"WHAT THE HELL?!"
Sonya ducks, avoiding the bowl that Victoria hurls in our general direction. It shatters against the wall behind us.
"Are you insane?" Sonya shouts.
Victoria doesn't answer her. "Why did you bring them here?!" She asks gesturing to Rose and Lissa standing in the corner, Lissa looking very much afraid at the second bowl in her hand.
To them, this must look crazy: a loud family shouting in Russian and hurling glass bowls across the room. Victoria's always been a little dramatic. But given the circumstances, this is actually pretty normal. Looking at Rose now, I can see that she understands.
If I had to guess what she's thinking right about now with the expressionless calm look on her face, I'd say she's imagining that this could have been her. She could have been much worse if she hadn't of told anybody what happened. There are definitely moments when she regrets speaking up and sadly enough I know that the longer this case goes on, the more often she'll wish she'd kept quiet. But for now, she's happy she said something.
I'm happy she said something.
My sister can't live like this, trying to push away the past. I can see it now, what my role in this is. I'm here now, trying to fix everything but I should have been there before.
I was still grieving for Ivan, sure, but while I started to pull my life back together and started feeling better I pulled away from my family. I visited on weekends for dinner but I kept myself at a distance. Being too close means that the possibility of losing the ones you love hurts a lot more. So I found a distraction, something outside of my crazy life, the same way I've seen Tasha recently. I worked hard at the defense studio, setting up the gym and helping others when I should have helped my younger sister who was apparently having a rough time not only in high school but dealing with her own grief.
Ivan was practically apart of our family and I know he was a second brother to Vika but she was also probably grieving in a way for the father we'd never really had. The same way I kind of do sometimes and then hate myself for it later.
Victoria needed me. My entire family needed me in a way and I wasn't really here. They still need me now and I'm going to do everything I can to help; to protect Vika the way I should have and prevented this from happening.
I just have to get her to calm down first.
She's waiting calmly beside Lissa until we're able to calm Vika down. It's funny how much people can change in such a short amount of time but I see for myself that Christian was right: Rose has improved.
I didn't see at first when we were outside of her house. She still kind of looked the same, a little worn down and permanently tired. I could even see the shock at seeing me after days of keeping my distance. But after a while of trying to feel comfortable around each other again and being straightforward with everything about the kiss and me keeping myself away, I could see the changes in her that Christian didn;t help to describe.
She still sad, and of course afraid and full of fear.
But there's a little light in her eyes that I've never seen since I've met her. I wouldn't call it hope exactly but something more along the lines of keeping an open mind that things may turn out all right. And she's finally accepted she's not alone. If anything, the best way I can describe the change I see in Rose is that this broken shell that she's been wearing is cracking just a bit, her old self hoping to reappear one day.
She's stronger, especially with helping Lissa, attempting to face my sister, and dealing with being abandoned by her mother. I'm proud of that. I'm proud of her.
I just hate that I wasn't there to see it happen.
"Alright Vika, stop! Put the bowl back on the table! You need to calm down!" Karolina shouts. To her credit, Victoria does freeze for a moment but nobody can seem to look away from the bowl still in her hand.
"Do you see what this is doing to you?" she adds when it still doesn't seem like she's going to set that bowl down. "This whole thing, what happened to you, is hurting you, the memory of it is eating you up inside and killing you. You need to deal with it and that's why they're here. To help."
"They're here to turn me into a snitch!" Vika snaps back.
"They're here because the three of you have a lot in common," I try to tell her. "You've all endured the same ordeal and the best way to get better is to deal with it together. You can't ignore it forever."
"Who says I need to get better? I'm fine!"
"Like hell you are." Of all the people in this room who I'm sure wanted to point out the obvious, it was Yeva that spoke. I hadn't noticed her before in the doorway, her hands clasped in front of her while her dark eyes are trained on our youngest sister.
"I don't think I've ever heard you say the word 'hell' before," Sonya murmurs.
"Me either," Karo and I both agree.
