"...issued arrest warrants for Jesse Zecklos and Charlie Drozdov for attempted murder earlier this month. Mayor Ivashkov's children, Adrian and Camille Ivashkov, were brought in for questioning to the alleged crime as well as three other teens associated with the two suspects. The teens had been formally questioned before about the sexual assault of another teen..."

Yeva walked into the Belikov living room and immediately turned the TV off.

"Yeva, we were watching that," Sonya complained gesturing to the TV that had just been shut off.

"It's Christmas Eve. If you're going to watch something, watch something happy," she scolded in a tone that said this wasn't up for discussion.

Everyone in the room seemed to a agree because no one said anything more about wanting to hear the rest of the news report. It was all over the news. Although it had taken Stan some time to put the formal documents into work—there were so many people resistant to put Mayor Ivashkov kids in a bad spotlight—he was finally able to make a huge step forward in the case. Stan sent out official arrest warrants for Jesse and Charlie and brought in everyone involved for formal questioning instead of the unofficial questioning that everyone had resisted and mostly refused before.

The moment he'd told us about the warrants being sent out and the questioning taking place, I'd felt weights being lifted from my shoulders and once I'd looked at Liss and Viktoria I could see they felt the same. It was even more of a relief to hear that they probably wouldn't make bail, especially with the testimony that I feared for my life.

I had nightmares about Jesse and Charlie leaving town before they could be officially brought in or hiding out somewhere in town so that they can come and finish what they'd started. I woke up screaming from a nightmare about them being granted bail and then setting out to kill me. Come to think of it, most of my nightmares lately have been about all of them coming to find me and kill me.

I've had so many nightmares lately with so many scenarios of Lissa, Viktoria, or myself being strangled or stabbed or shot or run over...

Nightmares of waking up with one of them on top of me, holding me down...

When I told Lissa about my nightmares—after she came running into my bedroom while I was screaming from one particularly bad nightmare—she said the nightmares were happening because of the idea that they had purposefully set out to kill me was finally sinking in.

She had nightmares too sometimes but mostly she's so exhausted—pregnancy symptom mixed with stress—she sleeps through the night. We talked to Viktoria about it too but her mom has made her go to her therapist friend and she said she's been sleeping relatively okay.

So it's just me.

Lissa and I have both been putting off going to see a therapist or counselor or whatever to talk to. Our reasoning was that now wasn't the best time considering how busy we were with trying to help Stan, Lissa's doctor's appointments, my check ups, and that I'm still healing and neither of us has a car any more.

When I do have nightmares, Lissa stays in the room with me. She doesn't say anything, gives no reassurances. I hear her foot steps from where she's walking from my room—I decided to sleep in my mom's room—to my mom's room. She pulls back the covers and scoots in close beside me, small barely noticeable baby bump and all.

Sometimes when she's sleeping too deeply to hear me even when I wake up screaming, I call Dimitri.

There was no weird transition period or an official announcement. Dimitri and I are just...together. It's hard to explain because nothing's really changed between us. He's still easy to talk to, someone I can tell anything to, someone I can rely for help. The differences are that when we are together he reaches for my hand. He doesn't grab for it or force my hand into his and I know it's because he doesn't want to push me.

Us being together is, for lack of a better word, unconventional. We haven't exactly had a normal start and neither of us really knows what to do considering I'm a rape victim. There's a small fear we both have over how I'll react to someone, a guy being so close and so affectionate to me.

The last time I'd dated anyone...well obvious it hasn't ended well.

The only thing we know, the only thing we're focusing on are the facts: we like each other and we're going to take things slow.

And we're not even really dating. We haven't had real, official dates of going out to dinner, movies and dancing. And it sounds weird to say we're dating. We just talk. The only way anyone would know that we're even together is if they saw one of the moments where Dimitri is holding my hands between his or where one of the moments where we're leaning close to each talking without realizing we'd ever moved or one of the times Dimitri brushed my hair out of my face or kissed me on the forehead, cheek, or on top of my head.

I haven't worked at the studio lately, for obvious reasons, but that doesn't stop us from spending less time together. Dimitri drops by the house after he closes the studio or one of his sister's will pick me up on their way into the city so that I could see him.

"Isn't this a little weird?" I asked after Sonya dropped me off one day.

"Is what weird?" he asked pulling my chair from around his desk so that I was sitting in front of him.

