"Planning on staying overnight here on protection duty?"
The door to Rose's hospital room closed behind me and I looked up, at first surprised to see Tasha still here at the hospital. Then I caught a look at the bags in her hands and remembered she'd said something about bringing clothes back for Lissa, Rose, and Christian.
I rubbed at the back of my aching neck. Even though I was sitting in one of those plastic hospital chairs I somehow ended up falling asleep. "Well, Stan did unofficially ask me to work as an extra pair of eyes," I answer, my voice still thick with sleep.
It was a little disorienting waking up not only in an uncomfortable chair in the hospital, especially since I didn't mean to fall asleep, but it was even more disorienting waking up and finding Rose was gone.
"You would have done it even if he hadn't asked you," she said with certainty.
The fact that she was right almost made me blush a little. Am I that predictable or just over protective? Is it the cop in me that will never go away? I would have thought about it more if I wasn't still trying to shake off sleep, if I wasn't worried about where Rose was, and if I hadn't heard the odd bitter, almost disappointed note in Tasha's voice.
"Are you okay?"
She looked at me for a second without saying anything. Just as quickly the moment was over and she seemed to come to some sort of realization.
"You're a good man, Dimitri. Practically a hero." She exhaled heavily through her nose and muttered almost inaudibly, "I just don't understand it."
"Understand what?"
She thought for another moment, her light blue eyes staring unblinkingly at me, until she shook her head as if shaking whatever she'd been thinking about away. "Nothing."
I would have pressed the subject because something was definitely wrong but I had to find Rose first.
"I'll just leave Rose and Lissa's things here," she said gesturing to Rose's hospital room behind me.
I start to move aside so that she can go in. "Thank you for doing this. I know they really appreciate it. We all do. It means a lot."
"I felt kind of...helpless. My brother is hurt and there is nothing I can do about it except help where I can. I still can't believe this happened," she sighed under her breath. "I was so scared when I got the call..."
I could relate. The fear that ran though me when Lissa first told me Rose was missing was something I'd only felt one other time in my life, when I go the dispatch call about my father threatening my mother's life with a gun. It's an indescribable, unimaginable feeling of fear and I never want to experience it again.
"I know what you mean. You have no idea how relieve I am that Christian is okay and that he was able to save Rose...really..." I couldn't even put it into words.
Tasha, who had been listening and nodding, suddenly stopped and froze. I had the feeling that whatever she had prevented herself from telling me before was about to come out now. She was looking up at me as if something had suddenly occurred to her, as if a question she' been thinking about for a while now was finally answered.
"It's been her all this time...hasn't it?"
I could feel the confusion settling on my face. Before I could say anything, she continued.
"Before I left earlier, I came back to ask Rose and Lissa if there was anything specific they wanted me to pack but then I saw you when you were sitting with her." She'd seen me close and comforting Rose. "That night that you told me we shouldn't date anymore, when I asked you if it was someone else you said it was complicated...it's Rose. Isn't it?"
It was more of a statement that a question but I answered anyway.
"She means a lot to me."
I hated hurting someone's feelings, especially someone who had feelings for me but I had told myself to always stick to honesty and that was what I had to do. Stay honest. Not just to others but also to myself.
Tasha exhaled deeply and combed her fingers from her hair pushing it out of her face. "I don't believe this..." she muttered under her breath.
Neither do I.
It's insane. it's crazy. Believe me, I know. There are a gallon of reasons why I shouldn't have feelings like this for Rose. I felt the need to explain, to assure Tasha I wasn't trying to hurt anyone or cause any trouble but then I realized that I don't have to. The way I feel is just that: my feelings. No one else's. No one's business but my own.
"These last few months have been chaotic. I hate that Christian is involved in this now and I hate that your involved in this too in a way and I apologize for that."
She exhaled again, tiredly this time. "It has been a crazy few months," she agreed. I had the feeling she was starting to except what I was telling her. I hoped she would then we could put all of these feelings on the back burner and focus on the more important things right now. "I can't even...believe..." her voice had a hitch in it and she started to sob, full body wracking shaking, trembling sobs.
She dropped the bags she'd been holding and brought her hands to her face. I reach out to comfort her and she stumbles into me. When I hold her at arm's length to steady her that's when it happens. It's easier for her than it had been for Rose because she's a lot taller. She reaches to clasp my face between her hands and...
