A/N: Another bit of a filler chapter until I clear up how I want this story to end. Thanks for the reviews/follows/favorites/PMs! You guys continue to be awesome!
"Now that I am stuffed full of food to your satisfaction, what are we going to do today?"
"What do you want to do today?" Dimitri counters as he picks up both of our dishes.
It had taken a good portion of the morning, but I finally managed to eat the large helping of breakfast Dimitri cooked for us. I felt like a kid being scolded by their parent when I was told I couldn't get up until I finished at least seventy five percent of my breakfast but I could see he really just wanted to see me eat a full meal for once so I did better than that and ate it all, forcing it down even though I didn't really have the stomach to eat knowing I'd be back in court soon enough.
"Mmm? I was thinking we could just stay here, hibernate until Monday?" I suggest grabbing a hold of one of the plates he already finished scrubbing so I could rinse and dry it.
"I'm thinking that's a good idea," he agreed. "I might need to make a run to that store though. The cabinets and fridge are looking a little bare."
"That's because you used everything in your cabinets and fridge to make that insanely large breakfast," I grumbled.
"It was not that big of a breakfast," he countered, laughing.
"It was enough for a hundred lumberjack ten times over," I exaggerated.
He rolled his eyes in response and flicked soapy water at me. He then leaned down to apologetically kiss me before I could retaliate. I really don't want him to leave me at all but with this new bravery thing I have going on, I know I have to learn to get over this clinginess too.
Too soon, he's quickly showered, thrown a pair of jeans, t-shirt, and shoes on, and he's ready to leave out the door.
"You can come with me if you want," he offers.
I want to say yes, throw some clothes on, and hold on tight to him so he won't even think about leaving without me again but I think we both know I can't hold on to him that much. I can't be that attached. As much as I already put so much responsibility and burden on Dimitri, I cant add on clinginess.
We both know that's not healthy.
I may not be willing to go see a shrink right away but even I'm willing to admit that's not healthy.
He must see the inner struggle warring on my face because before I can say anything he kisses me for about the millionth time this morning, more times than all of the days we've spent together before last night.
"I'll be back soon, alright?"
I nod. And even though I don't want him any further from me or gone any longer than absolutely necessary I ask him to drop by my house to check on Liss and bring back a few of my clothes. I could always call but I feel better knowing Dimitri has seen her with his own eyes that she's alright.
"Of course."
As though he's as reluctant as I am to leave, knowingly separating us, he kisses me on the cheek one last time before reminding me he has his cell phone and that he'll be back as soon as he can.
I just nod, not really wanting him to go.
"Lock the door behind me," he instructs.
I listen for his steps down the stairs and then watch for his car as he drive away before I settle on the couch and lay down for a while. I woke up a little too early for my liking and now I'm still tired.
Before I can completely fall asleep there's a knock at the door and my heart stops.
I know it's not Dimitri because of course he'd have a key to his own apartment.
For a long time, I just breathe, waiting for the knock to come again but hoping it won't.
Knock, knock, knock.
It's more like a tapping, like it's being hit with something rather than someone knocking.
I ignore it, planning on moving to the bedroom and pretending I'm not here until Dimitri comes back. Maybe I can just call him...
I'm already up, ready to silently move into the bedroom where I can ignore it even better when that tapping against the door sounds again followed by a less than fatherly voice.
"Rose, open the door. I know your Dimitri has left."
He says his name as though he more than disapproves but I couldn't really care less. I consider ignoring it even more so now but Ibrahim, I'm learning, is not man to be easily ignored.
"I'm not leaving," he says through the door as though he is anticipating my intentions.
"I figured you wouldn't," I mumble as I open the door. He'd been tapping on it with the cane he carries. I don't even think he really needs it and its more for style, whatever his twisted sense of style is.
"Having a nice weekend?" he ask slowly walking in, looking around as though expecting to find some evidence of what Dimitri and I have been doing. As he passes by I catch a whiff of his cologne again, the scent immediately reminding me of my mother and how wistful she use to look each time she sprayed the photo album to remember his smell.
I stop him before he readies to sit down on one of Dimitri's couches. "Before you get comfortable or anything, you should know I'm not going to listen to a word you say unless it's about my mother."
He sighs as though he expected this but says nothing while I shut the front door and settle myself against it. I'm too tense and fidgety to bother sitting. He take notice of my distant stance and then I see that he's taking in what I'm wearing: little to nothing. I'm still in my tank top and underwear from last night but thankfully Dimitri made me pull on the shirt he'd been wearing yesterday because it was cold. I tugged his shirt a little tighter around me while Ibrahim rolled his eyes.
