"Ten days?" Ivy managed after Selina had explained anything. She took a long pull out of the Scotch bottle they'd swiped from Alfred's stash. It was no doubt the most expensive alcohol either of them had ever had.
"Nine now." Selina said, taking the bottle from her. She took a swig and shuddered. Expensive or cheap, Scotch still tasted like shit. "Nine days or they kill us both. What are we going to do, V?"
"We're going to kill him, obviously," Ivy replied without hesitation. "Someone should have put a bullet in him years ago, and after everything he's put you through, it might as well be you."
"I don't kill people," Selina deadpanned.
"Well that is certainly good to hear. Also good to hear that you are on better terms," Alfred's dry voice came from behind the two of them. "And ladies, please help yourself to the alcohol at eleven in the morning. Is it safe to assume that assume both of you are underage?"
"I'm twenty-two," Ivy lied, just as Selina said: "I've got an ID that says I've been twenty-one since 2012." It was almost true. Ivy was almost twenty-one and Selina's twentieth birthday had come and gone a few months ago without any fanfare. Birthdays didn't mean anything to either of them, not really.
"Don't think we were properly introduced," Ivy said, nodding at him. "Ivy. Sorry for doping up your boss. I was sort of hoping that there was a kidnapping situation going on. I didn't know it was love." Ivy had briefly explained how she'd tracked Selina down, and when Bruce had told her where they were inside the mansion, she'd realized that it wasn't any kind of body-snatching case.
"I must say I was hoping we'd be introduced under much more civil terms," Alfred said evenly. Ivy matched his stare and Selina stayed quiet, watching their silent battle of wills. "But I suppose I couldn't have expected anything less. Miss Selina and I weren't exactly acquainted amicably either. In fact, it might have been worse than this."
"Wow, those were a lot of big words. Do you have a word of the day calendar or something?" Alfred ignored her. "And Jesus, how could her intro have been worse?"
"There was an assassin, I got in his way, he tried to strangle me to death, Al shot him." Selina summed up. Ivy raised a fiery eyebrow.
"Which assassin? Anyone we know?"
"You two know assassins," Alfred murmured, rubbing his temples. "Bloody hell."
"No one we know. Newman." Selina said, ignoring him. Ivy's eyes bugged.
"You went up against Newman?" she shrieked. "I'm having you committed, I swear to God. I thought you meant someone good, not someone psychotic. Newman. No wonder he's been off the grid for so long." Ivy looked at Alfred with newfound respect. "You iced Newman. Good for you, man. That guy was super scary."
"Christ Almighty, you really are a pair." Alfred said, looking between Selina and Ivy like he wasn't sure exactly what he'd stumbled into and it was giving him a headache. "Miss Selina, I thought you might want to know that Master Wayne is awake. He might want a proper introduction to your friend. Without a needle." He gave Ivy a significant look and she put her hands up in surrender.
"Hey I'm out of needles. Actually no, I have a bunch more, but I promise not to use them. I'm on my best behavior. Actually," she said, eyeing him up and down. "After we make nice with Richey Rich, how about I whip something up for that arm? Nontoxic, I swear. Looks like Selly did a number on you."
"You should take her up on that," Selina suggested. "She's been patching me up for years."
"Correction," Ivy said as they walked towards Bruce's wing of the house. "She does the patching, I supply the drugs."
"You two worry me."
"As well we should," Ivy said, winking. Alfred looked nonplussed at Ivy's sudden change of attitude towards him. Selina was pleased, though not altogether surprised. Ivy's rage fizzled out quickly, and she wasn't one to hold grudges. That was more Selina's area. Once she was sure that Selina wasn't in danger, she'd gone back to her usual, easygoing self. Besides, Ivy was clearly enjoying freaking Alfred out with their Siamese-twin criminal bit.
Selina ignored their soft bantering, pushing into Bruce's bedroom.
"Hey," he said, propped up on the pillows and looking much better. "You're here."
"Of course I'm here," she said, sitting down next to him and absently pushing his hair out of his eyes.
"Have you been drinking Scotch?" Selina laughed, covering her mouth to try and hide the smell.
"It's been a rough few hours."
"What happened?"
"Ivy happened." That wasn't what he meant and she knew that but Selina wasn't ready to retell the whole story again.
"That would be me. Hi." Ivy said, coming in and waving. She had the decency to look uncomfortable, raking her fingers through her hair. Selina gave her an expectant look. "I, uh, I'm sorry I stabbed you in the neck. To be fair, I thought you were holding Selina hostage and honestly I probably should've killed you outright for that." Bruce blinked twice, staring at Ivy like he didn't know what to think. "But I'm glad I didn't because then she'd be pissed at me…and I'm bad at apologies so I'm going to stop now." Ivy looked away awkwardly and Bruce laughed, surprising all of them.