She kisses me.
I've been kissed by surprise twice now.
They both caught me off guard. The difference was that this kiss just wasn't right. When Rose had kissed me I had been shocked, yeah, but I realized I had only been surprised by how much I'd wanted to kiss her back. This kiss with Tasha was nothing like that. Tasha is beautiful, smart, funny and reminds me a lot of Christian and that's the problem. She's someone I can only see as a friend. She's not the girl that I had indescribable feelings for. Maybe this was just Tasha being too overwhelmed with everything going on. Maybe this is the shock of her only brother being the hospital. It's possible but this is a kiss that feels like more than someone seeking comfort and it's just not right.
All the while I'm thinking about this I realize we're still pressed together, lips and all.
Just as I'm pulling away, gently so that Tasha doesn't stumble too far back and fall, there's a a loud gasp and the sputtering of someone trying to form words. Tasha and I pull away in enough time to see Rose collapse as my mother stands in shock.
Oh no...
No...no...no
I've said it a lot tonight but I have to say it again: This can't be happening...
My mother recovers from shock quickly at the sound of Rose's body hitting the floor and is already kneeling beside her by the time I reach them. There's a second of delay and then I hear Tasha behind me and she appears, kneeling above Rose's head.
"I-Is she alright?"
"What happened?" I ask anxiously as my mother probes the back of Rose's head where it connected with the hard floor.
"She passed out, fainted. She shouldn't have tried to move so soon. Must've been exhaustion...and shock," she added quietly but loud enough for me to hear. She flicked her eyes between Tasha and I before focusing on Rose.
Rose had seen Tasha and I...
"Let's get her up and back into bed."
My mother lifted out side while I supported her head and the rest of her body. Tasha looked frozen, hesitant to touch her. She was kneeling on the floor and only stood when she realized my mother and I were now standing.
I laid Rose back into her bed gently as my mother attached an IV back into her arm as well as a heart monitor to her finger.
"Do me a favor, " she said as we worked tucking Rose back into the bed. She pressed a button beside the bed, paging one of the nurses. "Go down the hall to the front desk and tell the nurse to bring the medication I prescribe earlier. She'll know what I'm taking about," she said to Tasha without looking at her.
Despite what my mother had told me about not getting attached to Rose, about not letting Rose get attached to me, it was clear that she wasn't happy about what she and Rose had seen.
Tasha nodded stiffly and then left with only a quick glance to me and Rose without a word.
"Roll her to the side so I can check her head for any further damage." She cursed under her breath as I helped to position Rose on her side. "I didn't mean to let her fall but needless to say I was a little surprised to find...to see...you and...we both were," she says confusingly.
I start to explain what happened but another question comes out of my mouth instead. "Is she going to be alright? What happened? Why wasn't she in bed?"
My mother explains that she went to talk to Christian and to check on Lissa who I failed to realize never came back because I had fallen asleep. "And I just told her..." my mother sighs and gently tells me to roll Rose onto her back again. "I just finished telling her that-"
"Here's the medication," the nurse says as she walking into the room interrupting my mother. Tasha is trailing behind her, setting the bags full of clothes she'd brought in a chair and standing in a far corner of the room.
"We should do an X-Ray to make sure she didn't do any more damage to the head. Her breathing is steady and so is her heart rate but I want to be sure she wakes up," she tells the nurse as they work to maneuver Rose out of the room for x-rays. I walk toward them ready to follow but my mother instructs me to stay here. I don't miss the look that she sends Tasha before they leave the room.
The second their gone, Tasha is standing in front of me. "I didn't know they were standing there. I wouldn't have...I was just..."
I hold up a hand stopping her. "It's alright. I know. You were just...upset. But that won't happen again," I tell her firmly so that it's clear. "I am really sorry that you and Christian are involved in this and if you ever need my help you know without a doubt that you can call me but that's it. If we're really friends, you'll respect that."
I don't know what Tasha had been expecting me to say but from the look on her face it hadn't been that.
"Of course. I'm just sorry that this happened."
"So am I," I murmur.
"I should slap you. I feel like slapping you."
I feel my eyes widen in surprise as my mother paces in front of me.
She can't possibly be any more emotional about this than I am.
"I mean, really, Dimka?! How could you do that? Right here...in front of Rose's room in the hospital?! I need a drink. I need to go home and drink..."