"I mean...doesn't your family think it's weird that we're dating? I know that your mom is oddly okay with it but what about everyone else."

"Did Sonya says something to you? Where is this coming from?" he asked, understandably confused considering we've never talked about what other people thought before.

"No, nothing bad."

Sonya rarely said anything on the few times she picked me up. She made small talk and cursed at the occasional driver on the road but there was usually a quiet comfortable silence. Today when she had dropped me off, as I was getting out of the car, happy to see Dimitri, she asked, "You really like my brother, don't you? Despite this mess you're in...you really like him?"

I hesitated, unsure about where she was going with this. And then I nodded yes. "Yeah, I really like him."

She faced away from me, looking out the window. I thought that was an end to the conversation and was about to ask if it was okay with her that I liked him when she threw another question at me. "It doesn't scare you being with him even after...?" She asked as if it was something that had bothered her or she'd been curious about for a while.

I immediately shook my head and blushed as I gave my honest answer. "He makes me feel safe."

She seemed satisfied by my answer. She nodded to herself and then put the car in drive and took off before I could thank her for the ride.

After I told Dimitri about Sonya's questions, his face pulled up into a one-sided smile, a rare boyish smile I had yet to see on him. "My sister, the protector."

"What?"

"That was her own way of checking out the girl her brother is dating. She'd never admit it but Sonya is just as overprotective and caring as Karo," he explained. "My family and I met you under..."

"weird," I filled in while he searched for a word to describe how we'd met.

"Weird circumstances," he continued though he didn't seem satisfied with my word, "but they like you. Almost as much as I like you."

Dimitri smiled, clearly amused by his sister's version of an interrogation.

I smiled too, blushing, despite my embarrassment of having to tell Sonya how much I liked her brother. My smile fell though as my worried started to build.

"What if they only approve of us because they feel bad for me, because of what I've been through?"

Dimitri is prepared to assure my worries. He held his hands open and patiently waited for me to place my hands in them. They were warm as always with their usual calluses and my hands seemed to fit perfectly in them. He brought my hands to lips and—just like in the hospital—kissed them.

I'm sure even Dimitri could hear my heart beating out of my chest every time he did that.

"My family approves of you because they can see that you make me happy. I feel like a bit of my old self when I'm with you."

If my heart was pounding before, it's practically jumping around in my chest now. I can feel the blood rushing to my cheeks in a heavy blush.

I know I shouldn't care what people think but considering the circumstances, I can't help it. Even Stan—who had no real qualms about Dimitri and I despite being a cop—warned us about being affectionate in public because of how it might look to the case that I suddenly have someone I'm seeing.

I suddenly realize something though. Though everyone seems generally okay with us, I shouldn't care what anyone thinks because I make Dimitri feel like his old self, like the guy he was before the shooting.

And he does the same thing for me.

I lean forward and kiss him. I aim for his cheek but I end up kissing his lower jaw that's neatly unshaven and tickles against my skin sending tingled through my body. I don't care what people think because I'm grateful that I even have someone who can make me feel this way, that can make me feel these great things I can't describe and feel good about myself.

I have Dimitri.

"Dinner is almost ready everyone," Olena announced from the kitchen.

It sort of amazed me how she worked as a doctor and was still a happy mom willing to cook a full holiday dinner for her family. The few times my mother wasn't working during the holidays, she'd always try to make dinner herself. It never turned out well but it was the thought that mattered and that she was home.

She hasn't called in weeks and I keep wondering where she is, worrying that she isn't alright. I asked Stan if he could look into it and he said he would but so far nothing's come up. As mad as I am that she isn't here with me, I'm even more worried.

Dimitri slides his hand under mine and helps me up from the couch. I've healed pretty nicely the last few weeks but I'm still a little achy and sore. We walk through the living room toward the back patio. Karolina is playing with the kids, Sonya is in the kitchen helping her mother, grandmother and Viktoria, and Lissa and Christian are talking on the couch.

The Belikovs also invited Tasha here tonight too but she said she might not be able to stop by because she had to finish preparing for her and Christian's parents to arrive later. I wondered if she was just avoiding being around Dimitri and I.

Would I feel weird about seeing her?

A little but only because I feared it'd be awkward.

Since the hospital I only ever saw Tasha the few times she'd dropped Christian off at the house so that he could hang out for a while. There was no awkwardness or anything. She said 'Hi' and then left, just like that.

