I've eyed the refrigerator for the last ten minutes knowing there has to be a bit of alcohol in there. My mother drinks to relax. Maybe a little beer with help me deal with Lissa's big revelation.

The thought is immediately out of my mind once I remember that even being around beer sickens me now. I'm surprised I lasted so long around my beer drinking mother. Already I'm starting to see it's better that she's gone now.

Lissa finally calmed down enough to speak.

"I...I dont even know where to start," she sighed.

"The beginning...would be good," I suggested a little sarcastically, still a little unable to believe this.

She didn't say anything for a long time. "Is it...is it Adrian's?" I asked when she still didn't volunteer any details.

"I don't think so. I'm...I'm pretty sure it's Jesse's. Maybe. I don't know," she sighed running her hand over her face and sobbing, messing up her hair even more. "The last time I came over here...I wasn't only here to apologize, which I know will never be enough to make up for what happened to you, but I also came over here because...I thought I was pregnant. It's also kind of why I didn't interfere that day when Camille attacked you. I know it's as lame ass of an excuse as it can get but it's kind of the truth. I was also...a coward and afraid and I just...I didn't know what to do any more," she breathed hanging her head between her hands as she stared down at the table.

I didn't know what to say to that. I couldn't forgive her but I could try and be understanding. I want to know what was happening and I wanted Lissa to be alright.

"Tell me, what happened."

I brushed her hair away from her face so that she'd look at me. She sat back in her chair and face me, her green eyes glistening the entire time.

"After Adrian started those rumors about you, you know I started dating him?"

I nodded. "I know. But I always wondered...wasn't Jesse upset?"

She shrugged. "Not really. I couldn't understand it either and honestly I didn't care. I was just trying to rise through the ranks of our little group, be the popular girl on Adrian's arm like you were. I felt kind of emotionally numb the entire time you were gone. Meredith and Avery told me later that it wasn't unusual for Jesse, Adrian, and Ralph to 'swap girls'," she said with disgust. "Afterall, it was just about having fun and sex. Right?"

I remember Camille telling this to both of us one of the first times she let us into her clique. 'It's about having fun and sex if you can get it! It's never been a problem for me,' she'd laughed.

"Right," I agreed, disappointed that I'd once wanted so badly to be friends with Camille.

"Well, you know what Adrian did to me," she mumbled. "After...after that he found some other girl to take my place, some freshman named-"

"Viktoria Belikov," I filled in.

Lissa gave me a look and raised her brows. "You sound like you know her..."

"I do..kind of. I'll tell you about it later."

My former best friend looked at me so long and so intensely as if she couldn't figure out how either of us got here, how so many terrible things happened to both of us, and if we'd ever be okay.

"So you were saying, Viktoria..."

She shook her head. "Yeah. So Viktoria became Adrian's new 'object of affection'. It wasn't soon before he'd attacked her too but just like me she didn't say anything. Camille had one of her sleep overs and brought up that her brother has a 'aggressive sex behavior', that his sense of humor and idea of fun is just 'different from everyone else'," Lissa quotes.

"She said that if any of us wanted to get anywhere in school and life with all their family connections then 'it'd just be best, unlike Rose, to keep quiet'. She said it so casual and just told us to 'deal with it' like it was nothing," Lissa scoffed.

"As an example she said Meredith and Avery learned to deal with it a long time ago and you know what they did? They just shrugged and agreed with her! Avery even called it a kind of initiation. Meredith said that if we don't go along with the initiation sex, if we fight, then we're just asking to let it happens to us. Can you believe that!? They trashed talked you a lot, calling you a snitch but honestly, you're the only one that did the right thing."

Most of the time it doesn't feel that way. It feels like that by keeping quiet, I might have save myself the trouble I'm going through now but I also know that by speaking up, I could be saving others from getting hurt.

