A year or two before my grandmother died, she said something I'll probably never forget for the rest of my life.

My mother had just come home after two days of over time and all nighters. She found me and my grandmother in the kitchen having a late night cup of hot chocolate. I'd been telling my grandma, who still able o moved around a bit, about Lissa's theory that Adrian Ivashkov had a crush on me. My mother came in and sat beside me at the kitchen table.

She laid the entire upper half of her body on top of the table, collapsing from exhaustion.

"Tired?" my grandmother had asked as she poured a cup of the coffee she'd been making for herself for my mother.

My mother groaned in response before sitting up at the scent of the coffee rising from the cup being placed in front of her.

"I feel like I haven't blinked in days," she had mumbled as she drank the coffee greedily, knowing she'd have to go back to work in less than a few hours.

"Maybe you should take some time off," I'd suggested wanting to just be able to talk to my mom for more than five seconds the way Lissa talked to hers.

She immediately shook her head. "Wish I could but we're barely scraping by as it is."

"Then you should at least get a few hours of sleep instead of drinking coffee," I said hiding my disappointment.

Her curls were already moving as she shook her head 'no' before I'd even stopped speaking. "I have to be down at the restaurant in two hours since I'm apparently the only waitress willing to work the 24hour shift, then I have to open the bar at noon, and then get down to the motel at six. I just came home for a change of clothes and for a quick shower."

"You wouldn't have to work so hard if you'd made better decisions when you were young," grandma chided as she slowly settled herself across from us.

This wasn't a new argument. Grandma wasn't mean or anything. She was just never afraid to bring up and point everything she disapproved of in my mother's life whenever she saw the chance to. Right now happened to be one of those times.

"If you had finished your schooling and met a nice proper man, finances would be the least of your worries."

My mother rolled her eyes but didn't look up from cup she had wrapped her small hands around.

"I know, mama," she said in a low sigh.

Grandma went on as if she hadn't even acknowledged that mom had spoken. "You'd be a better mother, have time to spend with your daughter, and things would be better than they are now. I did it," she said by way of example.

She was talking about the fact that she had finished high school, went to college, met grandpa who died from a heart attack pretty young in life but had left enough for grandma to support and raise my mother with my grandma only having to work one job that didn't interfere with quality time.

Unfortunately, my grandma's health started fading fast and financial responsibility fell on my mother.

"Yes, yes, I know, mom, I know. I could have done better. But as far as I'm concerned, Rose is doing fine, right?" my mother's green eyes met my own and even grandma was looking for me for reassurance that I was doing fine.

Before I could answer to tell her about Adrian Ivashkov's alleged crush on me, grandma spoke.

"Yes she's fine but she needs you to guide her. I won't be around forever you know! Rose was just telling my about a boy who likes her. She's barely fourteen and already she's concerned with boys liking her. I just don't want her to make the same mistakes you did-"

"What? Getting pregnant so young? You regret that I had Rose!?"

"Of course not!" grandma shouted back almost too loud for such a late hour. I knew that wasn't what she meant but some how their arguments always quickly got out of hand and back to the same topics. "I love my granddaughter and you know that! I just don't want her to do what you did, letting a man affect all of your decisions, ruining your life. I don't want Rose to be a weak failure and - if you were a good mother - you wouldn't either!"

Grandma went too far.

Maybe in her own way grandma had meant well but it sure didn't come out that way. Maybe I want to believe the best about my grandmother because she's really the only family I have besides mom but even I could see that she'd gone too far.

I'd always seen my mother as far from weak. She was working had to keep us alive and stable. That didn't seem like a weak quality. My mother didn't say anything though. She didn't argue back. At the time I couldn't figure out why she didn't say anything like she usually did to grandma's comments or just roll her eyes and dismiss everything that was just said.

She just sat there.

For the longest moment, it was deadly quiet. The only noise was coming from the one car that passed down the street and the clock on the wall. I felt like I should say something but I didn't know what and I learned a long time ago not to take side between these two.

I started to reach for my mother so that she'd at least look up or say something but she simply stood up from her chair, the legs scraping against the linoleum, and she walked out of the room.

