Chapter Twenty Six
Thankfully, Haru wasn't home when Makoto stepped into their shared apartment. He shouted out for Haru and listened but there was no sign of him having returned. No sneakers in the doorway, no messenger bag and no light nor sound coming from his room. He walked to Haru's bedroom to see the doorway ajar and the bed empty and he then looked towards Sousuke who was removing his sneakers and hoodie by the door. There felt something right to Makoto seeing Sousuke in his apartment and that was difficult to articulate.
It felt like new territory – some form of deeper trust developing between them and he couldn't help smiling as he walked back over to Sousuke. His pace was slow and Makoto realised then in that moment how truly bone-achingly exhausted he was. There had been the excitement in the cold, in the streets, under the hazy glow of street lights but now he was in the heat and warmth and security of his home, albeit, his temporary Tokyo home, Makoto didn't feel the desire and lust. He felt something else.
As he reached Sousuke, Makoto wrapped his arms around him, and instead of lifting his head for a kiss, he nuzzled into the material of Sousuke's t-shirt, burying his nose into the soft fabric and breathing him in. Sousuke reciprocated, his arms around Makoto's body and the cold seeped out of their bodies in their combined warmth.
"Sousuke…" Makoto murmured softly, "do you mind if we… sleep?"
It felt so juvenile – like he was asking Sousuke for a sleep over or something else that was ridiculously cutesy and he almost blushed at his own idiocy. But this was the first time since they'd met, in the whirlwind of the Rush Hour Crush page that Makoto felt like he could relax, breathe and rest. The intensity had abated for once and it felt easy... simple.
"Fuck… I need sleep too," Sousuke mumbled and Makoto felt his nose in his hair as though he too was breathing him in. "I don't think I've slept properly in… forever."
The forever part was an exaggeration but Makoto got it – he felt the same and when he pulled back to look Sousuke in the eye, he saw how those dark circles around those blue eyes but also the sparkle in them and Makoto smiled.
"I'll show you my bedroom. There's food in the fridge – Haru cooks."
Leading Sousuke to his bedroom felt odd as Makoto, when he'd imagined this moment, it had all been lust filled clothes being flung on the floor and being pushed up against the wall and this was very sedate. Boring in comparison. When he opened the door, Makoto suddenly remembered the chaos of his room and how he'd left it before he'd gone to work. Sousuke's place had been small but Makoto had an impression that there was a place for everything and thus Sousuke would be offended by his untidiness.
"Ugh… I'll move some things," Makoto offered but Sousuke only chuckled.
"It's fine. Honestly. We can get to the bed, right?"
Makoto nodded and kicked at some clothing, moving it out of the way a little and clearing a path.
"You can borrow something to… sleep in…" Makoto offered but as he was offering, Sousuke had chosen that exact moment to remove his shirt, the gesture distracting as Makoto let his eyes wander over Sousuke's torso, over his tattoos and pectoral muscles, over his abs and he couldn't help but be drawn to certain images on his skin. The lotus blossom. The water. The koi he'd never noticed before. He took it in as Sousuke threw his shirt randomly on the floor and started to unbuckle his belt and jeans.
"I'll sleep in my boxers… if that's okay?"
Makoto nodded, a small smile on his face. "I'm too tired to jump you."
With a small snort of amusement, Sousuke removed his jeans, Makoto then starting to remove his own work uniform and letting it hit the laundry basket, overflowing with clothes, rather than leaving them randomly on the floor. He needed to do laundry, he needed to food shop, he needed to do so many domestic things and get his head back into school, but Makoto would think about that all soon. Not now.
Stripping down to his own underwear, Makoto decided not to bother with his usual baggy sleep shirt over his boxer briefs and he looked over his shoulder to see Sousuke was staring at his back, his eyes sharp and narrowed.
"Like something?"
Sousuke scratched at the back of his head, the gesture endearing to Makoto and then shrugged. "You know I do… but tonight we're just sleeping, right?"
"Yeah," Makoto murmured, "the bathrooms there if you want to…"
The offer was accepted and Makoto was glad of the brief moment Sousuke was out of his bedroom. He wanted to check whether he had dirty clothes hidden in the covers of his bed and he also wanted to check that the orca toy the twins had given him to "hug on the nights you miss home" was not in the covers either. He then straightened out the sheets a little.
If he'd known Sousuke was going to stay over, if he'd known they'd be together here, Makoto would've prepared better but it was all he could do and he sighed and went to the bathroom, stopping in the opened doorway as he watched Sousuke wash his face, brushing his hair back from his eyes.