I feared it'd be different if she was in the same room with Dimitri and I.

"What's wrong?" Dimitri asked once we'd made it outside. It had snowed like crazy the last few nights but now it was just cold. The snow piled high in the Belikov's backyard. Dimitri leaned beside me at the railing. He slipped his gloves off of his hands as he waited for me to say something.

"Nothing. Why?"

Not buying it, he lifted a brow as he slid the gloves to my hands. They were still warm from when his hands had been inside.

"Is it about the newscast?"

I shook my head. "I was thinking about my mom," I admitted. It was only a partial lie.

"Still no word? Not even through Stan?"

"Nope. I think she left Montana." I slip one of the gloves off of my hand so that we each have at least one warm hand. He smiles slightly and then clasps each of our ungloved hands together to keep warm.

"Has she done that before?"

"A couple of times but she's always called. Less frequent but she'd call. What could she be doing?"

I imagined the worst: drinking herself to sleep, sitting alone in some motel room...

Dimitri slowly reeled me in front of him so that he was hugging me from behind. Lately, this is where I feel safest. My house, at one point, was my safe haven. It was the one place I didn't have to let anyone in, especially when my mother was gone constantly working. Adrian and his friends managed to ruin that. My home went from being a safe haven, a place I could curl into a ball and from the world if I wanted to.

Now it's a place for me to have nightmares, a place where I no longer sitting up waiting for my mother because I know she's not coming home this time; somewhere I can't hide out of fear that one day Adrian will find a way to get past the patrol car constantly out front and get to me.

Lissa being there made it a little less scary.

Lately, I've only felt completely at ease, completely safe and hidden in Dimitri's arms.

It sounds more than cliché and cheesy but it's true. All of those romance novels Liss and I sue to read were right: there's no place better than in the arms of someone who makes you feel safe.

Dimitri sighs, exhaling so deeply that it blows my hair a bit. He leans down to rest his chin gently on my shoulder, slightly leaning his head against my own.

"I want to assure you that she's alright and that she'll be back soon," he tells me, with what sounds like guilt in his voice as if it's his fault she took off.

"It's not like it's your fault she left. Why do you sound so guilty?" I ask, almost amused.

"Without even knowing her, I was so sure she was the type of mother that would stick the tough situations out with her daughter. I was the one that told you it would be fine once you talked to her and let her in one what was going on."

Despite the heavy remorse in his voice, I can't help laughing dryly. "My mother's not stupid. She knew something bigger was going on than that lame story I'd told her about being mugged. The first time I went to the police and reported Adrian for trying to attack me, my mother was fine. She went with me and comforted me and everything. She lost two of her jobs because of the 'rumors' I'd started...no one in a town this small wants to use the mother of the girl who tried to put the mayor's son under fire. I'd be like taking sides."

"And everyone believed Ivashkov because he's the mayor son."

"Exactly. My mother kept saying that as long as the truth is out there, it doesn't matter if any one believes it now. She was trying her best to be strong and make me feel better but I could see what it was doing to her. She cried sometimes at night or I'd walk into a room and she'd be trying to wipe the tears from her face. She mentioned something about being sad and sorry that she wasn't able to protect me. I didn't really know what to say to that...I think I told her it wasn't her fault or anything...I was blaming myself a little for being so stupid but she never brought it up again. At least until that day I brought her down to the police station."

"She hates that she couldn't protect you," Dimitri points out, understanding.

I nod. "I think it hurts more that she didn't protect me from men trying to hurt me. My grandmother use to say that when my father took off, it really left a lasting impression on my mother. She said something about men giving her unwanted attention when she was young because she was pretty but they always ended up hurting her. I'm pretty sure she told me that so that I wouldn't go through the same thing. Look how that turned out," I say dryly. "It's not like this is my first Christmas without her but I miss her."

I leaned all of my weight back against Dimitri and he adjusted so that his chin rested on top of my head.

He didn't say some of the snow across the back yard.

"Christmas is tomorrow which means New Years is around the corner," he points out. I listened, waiting for him to continue with whatever point he was going to make. "And with the New Year comes a fresh start."

"You think so?" I skeptically ask. "I kind of hoped that some miracle would happen and all of this would be over by the end of the year."