Grandma and I both listened and silently stirred our drinks as the sounds of my mother getting ready for work floated out from her bedroom upstairs. Less than twenty minutes after she had come home, she was already heading back out the door with not a word to either of us as if I had taken grandma's side by just sitting there with her.

I sighed wishing -not for the first time- my mother did have a normal work schedule and that arguments like this wouldn't happen. I wished we could just be one small but happy family.

That didn't look like it was going to happen anytime soon. I pushed my cold hot chocolate away from me, not really wanting it anymore. I also decided that from then on it would be better to keep anything that happened with Adrian Ivashkov and boys in general to myself.

I sighed and mumbled something about wishing grandma hadn't said those mean things.

My grandmother simply smiled after a heartbeat and patted my hand with her much frailer one.

"I just want better for you my granddaughter."

Looking back now, I realize why my mother hadn't said anything to defend herself against her mother's cruel words. She didn't fight back because she didn't disagree with what grandma had said.

My mother really believed she was weak and a failure.

My grandma had said she didn't want me to be like my mother and- even though at the time I didn't think my mother was weak- right now I'm realizing I don't want to be like her either. I don't want to be so afraid and overwhelmed by the truth that I can't even face it, not even to help my daughter. And it's with this realization that I realize my mother is weak for not immediately trying to help me, for not asking the right questions, for not putting me before her own fears for the first time in her life.

But maybe this isn't the first time she's let her fear come before me.

Maybe all these years of overtime and working were a way of her to avoid simply parenting me, guiding me the way a mother should.

Maybe the few beers she'd have were just ways of taking the edge off of having a teenage daughter to care for.

I feel weird having all of these deep and profound thoughts while still sitting in Dimitri's self-defense studio watching as he and one of his fellow instructor, Christian, continue with their afternoon class. I think it's watching these people trying to learn to defend themselves and fight back that has me in such deep thought.

I realize - not for the first time - that I don't just want to be like them.

I want to be one of them.

I'm going to be one of them.

I'm going to strong and I'm going to fight back...as soon as my ankle heals.

Until then, Dimitri suggests working on my inner strength and stealing myself for the possibility of trial if Adriana and his accomplices are arrested and tried.

"You'll need all the strength you can get. Not just on the outside," Dimitri said when he and Christian sat after the afternoon classes during their free hour to have an early dinner before their evening lessons started.

Feeling suddenly bold and like an open exposed book in front of Dimitri already (after all he'd seen me have a break down earlier and knew about the worst night of my life) I told him everything I'd been thinking about while he'd been teaching his classes. He'd listened intently as he set out the dinner he'd ordered for everyone.

"I had a feeling you'd say something like that," I mumbled.

Despite my resolve to be stronger both inside and out, I imagine that - much like everything else - it'd be one of those things that's easier said than done.

Dimitri's lips tilted up slightly at the ends at my comment. "Am I starting to sound like a fortune cookie again?"

I mentioned a little earlier, after he suggested that I work on my 'inner strength', that he sounded like some Zen master handing out fortune cookie sayings. I couldn't stifle my laughter at Dimitri referring to himself as a fortune cookie.

"Little bit," I giggled and his slight smile turned into a full on grin as he laughed with me.

"He has a habit of doing that," Christian says coming to sit with us after returning from buying water bottles for us all. "You should think about getting a tattoo of the word 'profound being' tattooed on your forehead."

"There's a certain word that you should have tattooed on your forehead but it isn't appropriate to mention with a lady present," Dimitri said and his words made me blush and giggle at the same time.

It was something I'd only ever head in movies and books that took place in medieval times or anytime before the twenty first century.

"Way to make me look bad, being all gentlemanly," Christian said around a mouth full of food, some of flying out of his mouth.

Dimitri plucked a bit of food that had flown out of Christian's mouth off of his arm with a napkin. "You don't need me to make you look bad," he joked. "You do that all by yourself."

"Ha ha," Christian said swallowing. "But seriously, what word would you use to describe me? We were doing an exercise like this with one of our classes a few days ago where students had to pick a word to describe themselves. It was a self esteem exercise," Christian explains to me and I nod as we both wait for Dimitri to answer.
"I only have profane words to describe you," Dimitri says taking a forkful of food.