"Nice to meet you," Bruce said finally. "You're pretty for a kidnapper." Selina snickered, chalking that up to the drugs.
"Flattery will get you everywhere," Ivy said, pleased. "Unfortunately, I am happily taken, very bisexual, and you are not my type."
"And you are everything she said you would be," Bruce said after taking a few moments to process all of that. He laughed as Ivy's mouth dropped open.
"Have you been talking shit about me?"
"No," Selina insisted just as Bruce said: "Yes."
"Traitor!" Selina groaned, laying her head on his stomach. Bruce put his hand on her back, rubbing slow lazy circles with his thumb. "I'm glad you're okay." Selina smiled, sitting up to look at him. "What happened? Before…before everything went sideways." Selina winced and Ivy came to stand at her side.
"Do you want me to tell him?" Ivy offered.
"No, I've got it." Selina said, sucking in a breath. "Uh, so my boss."
"A seedy asshat named Gerard," Ivy supplied. Selina ignored her, continuing.
"My boss is trying to stage a coup against Falcone with a Maroni officer. So I've…I've been working for both sides of the war and – "
"They found out," Bruce filled in when Selina trailed off. "God, they found out, didn't they?"
"Yeah," Selina said. "And they gave me an ultimatum. Kill my boss or Ivy and I get whacked. I have nine days." For a moment, no one said everything as the room filled with heavy, deafening silence. Until finally, Bruce spoke.
"Then we figure it out."
Three hours later, they were no closer to a solution.
"I still say that we just off him," Ivy insisted for the eleventh time. The four, including Alfred, stood around the island in the Italian kitchen. Alfred had taken Ivy up on her offer to make him something to make his wrist heal faster, and she stood at the sink, mixing chemicals and advocating that Selina just "shoot the bastard." Bruce's suggestion was for the both of them to get out of the city, possibly even out of the country. He'd offered to bankroll the two of them for as long as it took for the families to forget about them. Maybe even fake their deaths. He didn't understand how powerful Falcone was, how far his reach extended. They couldn't just leave, and honestly, Falcone was probably watching every bridge and tunnel out of the city, not to mention the airport. Even if they were completely disguised and drowning in his money, there was no way they'd be able to get out of Gotham without tipping Falcone off.
"He's paranoid, he'll see me coming," Selina said. "Besides," she said, catching Bruce's look. "I don't do killing."
"Good thing that I do," Ivy said without hesitation. "Hey, don't give me that look Jeeves. If it comes down to Gerard or Sel, I'm picking her, I don't care if I have to blow his brains out myself." Usually, Selina didn't mind Ivy's ruthlessness; she even appreciated it. But the looks Alfred and Bruce were shooting her were making her antsy.
"Your dedication to your friend is admirable, but what you're proposing is murder," Alfred reminded her lightly.
"Fine, if you want to call it that," Ivy said, shrugging. "But this is war. You know what that's like, GI Pennyweather." Alfred raised an eyebrow but didn't disagree. Selina wasn't surprised that Ivy had picked up on that. The old butler had a distinctly military look about him and he was a crack shot like no other. "Sometimes in war, people die. At least this one deserves it."
"V…" Selina hedged. Ivy rolled her eyes.
"Right fine, they're civilians, whatever. We'll find a non-murderous solution." She looked offended by the very thought and Selina was grateful that Ivy was on her team, and not playing for the other side.
"I wouldn't exactly call myself a civilian," Alfred said primly.
"You're a civ for our intents and purposes," Ivy shot back.
"We need a solution," Selina said, giving Ivy a strict look. "That doesn't involve me killing Gerard, or him killing me."
"Or Falcone killing us." Ivy added helpfully. Selina glared again.
"Okay no more suggestions from you," she said. "Bruce, Al, you got anything to add?"
"I still think we should try to get you out," Bruce said. He was handling all of this well. Suspiciously well, but Selina wasn't going to question it. She was appreciative that he was keeping it together, because she felt very, very close to falling apart. "I've got properties all over the world, you'll be safe there."
"What about Ivy? What about Harley? My homeless network?"
"You have a homeless network?" Bruce asked, quirking an eyebrow.
"Stay on point, Wayne. Yes I have a homeless network. Some guys I look out for from under the bridge. I offer protection, they do me favors."
"God you're like something out of a comic book." Bruce said, shaking his head before moving on. "I say that you guys should stay here as long as you need. Get this Harley here, and anyone else important to you, and we can keep them safe until everything blows over."
"That's not a bad idea," Ivy piped in. "Harley's not involved in any of this and I want her safe. If she happens to be safe and in a castle, all the better. You sure it's okay?"
"She can't be worse than you two," Bruce said, grinning.
"Are you sure she'll come?" Selina whispered to Ivy. Two days ago, they hadn't exactly been on the best of terms.
