My hour and a half bus ride ends at the edge of the city on the banks of one of Montana's many hiking grounds.

Hiking after being shot and sitting in a hospital for nearly a week isn't the best idea. But when I glance at the bus schedule printed on the street pole, I see that the next bus won't be leaving for a few hours. I can either sit here at the bus stop where there's nothing but a bench, a small bus depot with a bored looking attendant, and a vending machine or I can hike for a few hours and hope I make it back in time.

It scares me how unconcerned I am with getting lost but maybe that's what I need. To get lost for a few hours in the forest.

With my small bag that Lissa brought for me to the hospital, my winter boots, jeans, long sleeved t-shirt, and winter coat, I start my trek into the forest.

As a kid, I use to love that I lived in Montana where the wilderness outweighs the city pollution and noise. I thought it was cool living surrounded by forest, endless lakes and rivers and plenty of mountains.

As a teenager, I can't help thinking about getting as far away from this town, from this entire state, and disappearing into a city where no one knows my name and what I've endured.

I realize for the first time in a long time, I not only want a future beyond this town but I'm planning on working hard toward it. Throughout this entire case I never dwelled on what I wanted for myself once the case ended because I always assumed it wouldn't end well and one thing or another would keep me here.

Well, I was right somewhat. It didn't end well.

But...

Other than my makeshift family, there's nothing keeping me here in this town.

My mother is gone, I assume my father just left too since he said nothing about staying, not that I need him too, and in less than a few months I'll graduate. Assuming I catch up in all of my school work. Maybe I can talk to my teachers and we can work something out towards me graduating.

Lifting my face toward the sun, I smile at the thoughts running through my head, that I actually have plans for myself.

I immediately stop smiling when I realize how crazy and sudden it is that I'm planning. Less than a week ago I was in a courtroom yelling about how destroyed I feel after being brutally raped and left to die. Less than a week ago I was in a courtroom where one of my rapist shot me and killed his sister before pulling the gun on himself. Less than a few hours ago I was sitting in the hospital for the fourth or fifth time in less than a year.

It's crazy.

I should be institutionalized or at least in therapy. Now I'm starting to understand why Dr. Odenlenski suggested I get a psychiatric evaluation. I shouldn't even be this calm right now. I should be freaking out and balled up in a corner somewhere nearly catatonic.

But I fell nothing except...relief and numbness.

There's a small voice in the back of my head telling me that feeling numb isn't exactly a healthy feeling, that I should be feeling much worse but, for now, I'm silencing that tiny warning voice.

I just want to think about the future for now and how I get there, how I get away from here. I have this insane idea that if I can make it to some sort of future, somewhere where I'm in college or working and living in a small apartment with Liss in a different city with her baby, then I can deal with all of this emotional trauma that is sitting like balloon of pain inside of me ready to burst at any second.

If I can just make it someplace where I feel safe and I don't have to see the faces of people in this town who turned against me, then I can take the time to heal.

For a second I start to wonder why this hiking path is so easy to follow but there hasn't been a single person other than me out here and then I remember it's still winter here in Montana even if the snow is starting to melt and the sun is out more often.

I settle myself down on a bench facing nothing but greenery and a small river I can spot in the distance. It feels good to sit and just breathe.

I feel like I should've thanked Ibrahim for signing the release papers but then I realize that I never thanked him for taking our case either. Maybe that's because I didn't feel I had to thank him for anything. He took our case and signed the hospital release papers, I agreed to do whatever future favor he asks of me. A favor I imagine will be big enough to make us even.

This case of course would have been impossible to handle and might not have had the outcome that it did if Ibrahim and even Kislyak hadn't agreed to take it. But I feel like it's really us, the victims, that did the hard work. We were reluctant at first and it took some prodding from Stan and Dimitri to even agree to press charges but in the end we face our demons, stood before countless eyes and told them our horrific story.

I wonder what would've happened if we hadn't done anything. If I hadn't tried to file a report against Adrian the first time...

He'd still be alive, no doubt. Camille, Jesse, and Charlie too. They'd still be terrorizing young girls just for the hell of it. Meredith and Avery would tag along for no better reason than they didn't know what else to do. Maybe Liss and I still wouldn't be friends. The only thing any of us might have in common would be that we kept the secret of what Adrian and his posses did to us. We'd live out the rest of our lives in silence.

I don't want that. I wouldn't want that.

As scary, terrifying, painful as it was...as many people whose lives are ruined or completely gone...as many times as I almost life trying to do the right thing and be brave…

I'm glad I did it.

