"WAKE THE FUCK UP KAHL!" I yelled, pummeling his door with my fist.

I waited a second. Heard nothing.

"I said, 'WAKE UP YOU FUCK-UP!'"

Finally, I heard some movement and I'm pretty sure I could make out a grumbled , "Fuck off."

"No, fuck YOU, Kahl!" I said. As I started to head to my room, I turned my head over my shoulder and added, "You're fucking lucky poor-boy texted me and told me that your alcoholic-ass had a test today…. Faggot."

As I unlocked my room, I quickly grabbed my calculator, my laptop, and my folder for my inferential stats class and decided to work on this excel project in the main area, since it's bigger than my room. As I was setting everything up and waiting for my laptop to come on, the Jew finally came out of his room. Before heading for the kitchen, he stopped by the doorway and looked at me. His bloodshot eyes were barely open and his Jew-fro was a huge, matted mess. But the funniest part about his appearance was that the Jew was the fact that he was wearing the exact same clothes he wore when he went out last night- he hadn't bothered to change at all!

"I like your new style of pajamas," I said with a straight face.

Kyle just shot me the bird as he turned to the kitchen to get some breakfast. He poured himself some cereal as well as orange juice. He slowly grabbed his bowl and glass and maneuvered to the bar area and struggled to get up on the stool, his back facing me.

"You know you have less than an hour to be ready to take your test, right Kahl?" I asked, still working on my project and not bothering to move my eyes from the screen.

"Mmmm-hmmmm," He sighed. I could hear him slowly lifting his spoon, attempting to eat.

I took the case off my calculator. "What all did you and Kinneh have last night?"

"Christ, I don't know, Cartman…." He managed to say sourly after swallowing his first bite of cereal.

"Why do you care anyways, fatass?"

"Just asking, Kahl." I said as I turned to my notes from class in my folder, looking for the exact setting that I'll be needing to use in my calculator to complete the data.

"I saw you and Kinneh do at least 3 or 4 shots before you two fags left."

Still lazily holding the spoon in his right hand, the redhead slowly turned his head around and asked,

"Are you fucking judging me, Cartman?"

I took a second to glance up from my homework. God, he looked like shit.

"Not at all, my fair Kahl." I responded sweetly. "I'm just wondering how you can pre-game that hard and still have room for more liquor at the actual party."

He slowly turned back around, shrugging. "It doesn't matter."

I mumbled an "oh well" sound as I started plugging away at the data before I put my answers into the excel spreadsheet. Stats is a lot easier than people make it out to be. All it is it reading the problem right and then memorizing how to enter the data into your calculator. It's actually kinda fun, but most people are too dumb to see it that way.

After I worked the first column, I realized that it must have been a good 15 or 20 minutes that I have been here and that Kyle had been eating breakfast. He was being so quiet (for once in his life) that I forgot he was there.

"Shouldn't you be leaving soon, Jew?"

When I didn't hear an answer at first, I looked over to him to see his body make a visible throbbing movement. As he tried to turn his head and open his mouth to say something, vomit began pouring out of his mouth. As he spewed a huge amount he clung to the bar stool, hoping not to fall as I rushed up and grabbed his shoulders behind him, helping him stay up.

"Fuck, Kahl!" I said, hoping he was done. He was quiet for a second but then I felt his body arch forward again with even more vomit. I ran and got the large kitchen trashcan. With what little he had left, he threw his head and in there and spit out the last few bits.

"You're supposed to throw up in the bathroom, Jew!" I yelled. I was already thinking about who was going to have to clean up this disgusting mess.

"I'm sorry," He said weakly, his voice extremely raspy from the stomach acid. He looked at me with a sincere and apologetic look, wiping his teary, bloodshot eyes with the back of his hands. Just in that short moment, I could see his flushed cheeks from throwing up. I could see the dark circles under his eyes. And most importantly, I could see something else in his eyes too, but I don't really know how to describe it. He looked so frail and fragile. So…. Pathetic.

"Well, just so you know, I'm not cleaning this up." I announced. Hey, I'm not showing the sorry Jew any sympathy. I've done enough as it is.

"But, the test-"

"Go take the goddamn test!" I said. "You said this professor's a bitch about make-ups, right?"

"Y-yes…."

I rolled my eyes. "You're probably gonna fucking fail it either way, so just take it and get it over with."

Still gripping the bar counter, Kyle looked at his mess on the carpet.

"But, my mess…."

"Look Jew," I said, my tone getting irritated. "Just go take the test. You can clean it up when you get back."

His facial expression looked confused but he responded, "Okay. Thanks, Cartman. S-Sorry again."

I rolled my eyes as he grabbed his keys and backpack and head out.

What a royal fuck-up.

Now, I have to turn this project in to Dr. DeMejo but the problem is the apartment smells like rancid puke. Guess I'll have to find a spot on campus to finish this.

Fucking Jew!

I sat down for a second wondering where I should go, but then my thoughts were interrupted by yet another annoying-ass roommate.

"Hi Eric!" Butters greeted me cheerfully, keys in one hand and the other holding on to the strap of his backpack.

"Whatcha doing there, statistics?"

But before I got the chance to answer, Butters changed the subject himself.

"Hey, uhh… W-what smells?"

"Vomit, Butters. Kyle is very sick," I answered calmly.

"Kyle is sick? Oh no!" He responded.

I nodded solemnly. "Yes, and if I recollect correctly, I think he asked me to ask YOU to clean it up," I said, then I added "Since he's taking a test and everything right now."

"Oh no, he's taking a test too?" Butters asked, his right hand covering his heart.

"Poor little buddy… Of course I'll help clean up after Kyle!"

A part of me chuckled on the inside. Not that I would ever say it, but you know, Butters just MIGHT be my favorite roommate. He's much easier to live with than that drunk piece of shit Jew, anyways.

As always, PLEASE LMK what you think! Thank you!