"Anyway, I just tried to ignore it, tried to tell myself that in the end things would get better and all of this would pay off. I'd go to the school of my dreams and everything would be good. Guilt really starts to eat you though, more than I thought it ever could so I started drinking, a lot at the parties we went to and I just felt even more numb if that was possible. There was this one party where I was just so...messed up, I just didn't want to feel anything but I kept thinking about you and I kept seeing Viktoria knowing she wasn't really okay, that she was pretending just like me and I just wanted to forget and stop feeling. I got drunk, I slept with Jesse again."

Right then, in that moment, I grabbed her hands and held them in my own hoping any comfort I could offer would flow from me to her because I knew anything I said now wouldn't help.

"It was a mistake," she cried. "All I do is make mistakes and now...now I'm..."

I shook my head in disbelief and interrupted with another question.

"So it's...it's Jesse's?"

She let out a shuddering breath and shrugged. "I was really drunk and I thought I just slept with Jesse b-b-but...but a-afterward I remember Adrian being there to and Jesse kinda of hinted that Adrian..." She started sobbing again. "I think he...again," she sobbed incoherently.

I let her cry for a few moments before asking anymore questions.

"Are you sure you're pregnant? I mean, Have you taken a test?"

She nods, having gained control of herself a little. "I took one today and it came back positive. I didn't know who to go to so...I came here."

I couldn't even imagine the fear. I had trouble looking after myself sometimes but to worry about someone else, another human being was just heart stopping.

"We should take you to the hospital," I said standing up.

All the fear I felt when my mother had suggested the same thing all those weeks ago after my 'mugging' was reflected in Lissa's eyes but she nodded, hesitantly stood, and tugged on the coat I handed her.

"What if I'm not as strong as you are? What if I can't do this and bail out? What am I supposed to do, Rose? I don't know what to do," she whispered as we headed out of my house and out to Lissa's car. She tossed me the keys.

"Right now, just don't think about the 'what ifs'," I suggested. "I know a few people who can help so you won't have to worry or be scared as much. Do you trust me?" I ask climbing in on the driver's side. Luckily it was my sprained left ankle and it wasn't in too much pain.

Lissa tugged on her seatbelt, took a deep breath, and nodded. "Of course."

"Then trust me when I say, it's going to be okay."

"You're where? How'd you get down there? Do you need me to come get you?" Christian rattled off questions so fast after I explained everything that happened I didn't know which one to answer first.

One of the days he'd picked me up to drive me to the gym to help out he mentioned how crazy the media was becoming and I decided to let him in on exactly what was going on. I left out the part about the kiss but I gave him the background story starting with Lissa and I craving to be popular and ending with the Charlie situation.

I liked Christian because he was easy-going about everything, lighthearted, and yet, much like Dimitri, genuinely cared. Right after I'd given him the details on the sob story the media was already telling, he said not to worry, that there was no way monsters like Adrian and his friends would get away with this, that I'd always have him as a friend to count on, and he reminded me that I was 'badass' for sticking up for people who can't defend themselves.

I'd laughed because not to long ago I'd been one of those people who couldn't face harsh reality but so far I wasn't doing so bad.

I called him now as Dr. Belikov was examining Lissa. I was happy that luckily she was here kind of late on a Saturday.

"I'm kind of prolonging going home," she's said ashamed when we came in.

"I'm fine. I took Lissa's car here and Dimitri's mother is looking at her now."

"Okay. Have you called Dimitri? Do you want me to call him? I know something weird is going on between you two now but..." he offered, still unsure why Dimitri was keeping his distance from me.

"Umm...no I'll call him later," I decided, realizing that for one thing, there wasn't really any reason he had to be here; I'm handling this just fine but going to someone who can help. And for another thing I don't think I'm ready to really see him just yet and now's not the time to really bring up a kiss I never should've planted on him.

Dr. Belikov walked out of the room Lissa was in and waved me over.

"I've got to go but can you do me a favor and call Officer Alto. He's obviously someone who should be in on this."

"Yeah sure, no problem. I'll call him now. My last class ends in an hour so I'll meet you down there."

"Thanks Christian."

"No problemo. Finally, we're getting somewhere in bringing Ivashkov's ass down."