"She'll come. I'll go get her." Ivy said without hesitation.
"I'll do it," Bruce contradicted and Ivy gave him a look. "I'm not the one in danger. No one's made the connection between us yet –
"I did." Ivy said smugly.
"Except Ivy. It's safer for the both of you if I go. Less chance anyone will see you and report back to these scary mob guys."
"And will you be taking the Rolls on this little rescue expedition?" Alfred asked, every syllable dripping sarcasm.
"No I think the bus will do it," Bruce replied obliviously. "I've gone down there before, Al, and it was fine. No one say me."
"And that was a goddamn miracle," Selina muttered. "If you're going back to the Narrows, you can't look like that."
"Makeover?" Ivy asked, grinning.
"Makeover."
"Oh, this is going to be cathartic," Ivy said, rubbing her hands together. "Let's get started."
Ivy fell on Bruce's wardrobe like a true gutter rat, searching through the racks of fashionable designer labels until she found something that was at least normal-looking, making disparaging comments the whole time. Finally, she found his rattiest ('ratty' being a subjective term) hoodie and jeans and vanished to do God-knows-what with them. Selina suspected they'd look old and disgusting by the time she was done with them. Possibly smelling like meth.
"Is it just me, or is she having way too much fun with this?" Bruce asked.
"You have everything and we have nothing," Selina replied, digging through his bathroom for something to use in his hair. "I've had time to adjust. Honestly, be glad she's taking it out on your clothes and not your face." She grabbed a bottle of gel from the very back. Bruce didn't usually use product.
"I do like my face."
Selina smiled, standing on her tiptoes to kiss him. "I'm pretty fond of it myself." Selina stood on a chair behind him and started rubbing the gel into his hair, slicking it back like the bangers did. He'd have his hood up, but just in case.
"What are you thinking about?" he asked when Selina was silent for a long while. Selina bit her lip, loving and hating how he could read her in equal measure.
"About how lucky I am to have you in my life," she said after thinking about it for a minute. "And how unlucky you are to be here."
"Hey," Bruce said, turning to face her. "Where is this coming from?"
"I'm poison, Bruce," Selina admitted. "Everyone around me gets killed, and getting you involved in all of this…"
"You're not poison," Bruce said, cupping the sides of her face with his hands. Selina bit her lip to keep from arguing. "You're the best damn thing that's ever happened to me, don't think for a minute that you're not. You saved me Selina."
"It was my fault Newman was after you anyway," Selina muttered.
"That's not what I meant and you know it."
"I know," Selina said, tipping her head so that her forehead rested against his. "I just wish it wasn't true."
"I love you Selina," Bruce said without a moment's hesitation and Selina's eyes snapped open. "I love you and I would not trade this for anything." Selina didn't answer, just kissed him, winding her hands though his gelled hair. Bruce lifted her as if she weighed nothing and suddenly her back was against the wall. Selina gasped as Bruce's mouth dropped to her collarbone, training hot kisses all the way up her neck.
"I love you too," she breathed in his ear. "I love you too."
"Okay it's – oh God," Ivy swore and Bruce nearly dropped Selina in surprise. "Jesus shit, guys. Time and place."
"Your timing is absolutely horrible," Selina complained, her cheeks flushed bright red.
"Yeah, yeah everyone wants to get laid. I want my girlfriend to not get shot in the head, so if you're going to slum it, billionaire, you need to go. Here." She threw the doctored clothes at him and Bruce caught them without a word, ducking his head and all but running out of the room. Ivy burst into laughter the minute he cleared the door.
"I hate you," Selina grumbled.
"Oh my God that's the funniest fucking thing I've ever seen. Did you see the look on his face?" Ivy was laughing so hard her face turned as red as her hair, and she actually fell over. "Great technique by the way. Very hot make-out session I just interrupted." Ivy was still laughing when Bruce came back. For the first time Selina thought that maybe, just maybe, he could look the part. She didn't know what Ivy did to his clothes, but they were just about as ragged as possible without completely falling apart. Selina ran her hands through his hair once more, and then he was ready.
"Would I make it on the streets?" Bruce asked, striking a pose.
"Not even close, but you look the part," Selina said, taking a step back to admire their work. "Yeah, you're not going to get shanked on the spot."
"That's quite the compliment."
"Oh just go so you can come back," Selina said, bringing his lips down to meet hers. "Don't do anything stupid, okay?"
"You're cute when you care."
"I'm cute all the time."
"And you're making me gag," Ivy cut in. Selina threw her a look but Bruce laughed, kissed Selina once more, and then left. "Come on, you can pine after your boyfriend and help me make Alfred's medication at the same time."
"Wait. Hold up. Are you jealous?" Selina asked, catching her tone. Ivy stuck out her tongue. "You ar0e jealous!"
