"Is there something you want to tell me?"

I turn around to see Christian leaning against the gym wall with his arms folded across his chest.

"Here, try doing it by yourself," I tell the student I'd been helping. She nods and moves to strike the punching bag on her own while I go stand by Christian to watch that she's doing it correctly without injuring herself. That's one of the down sides of learning self-defense: yes you learn to fight back but you also risk hurting and putting yourself in danger.

"Well?" Christian asks as I settle myself against the wall beside him, jotting down the student's progress on a clipboard. "Something you want to tell me?" he asks again.

I sigh and in a dry tone I tell him,"Yes Christian. I have a crush on you. I've had these feelings for a while now but you've gotten it out of me." I look up to see how he's taken my joke and grin expecting him to do the same.

Instead, he rolls his eyes. It feels like we've reversed roles and for once he's the serious one while I'm joking around.

"You have a crush on someone alright but it isn't me," he mutters so low I barely catch it.

"What?" I asked confused.

He runs a hand over his dark hair. Unusual for Christian, he seems a little flustered. "I saw you at the dinner party," he tells me vaguely.

"Yeah, I saw you too. You cooked dinner, we ate together-"

"I saw you with Rose at the dinner party," he adds.

"I know that," I say confused still staring at him. I wasn't really sure what he was getting at but something told me I wouldn't like it - whatever it was. "She was invited too," I say pointing out the obvious. "Remember, we all had dinner together."

Christian rolled his eyes and moved off of the wall.

"Look, obviously I'm not understanding what you're trying to tell me so why don't you just come out and say it."

The second the words left my mouth I started to kind of get an idea of what Christian was getting at. He saw Rose and I together. Not just sitting at the same dinner table or being in the same room but maybe he saw us when we'd been alone in the sitting room or maybe that weird moment after I'd prevented Rose from falling where it was completely silent and I just couldn't seem to let her go right away.

"You and Rose have something going on?"

Turns out my guess was right.

My immediate response was to tell the truth and make sure he understood it wasn't as bad as he was probably imagining it was. Nothing was going on but I might have wanted-

Before I could say anything Christian headed back toward the office and I followed behind. He was pacing in a small circle like a caged animal. Of the people who should be flustered about this I didn't understand why Christian was so bothered.

"Are you okay?"

He ran both hands over his face exhausted and then finally stopped pacing to stand directly in front of me, his piercing blue eyes staring straight into mine.

"Look right now I have something to say to you and when I finish saying it I want you to think about it and then we'll never talking about this again. I hate touchy feely 'bro moments'."

I almost wanted to laugh at how uncomfortable he obviously was with what he was about to say but I was more interested than amused. For a heartbeat, I expected him to tell me that he had some type of thing for Rose. The moment that thought crossed my mind I felt my stomach tighten and sink as if I were on a roller coaster. I had a flurry of emotions tumbling around like a ball inside of me, growing everyday and ready to burst at any moment. I actually havent been so aware of my emotions since after I'd been shot.

In this particular moment I felt more anxious than anything.

I kept calm though, running my own calming exercises that I usually taught my students through my head. I sat on the edge of the desk and I listened while Christian started to pace again in the small office.

"I've known you longer than I've known Rose but I've gotten to know her over the last few weeks. She's a good person, a cool chick, but I guess you already know that. She's having a sucky time right now," he continued pointing out the obvious. "She's getting better, yes, and I want her to keep getting better. The last thing she needs is to have weird misunderstood mixed emotions about the guy—you—who she sees as her savior. Just...just keep things on the friend level. I don't want to see her get hurt or anything like that. I'm sure you agree with me."

Without even a moment's hesitation I nodded. "Of course."

"Good. We're on the same page and things are clear—and a little awkward now. Just no more moments like I saw at that dinner party. And I'm guessing that those days you were keeping your distance from Rose had something to do with an intimate moment between you two but I don't want to know about it so...we're good?" he asks holding a fist out, dark brows raised.

"Of course, man. Yeah we're good," I agreed bumping his fist with his.

He nodded and went back to the gym floor.

I liked that Christian was one of those protective friends that I'm sure Rose—and Lissa—could use right now. I'm glad I have a friend like him in my life especially after losing Ivan. I'm lucky to have him around to remind me that whatever is going on, whatever feelings that I'm having or that Rose might be having are only going to make things worse. It's not right. It's wrong. What she needs are friends right now. Friends like Christian, friends like the way I use to act before everything turned upside for all of us.