Christian thinks about this for a second before making a face of approval. "I'm okay with that. I'd also like to add that I describe myself as sexy, irresistible, funny-"

"Looking," Dimitri put in and the three of us laughed.

I can't really explain it but it was like a breath of relief being in an easy going bantering situation. For a few precious moments, I forgot about my earlier breakdown and everything else going on.

Sitting with Christian and Dimitri I tried thinking about how easy it use to be talking with Lissa like this but I realize it'd only ever been like this when we were kids. Since we started high school, Liss started telling me that being so sarcastic and cursing and joking was inappropriate and wouldn't help us get any closer to finding the right friends to fit in with.

I guess in a way she was right.

"...would you describe yourself Rose?" Christian was asking as I tuned back into the conversation. "I have a few words to describe you," he added after a moment when I didn't immediately answer.

"I'm afraid to ask," I cringed, thinking of how others might describe me.

Christian laughed after another forkful of food before answering. "For one thing, the first word that comes to mind is badass and full of bravery."

"That was more than one word," Dimitri pointed out.

"Fine. You awesomeness is so amazing that it take two words to describe you: badass brave."

"I don't think those two words really go together to describe someone," Dimitri said.

Christian waved his words away. "Whatever. You get my meaning. Don't you?" he was asking me.

This was a shock and not what I expected. Surely he was joking. I laughed a little nervously and shook my head without looking up from my food.

"You must have me confused with someone else."

I glanced up and saw that he wasn't joking at all. In fact he seemed a little confused that I didn't immediately agree with his description.

"People hate me," I say out loud as way of explaining why 'badass bravery' is the furthest way to describe me, disbelief clear in my voice.

He's unfazed by my words and, before Dimitri can take the time to think of a careful zen-like response, is immediate with a response.

"Not everyone. There are people that think what you've been trying to do is brave. Me for example. When I first heard that someone tried to report the mayor's son, the Ivashkov boy that gets away with everything, I was immediately on your side..."

I tune out whatever else he's saying because I'm still stunned by the idea that there are people out there that consider me brave.

Brave?

Not a word I ever used to describe myself.

I once described myself as averagely pretty, willing to try anything once, outgoing, maybe a little sarcastic...

Now...

Well I don't know how I'd describe myself now. I'm still trying to pick up the pieces and put myself back together but I don't think the word 'brave' is anywhere in my list of adjectives that describe me.

I'd always know there were some, very few people in town, that approved of me first trying to report Adrian. Having the idea in my head that there are people who not only support me but consider me brave is too big of an idea for me to grasp and wrap my head completely around.

"You shouldn't act so surprised," Christian says smiling slightly as I tune back into the conversation.

Dimitri's nodding agreeing with him. "It takes courage to do what you've done so far," he points out.

They're both waiting for me to say something, anything, but nothing comes out. I don't know what to say. Saying 'thank you' seems a little conceded and wrong. They both seem to realize I have nothing to say to that and Dimitri must see the wheels turning in my head and decides to distract me.

"Rose is going to help out around here organizing things in the office until her ankles heals," Dimitri tells Christian.

"Finally! A real secretary," Christian says throwing his arms in the air. "I'm sure you'll do a much better job than our profound friend here," he says jutting his thumb toward Dimitri.

"Why do you say that?" I ask trying to forget about the whole 'brave' and courageous thing from before.

"Yeah why do you say that?" Dimitri asks looking at the man who is not only his coworker but obvious a close friend.

"No offense dude but you can be a little anal about the organizing around here. I leave one pencil askew on the desk and all hell breaks loose."

We laughed. I loosened up a bit from before and laugh while taking a bite of my food.

"I'm not that bad," Dimitri said.

Christian rolled his eyes and let out an exaggerated, "Puh-lease! One time I was writing down an appointment time for someone who wanted to rent the studio and the pen smudge across the page. Dimitri throws the whole thing away and buys a schedule booklet to copy all the appointments into and guess who had to copy everything over? Yours truly."

I look at Dimitri waiting for him to deny it. He doesn't say anything but simply looks down at his Styrofoam container sheepishly.

He sounds like a little kid when he finally says, "I like a bit of order."