"Lissa said she wanted you in here with her," Dimitri's mother said as we walked back toward the examination room. "How's the ankle?" she asked looking at my bandaged ankle.

"It's actually feeling better," I tell her proudly. I'm happy that my body is recovering, bruises and scratches healing. I just hope my mind can recover just as well and just as quickly.

"That's good," she smiles. "Soon we can get that bandage off."

A few feet from Lissa's room, she stops me for a second with a touch to my arm. "Are you alright? Are you comfortable with this because it's understandable if-"

"I'm fine," I assured her and this time it was true. "Right now all that matters is if she's okay and that she'll talk to Officer Alto. I asked Christian to call him," I explained, grateful for her concern, her motherly concern that I sure as hell couldn't find anywhere else.

"I'm sure she'll talk to him if she came this far, letting you bring her to the hospital. Did you call Dimitri too? Or is Christian going to call him?"

That seemed to be the question on everybody's mind.

"No I didn't... I didn't think he'd really have to be here for this. I figured I'd give him some space since things got a little intense with the media and everything," I rambled, lying a bit at the end.

She looked like she didn't really believe me but wasn't sure why she should question my lie. "Alright. I just assumed you'd want him here since I knew he's been with you a lot recently helping you through this. But yeah, I'm sure Stan will fill him in later."

Hoping to change the subject I ask a question that had been on my mind since we first got here.

"Is it a conflict of interest or something that you're the doctor treating her?" I asked out of curiosity.

Afterall, if Lissa had come forward sooner and reported what had happened herself maybe Viktoria would'nt have been attacked. Dr. Belikova had to have thought about it. I sure have. I hate the what if game and despite telling Lissa to not think about it I couldn't stop thinking about it myself looking at this woman who must've felt like my mother does right about now...helpless and guilty for not being able to protect her daughter from being hurt.

She flipped through Lissa's chart and let out a low sigh before she looked up at me, her eyes as deep brown as Dimitri's. "It kind of is but when I ask if she'd like me to call in another doctor once I'd explained who I was she refused saying she'd only come to me since you trusted me. And I'm the only doctor here since Dr. Odenlenski isn't on call tonight...belive me, the entire time I was in there I felt every emotion known to man," she explained, her accent thick and more pronounced, "but the motherly, doctor part of me kept focusing on the fact that she's just a kid like the rest of you and she's a victim in all of this too."

I raised my brows a little surprised. "That must be hard."

"Believe me it is," she breathed laughing slightly. "I might need a drink after work later. And considering all the tension at my house I'm probably going to need two drinks."

I smiled as she linked arms with me and led me into Lissa's room. Lissa was laying back on an examination table pushing her hair out of her face. She sat up when we came in and I sat beside her on the examination table. Dr. Belikov sat on a chair and rolled herself toward us while looking at Lissa's folder.

"So am I...am I pregnant?" Lissa asked hesitantly.

Dr. Belikov looked regretful as if she wished she didn't have to be the one to tell her. "We won't know until tomorrow at the earliest but so far all the symptoms you've describe to me and the pre-examination I've give you has suggested that you are pregnant."

Lissa's shoulders fell and she leaned forward, resting her elbows on her knees.

"Couldn't you do like an ultrasound or something?" I asked gently.

"No. It's too early to do an external ultrasound. I could do a vaginal one but I'd need to notify your parents. It's hospital protocol."

Lissa sat up erect as a board. "No! They'd...no. I just...I'll wait until tomorrow to find out."

"Lissa, I'm required to inform your parents anyway. You're only seventeen and it's our protocol-"

"No! Please, they'd never understand. Then I'd have to tell them everything and...and...and I guess they're going to find out anyway. Aren't they?" she asked turning to me. "It's not like they'd care. What am so worried about?" she asked more to herself than to either of us.

"Lissa's parents are usually out-of-town on business trips," I explained to Dr. Belikov who nodded.

"Well, considering the circumstances, I can put off telling them if you'd like. You can talk to Officer Alto and we can all figure out things from there."

It took a moment but Lissa nodded finally. "That sounds good."