I just have to be a friend. That's all she needs. I can do it. I have to do it.

As grateful as I am to have Christian, I'm glad he chooses ignorance over wanting to know everything. I could only imagine what he'd say if he knew about everything I'd felt after I'd driven Rose and Lissa home.

"So full," Lissa groaned as she walked into Rose's house. From where Rose and I were standing in the front doorway we watched her slowly shuffle her way to the couch and fall face first onto the cushions, the smallest of smiles on her delicate face. While I couldn't exactly pinpoint what Rose's looks reminded me of, Lissa easily resembled of how I'd imagine a fairy in those books I use to read to Victoria when she was younger.

"Thanks for the ride. And for even inviting us out tonight," Rose said turning to look up at me. She glanced back at Lissa who was now snoring gently on the couch. "I'm sure Liss appreciates it too," she giggled softly. "I'm going to go get blanket." She moved further into the house and into a different room where I couldn't see her.

I closed the front door behind me. It was a lot colder in here than it was outside. I wondered if the heater stopped working again. While I waited for Rose to return I noticed something about her home that was so different from mine or anyone elses I'd been in. The last few times I'd been here I couldn't figure out what it was but now that I stood here in the hallways looking at all the rooms I could finally tell what it was.

There weren't very many family pictures on the wall. Or any for that matter.

There were old paintings that look liked they'd been bought at yard sales in a quick attempt to decorate the place but other than that there were no signs or indications that it was a family that lived here. With Rose's mother gone I guess technically there isn't a family living here.

Now that I've noticed the absence of family photos I feel kind of determined to find one. I walk a little ways down the hall and stop at the other end of the living room from where Lissa is sleeping. On the side table near the window and a worn blue chair, I finally find a photo. In fact it's a photo album laying face up as if someone had recently been looking through it but only reached the middle of the album.

The top photos on the small album are of Rose and Lissa. A lot younger, maybe elementary school, smiling, each with their two front teeth missing. I smile and can't help but pick up the album.

Rose returns to the room with a thick blanket in her arms. She moves to cover the platinum blonde girl sleeping on the snoozing soundly on the couch, tucking the blanket under her chin. It takes her a moment to realize I'm not in the same spot she left me in before she spots me on the other side of the room.

She's careful to make her way quietly over to me as she tightens her sweater around her shoulders.

"Did the heater stop working again?"

She nods. "A few days ago. Christian said he had a friend that could fix it but he's been pretty busy with school. Do you mind?" she asks tentatively, biting her lip as if she's afraid I'd say no.

"Of course not."

I set the album down and go to quickly fix the heater. I'm back and sitting down beside her near the living room window in minutes, the heater blowing full blast.

"It should hold for tonight but I'll talk to Christian about his repair man friend tomorrow."

She smiles appreciatively. "So you can fix heaters, you're a self-defense instructor, a former cop, you give these great zen life lessons but you have an awful taste in music," she laughs referring to the ride home where Lissa had asked Rose to turn my car radio on and the mixed CD of country and 80s music came on.

Up until then, the ride had been quiet while we'd all probably been thinking about the fact that Victoria agreed to help with the case. After the CD came on and the music filled the air there was a quick moment of silence before the three of us started laughing. Rose and I talked about my taste - or lack of taste - in music while Lissa smiled and continued to munch on the extra food in the backseat that my mother and Christian packed for them to take home.

I couldn't seem to fight the smile forming on my face even though Rose was poking fun at my music taste.

"I guess it really shouldn't really surprise me since Christian told me you like westerns."

"I bet you have a few songs you like that you're ashamed of."

"Nope," she grinned still laughing.

"I'm going to guess something Disney? Maybe a musical," I guessed based on what my sisters use to listen too.

She held up both of her hands and shook her head smiling. "Alright fine. I use to have the tapes and CD's to every Disney music soundtrack in existence," she admitted, more humored than ashamed.

"You don't have them anymore?"

She shook her head, tucking a strand of her dark hair behind her ear. "When we moved from my grandmother's house when I was little we couldn't afford a moving truck so we had to pack everything into my mom's car which meant a limited amount of space. I had to give a lot of my stuff away."

"You haven't lived in this house your entire life?" I ask curious. I shouldn't be surprised though with the lack of photos or real decorations on the wall.