Another round of laughs echoes around the studio.

"Anyway," Christian says as our laughter dies off. "It will be a relief having you around. Especially someone to take my calls."

"And what calls could you possibly have?" Dimitri asks.

"My dates, my non-existent business meetings-"

"Your mother?"

"Oh crap I forgot to call her back! And my sister!" Christian exclaims.

"Well now you'll have me around to remind you," I remind him and he grins, pleased.

"Speaking of my sister, she's been asking about you again, hinting around for me to convince you to ask her out," Christian says to Dimitri. "Should I tell her to lay off until things settle around here?"

Dimitri is chewing the last of his food before he answers and for a second my stomach sinks at the realization that there are other people, women, that want to see Dimitri. I've just been enjoying the fact that I've had this nice person, this nice guy, all to myself.

"I think that'd be a good idea," he finally answers. "I'll talk to her when I see her on Saturday. She still needs help moving right?"

"Yup! Finally found a new apartment that doesn't come with its own special breed of pets and since I have my Saturday culinary class you get to be the lucky guy that helps move all her crap and it's a lot dude," Christian tells him patting him on the shoulder, happy that it isn't him moving.

My stomach sinks further. What if I need Dimitri on Saturday? What if I just want to talk? I shake my head slightly hoping to clear the silly thoughts away. Dimitri isn't some object I can call upon whenever my needy self needs him. He's a human being with a life outside and away from me. His life was probably much less complicated before getting tangled with me.

I have to learn to manage on my own.

I have to learn to not rely on the assurance that Dimitri is always going to be there.

I have to be independent and I will be.

When I look up from my food I find Christian scrolling through his phone and Dimitri looking at me worriedly, probably wondering why I haven't said anything in a minute or two. He tilts his head, silently asking if I'm alright.

I nod, reassuring him I'm fine and reassuring myself that I will be.

"So," Christian says looking up from his phone. "Have you ever worked before?"

"No. Not really. I've wanted to but I could never find anything. It's kind of hard when you live in a small town."

"Tell me about it!" he exclaimed. "I grew up in a small town not to far from here before moving to the big city closer to my sister Tasha. It is such a relief to finally live in a big city. Don't worry, you'll get your chance to have the fun city life," he says as a nice reassurance and I appreciate it.

"What fun city life have you been living besides Netflix, video games, and reading those Nicholas Sparks' books when you're not in class or working here?" Dimitri laughed.

"Says the guy whose idea of fun involves anything western," Christian shot back standing to throw our food away.

"You like westerns?" I ask Dimitri taking a sip of water.

Again, he looks a little sheepish. "My entire life. Books and movies-"

"And the old duster he keeps in the back of his closet," Christian says coming back toward us as a few people start walking into the studio and setting their gym bags down.

"Go and tell the early arrivers to stretch while I go and get Rose settled in the office," Dimitri laughs jokingly shoving Christian toward the students to stop him from saying anything more about the cowboy thing.

"Okay but you and I will talk later Rose. I have a lot of Dimitri related stories for you," Christian says walking backward toward the students before turning around to address the early arrivers.

One of the evening students happens to be Charlie again I notice. He's leaning against one of the walls, arms folded across his broad chest with one foot on the wall while he talks to one of the other students. I realize then that this is one of the few classes here that's just for keeping in shape and until that moment I'd forgotten Charlie came here too.

As if sensing that I'm staring at him, he looks away from the guy he's talking to and meets my gaze. He winks, smiles one-sidedly, before diverting his attention to where Christian is instructing everyone to stretch.

I don't let it unnerve me.

In fact, I amaze myself with how calm I manage to keep myself. Dimitri finished cleaning up the last of our early dinner and came back trying to see where I was staring. For one reason or another, I didn't mention Charlie.

I reasoned in my head that I'd be making a big situation out of nothing by bringing it up that Charlie is one of Adrian's friends and I reasoned that there isn't really anything Dimitri can do about him being here. Charlie hadn't really done anything wrong but be creepy.

Dimitri didn't say anything and neither did I as I looked away from Charlie.

Dimitri offers his hand to help me out of the chair but I manage to stand on my own and I'm proud when I do. I make my way slowly but surely along side him as we head for the office.