"I guess it's safe to say you and Belikov have a less than platonic relationship," he grumbles, digging into his coat pocket for something.
Having completely forgotten my resolve from seconds before, I respond. "Not that it's any of your business but that's a safe bet. We never said our relationship is platonic."
He smiles slightly, having easily goaded me into speaking to him in a subject other than my mother. "Actually, as of yesterday, everything about you is my business, especially your romantic relationship. It could have a grand affect on the trial so I'm strong suggesting, end it. Now."
I couldn't stop the dry laugh that escaped from my mouth. "You have got to be kidding me."
"No, you'll find I'm a very serious person, Rosemarie. I rarely kid. As a matter of fact, get dressed. You should leave now. I'll take you back home. You don't know who could be watching."
"I don't care what anyone thinks about my relationship with Dimi-"
"Well you should," he interrupts, finally having found what he was searching for in his coat pocket. It's a small folded piece of paper that he holds between his fingers.
"You and I are more alike that you wish to admit," he acknowledges. "We prefer getting straight to the point, no beating around the bush."
"Only where you're concerned. I'd rather have you in my life as little as possible."
"That's going to be kind of hard considering it'll take both of us working together to see and end to all this."
I continue as if he hasn't interrupted. "I don't know what the hell my mother was thinking asking you to come here and I don't know why the hell you agreed to come here. As a matter of fact, I don't really care. I just want to know where my mother is and I want you gone."
He stands, leaning forward on his cane. "I have never walked away from a case before and I'm not about to start now. I can win this case for all of you," he says confidently.
I wonder if it's this confidence that my mother fell for. My grandmother had always said that Ibrahim was charming and could win practically anyone over. Did he have to use this charm on my mother? Did this have to be one of the millions of charming men in the world that charmed my mother and—as a result—fathered me?
"Fine. Win the case. But if you're so good at your job, I'm sure you can do it with as little interaction with me as possible."
Ibrahim stares at me then, getting a long look at one half of the family he walked away from so many years ago. "You're even more like me than I realized," he murmured so low I wasn't sure if it was meant for me to hear.
"You drive quite the hard bargain. Is it this hard for any man to win your favor? Did you give Adrian and Dimitri this hard of a time or did you let them in a lot easier?"
I can't believe what I'm hearing. My mouth falls open but words fail to come out.
"E-excuse me?" I finally manage. "Are you serious right now?"
"That's what the jury is going to be thinking if they find out about this relationship. You're making it easy for the defense to turn this case around on you, Lissa, and Viktoria. They see a relationship like this, they find out about situations like this," he gestured to how scantily clad I'm dressed, "and it's all over. I've had the same talk with Vasilisa and Christian, warning them about growing too close together and I'm here to do the same with you and Mr. Belikov but it appears I'm a little late to keep anything from happening between so I'll make it clear: end it. If you want to see a favorable end to this case, I suggest ending it right now."
My head is pile high with a few choice words and what he can do with his warning. In the furthest part of my mind, I can see his point. This was the same warning Kislyak had given us before that I also ignored. I've always worried about what people would think of Dimitri and I and I know Dimitri thinks about it to. Having Ibrahim say it makes me a little unsettled about the subject no matter his 'good intentions'.
Before I can sort out my thoughts enough to say anything, he continues. "I'm not here to win your favor as father of the year. I'm only here to do two things: keep a promise and do my job, two things I'm very good at. Earlier, you were ready to bargain: you'd accept me working on this case, winning it for you, while I agree to keep my distance from you unless absolutely necessary, yes?" he asked for clarification.
Begrudgingly, I nodded.
"Well here's a counter deal: you end this relationship with Belikov and in return I give you this." He held the piece of paper from earlier out to me. I took it after a moments hesitation and unfolded it, running my eyes confusedly over the unfamiliar number scribbled inside. "Your mother," is all he says. "She didn't want you to be able to contact her but if this is what it takes to get you to listen to me then so be it."
Hesitation.
"It's just until the trial is over, I don't understand why this is a difficult decision to make."
"It has more to do with you telling me what to do than rational sense," I muttered.
"You must not completely understand that this case isn't just you. It's about Vasilisa and Viktoria as well and if you want to jeopardise this for 'love'," he rolled his eyes at the word, "then by all means..."