"We're doing better than we were a few weeks ago. Jesse and Charlie are behind bars, Stan is trying to find a sympathetic judge that will issue arrest warrants for everyone else that conspired with Adrian, Jesse, and Charlie. I talked to him earlier today and he said that even though Mrs. Ivashkov is representing them, he thinks he can get them to cave or at least admit that there were other involved. They won't want to take the full wrap to cover for someone else, not with their lives on the line."

"You don't know how loyal they are," I sigh. "I'm sure Adrian and Camille have convinced their crew that they're protected by association with the mayor. Jesse and Charlie won't say a word."

"You never know," Dimitri pushes, optimistically.

"Anyone that's been allowed into the Ivashkov's inner circle doesn't turn or betray them," I say with certainty.

All of my certainty flies out the window when Dimitri points out, "You did. And so did Lissa and Vika. You all turned against them."

"Only after we realize a little too late what it costs to be a part of their inner circle."

"Yes, unfortunately the three of you paid the worst price and I hate that it happened but now you're trying to stop this from happening to anyone else. You guys weren't willing to continue paying the price so that Adrian and Camille could be satisfied and maybe if Stan can convince them to see that the Ivashkovs are only looking after themselves, Jesse and Charlie won't want to go down without taking their conspirators with them."

I hoped so. I hoped that Jesse and Charlie weren't crazy enough to sped a good majority of their lives in jail to protect Adrian and Camille.

I tipped my head back to look up at Dimitri. "You really are Mr. Zen and Optimistic, aren't you?"

"I try," he says with shrug, smiling slightly.

For the moment, I opted to leave behind my pessimism and be as hopeful as Dimitri. "Who knows, maybe you're right and Christmas miracle will occur."

"Speaking of Christmas..." his voice trails off and I look up at him to follow his gaze to the mistletoe hanging from the overhanging patio awning. It's not just one mistletoe but over a dozen hanging at different points from the awning. "I think Karo's gone a little too far with her Christmas cheer."

I laugh, taking a moment to look at the decorations around me that I hadn't really see when I first came in to the house. From out here, I could see multi colored Christmas lights strung around the backyard fence stretch all the way to the roof of the house. There were plastic Santa's, snowmen, reindeer, and Christmas trees sitting and hanging in every open space possible. Drawings that Paul had done in school were hung up on the walls along the inside of the house from what I could see.

"This isn't even her worst," Dimitri jokes.

"It's amazing," I exclaim, unable to stop myself from giggling for the first time in what feels like forever ago. Usually during Christmas, I would just paste a few Santa's on the windows and hang up our stockings and my mother would slip my gift inside and grab the gif I left her before she went to work. Considering Jesse and Charlie tried to kill me and Christian while I was on my way to buy decorations, I didn't decorate the house this year.

"You know, I've never been caught under a mistletoe before. I thought it only happened in books and movies."

"Too cliché?" he asks, amused.

"A little corny," I nod.

"So I shouldn't kiss you then?"

I loosened Dimitri's hold from around me and I turned to face him. Suddenly I'm breathless and having trouble focusing on which words should come out of my mouth. My heart can't choose between beating erratically, drumming inside my chest until it falls out or stopping completely.

Dimitri's kissed me before.

On the forehead, cheeks, the top of my head, my nose, my hands...everywhere but my lips.

In fact the only time our lips have ever touched has been when I forced my kiss on him a while back. It sounds silly but one of my biggest fears is that I move in to kiss him on the lips and he pushes me away again.

And even though I know he's being slow and patient with me because of what I've been through, I'm scared.

I'm afraid that through a real kiss, he'll come to some realization that us being together is wrong or weird or he'll see how damaged I really am and not want to deal with these ridiculous horror movie of a drama my life has become.

I don't even know if I feel ready for this yet.

It's not like I don't want him to kiss me...in fact...I want to see what it's like...

I've thought about it, I've imagine it, I've tossed the idea of it over in my head along with my worries too many times to count.

No more thinking, no more fear.

I need to let go, step away from all of my fears, nightmares, and bad memories and take a step toward Dimitri, toward the idea of a future where I can feel and be normal again.

Dimitri is waiting patiently, looking down at me and leaving all the decision to me.

I think of all those times I've wanted to kiss him but couldn't. "I-I I'd like it if you kissed me," I say a little breathless. It comes out half hoarse and half whisper.