"Ankle feeling a little better," he asks as he pulls the desk chair out for me.

I nod. "I think so. I just want it to heal already. Learning to do the physical stuff will be a lot easier than doing that 'inner strength' stuff you mentioned before," I tell him scooting into the desk.

"It'll take some time," he says setting up the laptop that had been sitting on the desk and the scheduling book. He instructs a few things for me to organize and sets up the computer and makes sure the phone is close. It's all simple enough that I find I'm a little relieved to be working even if it is a considerably easy job.

"I know you can handle everything," he says once he's finished explaining. "And once that ankle heal you can help outside on the studio floor too. Think you've got everything covered here?"

"I think so, cowboy."

The comment is out of my mouth before I can stop it. It almost sounds like the old joking and sarcastic me. It feels like such a long time since I've been carefree enough to joke with someone but it also feels like a familiar part of me that I've been missing.

Dimitri looks at me surprised but laughing. "Christian is already having an affect on you. That can't be a good sign," he jokes clicking a few things on the computer before heading for the door.

When he's about halfway I have to call back to him. There's something I have to know as I think about my brave joking comment.

Dimitri turns and walks a few steps back toward me after I call his name.

"Did...did you mean it? Before when you and Christian were saying I was brave? Is that...Is that what some people are really thinking about me."

The expression on his face mirror's Christian's confused one earlier. "Do really believe you aren't brave?"

When I don't say anything he continues.

"Look at everything you're doing, trying to do the right thing and stop someone from hurting others. I think that's something brave and so does Christian and others out there. The only opinion that matters though is your own."

He offers gentle smile and lets that settle with me as he leaves.

As I start working organizing the few schedules that Dimitri had yet to organize, I start to wonder. What if none of this had never happened? What if Lissa had never been attacked? Would I still have been the apparently brave person I am right now and eventual gone to report Adrian for my own attack?

I doubted it but it was nice knowing that there were people who did think of me that way.

I just hoped I didn't ever prove them wrong.

The whole purpose of working here is to have something to focus on for at least a few hours to distract me from the outside world and getting a paycheck.

The paycheck is something that should've easily given me incentive to not let my mind wander.

It did at first.

But the thing about being near a computer, having free time after finishing what work is needed to be done, and knowing that there are exposed pictures of you out there on the internet is that you're tempted to do a quick search and see just how bad it is.

Honestly I want to pretend the pictures don't exist but the truth is too big to ignore: they're out there and they're not going anywhere anytime soon.

I had to see them clearly for myself since I didn't really get a good enough look the first time.

It sounds silly since I remember the night that they were taken so clearly that it's like a movie playing on loop in my head but I have to see what parts of my body others are looking at of me. I have to look long and hard enough so that if I ever come across them again during this whole investigation thing with the police and possible trial then I'll be ready. I'll know what to expect and it won't hurt or surprise me as much that they exist.

I opened up an internet browser, took a deep breath, and typed my name into the search box.

Immediately, the first link on the page referred to me.

It was a local news article that was released...earlier today.

Surprised, I clicked on the link and skimmed the article that reported the alleged 'sext messages' being sent around town since yesterday, the fact that the photos may have something to do with a certain prominent family, and that teens at the local high school were brought in for questioning yesterday but no one was mentioned by name.

Everything was implied since we were all underage but this was a small town. Everyone was plenty aware of what was going on so not using our names was pretty pointless. I skimmed through ten other links and articles that had also been printed just this morning in the city.

I almost started to laugh humorlessly at the fact that while I'd been having a breakdown in the doctor's office, articles were being written about me and I'd had no idea.

I couldn't believe it.

I know word spreads quickly in small town but this is ridiculous.

In my astonishment I clicked on one link too many and ended up on some self-made website and on the homepage were the photos. I'd been in too much shock yesterday to completely register the photos but now, looking at them closely and being fully aware that they were on the internet...

I scrolled the page and didn't once blink as I really looked at the photos.

Jesse, Adrian, and Ralph had done a good job at hiding my face which would've revealed that these weren't sext messages but my hair, distinctive in its texture, color, and length around town, is a visible identifier in the photo as an indicator of who I am.