I put my hands on her shoulders to stop her from pacing. Today was a truly long, difficult day and I could see how worn out my mother was. The fact that she saw when Tasha kissed me wasn't helping.
"Is Rose going to be okay?"
My mother, breathed in through her nose and seemed to calm down a bit realizing how worried I am. "She'll be fine. I recommend that she stays here for a couple of more days to be monitored but her scans showed nothing life threatening or any permanent damage. The nurses will bring her back to room in a few minutes."
"That's good," I sighed in relief until my mother surprised me with what she said next.
"Yes it's good but...I don't think you should be here when she comes back, Dimka."
"What? Why?"
For the first time in my life, my mother looked like she was going to yell out me, tell me all the obvious reasons why: Rose saw Tasha and I kissing and then fainted.
Instead, her exhaustion must have won over how upset she was. She spoke in the same calm one she'd always used with me. "I understand now. I didn't see it before but...I understand now, between you and Rose."
She sighed tiredly and rubbed at her eyes before speaking again, no longer using her motherly tone, instead opting for her no non-sense doctor tone. "You're older than her. Not by much but significantly considering she's seventeen. She's been through quite the ordeal and the last thing she should be thinking about right now are matters of the heart. At first, I thought it was just that you two spent so much time together she was becoming unhealthily attached to you and since I raised you right, you didn't push her away. But I saw how you were with her tonight and I was talking with Rose when we saw...well...you know. I think you've been good for her and she's been good for you."
I can already see that this conversation isn't going to end the way I want it to. I hold up my hand, stopping my mother before she can say anymore. I explain exactly what happened with Tasha and the misunderstanding my mother and Rose had thought they'd seen. I almost laugh at how much the tense expression on her face relaxes once she understands.
"Talk about bad timing," she murmurs.
"You can say that again."
My mother takes a deep breath and before I know it, her serious doctor expression is back in place again.
"Any relationship between you two right now would unconventional. Rose needs to recover. I'll explain what happened to her once she wakes up but you should keep your distance for a little while. She needs to focus on recovering."
Feeling stubborn and a little frustrated at this point I unthinkingly snap. "You're the one that sent her to me to help her recover from what happened before," I remind her.
The seriousness of her expression doesn't falter once. "Yes, I did. And you helped her like I knew you would. A little more help than I imagine but still. This is different. People are trying to kill her and one of the biggest cases this town has ever seen is building up. This is serious Dimitri and-"
"You don't think I know that? Believe me, I can't imagine what Lissa, Rose, or Vika went through.
"I'm glad to hear you say that. I know I raised you right," she repeats. "But ever since your father, you've pushed people away, especially us."
I wanted to argue that wasn't true but I couldn't without lying.
"I don't...no. I won't see you do the same to Rose."
"I wouldn't do that," I respond, a little harsher than I intend to.
When I talked to Viktoria the other day, she reminded me how much I pulled away from basically everyone. She said I could be in the same room with someone but I felt millions of miles away. I hadn't realized how much I'd pulled away until she told me. It really sunk in when I evaluated how much I let Rose in and vice versa. Our experiences were both horrible and different but we understood. It was scary at first, realizing how close I'd become to someone other than my family but I realized I didn't like feeling so far away from everyone else. Being distant and far away is something I don't want to go back to.
"It's different with Rose. It's hard to explain but...it's different. I won't abandon her, if that's what you're worried about."
"I'm not asking you to abandon her. I know you'd never do that. In fact, that's kind of what I was talking to Rose about. I even told her how I thought you two would be good for each other in the long run."
If this wasn't such a serious conversation, I'm sure my face would be flush with embarrassment, my mother going as far to have a heart to heart about feelings between Rose and I.
My mother stepped closer told me, holding my face between her hands the way she use to when I was younger. She was wearing her caring, motherly expression again.
"I didn't approve of how much time you guys were spending together at first but now that I've seen you two together with my own eyes, I give my blessing on this...unorthodox relationship, I do, but right now I think it's best if you just wait until Rose is out of the hospital at least, give her some space to recover. I'll explain the misunderstanding for you but you have to give her some space."
This was something I could understand. Rose had enough on her plate already. Even though I want nothing more than to hover over her, like an unofficial bodyguard, I know I have to give it time, a little distance, and then we'll work through everything we have to.
A/N: Next chapter soon to follow!