Even though we're standing mostly in the dark, lit only by the Christmas lights, I can see the light shade of brown Dimitri's eyes are. His eyes are the last thing I think about before he leans down and kisses me. He brushes his lips against my own, so feather soft that it tickles. He's giving me the choice to decide just how far this kiss goes and how long. The brush of his lips is enough to make me want just a little more.

His ungloved hand tilts my chin up gently and our noses brush together. This is where I can decide to avert my face so that he only kisses my cheek or...

I move my face up until our lips completely touch.

I've only read about feeling an electric shock, a thrill that runs through your body when kissing someone. This was something else. This was a mix of warmth, elation, a small amount of fear and hesitation dancing inside around me. The fear and hesitation slowly faded each moment the kiss continued.

By the time Dimitri pulled away, I was left breathless again.

"I...very much like it when you kiss me," I mutter, trying to catch my breath. The fact that I even managed to form a complete coherent sentence was a miracle in itself. If I wasn't haven't so much trouble focusing, I probably wouldn't have spoken sounding like someone from an old English romance novel.

Dimitri laughed as he pressed one more lingering kiss to my forehead before wrapping his arms around me and ushering me inside, out of the cold though I felt completely warm already.

"Why do I feel like I'm at my baby shower?" Lissa asked, shuffling the gifts she'd received into the big purse she brought. She had baby book called What To Expect When You're Expecting, a few maternity shirts, a scrap-book for the baby as it ages, and a pair of booties.

"I think they just weren't sure what to get you so they gave you what they thought you needed," I answer, amused as I help her stuff the gifts into her purse. "At least Viktoria gave you an iTunes card and you got these cute shoes and purse from Olena."

Lissa laughed and sat down looking at the gifts with a smile. "Yeah, it is pretty nice. I think I liked Yeva and Paul's gift the best."

We both laughed as I pulled out the handmade certificate that said we were welcome here anytime, declaring us members of the family with a promise from Yeva to cook for us until the day she died.

"I think Yeva and Christian are competitors now for best cook." They were in the kitchen now, swapping recipes.

Christian had made special holiday treats for everyone for Christmas including an amazing gingerbread mansion covered in so much chocolate goodness it looked to good to eat.

"This is nice," Lissa smiled, leaning back against the couch. She looked around at all the family photos, toys, and all aspects of this house that indicated that there was a nice big happy family that lived here. I could see that she was doing the same thing I'd been doing most of the night: remembering all the Christmases before tonight that were nothing like this.

The last time Lissa's family had a real Christmas was when André had been alive and even then it was nothing like the warm, loving, homey feeling we had here at the Belikov's.

My Christmases weren't any better. There were a few times where my grandmother went out of her way to make sure I was busy enough on Christmas baking, decorating, and watching movies while eating so that I wouldn't pay much attention to that fact that my mom wasn't there.

"Yeah, this is nice."

"Especially the food," Lissa grinned.

If Dimitri and I hadn't had our first, real kiss tonight, I would probably agree.

Just thinking about it made me warm up and shudder all at once.

"Hello? Earth to Rose," Lissa said in a sing-song voice waving her hand in front of my face. "What's up with you?"

I shook my head. "Nothing. Just thinking," I said vaguely.

"About? Does it have something to do with you and Dimitri disappearing outside by yourselves a little while ago?" She asked even though it sounded like she already knew he answer.

I've never been shy about sharing anything with before but some how this was a moment that felt private and that I wanted to keep to myself for a while. So I gave her the simplest, honest answer I could. "Yeah, it does."

I must have a look in my face or a certain note in my voice that tells I'm not up for sharing now because she doesn't ask any questions. She smiles happily for me and leans back against the couch, her hand lightly on her stomach and closing her eyes.

"A good Christmas," she muses, smiling.

"It's so beautiful," I murmured, looking through Dimitri's telescope at the clear sky where the moon was sitting large, round, and close enough to touch.

While everyone spread out throughout the house finishing cleaning up, talking, and Liss was napping, we wandered around the house and ended up in what was his bedroom. It was sparse save for a few old boxes, an empty bookshelf, and the telescope Dimitri had pulled out and set up for me that I was looking through now.

"This is so amazing." I couldn't stop smiling at how close the moon was through such a relatively small device. I'd always wanted a telescope as a kid but, for obvious reasons, never asked for one.

"Speaking of amazing," Dimitri said, moving to another one of the old boxes.

