Chapter Twenty

The train ride home to Iwatobi was not a fun one for Makoto. He would've felt excited, would've been in a state of anticipation at arriving "home" and seeing the ocean again, seeing his parents and his siblings but after Sousuke's words, it was with a heavy heart and sleepy dry eyes that he made the journey. He'd been in a state of shock since he'd watched Sousuke walk away, the way he'd not looked back etched in Makoto's brain and whenever he closed his eyes he saw how Sousuke's eyes had looked. Not just angry but hurt and whenever he thought about it, Makoto felt a sickness in his stomach that made him want to throw up.

On the train, Makoto didn't bother with music nor with any other distraction as he just looked out of the window and watched the world drift past, resting his head against the cool glass.

He didn't really remember what had happened after the conversation with Sousuke. All he knew that Nagisa had found him a while after he'd left the bar, sat down on the cold concrete by the road and he'd brought him back into their workplace and somehow gotten him home and to Haru. He didn't remember if they'd used the metro but when he'd arrived at the apartment, Nagisa had explained a garbled version of what had happened but it was enough for Haru to understand and help Makoto into bed, bringing him a steaming cup of tea and not asking anything of him.

Makoto had never appreciated his friendship with Haru more than in that moment.

He'd slept for what seemed like days in a haze. He tried to text Sousuke more than once. Tried to call him. But it seemed Sousuke hung up as soon as the phone connected and his messages were ignored. He wanted to apologise. He wanted to explain himself. But Sousuke was not letting him do that and all Makoto could do was lie in bed, unshed tears in his ears and mope.

Haru let him do that for a day. Then he forced him out of his bed, opening the curtains and making Makoto shower and eat. He'd then decided he didn't like Haru so much after that treatment as something as simple as the process of showering seemed too much. Not because of the actual act of showering but due to the tattoo on his hip, the nautical star that reminded him so much of Sousuke that it hurt like a punch to the gut.

"Stupid, Tachibana," he had chided himself as he tried not to let emotions overcome him.

After being forced to surface from his bed covers, Makoto knew he couldn't stay in Tokyo for the next few days as the metro reminded him of Sousuke. His work reminded him of Sousuke as he thought about that first time he'd heard him sing. And even his university did due to the day Sousuke had gone with him and they'd kissed. So Makoto had bought his train ticket and messaged his mother, letting her know he would home soon and not to tell the twins as he wanted it to be a surprise. He wanted Ren and Ran to distract him and he was sure his arrival would prompt some excitement and so he was returning home, watching Iwatobi begin to appear as he felt the cool glass against his skin.

Iwatobi seemed small when the train stopped in the familiar station and Makoto grabbed his backpack and got off, the moment his feet hit the platform hearing a high pitched squeak and a few seconds later, he felt two bodies wrapped around his legs.

Makoto looked down to see Ren and Ran, both of them hugging him tight and trying to cut off his circulation as they repeated "big brother" and his name over and over again, their excited squeals making other passengers look as they obstructed a good portion of the platform.

"Hey," he said, smiling at the enthusiasm for his return, "let me move, okay?"

They seemed reluctant but the twins did let go of his legs, grabbing for his hands instead and Makoto was dragged then towards his parents, his mother beaming and his father stood beside her with a similar smile.

With the closeness of family and the clear happiness of his return home, Makoto almost forgot about Sousuke and his heartbreak but it was onlyalmost. That pain was too damn raw.

"Did you get us any gifts from Tokyo?" the twins chorused and Makoto nodded in answer. He hadn't prepared any gifts but while waiting for the train home, he'd purchased them a small dancing teddy bear each.

"Just wait until we get home!" Makoto protested as they began begging for the gifts but their mother cut them off with a firm "no".

"Come here, you two," Makoto's father said and the two twins did as commanded which allowed Makoto a moment to share a look with his mother.

She approached him and wrapped her arms tight around him. Makoto could admit, he'd always had a close relationship with his family and he wouldn't deny he was very close to his mother. Even though now he towered over her, he let his head bend down and lean into her embrace so he could smell the familiar perfume she had worn since his childhood.

It smelt like home. It smelt comforting and Makoto's reluctance to leave the hug probably told his mom everything she needed to know as she reached up and swept aside a strand of hair from his eyes. "Your hairs getting long," she told him and then she moved her hand to his cheek, her eyes furrowing in concern. "You look like you're not eating and sleeping…"

Makoto tried to protest but in the last few days he had done little of either and he'd always struggled to lie to his mother's face.

"It's busy," he said softly and though she knew there was more to it, she didn't press, only kissed at his cheek and backed off allowing the twins the chance to grab Makoto's hands as they walked out of the station and home.

Everything seemed brighter in Iwatobi even though Makoto knew it was impossible. The sun, the way it reflected on everything and he realised he'd missed his home and even though he'd forgotten his home sickness due to the whirlwind of Sousuke, he realised he'd needed this visit. Even if it was only happening due to the pain in his chest.