"My mom was still in high school when she had me. My grandmother was mad at her of course but she let my mother stay as long as she agreed to work and pay for everything she needed for me herself," she explained.

"Wow," I breathed, disbelieving.

"What?"

"I'm just trying to imagine my mother and Yeva reacting that way when Karolina had Paul but I can't."

"She wasn't angry? Didn't make her go to work?"

"No. I think she was more surprised than upset but she of course helped take care of everything and paid for all of it. Karo was in her first year of college but that's still pretty young."

Rose nodded in agreement, both of us looking back at Lissa sympathetically.

"So what happened?" I asked bringing the topic back to Rose's story. "After you were born, how did you guys end up here?"

Rose looked around the living room for a while as if she was wondering the same thing: how did their lives end up here?

"My grandmother told me that around the time I was born, my she was already kind of sick and money was getting tight. It was a lot easier for my mother to find a job than an elderly sick woman like her so my mom went out and found like three jobs while my grandmother watched me. Things were okay for a while I guess. For the first time my mom and my grandmother got along supposedly until they had some huge fight about my mother starting to drink and how she was a failure. My grandma always made it a point to remind my mother that she made mistakes and wasn't living the life she planned for." Rose paused in her story. "I can't imagine your mother or your grandmother ever doing that," she smiled small.

"Me either." I was suddenly very grateful to have the family I did. Like everyone else, we had our problems but we never gave up or abandoned each other. We never put each other down and reminded each other of mistakes we might have made or failures we've lived through.

I was sorry that Rose never seemed to have that.

"Eventually, my mom had enough of my grandmother's instigating and she took me and we left. apparently she'd been in contact and seeing my father in secret. We went to live with him for a while. I guess he was an older guy, had a stable job and he went to college. He must've made my mother feel like she had a chance to get out of this small town and away from my grandma. At least that's what my grandmother use to think, that he was her escape. It took them a while—we moved around living in apartments and motels. My grandma says she tried to find me to make sure I was taken care of because she didn't think my mother could do it. Honestly, I think she was right."

I wanted to assure her that her mother probably did the best she could but if that were true she'd probably be here right now. Rose seemed to think the same thing for a second before continuing, flipping through pictures in the small photo album.

They started with a few photos of Rose as a baby, posing with an older woman who resembled Rose's mother and Rose a bit. As the pages flipped that she turned to show me the pictures were of Rose as a toddler in an old apartment or motel room with Janine balancing her on her knee unsmiling and Rose crying in most of the photos. There were a few of Rose smiling. I glanced at Rose as she stared down at the photos too. She smiled at the one of her and Lissa sanding close with missing front teeth.

"This one's my favorite," she told me.

I smiled too thinking of a similar picture of Ivan and I. "I think Ivan and I took a picture like this," I tell her as she hands me the album to look more closely. "I think I have a picture of Victoria like this too."

"I think everyone has a photo like this," she laughs softly before her smile kind of fades. "That was taken right before we moved into this house I think. My grandmother said she almost believed we were a family until my father left. Having a girlfriend and a baby to take care of and staying in school was too much for him, they argued all the time over my mother wanting to finish school and her jobs, and eventually he said it was too much for him and he left. My mom had kind of a breakdown for a while and we went back to live with my grandmother but that lasted for about five seconds before they were yelling at each other again and then we moved back here."

I flipped back through the younger years of Rose's album but there weren't any photos of her father.

"My mother got rid of all the photos of him," Rose tells me, guessing what I'm searching for. "She doesn't really like pictures at all," she adds gesturing to the photo-free walls. "I thought about redecorating while she's gone but if I do that it's like saying I plan on staying here for a while."

"What do you plan on doing when this is over?" I asked curious. Ever since this all started it was hard to think about anything like the future. I wondered what everyone would do when this was all over. I wondered how Rose, Lissa, and Victoria would go on with their lives even with all the support they had; even if we didn't win the case.

Rose leaned against the window while I kept paging through the album. "Go back to school eventually I guess," she said not sounding very determined. "I want to just get high school over with but I can't go back and neither can Lissa or your sister for that matter. All I know is that I don't want to stay in this town."

I can't blame her.

"I can talk to Stan, see if he can help arrange something so that you guys can at least get your diplomas, maybe do your homework from home and send it to your teachers online."

I hadn't been looking at her when I'd made the suggestion. But when she didn't say anything, I looked up to find her staring at me with glistening eyes as if she was ready to cry for the second time tonight.