I'm so exposed in the photo the I feel raw and open just sitting looking at them. I look down at my self and almost expect to find my clothes have disappeared. I tuck my sweater tighter around my self and look at all of the photos in detail for such a long time that it's a while before I blink and tell myself to close the page.

For a long time, it feels good to just close my eyes and let the darkness blind me for a second while I think. I wonder if my mother has seen or heard about the articles? I wonder what everyone else around town is saying about these articles? Surely it's going to make things worse.

More importantly I was wondering why Officer Alto hadn't warned me this morning when I talked to him. Why didn't he tell me that this would all be printed in the news so soon? I pulled my phone out of my pocket and tried to see if maybe he did try and call but it was dead since I'd forgotten to plug it in last night to charge.

He probably would have tried to call Dimitri if he couldn't reach me but Dimitri had shut his phone off while we'd been at the doctor's and it was sitting on his desk still shut off right now.

I had to keep calm and not let this rattle me.

Officer Alto had told me that things would get difficult before they got better and this just happened to be one of those situations.

I tried to keep as calm as...as when I'd seen Charlie in the studio earlier.

I was doing a pretty good job of it too when that feeling of not being alone in the room made me look up to see Charlie leaning against the door jamb casually. My heartbeat was pounding, blood was pumping my ears so fast I expected it to seep from the inside out, and I held my breath.

Mentally I was trying to convince myself that nothing bad could possibly happen because with one scream I'd alert everyone in the studio a few yards away. The problem with this reasoning is that at the moment I don't think I'm able to scream.

My throat has gone so dry that it's a miracle I manage to get out my next words. "What are you doing?"

Charlie, in all of his height, chiseled body, and golden boy looks, use to come across as nothing but another one of Adrian's charming friends that was always quick with a sexual comment but easily forgiven because he shared a bit of the same 'charm' Adrian and his other friends elicited.

Right now, he came across as nothing but terrifyingly creepy as he grinned and dared a step further into the small office.

"I was innocently using the bathroom," he answers in a slow drawl as he gestures to the bathroom a few feet down the hall before the office, "when I decided to take in the sights," he finished.

His eyes roam slowly down my body when I manage to stand up from my chair and back away. Another mistake in reasoning on my part, I shouldn't have stood because it just revealed the bad ankle I'm currently supporting meaning it'll be tougher to get out of here.

Charlie seems to notice this and smiles.

"You know Rosie," he begins as he comes closer into the office.

"I'll scream," I interrupt.

The thing about threatening to scream is that your voice can't sound weak when you say it.

Charlie gives his breathy laugh.

"You'll scream and go running the same way you did to the police yesterday? Really Rose? We're just having a talk right? I'm not doing anything wrong. I'm just the messenger."

He holds up his hands in a defensive gesture.

"I just want to know why you'd think going to the police seemed like a good idea," he says propping himself on the edge of the desk as if he belongs there. I'm so far up against the office wall that the cold is seeping through my clothes and onto my skin. "They warned you that trying to be the hero would only get you into more trouble and now you've gone and really made them made," he laughs. "Adrian's father is furious, most of the town isn't too happy. They think this is ridiculous and that your insane act of revenge of Adrian dumping you has gone on far enough. I wouldn't be surprised of someone did something about it, tried to finally silence you." He shrugs casually. "Who's to say what'll happen now that the news and the police are involved."

He stands and my fear of him making a grab for me stiffens my body so that I don't move an inch. I'm trying to recall the little bit of hand to hand training Dimitri taught me when Charlie continues speaking.

"You made things a lot more worse than they had to be, Rose. Don't say we didn't warn you."

He's quick when he reaches out to nudge my chin with one of his knuckles tauntingly and I'm slow in trying to slap him away.

His breathy easy going laughter echoes in the small, cramped office long after he's gone and I collapse onto the floor feeling like I'm suffocating.

A/N: I kept my word, it's a long chapter but it's not as exciting as I'd planned for it to be. Some of you guys gave me a few ideas on where this story should go so I want to thank you all and the next chap will be up soon. Oh and as much as I hate cliff hangers I had to end to it there.