He trails off, leaving me feeling guilty for hesitating in doing anything to win this and end this nightmare for all of us. Everyone has made sacrifices for this case. Liss walked away from her family and she and Viktoria both decided to risk public opinion to admit to being victims in order to put the Ivashkovs away. Would it kill me to be away from Dimitri, keep my distance from him while this case went on?
All I'd have to do is talk to him, tell him that Kislyak and Ibrahim are unfortunately right on what our relationship can do to this case and, knowing Dimitri, he'll understand and everything will be fine.
Why does it feel like it'll be really difficult though?
He's been my glue throughout this entire ordeal. He's been the hand pushing me to do the right thing and fight back. He's been my shoulder to lean on and the one reason I'm able to sleep at night. Right before he left a while ago, I'd agreed to stay here to give us a little distance, to learn to be independent from Dimitri just a little bit. I didn't think it'd come down to this. I don't know how I'll do it without him by my side the way he's been lately. I know this doesn't me we have to completely avoid each other but we can't be as close as we have been lately and that scares me more than I understand.
I wish he was here now. I wish he was here to tell Ibrahim to get out and then we go back to the comfortable bubble we were in last night.
Ibrahim is waiting to see what my response is.
I crunch the paper up in my hand. "If she doesn't want to talk to me, why should I care if you give me this?"
"Because you do care and you want to talk to her. If you didn't, you wouldn't have asked me about her every opportunity you've had."
Damn.
Not only is he apparently 'charming' but he's also smart. I'd guess you have to be in order to be a lawyer.
He walks by me towards the door, seemingly pleased that he's had his say.
"It's just until the trial is over-"
"Who knows how long that'll be?"
"If this relationship of yours with Belikov is worth anything, you should have nothing to worry about."
"I shouldn't have left you here," Dimitri exhales as I finish telling him about Ibrahim's visit.
Apparently both Liss and Christian told him about Ibrahim's 'suggestion' regarding the relationships in this makeshift family when Ibrahim had talk to them earlier. The second Dimitri walked through the door I wrapped myself around him like a vice, like Ibrahim would appear out of nowhere and forcibly remove me from his arms. I told him about Ibrahim being here and everything he said all the while wrapped in his embrace.
"It's not like you could have known," I assured him. "If anything, I should have expected him to do something like this."
After my 'talk' with Ibrahim, I tried to recall everything my grandmother told me about him which wasn't much. I remembered the bit about him being 'charming', something about him being hard to argue with, distant and cold... I think that last description was in reference to his relationship to my mother.
I thought about how he said he wasn't here to win my favor as father of the year, to step up and be the father he should have been a long time ago. His comment hit me in the stomach when he had said it. It was like hearing I wasn't worth it but then I shook it off and told myself I don't care. It's not like I need a father figure in my life anymore. I'm a few months shy of being a legal adult. I've made it this far without a father figure in my life, surely I can make it the rest of my life without him.
I thought about how he said he was only here to do his job and keep his promise, presumably to my mother. What was she doing with him in the first place? Did she seek him out? If she did, how did she know he was a lawyer? Has she been keeping tabs on him all these years? All those times she'd disappear for a few days, was she with him? Where is she now and why is she hiding from me?
I realized I could ask her all those questions by using the number he gave me but then I also realized I don't want to.
"You should call her," Dimitri says, watching me turn the phone number over in my hands. "Maybe get a few questions answered."
"I was thinking the same thing but...I don't want to. I'm not saying I trust Ibrahim or anything but he has no reason to lie about my mother being okay. If she wasn't okay he wouldn't have given me this number in the first place. If I call her, I feel like she'll be vague about everything and I'll only end up more upset with more questions."
Dimitri shifts me around on his lap so that I'm sitting sideways, facing him. He tucks my hair back from my face, a motion he does so tenderly that I'm certain my insides would melt if they weren't so jumbled up already.
"This hasn't been a very romantic weekend," I grumble, realizing that today has been completely ruined by Ibrahim and it's only two o'clock.
I can see Dimitri is thinking hard, turning something over in his head. Whenever he's seriously considering something, I've noticed his brows lower slightly and his shoulders tense.
"I don't think we're going have very romantic weekends until..."
"Until the trial is over," I reluctantly finish.
He nods, caressing my cheek with his thumb. He tilts my face down to kiss his favorite spot in the center of my forehead and sighs, his gentle breath tickling my nose.
"I don't like this."
