I kissed him.

And I shouldn't have.

It's been so long since I've felt someone's touch, the feel of someone who held me because they wanted to. At first, it felt good, it felt close to perfect having Dimitri's warmth against me. Someone who emanated so much strength that I envy but at the same time made me feel safe.

It's crazy but during my crazy speech about having someone like Dimitri around who wanted to protect me just because he cared, I started thinking about all the other things he's done for me in such a short amount of time. He's done more for me in these last few weeks than my mother has.

Thinking about the short amount of time we've spent together, of the quick friendship that built between us...I was a little overwhelmed. There are times when I feel so hollow and empty, so broken that I don't know if I'll ever feel what it's like to be normal - or as close to normal as possible - ever again.

And then there were other moments...

That moment when Dimitri moved my hair back from my crying face so gently it was like air barely brushing my skin. There were the moments where I didn't think about anything that's going on or worry. I just laughed and felt good. And then there was the moment where for a split second, Dimitri looked at me with so much care and warmth - and maybe a bit of pity or sorrow - in his eyes that I couldn't think of anything else I wanted to do right then but let that moment last forever.

So I kissed him.

It wasn't as easy as leaning up on my toes and kissing him.

Dimitri's height is a lot more noticeable when I'm standing so close to him. Since I was already so close and in his arms I thought it'd make it easier for me to reach his lips. Instead, it took me two tries of struggling to stand on my toes and the bad ankle wasn't helping. Dimitri assumed I was just trying to balance myself in his arms since he was basically holding me up. It wasn't until he tucked the last of my hair out of my face and gently brushed a tear from my cheek did it start to dawn on him that something else was going on.

I could see the questioning change in his face right before my lips brushed his.

It felt good. Warm, safe, and good.

The moment lasted longer than I expected it to and as much as I enjoyed it, of getting lost for just a few seconds, reality started to set in. This is wrong.

He's really my only friend.

My confident.

My older defense instructor.

And I'm broken. I shouldn't be kissing anyone. I'm hollowed out, broken, and my own mother can't stand to barely even look at me. There's something wrong with me. Someone who's been through what I'm going through, a victim, shouldn't be doing this. I feel damaged most of the time and if I feel it then it must be true. Reality set in, embarrassment set in, and I was starting to feel weird.

We both pulled away.

Dimitri was in so much shock that he didn't immediately pull his hands away from where his arms were around my waist right away. I expected him to pull away quickly in disgust and shock, backing away speechlessly. He didn't do any of those things but I could see the shock on his face. His eyes were a little dazed and his mouth - the mouth I'd just kissed - was slightly open.

For a few moments we both just stood there. I couldn't even bring myself to look at him any more and I trained my eyes on the floor. The reality of what I'd just done, of ruining the one good relationship I had left with anyone, set in. I finally let go of where I was holding him and buried my face in my hands.

"Oh my...I can't believe I just did that," I murmured to myself.

I peeked through my eyes to look at Dimitri who still hadn't spoken. He was standing close still staring down at me. He looked away and stepped back a little pacing the room as he ran a hand down his face.

"I'm s-so sorry," I apologized.

My apology came out as a whisper and I'm not sure he eve heard until he faced me again, standing in the middle of the room with both hands on his hips while he was looking down at the ground again.

He opened his mouth to speak - I wish he'd say something, anything - but he looked at a los for words and nothing came out. He took a slow breath and opened his mouth again but the door to the office opened and Christian came in.

"Well those nut jobs with cameras are starting to leave. Not all of them but some of them," he says going to rifle through his bag for his phone. "I use to think being the center of attention or being on the news for something awesome would be cool. But having them here like a bunch of vultures trying to camera stalk a teenager, totally not cool," he says shaking his head as he scrolls through his phone sitting at the desk with his feet propped up on the table.

When neither me or Dimitri says anything, Christian's icy blue eyes glance up and he shakes a bit of his dark hair out of his face. "Everything okay?"

We still don't say anything.

"Did I interrupt something?"

Dimitri finally clears his throat and shakes his head. "No, we were just talking about...the photographers outside and if maybe that kid Charlie had something to with this."

Christian snorted," probably. I saw him trying to get a rise out of you. If he has anything to do with this whole Mayor's son business then he'll get what's coming to him," he says confidently. "Things will be alright. Dimitri and I got you covered. Right man?" he asks Dimitri with a smile but it kind of falters when he sees Dimitri's mind is elsewhere. "Are you alright?"

"Yeah I was just trying to figure out how we're going to get Rose out of here and get her home. Could you take her?"

I shouldn't be surprised by this. In fact, I'm a little glad. Maybe I'm spending a little too much time with Dimitri. Maybe some space will do some good and with a little time, the weirdness will go away. Somehow I doubt it. I crossed the line that shouldn't even have to be there.

Dimitri meets my eyes briefly. "Are you okay with Christian taking you home?" he asks out of concern to me. But it also sounds like he's asking me to let Christian take me home so that we have a little space between us.

I nod. "Yeah it's fine."

"Take the back way," Dimitri tells him.

Christian set his feet down and stood up from the desk waving a dismissive hand. "I got it covered."

"I'll call Stan and see if he can send a patrol out here to keep the reporters at bay," he adds.

Christian gathers his stuff and we head out the back way of the studio. I dare one glance back at Dimitri who tried his best to offer a sympathetic smile, his usual gentle smile to tell me that everything is going to be alright and we'd get through this together but the smile never full reaches his lips and he turns away to go and grab his own phone while Christian and I continue walking.

"Don't let this get to you," Christian says slinging an arm around my shoulders as we reach his car. His gesture surprises me but is kind of nice knowing I have another real friend. It's something I would've done when I use to walk with Lissa. "Dimitri have his cop friend send someone over to keep the reporters at bay and everything will be fine. Don't worry," he assures, oblivious to that the reporters and their cameras are the furthest thing from my mind right now.

A/N: Too soon? Are things moving too quickly? I meant for this story to take place over a longer period of time but somehow only a couple of weeks have passed. Lemme know what you guys think!