"You really are a kind of hero, I hope you know that," she tells me smiling wide.

I grin before looking down back at the album. "I do what I can," I say 'modestly'.

She laughs before leaning forward a bit to see which pictures I'm looking at. She points to one where she's standing on the beach with her back to the ocean smiling. "That use to be my favorite spot in the world. I haven't been there in a while. My mom use to take me when I was little but when she stopped I use to sneak there by myself."

We continued flipping through the tiny album, laughing at a few while I listened to Rose tell me the story behind others. Even though I'd had fun, I'd been kind of winded after the dinner party and being around so many people at one time but it felt good to sit here and just laugh and talk with one person. For what feels like the night in a long time I was relaxed and feeling good.

I hadn't meant to stay for so long. In fact I only meant to drop the girls off but by the time Rose and I finally stopped talking and laughing about old memories in our relatively short lives and our different tastes in music, when we looked at the clock it was past one in the morning.

"I didn't realize how it is," Rose says standing. "I should help get Lissa upstairs to bed."

"Yeah and I should get going."

I lead the way to the front door where Rose walked me so that she could lock it behind me.

"I really had a good time tonight," she said smiling up at me. "The dinner party was nice and fun. Your family is adorable. And I like Tasha."

The last part she added as a kind of quick after though as if it was something she'd been thinking about but wasn't sure she could say. I wonder if she knew I'd been on a few dates with Tasha. And then I started to wonder why it would matter if she did. It'd be weird maybe especially after the kiss, the lingering looks and hugs but eventually we'd get back to normal.

Looking at Rose now, I decided I liked the idea of getting to see her normal self. From he day I'd met her, she was the quiet broken girl who never held her head high. Lately—tonight especially—she was smiling, laughing and had a bit more life in her than I'd ever see. All the while we'd been talking, she as like a lightbulb, lighting from the inside out.

It sounded ridiculous when I said it like that but it was the only way I could think to describe it.

"They love you and Lissa too. I'm glad you guys came."

"I'm glad Victoria decided to help with the case."

That was definitely something to be happy for.

"Me too." I let out a little tired sigh of relief. "We still have a long road ahead of us though."

"I know but I'm...I'm getting the feeling that we'll be okay. We just have to stick together. Right?" she asked bringing up all the times I'd tried to remind her that she's not alone.

"Right," I smiled down at her. I reminded her that I'd talk to Stan about the homework and school idea I'd had and talk to Christian about his repairman friend.

She nodded gratefully as I opened the front door to leave, standing on the front porch.

Earlier tonight I'd been slow to let her go. Right now I was slow to leave and I wasn't sure why. Whenever I'd dropped Tasha off at her apartment or any date off I'd been a little quick to leave because I was always unsure about moving to more physical level of a relationship. It hadn't felt like the right time to do anything. And when I did do anything it still just didn't feel right or like enough. Right now I felt like I was missing something or that there was something I had to do. It felt the same way when I'd been holding her tonight.

"Good night Dimitri. And thank you." Rose was leaning in the doorway ready to close it behind me as soon as I'd step off the porch. A light breeze blew her hair across her face. Before I realized what I was doing, I'd reached out to brush her hair back for about the millionth time since I'd known her. I suddenly remembered I'd done this same thing right before she kissed me.

I should've pulled away or apologized.

Instead I tucked her hair back while she looked up at me in surprise her lips slightly parted. A few moments passed before she closed her mouth into a smooth line, a soft smile, and she tilted her head softly into my palm, brushing the skin of her cheek again my hand.

She let out a slow breath while I couldn't seem to catch mine.

Just as quickly the moment was over. We both seemed to realized that what we were doing wasn't what normal friends did at the same time. She closed her eyes and gently tilted her head away while I pulled my hand back.

Her brown eyes were looking up at me again, the same appreciative smile on her lips, before I stepped off the porch and she closed the door gently behind me. I knew that the next time we saw each other we'd go on as if nothing had happened, as none of the more oddly intimated and tender moments between us hadn't happened. For a while though, I'd let myself dwell on the good feelings running through my body the entire time I'd been around her.

As wrong as it was, I couldn't help it.

I had less than platonic feelings for Rose.

It's a good thing he doesn't know.

Because not even I understand everything going on inside of me.

As much as I could've argued that there was definitely nothing going on between Rose and I, there was no explaining those emotions away.