"You're not going to give me a really cheesy line about me being amazing are you?"

He sent me a smile over his shoulder, just shaking his head. "Actually, it's your present that's amazing."

I'd been a little nervous about this. I wasn't sure what to buy anyone for Christmas despite everyone assuring me and Lissa that I didn't need to bring anything but ourselves. I especially didn't know what to buy Dimitri or if I should get him something special. I wanted to give him something to thank him for everything he's done for me and show him how much he means to me but it took me a long time to figure out what gift to give him.

Lissa and I ended up spending a couple of bucks stuffing stockings with basic goodies that we thought everyone might like. While Lissa had mostly been given stuff that she would need, I had been given a few nice sweaters and the sweets Christian had made. I loved that I even received anything at all but my favorite part were the cards filled with small but caring sentiments of welcoming me and Liss as members of the family and reminding us that we're never alone despite having no family of our own.

The gifts went over well but I had another, specific gift for Dimitri that I hoped he would like.

He hadn't given me a gift either, saying it he'd give it to me later.

Well, it's later.

And I'm nervous.

"I have a present for you too. Another present," I amended as I pulled the gift from out of my sweater pocket and held it behind my back waiting for him to finish searching through the boxes. He finally found whatever it was he was looking for and held it behind his back too. We stood facing each other, both of us smiling.

"Ready?"

I nodded.

At the same time, we pulled our hands from around our backs and broke out into laughter. Both of us held CD cases in our open palms holding it out to one another.

"I was worried mixed CDs would be too early 2000s but I'm glad we think a like," I laughed handing the CD I had for him as he handed me the CD he had for me.

It turned out to be two CDs, one was obviously old with only the word 'mix' written on the front. The other was a CD with a variety of old Disney movie songs. He pointed to the first one.

"This is your big chance to gain new appreciation for country and 80s music." I laughed and he was smiling as he continued to explain the next CD. "I remember you said you loved Disney songs and didn't have them anymore..." he trailed off as I nodded, remembering the conversation we'd had where I told him about my family history.

"I remember," I said aloud, feeling my heart squeeze a little in my chest that he had remembered and thought enough about it to make a gift for me. Honestly, I felt a few seconds from crying just like I had felt like crying when we'd been downstairs opening gifts. I held it in though as I explained the CD I had given him. "That is your big chance to gain appreciation for modern music," I explained, using his own words against him.

He laughed nodding. "I actually don't have any CDs or music that isn't 80s or country so this is a treasure," he said appreciatively, holding the CD. "I shall play it in my car on repeat until I learn to love this modern music of yours," he joked, making me laugh and almost cry even more. I blinked the moisture away as I start to feel too overwhelmed of being normal and having a regular Christmas without drama.

"And I'll do the same thing with these," I told him, holding the CDs to my chest. "I'll listen to them on repeat until I learn the words, sing all the songs in the shower, and Lissa tells me shut up." He laughed as I tucked the CDs into my sweater pocket. He reached behind him and pulled out something small. He asked for my hand, holding his free hand out. I took it without hesitation as he led me to the edge of the unmade bed and we both sat down, facing where the moon was shining brightly enough through the window that the room illuminated.

"I have something else for you but it's something I've thought about giving you for a while now. Some of my other self-defense students have mentioned going to therapist or psychiatrist that recommend writing as a form a therapy. They usually write a letter maybe to themselves or to someone they felt upset with and they can either mail it or keep it to themselves. The beauty of it is that it's cathartic and it's one of the first few steps the person takes toward recovering. I thought that you might want to try it," he explained, holding a small notebook in his hands.

The cover is made of a smooth, violet, velvet material with my name etched into one corner, a small rose in the place of where the letter 'o' is. I took the notebook between my hands and looked down at it, fingering the thin string bookmark that is attached and the silver lock the held it shut. The key is attached to the bookmark.

"I know you said you didn't want to go talk to anyone about what's going on," he continued.

I had told Dimitri, Stan, and Olena, that I wasn't up for counseling or therapy. As intense and unbelievably crazy as things are now, I can't see myself sitting across from a stranger, letting out all of my problems. I don't feel comfortable with the idea of that yet. I promised I would consider it later but for now, I was fine working things out on my own and with everyone I had around me.

"And you'll always have one of us to talk to. You know that." It wasn't a question but he waited until I nodded and then he continued. "It might also help a little if you write some things down."