"I am not," Ivy said, pouting.
"You're such a hypocrite," Selina teased, dancing away as Ivy swung at her. "I was perfectly happy for you and Harley – I actually think Harley thought you were cheating on her with me the first time we met."
"She did actually."
"And I explained everything because I am a good friend. But you're jealous. Ivy Pepper green is not your color. Speaking of, you should check out the gardens here, they're pretty." Selina didn't know shit about plants and honestly didn't care about horticulture but Ivy was always growing things in the widowboxes of her apartment. More often than not, they were poisonous, but that was beside the pint.
"We can all go together," Ivy said extending her arm. "It'll be the weirdest double-date ever."
"Well when have our lives ever been normal?" Selina asked, catching her elbow as they strode through the halls. "Dating. We're both dating, V. During a mob war."
"Yeah and my timing is terrible," Ivy snickered before sobering abruptly. "We're going to figure this out, you know that right? You and I are going to be fine, we're going to kick Gerard in the teeth and then we'll out Falcone. I'm Ivy Pepper and you're Selina fucking Kyle and they can't stop us." Selina didn't know if she believed that, but Ivy was one hell of a speaker.
"No, they can't."
Selina, Ivy, and Alfred puttered around the mansion, laughing and trading stories while the medication Ivy was making boiled and simmered. Alfred told them about when he was in the army – mostly of traveling, leaving out the bits about combat. Selina and Ivy regaled him with stories of their upbringing in the Narrows. The more legal ones, that is. Despite being homeless, broke, and terrified, the two of them had had some good times, and they often cut each-other off to get to tell the good parts, resulting in much swearing and only one a broken vase. Alfred wasn't too pleased about that. Selina couldn't wait to share with Bruce and Harley when they came back.
They didn't come back. Only an hour had gone by, so Selina wasn't suspicious, until her phone started ringing.
"Gerard?" Selina answered warily, fear and old instincts already raising the hair on the back of her neck.
"Selina," he purred. "You know, when I had my people watch Ivy's apartment, I expected her to come back. Leverage, you understand. I knew you'd never kill me if I had your girl." Selina's blood went cold and she nearly dropped the phone, but managed to put it on speaker. "Imagine my surprise when a young man came to the door to get Ivy's girlfriend!" Ivy had to clap her hand over her mouth to keep from screaming and Selina felt the same. Her heart raced in her chest as scenarios and possibilities whirred in her head. He had them. Gerard had them. Her knew about the assassination and he had Bruce and Harley. How was this possible? "Selina? Are you still there darling?"
"Proof of life," Selina managed to grind out. "I want proof of life you sick son of a bitch."
"Say hi to your lovely Selina, Mister Wayne," Gerard said and Alfred swore colorfully.
He knew who Bruce was, he'd made the connection. Selina had damn near thrown it in his face.
"Selina." Bruce's voice was tight but he didn't sound injured, for all that was worth.
"Selina, don't do anything stupid, it's a trap, it – " His voice gave way to a shout of pain
and there was the unmistakable sound of a fist hitting flesh. Selina grit her teeth so hard she thought they might shatter.
"And Ivy. It was a pity you had to get a civilian involved. Especially one so pretty."
"Ivy?" Harley's voice was high and scared. "Ivy I'm sorry, I – " Her voice cut out too, but only because Gerard took back the phone.
"Proof of life. Now, I suggest a trade. Your people for you. Now, obviously you will have to die, but I think that's fair. And afterwards, you'll take the fall for the coup and everything will be as it should."
"They know it's you," Selina snarled. He knew she was being sent to kill him, why did he think he could get away with blaming it on her? "They know you're the one working with Maroni."
"But if I get rid of the bitch who's been sneaking around and working for both sides, then I'll be in their good graces again," Gerard explained. He was crazy. It would never work; they'd just send someone else to get rid of him. But there was a desperate edge to his voice that hadn't been there before. Gerard was grasping at straws and Selina had given him a lifeline. "You're being very quiet Selina, and I can't have you thinking too hard. So, you will come to the bar and make the trade within the hour, or I will give them back to you. In pieces." The line went dead and Selina swore, slamming her fist down on the counter.
"Fucking dammit!" Ivy went very quiet, but she was arranging vials on the counter, pulling needles out of her pockets and filling the syringes. Selina didn't have to guess that they were poisons.
"So." Ivy said, her voice cold and dead. "We are going to go get our people back, and we're going to kill every son of a bitch in there." Selina rotated her wrists, grabbing her knives when they were deposited into her hands. She gave Alfred an even stare.
"You still against killing, Jeeves?"
"No." Alfred said very calmly, pulling out his gun and clicking the safety off. "As you say, let's get the bastards."
The end is near. Can you feel it?