"Alright. I'm going to enter this into the system. I'll be back."

the second the door closed behind her, Lissa fell back ont he examination bed and said, "I told her I was sorry."

"Who?" I asked already knowing the answer.

"Viktoria's mom. I told her that I knew apologizing wouldn't be enough and she said it was at least a start."

"That's good."

Lissa sighed. "She also said that the next best thing I could do to...start to atone for what I did would be to talk to Officer Alto. I'm scared and...I keep thinking about how this will only make things worse..."

"Not saying anything at all will definitely make things worse. At least this way you won't be alone," I offered.

It wasn't a complete promise of friendship but it was enough to let her know I wasn't going to leave her to go through this alone. I knew what being completely alone felt like, like drowning in darkness, unable to breathe because you're so overwhelmed with worries, being left alone with your own thoughts for too long.

She thought about it for a long time. It wasn't until we heard Officer Alto and presumable Christian and Dr. Belikov making their way down the hall that she said anything.

"Yeah. You're right."

"This is good," Officer Alto says once he's done talking to Lissa. "She's agreed to come down to the station first thing tomorrow for a more official report. Think you can stick with her for a while to make sure she comes?"

Stick with the person I use to trust most in the world that ended up betraying me? "After everything else I've been through, I think I can manage."

"Afterall, the fate of this case depended on as many witnesses and evidence we can get," he nodded with a tired sigh as if, despite the added witness, he could already see the road toward any satisfactory ending wasn't going to get any easier.

The three of us, Christian, Alto and I, are standing outside while Dr. Belikov is giving Lissa a few do's and don'ts while she waits for the results to come in tomorrow.

"I had a feeling she'd be the first one to speak up. When I interviewed her with all of Adrian's other friends she seemed the least willing to lie and more willing to coöperate. She should look at this situation as a kind of blessing because it's persuaded her to come forward, help our case, and she can seek help for herself," he explained folding away his pen and pad.

"Now all we need is for Dimitri's sister to come forward and then this Adrian kid and his friends are more likely to find their asses in jail. Right?" Christian asked.

"Right. It'd be great if she did come forward but if not, hopefully we can build a pretty strong case with the two victims we have now. How are you feeling Rose?" He asked. "This has to be a little...confusing to deal with given the circumstances surrounding your friendship."

"I'm actually okay," I answer feeling completely happy that again, I'm telling the truth. I'm okay. For the first time in a long time I'm hopeful.

"That's good," the officer smiles slightly patting my should awkwardly. I get the feeling physical contact isn't his specialty. "Well, I'm going to head down to the station and call around to the attorney's that refused this case before and tell them of the new evidence. Maybe one of them will change their mind."

"Let's hope so," Dr. Belikov says coming out of the examination room with Lissa right behind her. "Take care of yourself," she says as she too leaves. "All of you," she amends looking at the three of us standing there.

After long awkward moments where Lissa and Christin bumped into each other trying to get in the elevator at the same time and the quiet ride in the elevator, Lissa - breaking out of her tired, vacant, unblinking trance while processing everything Dr. Belikov told her and what exactly she'd gotten herself into - is the first to speak.

"So...how exactly do you two know each other? Who are you?"

It takes Christian a minute to realize she's talking to him.

Realizing they weren't really introduced when Christian and Stan came in, because of how awkward everything already was, I gestured to Christian. "This is a new friend of mine, Christian. This," I said gesturing to Lissa, "is Lissa."

Christian gives a polite nod while Lissa says "Oh" and nods back. I realize I didn't really answer her question on how we know each other but by the time I decide to say more we've reached our cars.

Christian whistles slowly looking at the car Lissa and I came in compared to his old Chevy Silverado. "Nice. A 2014 BMW 3-Series 328i."

"Didn't realize you were a car buff?"

He smiles at me as he gestures to himself. "I'm a guy. Majority of guys are car buffs."

"I think that's a gender stereotype," I point out, bringing up a conversation we'd had on our way to work a few days ago about gender stereotypes. Christian went into a long rant about how men can be just as good in the kitchen as women supposedly are and how much he hates gender stereotypes.