The twins asked a millions questions about Tokyo and Makoto tried to answer them. They were impressed by the metro, by his job in the karaoke club and his apartment. They asked excitedly about his friends and Makoto talked about Haru and his seeming addiction to baths and Nagisa's enthusiasm and Rei… and then he stalled as he wanted to talk about Sousuke with his tattoos and his smile and it stopped him in his tracks, his pace slowing down and his throat becoming tight, words hard.

His parents were ahead and Makoto knew he didn't want to just sit at home and be asked more questions so he let go off Ren's hand to remove his backpack from his shoulders and bent down between his siblings.

"Shall we go to the park? Show me how high you guys can climb and how fast you can run since last time I saw you?"

"Yes!" Ren replied for the both of them and Makoto smiled as he saw the clear excitement. "Mom! Dad! Makoto's going to take us to the park!"

As he stood back up, Makoto could sense his mother's perceptive glance but it was agreed and Makoto handed over the meagre belongings he'd returned home for his parents to take away while he took the twins to play, Makoto sensing their happy smiles as they walked together.

He did have the foresight to remove the two dancing bears he'd purchased in their paper bag and as they walked towards the park, Makoto gave them to Ren and Ran who then spent the rest of the walk squabbling about who got the black and who got the brown one. It was only resolved once they got to the park, both taking their choice in hand before giving them back to Makoto so they could launch themselves at the slide, monkey bars and swings, Makoto watching them with an amused smile as they ran to play, whoops of delight ringing out and "look at me, Makoto" repeated as they played.

Makoto decided to walk over to the swing set, the bears back in the paper bag and he swung lazily as he watched his twin siblings play. It felt so different to Tokyo and Makoto wondered if it was time to give up on the big city life and come home. He could get a job at the local grocery store, maybe take some distance university classes, maybe help out at the local swim club and least then he'd be away from all the memories of Sousuke.

He was thinking that way when he noticed a kid run onto the playground that looked familiar and he watched as Ren and Ran let him join in the game, the pale boy with strawberry coloured hair younger but happy to play with the twins.

"Makoto… you're back."
Makoto almost jumped at the voice and he turned to see a smiling face, eyes and lips he knew well and Kisumi, his childhood best friend and ex… whatever, joined him on the swing set, sitting beside him. He was wearing a t-shirt that said Iwatobi Swim Club and simple jeans and he was watching as his little brother Hayato played with Makoto's siblings.

"They still play together a lot…" Kisumi said, commenting on the way they were now chasing one another and "hiding". "I didn't know you were coming back… you could've let me know," he continued and Makoto sensed a pale eyed stare on his expression.

"I… wasn't meant to be coming back," he explained and Makoto shifted awkwardly but Kisumi laughed, a sound Makoto knew well and it seemed he was forgiven for not letting him know.

"How's Tokyo?"

Makoto let a small chuckle come from his own lips but it sounded harsh and bitter. "Hard. Long hours…" he said and he cocked his head, "what are you doing?"

"Me? I'm working at the old swim club… I lifeguard and coach a little," Kisumi explained and Makoto watched as he rocked his legs to swing himself forward and back. "You should come by and see it… catch up… unless…"

The words hung on the air and Makoto raised one eyebrow at the vague comments. Kisumi sensed his confusion and Makoto felt a hand on his thigh, the touch explicit in its intent and Makoto frowned as he remembered the last person to touch him. He remembered Sousuke and his expressive eyes and his tattoos. And he also remembered his anger and hurt and his ignoring his messages and attempts to regain contact. He remembered it all in a rush that almost made him gasp and recoil and Kisumi's hand was removed then.

"There someone in Tokyo?"

Makoto watched then as Ren swung on the monkey bars and he swallowed. He had no one Tokyo now – Sousuke hated him and he'd fucked that relationship up entirely. And Kisumi… well, Kisumi was who he'd always been. Outgoing and fun and simple. There was no hidden baggage, no potential for the pain that he was feeling now and it would be so damn easy. Nothing had to happen, after all, and so Makoto shrugged.

"There was… it got complicated…"

Kisumi laughed again and Makoto saw the way his eyes crinkled and his hair flicked and he knew if anything happened he would be using Kisumi, using him for his familiarity and his easiness but then he didn't want to feel like he did. He wanted to escape it – wanted to not think of Sousuke's big hands and his smile and his voice…

"So…" Kisumi prompted and Makoto realised his mind had wandered.

"Yeah…"

"Nine then? Outside the ISC?"

Makoto's brain took a moment to figure out what ISC meant – working out it was Iwatobi Swim Club and he smiled – a true smile at his old friend.

"Sure…"

They talked more as they watched their siblings play, simple catching up stuff and Makoto swung his legs, rocking back and forth on the swing set as talking to Kisumi made him forget Sousuke. If only briefly.