Yeva glances at us quickly before focusing on Vika who looks just as stunned but quickly recovers, setting her jaw in a defiant line and folding her arms over her chest. "I have never seen you behave this way. Your mother would be ashamed if she knew you were throwing things at people who are trying to help you."
"She's already ashamed of me. She cries every time she sees me now thanks them!" Vika narrows her eyes in Rose and Lissa's direction but doesn't linger to long when Yeva speaks again.
"She cries because she is sad that this has happened. As we all are. None of us can make you want to get better. You have to want that on your own. None of us can force you to help not only yourself but the others around you."
"Damn right you can't," she murmurs not looking our grandmother in the eye.
"Yeva I thought you were helping!" Sonya argues but Yeva holds up a hand to silence her without even looking in her direction. She's still focused on Vika.
"However," she says firmly in English this time so that Rose and Lissa can understand and follow along. "I can make you sit down and listen to what these girls have to say. It's the least you can do before you go gallivanting off to those monsters you call friends."
Vika doesn't say anything. She doesn't even look up from where here eyes are focused on some interesting spot the linoleum kitchen floor. But it's pretty obvious she's not living this house again until she at least listens to Rose and Lissa. Even during a time like this Vika wouldn't dare defy our grandmother.
None of us ever would.
Yeva, looking quite pleased with herself and the work she's done, wears the barest of smiles that hard to separate from the laugh lines and other wrinkles on her face. "There. I've helped."
She waves Rose and Lissa forward with one hand. "You two can take over now. The rest of you, out," she says calmly before turning on her heel in a movement that's pretty spry for someone Yeva's age and walks out, her long silvered braided hair swaying behind her.
"I didn't even think Yeva could cuss," Sonya says. "And who still uses the word 'gallivanting'?"
"'Hell' isn't a curse word," Karolina says rolling her eyes at how Sonya can focus on something so unrelated to the situation at hand.
"It is to Yeva," I point out and even Karo has to agree.
As we start to leave the kitchen, Sonya whispers," Shouldn't we make sure Vika doesn't kill these girls?"
When we glance back to look at the three of them in the kitchen, Lissa is looking at Vika uncertainly while Vika stares at the floor for a moment longer before moving to sit down at the kitchen table where Rose is already moving to sit across from her and gestures for Lissa to sit in the seat beside her.
Looking at Rose, I can see she already has an idea of what to say and how to start. After several long moments, and after she tucks her long hair behind her ears, she starts talking. My older sisters and I let the door to the kitchen close silently behind us to give them some privacy and time to work things over among themselves.
Relieved, I answer Sonya's question from before.
"No. I think they're be fine."
"You're wearing the carpet away, Karo, sit down!" Sonya orders while our oldest sister continues to pace. We settled ourselves in the living room where Paul and Zoya are. We've been pretty quiet, unrealistically hoping that at any moment Vika will come running out eager to tell us that she's agreed to make an official report to the police.
Sonya was channel surfing, Yeva was sewing, I was playing blocks with my niece and nephew on the floor, and Karo, normally the calm, cool, and collected one of us, was cleaning and dusting until she ran out of things to dust and clean and settled on pacing.
Despite the false pretence of calm Sonya and I are trying to give off, we were all nervous. Tension and anxiety were in the air.
"If that talk in there doesn't go well, this could affect Vika for the rest of our lives. Then what kind of family would we be! She'd move away from us and hate us. We'd never talk to each other again until Yeva's funeral probably-"
"Hey, hey. I'm old but I'm not dead yet. I still have one foot among the living," Yeva chastised all without looking up from her needle and thread.
Karo collapses in one big huff beside Sonya on the couch. "Sorry Yeva," she says apologetically. "It's just that, haven't we been through enough. What did out family do to deserve such bad luck?"
If the three of us were still teenagers, we would've blamed on a mother who mad bad decision when it came to choosing a man to have children with. We're older now though and we understand that everyone makes mistakes. We also understand that life gives you the hand your dealt and you just have to find a way to deal with it.