"You can use my toothbrush," Makoto offered and he gave a half-hearted smile. "We've shared enough bodily fluids…"
The reference wasn't lost on Sousuke who gave a smirk back in response and he grabbed for the brush, Makoto watching the weirdly domestic scene. When he'd seen Sousuke stood on the platform, Makoto had thought it was just a stupid crush, something he wasn't prepared for and not anything that would turn into a relationship but watching Sousuke in his bathroom – his large form hunched over the sink, his body mostly naked there seemed something right and Makoto stepped forward, wrapping his arms around Sousuke from behind and looking at them both in the mirror.
Sousuke looked confused, the toothbrush in his mouth loosely but then he dropped it as Makoto gently ran his fingers across Sousuke's bare chest, touching one of the parts of his many tattoos.
"Why the lotus?"
It was close to his heart, the lotus, and Makoto couldn't help wondering. He knew enough about Sousuke to suspect some of the thoughts behind how he looked but not everything.
"You think it has meaning? You know, some of these were just Rin practising."
"I know," Makoto said replied, his fingers then reaching towards the whale shark that traced his shoulder and arm.
Sousuke sighed. "The lotus was because… they start out at the bottom of the pond, in the mud and then eventually…" Sousuke stopped and laughed. "Shit, it sounds so corny."
"Doesn't matter."
"Eventually they become this beautiful thing. I wasn't born in mud… I was born in this place where I was supressed and so…"
"You're waiting to bloom," Makoto finished as he could clearly see Sousuke's awkwardness.
"Sounds like a cheesy douche thing."
Meeting Sousuke's eyes through the mirror, Makoto shook his head. "What about the other's?"
"Which ones? I thought we were going to sleep," Sousuke replied, a teasing tone to his voice. "I think you've already figured out I have a lot…"
"True," Makoto replied and he let go, letting Sousuke move so he could brush his own teeth, Sousuke leaning against the counter as Makoto completed the task, his eyes far away and distant.
"I guess there's a story behind them all. Maybe one day I'll tell you them."
Makoto tried to not spit water and toothpaste all over the place at Sousuke's words – his voice as far away and distant as his eyes had been. "I'd like that," Makoto replied, wiping at his face and then leading the way back to his bedroom.
It did feel ever so slightly awkward as they navigated the still messy bedroom that was Makoto's habitat and all their previous sleep overs had ended up in passing out due to exhaustion or drunkenness. So they needed to negotiate the sleep arrangement. Makoto's bed wasn't that big and both of them were tall and broad so it took a small amount of time aligning limbs and getting bodies in place before Makoto dared reach to turn out the light.
As soon as it seemed they were both situated, Makoto turned it off and moved a little closer to Sousuke, pleased when he shifted and Makoto shifted in turn so they ended up spooning, Makoto feeling Sousuke's body around him and Sousuke's face buried in his shoulder.
Desire did rumble under the surface then, the touch of nearly naked skin, close and perfect, but Makoto also felt so exhausted that he barely thought he could manage to stay awake much longer and so he merely lay back and revelled in the touch, their legs now entwined.
"The star..." Makoto mumbled sleepily, "you said get the nautical star."
"The star means a lot… like you said how lost you were in Tokyo and I thought… you know, maybe it would guide you, help you find your way…" Sousuke's voice sounded just as sleepy and Makoto could feel his lips move against his skin. "And… there's other meanings but…"
Sousuke yawned and Makoto didn't press anymore, the need to sleep making him drowsy especially in the warmth of Sousuke's arms.
"No one made me feel like this before," Makoto said, his exhaustion almost making him drunk and if he'd been more awake, he was sure he would've made a mental note to hit himself for his cheesiness.
"Hmm?"
Words seemed no longer possible for Sousuke as the "hmm" was grunted out, low and throaty, barely resembling language and Makoto elaborated, finding where Sousuke's hands were resting and twining their fingers together.
"Safe."
It was really too hot in the bed. Makoto was more used to spreading out and having one leg out of the covers at least, and really, Makoto normally would've wanted to sleep as far away as possible from someone rather than snuggling in close but this night was different. Maybe it was the cold from outside, maybe it was because they'd talked but Makoto didn't want to move a muscle – he wanted to stay with his legs tangled up in Sousuke's, with Sousuke's heavy breathing against his skin and he wanted Sousuke's arms around him, comforting in the solidity.
After the nights of uncertainty, guilt and regret, the comfort of Sousuke in his bed was all Makoto needed to sleep completely peacefully, his breathing levelling out and his mind drifting off, his restlessness gone in the security of being with Sousuke. And the knowledge he'd not fucked it all up as he'd d thought he had.