I'm glad it's off my chest and out in the open.

There's a certain weight that's been lifted from my shoulders.

A small part of me can't help thinking that those 4 people are dead because I spoke up but theres another part of me reminding me that they made their own choices. Because I fought back, I have the chance to make a few choices of my own.

Happy normal choices.

College, working, friends, family…

I know I won't be able to sit here deciding and clearing up everything about my future this very moment, as much as I wish I could. I know I can't sit here and automatically declare myself better, because I know I'm not better. I'm still a little cracked at the edges but I don't feel completely broken any more. I know I'll need more than these few hours to work everything out.

But for now, this is enough.

"Where did you go to?!"

Liss nearly knocks me over the second I walk through the door of my house.

She runs so hard into me we both stumble and it only takes a steady hand from Dimitri—who has also suddenly appeared—to steady us, keeping us from falling to the floor.

"Liss, you're choking me," I gasp out, trying to tug at her arms that are locked around my neck. She's also not helping the throbbing pain in my shoulder and the soreness that's settled into my body.

Escaping from the hospital to spend some time on my own to process everything that's happened has done wonders for my mind, even if it was only for a couple of hours. However, the hour long bus ride roundtrip did nothing to alleviate my physical pain.

"Don't ever leave like that again," she snaps at me, her grip not showing any signs of loosening. "If you want to take off, fine. Just tell one of us so one of us can go with you."

"Liss the point...owe! Okay, you need to let go so I can talk to you," I urge her, just as her arms tighten even more briefly before she pulls away completely, resting her hands on her round stomach.

I took a minute to catch my breath which also give me a moment to examine the faces of the people who care about me most. Christian, Olena, Yeva, Dimitri, Liss...they're all here. Well not all of them.

As if reading my mind, Dimitri speaks up first. "Tasha and Stan had to deal with stuff at work since they took the days off for the trial and Karo went home with Vika to be with Sonya and the kids."

I look at him to let him know I've heard him and the emotions reflected in his eyes leave me feeling unsteady.

Hurt. Sadness. Something else I can't completely identify.

I knew my leaving so suddenly wasn't the best idea but its what I needed and I'm glad I did it. I didn't want to hurt anyone though. And it hurts me knowing I hurt them.

I open my mouth, ready to dish out those apologies I expect they need to here but Dimitri shakes his head.

"We're just glad you're safe."

It's startling how much I want to hug him right now, how much I want him to hold me tight in his embrace and never let go. I needed a few hours to myself but I'm happy to be back.

"Are you okay? Hmmm? Hungry?" Olena asks giving me a hug of her own and kissing my cheek.

"I made dinner."

Lissa stops scowling at me long enough to scoff and look at Christian. "Dinner? It's more like a feast."

When I look at him he shrugs. "I was worried," he says nonchalant but almost a little bashful. He smirks at Lissa and retorts,"And it's not like you didn't eat three quarters of it."

Lissa just squints her eyes at him but she also smiles slightly.

Her smile disappears when she glares at me again.

I kind of figured she'd be the angriest of them all when I took off so I'm not surprised. I hug her anyway, baby bump and all and it's a second or two before she hugs me back.

"I won't leave again," I say so only she can hear. "I needed to think about...everything but I won't leave again. I promise."

When we pull away she nods once. "Okay. We have a lot to talk about and figure out."

"Ain't that the truth," I murmur and she giggles.

"Not now though," Yeva interrupts coming to give me a hug also. "Right now everyone needs to shower, dress in their warmest pajamas, and sleep for a few days," she advises. "Then we will figure everything out."

I don't miss her emphasis on 'we'. In fact, I'm grateful to hear it. We're not alone. The case is over but we're not alone. We still have our makeshift family.

"That sounds like a good temporary plan," Christian yawns, stretching.

I take a good look at him for the first in weeks and I'm glad to see how much he's healed since the car accident. He has the same visible scratches, fading scars, and light scabs as I do but at least he's still able to use his hands and cook.

"It certainly does. Especially the part about sleeping for a few days but I still have to go to the hospital tomorrow for work," Olena frowns. "If you want, you girls can of course come stay at our house," she offers as she pulls on her coat. "Or I can stick around for a while if you need me to."

"I think...I think we're okay for now," I answer for the both of us, looking at Liss who nods in agreement. "Thank you though."