"We're fine. I wouldn't so we have bad luck," Yeva says. "We have a roof over our heads, food in our stomachs, a nice family that has its problems like other families but we're handling it. Dimka is much better after being shot, Ivan is in a better place, and Vika will be okay. I can feel it."
The weight of her words and assurances hangs in the air for a long few moments. Even Paul and Zoya have quieted. They're playing with the blocks still but I can tell they're listening, failing to really see what's going on.
"I'm nervous. It's awfully quiet. Too quiet for this house full of so many people," Karo says as she stands again to pace. "What if Vika doesn't listen to anything they say? What if that popular clique has her brain washed or something and she isn't able to see reason? What if she doesn't make the right choice? What if-"
"What if you stop talking long enough to see that Rose and Lissa are standing behind you."
We all turn to where Rose and Lissa are standing almost expectantly, like they're waiting for us to resolve our issues and calm down before saying anything.
"Is it bad? Did Vika leave? Did she at least try to listen?" Karo asks.
I stand up from my spot on the floor, setting Zoya off my lap beside her brother, and touch my older sister's shoulder to silence her.
We all look at Rose and Lissa who seem a little more relieved than when they first came into the house. "She listened," Rose says. "She's kind of taking things in. I think she's having a hard time accepting that it happened to her too but...she said she would think about things, about helping us."
There's a collective sigh and all of our shoulder's sag with relief.
"That's good. It's not a lot," Karo says. "But it's a start."
She walks to Rose and Lissa and hugs them both at the same time. Both girls, probably unused to such affection, stiffen before relaxing as she releases them. "Thank you. If anyone can help Vika, we're hoping it's both of you. She's not really listening to us now but she needs someone and I'm glad it's you. Let's go see her to check on her," she says to Sonya and I.
Yeva continues sewing but gestures for Rose and Lissa to sit down somewhere while the kids play at their feet.
Sonya, never a big shower for affection nods her thanks as she passes, and I touch Rose and Lissa's arms gently before following my sisters back to the kitchen.
Karo pushes the door open. We find Vika, our youngest sister, the last of us that we considered the baby of the family, sitting at the table facing away from us in same spot we'd left her in.
"Vika?" Karolina tried but she doesn't say anything.
She reaches out to touch her shoulder but Vika only tenses up for a second and doesn't move.
"Vika...we're here too. To help," I tell her.
"Yeah, we love you like crazy. We just want you to be better and to do the right thing," Sonya adds.
Vika nods barely but still doesn't say anything.
"Vika say something," Karo tries again.
She's still turned away from us. We hear her take a deep shaky breath before speaking. "I just...I need some time. I need air." She pushed her chair back and stands up, heading for the kitchen door.
"I'm going to get some air."
The door closes behind her and she's gone so fast we don't even have time to react.
The three of us stand in the kitchen silent for a few moments before Karolina speaks.
"She'll be fine."
Sonya agree. "She just needs a little time." They both look at me expectantly, waiting for me to take part in their game of reassurances.
I nod. "Yeva said so and Yeva is never wrong."
"Never underestimate the power of Yeva," Sonya agrees.
"Vika knows she has people here ready to help her," I continue. "She'll be alright."
Both of my sisters exhale with relief at my reassurances. Even I relax a little and let myself play with the thought that Vika finally might be accepting this.
I just wonder if any of us really believes it.
"Well I am certainly glad your sister's agreed to at least consider helping," Tasha says as we walk back from the late dinner we had.
She'd called after I dropped Rose and Lissa off at Rose's house. I figured a couple of hours of normal wouldn't kill me. If anything they'd do me a bit of justice.
"Me too. We all are," I say relieved that for once it seems this case might really go our way. It's a small bit of hope but it's a start. Especially for Vika. "Rose was saying that it feels like we really have a chance now even if Vika is just thinking things over."
Tasha smiles and turns to face me as we come to stop outside of her apartment building. "The poor girls, all of them deserve a chance. But Rose, she's handling this pretty well, better than most I'd assume. I'd love to meet her one day. All of them."
"You should. She could use all the friends and support that she can find. They all could."