"Neither do I," he whispers so close to my lips my heart races as it always does when he's about to kiss me, even when it's just a peck. But instead of giving me one of his quick pecks, he leans down and leaves a gentle lingering kiss on my lips that feels so good I wonder if we can stayed glued this way forever. The kiss trails off my lips to the side of my mouth following the long slow trails of my jawline until he reaches a soft spot behind my ear.
Dimitri's kissed me but he's never kissed me like this before, not since last night any way. I realize what he's doing and all the excitement I felt at first dissipates as I realize this is somewhat of a farewell.
"He's right, isn't he? Ibrahim? We shouldn't be this close...like this during the trial?" I ask as Dimitri pulls away, kisses my forehead again before tucking me tight against his chest while he rests his chin on my head.
"Normally, I'd say not care what other people think but I think this is the exception. This affects Lissa and Vika too. We have them to consider in everything we do," he points out.
I hate that he's right.
I hate that Ibrahim is right.
I hate that this case is starting to consume all aspects of my life. First my mother, my friendship, and now...Dimitri.
"Everything is going to change."
"What do you mean?" he asks pulling away so he can see my face again.
"We don't know how long this case will go on for but now matter how long it takes, I know that when it's over, everything is going to change. It won't be the same. What if," I pull completely away as fear starts to envelope my body, "when this is all over, we don't feel the same way that we do now? It sounds crazy but-"
"Roza." My melting point. That damn nickname that squeezes my heart each time he uses it. I stop midsentence ready to listen to any amount of comforting words he offers. "Things are going to change, you're right about that but in a good way, whether or not we win. And it's not like I'm going to completely disappear, I'll still be by your side through all of this."
"We just can't be alone any more."
He exhales through his nose, as upset about this as I am but doing his best to hide it. I'm slowly learning to decipher Dimitri's emotionless mask and right now I feel pretty good knowing he's just as unsettled about this as I am. But he's also more rational between the two of us. Even though I know I have to do whatever it take, especially for Liss and Viktoria, it's still frightening knowing I'm being forced to stand on my own so soon and so suddenly.
Can I do it?
I know I won't be really alone. Support wise, I have plenty of people behind me but physically, it'll be just me, myself, and I.
What if I'm not ready?
What if I have another breakdown?
What if I change and fall apart so much that not even Dimitri can put me back together?
"I guess we'll have to make the most of the time we have left then. Hmm?" he suggests.
I'd convinced Ibrahim to leave without dragging me with him. He'd been ready to but when I promised to leave by tomorrow and stay hidden until then, he agreed. I guess he takes his promises as serious as I do mine but I'll be damned if I admit it's another trait that we share.
I didn't think sitting around watching movies and snacking could be so much fun but no matter how often this was what my dates with Dimitri were like, it was always enough for me.
We watched mostly comedies and animated movies to lighten the mood but somewhere between 50 First Dates and the Pixar marathon on we stopped watching and started talking. This actually happened a lot on our movie nights. We would start out barely touching, both of us snacking on our choice of snacks but halfway through the first movie we ended up tangled together and talking.
I explained to him the magic of Disney romances, living in far off lands where anything was possible while he explained why he liked westerns and their lack of conventional laws. I still didn't understand why a man on a horse with an oversized hat that ran by his on rules was appealing... well imagining a very rugged, rule breaking Dimitri was something I definitely found appealing.
We traded snacks; I shared one of my mini doughnut packages while he shared his trail mix. He tends to stick to the healthy snacks.
It was during these dates that I realized...
"We have nothing in common."
"What?" he asked amused, his eyes locked on Marlon and Dory on the screen.
"Me and you, you and I, have nothing in common. I like sugary sweets and you like healthy ridiculous snacks like trail mix and celery." He laughed at my disgust of the word but let me continue. "You like westerns and I like every other better genre." Again he laughed and I was glad I could amuse him so much and lighten the mood a bit from the realization that once this weekend was over, we couldn't be like this again for a while.
"I'm 17, you're 26. That's almost a decade older than me!" I exclaimed, really realizing for the first time how much of an age gap there is. "I'm an Aries, you're a Leo."
When my list stopped there, he asked," Is that all?"
"Isn't that enough?"
He chuckled, kissing my head like I was too adorable for words. He pulled out his phone suddenly and put in our astrological signs. "Look! It says we're a fiery match," he reads after skimming the page.
"Is that necessarily a good thing?" I ask nervously.
"The way it's described here, it's a very good thing." I follow to where his eyes are skimming through the lines about 'high sexual tensions' and 'compatible physical and emotional match'.
"Wow," we both breathe at the same time. Dimitri closes the page and suddenly we're both clearing our throats, suddenly away of how close we're sitting.
