Hey everyone! I've had this idea in my mind for a while based on the play "The Caretaker" by Harold Pinter. Of course a good bit of this is based off my personal life too (this chapter doesn't have a lot of detail but if I continue it will). Told in Cartman's POV. Anyways, please enjoy!

"What the FUCK, Kahl?!"

"Please, Cartman. Just do this one thing for me and I PROMISE I will pay you back as SOON as I get-"

"$150?! What the FUCK?"

I yelled again into the receiver. I heard a sigh on the other end.

"Like I said, I can pay you back as soon as tomorrow!"

"Like this is REALLY what I wanted to do on my Friday, Kahl!" I yelled, still in shock at the scenario.

"Why should I TRUST a JEW to pay me back money?" I continued to rant. "And why can't you filthy little Jews just stay out of trouble?! I TOLD you that you were drinking too much last night, but did your drunk, Jew-ass listen? NO!"

"And you were right, Cartman. And I'm really sorry," Kyle said. He paused. "But this was just one mistake. I promise I'll be more careful in the future with my drinking."

I was still in shock that the Jew actually got arrested. Sure, Kyle's a dirty Jew that has always been up to no good, but he used to be a sneaky dirty Jew. I guess he fucked up so bad that the cops couldn't help but notice him turning left on a red light last night. Still, all of this was not like the Kyle I grew up with. I should've known better than to move in with the Jew when we first got to college, then I wouldn't be dealing with all this unnecessary bullshit.

After the ginger didn't hear anything from me, he continued to plead pathetically :

"Please, Cartman. You're all I have right now. My parents would kill me and never talk to me again if I ask them to bail me out. Please…."

I sighed. "If Butters agrees to split it with me on the bail, then I GUESS I can try and get over there, when I can….." I mumbled. Of course, this basically meant that I was going to do it, as it's just as easy to trick Butters into doing anything as it is to steal candy from a baby.

"Thank you, Cartman." I heard Kyle say. I swear, he sounded cold-sober, but I know that wasn't the case several hours ago.

"This really means a lot to me."

SIX MONTHS EARLIER

"Eric, may I have a word with you?" Dr. DaMejo asked me on the side after he dismissed the class.

"Yes, Dr. Demejo?"

"Eric, you're usually very punctual with sending in your excel homework to me."

My mind started racing. Is he insinuating I'm not?

"Uh, thank you?" I said, in more of a questioning tone, since I'm trying to figure out what my Inferential Statistics professor is alluding to.

"But you were supposed to turn in the last one Monday, Eric."

And it's Wednesday. Fuck.

"I do apologize, Dr. DeMejo." I respond, sounding as sincere as I possibly can. "Things have gotten a little… How shall I say…. Disorganized, lately. Although I know that is not an excuse."

Dr. D nodded, his beady eyes showing sympathy through his thick glasses.

"I understand, Eric." He said. "And I believe you. Because, like I said, you always turn in your excel projects in on time, sometimes ahead of the deadline." He paused, starting to change his tone. "But you know your lack of organization will only hurt you later on, if you want to be an actuary."

"I know, Dr. DeMejo." I replied. "And that is something I am aware of and am working on." I really did mean what I said this time.

"So will this afternoon be okay to turn in the homework?" I asked, starting to walk backwards to the exit.

"That's fine Eric."

As I'm walking back to the dorm that sunny day, I get a text from Kenny.

K: Hey

C: Sup poor boy?

K: Can you do me a favor?

Ohhh boy, here we go. Kenny has been getting on my nerves lately- more than usual.

Two years ago me, Kenny, Stan and Kyle all moved into an apartment dorm suite on campus at South Park University. For the most part, things were okay, I mean I guess.

Kyle stowed away in his room and studied like a nerd and occasionally hung out with Stan. Stan became a frat boy but spent more time with that bitch Wendy than he did with his gay fraternity. And Kenny just partied and rebelled, making sure to keep plenty of weed and booze in his room. Most of the time he passed his classes, usually with C's. When I asked him why he picked English for his major, my white trash roommate responded, "Because, man. English is easy as fuck!"

Lazy piece of shit.

Stan chose business and Kyle chose international business, so the two fags shared some classes together. Towards Stan's last semester on campus, though, he wanted to study less and less with Kyle. Kyle thought that was because his faggy boyfriend was breaking up with him, and in a way he did. He purposed to Wendy right at the end of the semester.

Wanting to move in with his new fiancé, Stan moved out of the dorms and into an apartment off campus with the femi-Nazi Wendy. It was no surprise that Butters was eager to take Stan's room, and so he just moved in two months ago. How is living with Butters? It has it's fucking annoying moments, but it's okay, I guess. At least, he never wakes me up in the middle of the night with his drunken antics, unlike SOME of my roommates….

K: Can you wake up Kyle when you get back?

I read Kenny's text a couple of times. While walking, I texted back:

C: What am I, his fucking myum?

I was getting real tired of this shit. Do this for Kyle, do that for Kyle. It wasn't like this at all when Stan was here, but after he moved out the Jew spent more and more time with Kenny, going out and partying with him and opening up more socially. Normally I don't give a flying fuck, but when it starts interfering with MY life- like waking me up or asking me to act like someone's fucking myum- THEN we have a problem.

K: Kyle has a test at 2:00. Think he forgot to set his alarm clock.

I looked at the clock in my cell phone. 12:34. Jesus fucking Christ.

C: Why the fuck did you all go out last night if he had a fucking test the next day?!

K: I was going out anyways, he decided to come along.

Then after a second, he sent another text:

K: He didn't tell me he had a test until before he passed out last night. LOL

LOL….. Yeah, real fucking funny, poor boy. I guess this is what I get for living with fucking ass-hats.

Jesus fucking Christ.

What do you think? If I continue this story, it's going to get VERY dark and morbid, as I always put in certain aspects of my life into my work lol. Please lmk what you thought!