"Christian told me he passed an important exam in one of his cooking classes. I was thinking of doing a small celebration dinner. It'd be great to have everyone together. I could even meet your family after all this time of listening to Christian describe them and never meeting them," she laughs softly. "The girls too. I'm certain they could use a break, one day of normal."
I opened my mouth to say that it's a bad time for celebrations and dinner parties that are probably the last thing on anyone's minds now but Tasha was right. A break would be nice for them. My family could sure use it too.
"That sounds good. My family hasn't had one of their big parties in a long time, this would be good for them. I'll talk to them about it."
"Okay great. I'll talk to Chrissy about it," she grinned pulling her phone out to put in a reminder.
I had to resist the urge to laugh at her nickname for her little brother. The fact that we both had younger siblings was something we bonded over. When she slipped her phone back into her purse, she caught me fighting the laughter building slowly inside me and gently pushed my shoulder. "No jokes. Christian can't know I told you his nickname," she laughs nervously.
I held up my hands in surrender. "Fine, fine. No jokes. I won't tell. I promise."
"Good. Besides, does he know about the nickname you told me your family calls you?"
"No and he doesn't need to."
She laughs again while toying with the keys in her hand. "So...do you wanna come up?"
The last few times we'd spend together, I'd said no because, yes, I'm giving the idea of seeing people and putting myself out there a chance but it's a lot harder when it's actually happening. I don't feel ready to throw myself and my emotions into a relationship with someone who feels more like a comfortable confident and a friend than someone I'd date. I like the way things are going now so I politely turn her down. Again.
"I have to go to the station early tomorrow morning to try to help Stan find a prosecutor," I tell her truthfully but I feel a little guilty when I see the flash of disappoint across her face that she quickly hides.
I wish I could be the type of guy that wasn't stupid enough to turn down the beautiful raven haired woman before me and is capable of having a normal relationship. I felt horrible for initially starting this relationship with the intent to use it as a distraction. I wish I could go all in and be the guy she hopes returns her feelings.I can't though. I have a few other relationships and issues to deal with. While helping everyone else, I'm still putting my life back into order.
I'd love to be in a comfortable relationship.
It's not like that between Tasha and I though. I see it. And eventually, hopefully, she'll see it too.
"Alright, well maybe next time then." She leans forward a little and kisses me.
"Goodnight, Dimitri," she says before retreating into her building, sending a smile my way. I wave and start to walk away. It's while I'm walking that I realize it.
It's taken me some time to figure out why exactly I felt so weird after Rose kissed me. There are the obvious reasons: she's underage, she's a victim dealing with the tough hand that life's dealt her, I'm supposed to be her mentor of sorts but somewhere along the line I crossed a line between us that I should have never passed.
The kiss was wrong, it shouldn't have happened. Rose was hurting and confused. I shouldn't have dealt with it the way I did. I should have faced it head on. Then I might have been there to see the sudden changes in her resolve to fight back, be strong, and brave.
At least, these are the excuses I've run through my head a thousand times over.
It wasn't until this moment that I've finally figured it out.
The worst part about the kiss wasn't that it happened.
It was that I liked it and wanted to kiss her back.
A/N: Sooooooooooooooo...I don't even know what to say. All of the reviews are either funny or helpful or just really nice! (Or a mixture of all three!) You guys are truly awesome. I was stuck for a second on this chapter because I wanted it in Rose's POV but I kind of liked it like this. I'm glad you guys like the idea of the relationship slowly building and that you guys liked the last chapter.
I'm just going to ignore the Guest reviewer that insists on criticizing stories for the hell of it without offering anything constructive. There will be Dimitri and Rose fluff when I intend for there to be Dimitri and Rose fluff. If you'd bothered reading it, there's kind of a serious part to the story. Seriously, it's simple. If you don't like it, don't read it. Okay I guess that wasn't exactly 'ignoring' the guest reviewer but whatever. I feel better! :)
Anyways,
glad SOME of you guys liked the chapter and I'm going to update soon!