"Not a stereotype if it's true."

I roll my eyes at his argument and smile as I unlock the doors to Lissa's car and Christian unlocks his.

Lissa is looking lost in the conversation along with trying to process everything else.

"Have either of you eaten?" he asks.

"I laid out dinner but...something a little important came up," I told him as I gesture to Lissa who is staring off into space again until I say her name and she shakes her head, coming back into the present.

"What?"

"Hungry?" Christian repeats. "I could swing by and whip something up for all of us. I know it's been a pretty tough day and all."

Tough doesn't even begin to describe it. The feeling is mutually reflected on Lissa's face. I realize I am pretty hungry though and we agree that he'll follow us to my house to make us a late dinner.

Once we're on the road Lissa starts to cry, letting out everything she'd apparently been holding in since we'd left Dr. Belikov's.

"I can't believe this is happening."

This is so much like the time I was in the passenger seat of Dimitri's car crying that I already have comforting, Dimitri like words to offer her, despite knowing they won't make either of us really feel better but they're nice to hear.

"It's not your fault. None of this was your fault," I offer.

"I willingly decided to drink, and I willingly slept with Jesse, and I willingly turned my back on you," she counter-argues. "And now I'm..."

"Adrian did this to you. To us. So did Jesse and all the others by not saying anything and going along with and helping him. They're the ones at fault, not us. You wouldn't have drunk so much or have slept with Jesse if Adrian hadn't done what he did. He screwed us up and you just weren't making decisions in good mind. You weren't in a good place and neither am I right now but I'm hoping that'll change and that we're not permanently broken."

I give my little speech while we're sitting at a red light and I'm looking at Liss who is looking out the window but once it's green I turn my attention back to the road. It hits me just then how much I believe my own words. Maybe everything Dimitri, Christian, Dr. Belikov, Alto, Yeva...everything everyone who stood by me lately has tried to tell me finally sank in at some point. Maybe I'm finally starting to accept this isn't my fault. I needed to point that out to Liss and let it sink in for her, sure, but I also needed to realize it for myself.

Saying it all out loud feels good and I feel a little more hope than the amount I woke up with this morning.

Lissa looks like she's turning my words over in my head and after a while she wipes at her face.

"I don't want to think about any of this any more tonight. Let's talk about something else."

"Okay."

There's another one of those weird silences between friends that use to never run out of things to say to one another before she speaks. "So how exactly do you know him? the Christian guy," Lissa asks trying to distract herself. She's still wiping at her face and sniffling and her voice sounds monotone, trying to force the conversation. I wonder if she wants everything to be as normal between us as it was before all of this happened.

I go along with her distraction conversation. But I realize I can't really answer that without bringing up everything she's trying to forget about now. "Oh umm...I can't really tell you how I met him without telling you everything else, including the stuff you don't want to talk about," I tell her.

I think about just saying I met him in a self-defence class but that connects to why I was taking the class in the first place.

After a heartbeat of silence she nods realizing those no way around it, around the conversation we should be having. "Then tell me. Tell me everything. I have to find out sometime."

So the rest of the way home, I tell her.

I tell her about what happened soon after everyone turned against me, including Liss. She flinched when I brought up the times she yelled at me the first time I went to report Adrian for her rape but she listened silent the rest of the way, absorbing every detail I gave, and nodding along. When I finally finished we were close to my house and for the first time in a long time the silence wasn't awkward because we both knew we were playing the 'what if' game silently in our heads.

What if she hadn't had that party?

What if we'd joined cheerleading instead of the popular crowd?

What if we'd found high school boyfriends and the perfect group of friends every teen dreamed of and not the nightmares we ended up with?

What if none of this had never happened?

Easy answer,

Everything would be different.

A year ago, I would have never imagined this: Lissa possibly pregnant, both of us victims of one of the most worst crimes in existence, both of us distant friends, the popular crowd as our enemies, and a guy who works part-time as a trainer and part-time as a cooking student as a sudden new friend cooking dinner for us in my kitchen.