She smiles, leaving kissing on both of our heads and Yeva does the same. "The offer is always open," they remind us. Olena tells me about a few painkillers Dr. Odenlenski prescribed me and the number to a psychiatrist when I'm ready. "She feels bad that she pushed it so hard that you took off. We all do."

"I probably would've taken off regardless. It's nice...hearing you guys care," I thank her.

She hugs me one more time before they leave, promising to drop by soon and making us swear to come by or at least call twice a day so they know we're okay.

"I still have the mess in the kitchen to clean up," Christian says once the front door closes. "Want me to heat up a plate for you?" he asks, already heading toward the kitchen.

I shake my head realizing how much I just want to go up stairs, crawl into my own bed and sleep.

"I'll eat it for breakfast tomorrow morning," I tell him.

There's an awkward pause where it's just Lissa, Dimitri, and I. I realize he's been silent most of the time and I'm not completely sure what I want to say to him and at the same time I want to say everything to him, tell him everything, both good and bad, that I thought abou;, how good it felt to hike on my own but also how I can't get the image and sound of Adrian firing the gun out of my head. I want to tell him I've thought about the future and that I'm scared about how my life will turn out. I want to tell him that it might take time for me to ever be physically intimate with someone but that I selfishly hope he'll still be with me in the future.

Lissa, sensing the silence and intensity building between Dimitri and I as the quiet stretches on, clears her throat.

"I'm going to go help Christian in the kitchen," she says, excusing herself before waddling off toward the kitchen.

There's a bundle of words building up, ready to spring free from my mouth, everything I want to say to him but when I open my mouth...nothing comes out but a sob.

Reality settling in.

On more than one occasion in less than a year I've almost died

More sobs escape, comfortable being released in front of the person who makes me feel safest in the world.

Tentatively Dimitri reaches out, testing to see if it's okay that he touches me and holds me. Instead of nodding or giving him a verbal "yes" I walk into his arms where he welcomes me wholeheartedly, settling into the familiar spot I've come to claim as my own against his chest.

Neither of us says a word.

He holds me in the best hug I've ever had in my entire life with a silent promise that he isn't letting go anytime soon.

"Do you want to be alone?" Dimitri asks, finally breaking the long silence between us.

I don't know how long we've been standing here near the front door hugging but it's felt like days have passed and my body is seriously protesting this much strain. I still don't want to let him go though. Part of me does. Part of me wants to settle in my own protective cocoon in my room where not even Dimitri can break through but another part of me wants to be alone with my protective human shield and have him hold me until I'm ready for him to let me go.

The latter part wins out.

"No, not really."

Sensing my hesitation and mistaking the long silence before I'd answered as reluctance, Dimitri offers again.

"Rose if you need more time I more than understand. A lot has happened these last few days."

I laugh, humorlessly to myself. "In the hospital, I begged you not to leave, to stay with me, and I ended up taking off."

"You felt you had to. No one's blaming you. We were just worried."

I close my eyes for a second, still resting against his chest, realizing I don't really want to be separated from his warmth just yet. "Can you stay? For a while?"

His answer is immediate. "Of course. As long as you need. If you want to be alone though, just tell me. Please don't take off like that again. "

"I promise," I swear to him that same promise I gave Lissa and I mean it. "I wont leave. "

He starts walking us toward the stairs, slowly because we're still wrapped around each other. "Are you Christian's ride home?" I ask, remembering he still doesn't have a car and has been relying on others to get him around.

"I'm sure he won't mind staying to keep Lissa company. I can always give him my car if he needs to leave."

"What about the studio?" I ask, worried that I'm keeping him here when he still has a life outside of all of this that he should be living.

"One of my assistants is taking care of it."

"And Viktoria?"

"She wanted to spend some time on her own too but at home with Sonya and the kids. We have plans later to really talk and I'm supposed to go with her to one of her therapy sessions soon." He stops us form walking and tilts my chin up so that I can look him in the eyes. I've missed this eyes. "Rose, I'm right where I want to be. There's nothing I need to do or take care of except for you if you need me."

I do.

I need him.

I also know I need to be independent and strong but for now, all I want to do is blanket myself with Dimitri's warmth and take up Yeva's advice about sleeping for a few days.

I'm too exhausted to even say anything. Instead of giving him a verbal answer, I fall against him. I'm coherent enough to feel when he lifts me up to carry me up the rest of the way.

"I need you too, Roza," he murmurs.

There's a light press of his lips against my hair before I feel my blanket of warmth as I drift off into a nice long sleep.