"Like a journal?"

He shrugged. "It's up to you. You can use it as a journal, draw, poems. Or you don't have to use it at all. Just know that it's there."

The urge to cry suddenly springs up again.

A choice.

I have a choice in how I deal with this, in how I become and feel like Rose again.

And Dimitri is giving me another option to choose from.

I think this is one of the things I like most about him. When I planted that kiss on him all those weeks ago, my reasoning had been that he makes me feel safe and good and normal. Those were all true but it was something else. He reminds me I'm human, I'm a person, not a victim. He had referred to me as a victim once but he never did again. He doesn't make me feel like or think of me only as just another one of his students that he's treating or a weak victim. He thinks about me, Rose, the person.

I know that it might have something to do with the way he feels about me but I also get the feeling that this is just Dimitri. It's in his nature and personality and one of the best qualities about him. And that he has feelings for me, that he likes me despite what I've been through and what I'm going through, only makes him that much better.

"This is really sweet, Dimitri. It really means a lot."

My words came out in a whisper as I struggled to fight the overwhelming tears behind my eyes. I swipe away at my eyes but they fall anyway. I sniffle as Dimitri gently thumbs my tears away, cradling my face between his hands. He has the lightest of smiles on his face and gently laughs.

"My gifts are pretty awesome to have touched you this much."

I nod and he laughs even more.

I've had Christmas gifts before and I've had pretty okay Christmases but this...this is something else. This isn't my mom just leaving me a present or my grandmother spending Christmas trying to distract me. This is someone telling me, showing me, how much he cares about me, something I've never genuinely had before.

I set the gifts aside on the bed and reach for Dimitri the same way he's holding me. I lock my hands in his hair that feels as smooth as water falling through my fingers. He brushes my hair over my shoulders, gently caressing my cheek with his thumb. I wonder if I'll always feel this nervous around Dimitri, if my heart will always erratically beat, my breathing with hitch, if I'll always war over the feelings of holding him as tight as I can and running as far away as I can from him at the same time. I wonder how long this...whatever it is between us will even last.

Honestly, Dimitri scares me.

Not in the way that most people have fears.

He scares me in that just being in the same room with him give me these emotions, thoughts, sensations, feelings that I can't explain or describe but make me think about being able to depend and give myself to someone again and make me hope that this whatever this is between us will last for a long time.

I feel like I should explain why I'm crying but I've started to realize that Dimitri already understands. He always understands and on the rare occasion he doesn't, he'll talk to me or sit with me or drive with me somewhere until he does.

I want to explain and describe the unexplainable sentiments and emotions inside of me but then I realize something else...

I don't have to.

I can just show him.

We had our first real kiss only hours before but I already feel ready for just a little but more.

Our noses gently brush against each other. I feel his lips barely tickle against my own. He's doing it again, making sure I'm okay, I'm ready, and that this is something that I want. Oh boy do I want this now. I'm the one that locks our lips together this time in the barest of kisses. It's as nice and gentle as the first one and yet...with the emotions I've experienced in the last few moments, this kiss is something a bit more.

I'm breathless within seconds but it doesn't stop me from tightening my hold around him where I've locked my arms around his neck. It's a little difficult trying to kiss him like this as we're sitting side by side. Dimitri must realize this at the same time because he slowly moves his hands to my waist and pulls me practically on his lap. As much fear as I have about all of this, it admittedly feels so good. It feels even better when Dimitri shifted me, my mouth moved a bit and my tongue brushed the seam of his lips. I immediately still, shocked that this kiss has gone too far too soon but it's more shocking how my heart seems to have completely stopped and my body feels like it's ready to catch on fire.

Dimitri pulls back but only to kiss my forehead, his lips lingering, his own way of telling me that it's okay.

I rest my head against his chest, burying my face, breathing in the scent of his soap and aftershave.

He holds me close, a tight, warm, living blanket of comfort wrapped around me, encasing me against him in a safe cocoon that I have no intention of leaving or moving from any time soon.

A/N: I was going to leave off on a cliff hanger but I figured I'd end it on a happy note!

Was it confusing? Rambling? Boring? Lemme know!

Special thanks to alwaysturn2u for private messaging me, reminding there are still a few of you guys that love this story and that I can't shouldn't go so long without updating. XD Honestly, I finished writing this chapter today because of you.

Next chapter might have a time jump!