"How was class today anyway?" I ask Christian as I set the table where Lissa is sitting running her hands through her hair and fiddling with some of the bandages Dr. Belikov put on her scrapes.

Christian expertly tosses a thick burger patty in the skillet up into the air and catches it, making it land with a loud sizzle. He grins. "It was great! I learned to do that!"

I actually laugh, remembering how much I'm grateful for Christian and his easy-going attitude.

"I'd ask how school was for you but today is a Saturday and you're not even in school," he says focusing on the meat at hand.

"Why is that exactly?" Lissa asks curiously, tuning into the conversation. "Does it have to do with all of this?" She gestures in the empty space between me and her.

"After the last couple attacks and the photo thing...yeah. Alto thought it'd be better," I explain sitting down. "Besides this kind of gives me time to get my head straight and deal with everything."

"You think I'll have to take a break from school for a while?"

I flick my eyes toward her flat stomach. "I think that either way you might have to consider taking some time away from school."

She sits back in her chair and sighs. "Yeah probably."

"You could always come down to the gym with Rose and me," Christian offers as he sets food down in front of us. "It's not healthy to spend so much time locked in your own head alone during all of this."

"And I'm sure that's what you feel like doing," I point out. "But it's not a good idea."

"You should come down. You can physically work out whatever emotions you're feeling. You'll feel better, as noticeably emotionally improved as Rose has been lately, and you'll be fit as can be. Well until..." he trails off, also flicking his eyes toward her stomach as he joins us at the table after setting a few more dishes and condiments out.

I was also going to bring up the situation with Charlie, who still regularly attended classes but Christian made it a point to keep him far away from me while I was there. As for the media, it was a little under control with the two patrolmen around and fewer reporters since nothing had really happened with the case yet. Christian was trying to be helpful though and I didn't think I'd persuade Liss by bringing any of this up so I kept quiet.

"This is what everything is going to lead to now, isn't it?" Lissa asks as we start putting together the cheeseburgers Christian made. "My pregnancy and an official court trial if this case with Adrian ever gets off the ground."

Neither of us answers because it's true. Nothing else matters now. For me, it's making sure that Adrian and his group of fellow monsters end up behind bars and get the punishments they deserve. For Lissa, who had a bit more on her worry plate, it's seeing the end of this case just like me and possibly preparing for motherhood.

Motherhood...

A sudden question comes to mind and I know asking it now is inappropriate but I can't help it.

"Do you think you'll keep it? If the test comes back positive..."

If possible, the table is surrounded by more silence than before. For a second, I worry I've upset Liss even more and that she'll take off and change her mind about becoming a part of this case. Christian seems to be thinking the same thing but also seems interested in her answer. She puts the bun on the burger she's just doused in ketchup and pickles before answering without looking up from her plate.

"I don't know."

We eat for a while in silence before I speak again around a mouthful of burger without looking up.

"Just remember, whatever you decide, you're not alone anymore."

Out of my peripheral I can see Lissa look up from her plate ready to offer up a bit of gratitude for the reminder, first at me and then at Christian who just nods once in agreement. She ends up not saying anything, just smiling slightly, her expression the tiniest bit more relaxed than before.

For the rest of dinner we kind of eat in silence but it's different from any of the awkwardness from before.

Lissa and I are hopeful, I'm grateful for Christian being there, and now and then we'll have small easy-going conversations about Christian's cook classes.

It's nice.

It's comfortable.

It's the first time in a long time I've felt normal...

And yet for some reason, feeling like this moment isn't as complete without Dimitri here.

A/N: Don't hate me for not only the lack of Dimitri in this chapter or that this chapter was filler and kind of slow. I had a whole dramatic thing planned for this chapter but i realized i needed to fill in a few wholes and I need a bit of a time skip since ive been kind of doing a day by day thing...

Also, to anyone who reads Runaway to Magic, I do plan on updating soon I've just been working on this story and a mountain of schoolwork for finals.

All of the reviews were awesome and I have a few more surprises and twists up my sleeve so stick with me! :)