Chapter Nineteen

It had been hard to leave Sousuke's apartment. Even harder to leave Sousuke's bed when he'd asked Makoto to stay, when he'd pulled him down and tickled at Makoto's ribs, wrestling around in the covers together. But Makoto had after a few teasing kisses that made him wish he wasn't leaving. It was so hard as Sousuke looked sexily dishevelled, his hair over his blue eyes and his body perfect and tattooed in the early morning light but Makoto stayed strong and managed to pry himself away, if not a little reluctantly.

As much as the vacation away from his "real life" had been fun, Makoto had to return to it. And even though he felt high from the post-sex rush, he knew he had to go to back to his apartment and see Haru. He had to actually attend some classes at university and he had to go to work if he wanted to keep that particular job. As he had a feeling that he was running low on his excuses where his manager was concerned and Makoto really didn't need the stressor of job hunting at the moment if he could at all helped.

On the Metro, Makoto knew he had the goofy grin of someone who had just laid and was doing the walk of shame home but he didn't care as he stood, his fingers wrapped around the metal pole in the carriage full of sombre commuters. He didn't care as he watched the stations pass by until he got to his own, hopping off and making his way to the apartment he shared with Haru.

It seemed Haru wasn't the most pleased to see him as when Makoto arrived, unlocking the door loudly and clumsily, he saw Haru was in the living room, apparently working on some project, his face knitted in concentration in front of his laptop.

He looked up and gave a neutral non-plussed expression. "You're back," he stated simply.

"Yeah… I stayed at Sousuke's," Makoto replied, his hand rubbing at his neck awkwardly.

"I know."

That was the all the conversation they had, stilted and abrupt and as Makoto walked to his own bedroom, he wondered if his sexscapes with Sousuke had ruined his friendship with Haru who had been the one constant in his life since he'd arrived in Tokyo. He'd got to a stage where Haru was comfortable with him, happy to talk to him and now he was getting the silent treatment again. Makoto tried not to think too much on it as after all, he had kinda just let Haru leave and hadn't really thought about his friend so he probably deserved the reaction. He just hoped it would return to normal after a few days. But then it was whatever "normal" meant for Haru. As after all, he could just be immersed in work and so Makoto tried to brush it off as he stripped out of Sousuke's clothes and went to shower, the blissful feeling of his own glorious and he finally risked getting the tattoo wet, sick of the plastic wrap.

He prodded it gently and saw there was some scabbing but he'd discovered that was normal. He still didn't get it fully wet, he wasn't going to take one of Haru's long baths, but he didn't bother too much about it as he closed his eyes and enjoyed the spray.

Makoto did hate removing Sousuke from his skin – his scent, his touch – under the hot water but he loved the clean feeling and it made him feel a little more awake after his euphoric daydreaming on the Metro.

After his shower, Makoto did the inevitable thing he dreaded. Plugging in his cell and charging it. He knew it would start vibrating the moment it came back to life but he ignored it as he dressed for university, picking up his books and bag and finally checking the phone once he was ready.

It had rumbled on the wooden bedside table but Makoto ignored it until he was ready to go – it had minimal charge but it would have to do as he flicked through the messages from Nagisa. It seemed his blond colleague wanted to know details and he'd tried to get them numerous times. Makoto sighed and then worried about his shift at the karaoke club tonight. As he was pretty sure it was going to involve an interrogation but then he also saw his mother had called, checking up on his weekend visit. Makoto had long ago said he would return home for a visit and it seemed his mother assumed it would be sooner rather than later. He replied saying he'd have to talk to his work before she worried too much – the message typed hastily as he confirmed he would call her later, wanting to catch up with his parents and the twins.

The newest few messages made a small smile cross Makoto's face. As they were from Sousuke.

/wish you hadn't gone. I have nowhere to be today./

Makoto was about to type in a response when another appeared as he held his phone in his hand.

/what time do you finish work? I could meet you./

Replying, Makoto confirmed he was leaving at 12.30am and the message was swift back.

/k. see you then../

He tried not to blush at the message, his heart hammering and his palms sweating as he thought of seeing Sousuke again, a body and head rush like no other. Makoto chided himself for being so easily affected but then last night had been… overwhelming and the lingering feel of Sousuke's hands on his body made him feel a heat that he dampened down with the knowledge of facing his professors and explaining his recent absences.

The journey to the university was quick, Makoto again in his own world and he was humming a song under his breath as he arrived at the campus buildings, sliding into a seat and listening to a lecture about long out-dated educational theory, taught to show the comparison between more recent ideologies. He listened intently during the lecture, taking notes and making sure he did not get distracted, his mind not thinking of Sousuke at all as he felt an enthusiasm for his life in Tokyo he'd not felt before. And it was thanks to Mr. Tall Dark and Tattooed. After his classes, Makoto stayed behind, discussing with his professors what he'd missed and then spent time in the library, wandering the shelves and picking up books on education and child psychology, scanning through them before checking them out at the self-service and carting them back to the apartment. He even had an extensive list of online articles and that he intended to start downloading once he got back to the apartment, the rest of the day before his work devoted to his studies.

Even with a messenger bag full of heavy books and a long list to catch up on, Makoto felt good about school and he texted Nagisa to get his shifts at the work and whether they could cover for a few days so he could visit his family. The response was quick and enthusiastic, Nagisa saying he'd cover whatever Makoto wanted as family was so important. He then texted his mother to confirm he was visiting but made her promise not to tell Ren and Ran, his twin siblings as he wanted his arrival to be a surprise.

