
I figured that if I didn´t go all batshit crazy on her, Bella would eventually open up and talk to me.
So, it looks like today was the day.
Oh fucking joy!
Swallowing thickly, I responded through clenched teeth. "He did, now did he?" Inhaling a forced breath, I continued. "So, were you celebrating the other day when I walked in on the four of you destroying the house?"
Way to go, Bud! My inner-voice snickered. I´m sure she´s just going to spill her guts to you now. Real fucking smooth Cullen, real fucking smooth!
Fuck you; I didn´t hear you coming up with anything!
"N-n-no!" Bella exclaimed.
"Then, Bella," I sighed in exasperation. "Help me understand, because that certainly wasn´t the actions of the Isabella Swan I´ve come to know and love. Honestly, Bella, I´m having a hard time reconciling the two in my head. How am I supposed to trust that being with Jacob is the right thing for you? I´m responsible for you now, Izzy, and I just can´t have you getting into trouble. What if I screw up and they take you away from me? What do I do then, Iz?"
"I´m sorry, Edward! I´m so fucking sorry," Bella sobbed. "I was angry, and tired of always doing the right thing. I never meant for it to get out of hand." Looking at me with pleading, watery eyes, Bella presented her case.
"I knew that you, and everybody else for that matter, were hiding things from me. Then you up and leave without so much as telling me where you were going. Do you have any idea how that made me feel, any idea at all? Not that it would have softened the blow any, but I would have been a little more prepared for the news about Carlisle and Esme if you had at least given me an idea of what was going on. You had no right to make that choice for me, Edward. No right!"
"And when I needed someone, Jacob, Seth, and Angela were the only ones who made time for me, which reminds me, you cannot go to the Dean about what happened this weekend."
"Oh the hell I can´t! Those boys deserve to be punished for their involvement," I spat angrily, refusing to be swayed. "Granted, they´re not twenty-one, they´re still a few years older than you and Angela; they should have been more responsible."
"Jacob and Seth would lose their scholarships, not-to-mention, their lives would be ruined. I can´t have that on my conscience, Edward. Not after everything that´s happened." Thinking she was through, Bella continued to speak in a more resolved tone. "Anyway, I´ll be going back to Forks soon, so it really doesn´t matter. Jacob will be here, and I´ll be there." Well, when she put it like that, I really didn´t have anything to worry about.
Unknowingly, Bella had saved me the trouble of dragging her back to Forks against her will. She was headed into her last year in the fall, and I believed that she shouldn´t be uprooted.
"Okay," I said through clenched teeth, "but, I´ll be keeping an eye on him, and if Jacob Black so much as sets a toe out of line, all bets are off. Understood?"
"Understood!" Bella agreed with a shake of her head. Looking up at me through her lashes, Bella gave me a watery smile.
"Hey, Sweet Girl, what´s with the tears?" I asked, brushing them away with my fingers.
"You just acted in the role of guardian just now," she sniffled. "I miss C.C. and Me-me." Pulling her into my arms, I could feel the pain rolling off her in waves as her tiny body shook with her sobs.
"Me too, baby girl, me too," I agreed wholeheartedly, through quiet tears of my own.
What did you guys think? I know some of you wanted this epic blow-up as far as Jacob was concerned, but just as Bella pointed out, she´ll be in Forks, while he will be in Chicago, making it a moot point. I think that it was handled by both of them in a mature fashion, redeeming Bella of her previous childish and stupid behavior. Leave me some love!
Krazi
xoxo