I'll say one thing, I'll give him that one.
"We both like to run," he acknowledges after a few moments.
"Eh. I run so that I don't get shabby defense wise. And to avoid those painful leg cramps when we practice." And to see a muscled, sweating Dimitri. I should really stop running and risk enduring more of those cramps, though, because Dimitri usually massages it away when I have one.
"Ok, fine. We both..." he took a moment to think. "We both want to travel sometime in the future," he finally said, excited at having thought of something.
Nearly every couple wants to do that at some point but I'd give him that one. "Fine. I'll give you that one," say aloud.
"Ok here is another one that you can't argue with and have to accept no matter what."
"Yeah, what's that-"
He cut me off midsentence, silencing me with a fierce kiss.
"We both like it when you do that," I said for him when he pulled away, grinning his rare smug smile. I'm suddenly very eager to prove that zodiac astrology page right about our signs being compatible.
"Definitely."
I draw him back down to my lips and soon before long the movie is long forgotten and we're in full, teenage make out mode on the couch, same as yesterday but more intense. Dimitri is a little more easily willing than he'd been last night and I wonder if it has to do with our impending separation.
I don't know when but Is top hearing the TV in the background and only hear our breath, the rustling of our clothes against each other, and the occasional uncontrollable moan that escapes from one of our mouths. It feels so good to have someone, to have Dimitri, so close. To have his weight comfortably on top of me, assuring me that, for now at least, he's here protectively over me, holding me as tight as humanly possible. I run my fingers through his soft hair and slowly make my way over his broad shoulders to the front of his shirt where I do my best to undo the buttons.
I'm silently cursing this man for preferring button ups when he pulls back slightly.
"Same deal from last night. We only go as far as your comfortable," he whispers.
"I know," I reluctantly agree but also silently appreciate.
I bring his lips back down to my own before moving my mouth to a soft spot at his neck where I sneak a quick taste of his warm skin. I did the same thing last night and it elicited a shocked reaction from Dimitri before he himself moved to nibble down on my own skin and sneak a taste of his own. We clutch so tightly and fiercely at each other, it's like we'll never see each other again after tonight and that's become one of my biggest fears.
I don't want tonight to be a good bye. Dimitri had said yesterday that any special moments that happen between us should happen once the trial is over so that we don't have this happy memory shrouded by a dark background. So that any special moments between us can be happily cherished when we're both ready. I had agreed with him but what if we never get a moment like that. hat if it's a long time before we're able to be like this? Dimitri said he'd wait. I know he'd wait.
I'm not ready to be as close to him as I wish I was and Dimitri knows. What's even better is that he understands.
If tonight isn't the night I'll be intimate with Dimitri then I'll have to do what we agreed to do earlier and make the most of tonight, get as close as I possibly can without going too far.
Surprisingly, Dimitri lets me unbutton his shirt and tug it off him along with the shirt he has on underneath. I feel the plains and valleys of his sculpted chest, running my hand along the warm smooth skin but stopping when I brush the scars. I detach my lips from his do my best to gesture that I want us to flip positions without saying anything. Lucky for me, we're more compatible than I thought and Dimitri understands without me having to say a word. He easily moves us around and before I know it, I'm sprawled on top of him, pressing light kisses to the scarred part of skin.
I feel his fingers slowly combing through my hair until he stops me from pressing any more kisses so that he can look at me. He holds my face in his hands and stares at me so intently, I see all the emotions I feel for him reflected in his eyes and for just a second, I have the urge to tell him the words that have been dancing around in my head a lot lately, that I love him.
But I don't want to say it now, knowing we'll be apart for a while.
I want it to be special.
I want it to mean something other than a goodbye.
I don't say anything and neither does he.
It's like we're both silently agreeing not to say it, not right now anyway.
Today has been a day of compromises and agreements.
In one swift moment he sits up, scooping me up in the process and moves us to the bedroom where we'll have more room to move around than on the couch. Instead of continuing the sessions we had going on the couch, though, we're both reaching just to hold each other as tightly as possibly without hurting each other.
I'm tucked tightly beneath his chin with one arm wrapped around his body and another tracing small patterns on his unshaven cheek. He has an arm wrapped just as securely around me as our legs are beneath the blankets and his fingers are moving slowly through my hair, so slow I barely feel it.
I'm starting to think he has a thing for my hair the same way I have a thing for his.
I start to make a joke about it but the moment is too perfect and neither of us says anything until we both fall asleep.