Even after studying to the point his brain had melted and dressing for work with an annoyed feeling in his chest, Makoto still felt good. Still felt excited to be living his life in Tokyo and the optimism was infectious enough that he got a smile from Haru as he complemented the smell of his grilled fish dish, Makoto taking a bite he'd been offered and seeing Haru smile when Makoto told him it tasted good too. It seemed whatever annoyance Haru had with him had passed and before he left for work, Haru insisted he sit down and eat the grilled fish, rice and vegetables, Makoto not admitting how badly he needed the food. He'd only grabbed a pre-packaged sandwich from a machine, the taste very processed and flavourless and his stomach had been growling.

"Are you and Sousuke dating?" Haru asked as Makoto swallowed some broccoli, nearly choking on it as Haru asked the "big question."

Makoto guessed Haru, who didn't date and do such things, didn't understand how the question was such a big deal but Makoto felt the flush on his cheek as he looked down at the table in between them.

"I guess…we are," he said simply, smiling at the thought of Sousuke this morning, adorably sleep mussed and how badly Makoto didn't want to leave him. "It's new… and exciting. I don't know."

He punctuated it with a shrug of shoulders as honestly Makoto didn't know but he was excited about Sousuke and seeing him again later when he finished work.

"So was it worth doing the Rush Hour Crush?" Haru asked, a slight smirk on his lips that hinted to Makoto he was teasing.

"Yeah, it was."

With that, they didn't speak much more and Makoto left the apartment for work, his tie tied a little haphazardly but he would fix once he arrived as he was aware, his short break for food in his busy day had made him late. It seemed Nagisa had covered for his tardiness, explaining to other staff and the manager that Makoto was still sick and once Makoto was behind the bar and serving drinks, Nagisa whispered that he needed to pretend he had a bad head cold if he spoke to anyone.

Makoto wasn't comfortable with lying but knew it was his only choice so nodded and thanked Nagisa under his breath as he served cocktails, glad for the busy night and the requests for complicated drinks as it was making the time go quicker. The time until Sousuke.

The busy night made it almost impossible for Nagisa to ask about his love life but only almost. There was a lull when an incredible singer was on the main stage, a girl who seemed to have a voice that was better than most famous singers and in that lull, Nagisa sidled up alongside Makoto, so close that Makoto could feel his body pressed up against his side.

"Did you do it?"

Makoto rolled his eyes. Nagisa was acting like a school girl and he was clearly teasing him, the big smile on his face indicating that. A shrug was Makoto's response as he watched the girl on stage rather than look at Nagisa who was bouncing on the balls of his feet, barely able to contain his excitement.

"You did, right? That's why you're not talking…."

He could hear Nagisa's continued talking, his theories and his ideas about what had happened, Makoto glad he didn't want to discuss the details and instead was quite happy to make up his own mind about what had gone on. Makoto didn't want to discuss it as when he thought about the night before, his mind dangerously wandered to the feel of Sousuke's lips on his throat, the sound of his moans and growls, how he'd looked up at him as they'd fucked. It was far too distracting for a work night and Makoto tried to focus on a glass that looked like it needed cleaning rather than anything else.

Nagisa, though, was persistent and he felt a hard tug on his arm. Annoyed by his friend, Makoto was prepared to scowl at the blond until he realised why Nagisa had been trying to get his attention. As walking across the bar from the entrance was Sousuke.

It was early, a few hours early, and so he wondered why Sousuke appeared. But as he approached the bar, Makoto could see his face was neutral, expressionless, his eyes hardened rather than warm and drooping and he wondered what had caused the change in expression in such a short span of time.

The Sousuke he'd left had been playful, smiling, teasing… this wasn't him who stopped at the bar, who dismissed Nagisa's greeting without acknowledging it.

"Can you take a break?"

Makoto looked around and nodded. It wasn't busy enough at the precise minute for him to be missed so Makoto gave Nagisa a small glance to see his concern and then he followed Sousuke who was already half way towards the door, his stride long and his face intently forward, not looking back.

Once he was outside, Sousuke was still walking and Makoto caught up to him as he stopped a little way down from the club against a closed shop, leaning against the metal grating.

"Sousuke…?"

"Why didn't you ask me?" he asked, his voice a growl and Makoto could see the anger in blue eyes but also the hurt.

"I - " Makoto started but he didn't finish as Sousuke pushed himself up and stepped forward so they were face to face.

"I thought you were different… I thought you gave a shit - "

"I am!"

"No," Sousuke said, the anger suddenly dissipating, his voice soft again which hurt more than the anger. "You're not… if you can't even talk to me… fuck… we don't have anything."

Makoto could sense Sousuke was going to walk away and he reached out, grabbing at his hand in an attempt to hold on. "You push away and walk away… how the hell was I supposed to ask?" Makoto felt his voice shake as he spoke.

With a jerk, Sousuke broke the connection between them, the feel of their hands separating hurting in a way that Makoto couldn't describe even though the moment was so brief.

"You just had to wait… you're this damn open book… I had to trust you," Sousuke said and he took a step back, the smallest ironic smile on his face, a small chuckle under his breath. "And now I don't."

The words made Makoto look at the ground, his heart hammering and the corners of his eyes stinging.

"You just had to wait… not ask a douchebag ex-friend, Makoto."

The soft way Sousuke said his name made Makoto look up, his vision blurred by something he wouldn't admit. "Sousuke…"

"Goodbye, Mr. Green Eyes and Glasses."

Watching him turn and walk away, Makoto could only hear his heavy breathing and beating heart, his hands balled into fists as he realised he'd fucked it all up. And his day had been going so well...