AN: Hello, I'm here! Anyone still there? Sorry for the tardiness, but Carlisle had a few things to say. And also, someone reviewed and wonder why now? Why give Carlisle a chance to speak now. Well, I felt like with all the commotion going on, it had to be hard on him to not really remember what the hell was going or what led up the the whole fiasco. Yes, things are coming back to him thanks to Maggie, but there's still that underlying feeling of confusion and loss of control. I really hope you enjoy this. More at the bottom.

Disclaimer: I own nothing!

~Unbeta'd~

That's What Little Girls Are Made Of...

Chapter One Forty-Nine

CPOV

The struggle with my memory, or the lack there of, was even more frustrating to me. And the migraines I had begun to suffer didn't help my situation at all.

Constantly, I felt like I was missing something or, better yet, someone was missing from my life. Often, I just found myself going through the day in a hazy fog.

My days were filled with endless visits, lunches, and business meetings with my father, who swore to me I was being groomed to take over before my accident, so it just made sense to jump back into things. And my nights were spent chasing a pair of familiar green eyes that haunted my dreams.

Worried that my memory was not coming back, I had my father take me back in to the physician who treated me.

Dr. Benjamin Amun, Eleazar's friend and apparently, my colleague, said it was normal to have some temporary memory loss after the head trauma I suffered, but being around my family, and familiar surroundings should help me get my memories back. Just how long that would take varied from individual to individual. "Carlisle, you should just be patient, and enjoy your time away from the office." Amun joked playfully as he finished up my exam.

Easy for him to say, he wasn't the one who couldn't remember who the fuck he was.

And as far as spending more time with my family and friends was concerned, the more time I spent with them, the more confused I became; none of it seemed right. I just felt this strong pull, to what, I was still uncertain. But, I was bound and determined to find out.

Every fiber in my being told me it had something to do with the mystery green eyes from my dreams.

Was I cheating on Tanya with someone else?

Had I really turned into that guy?

Unsure of what was going on, I decided to keep that tidbit of information to myself, for now.

Supposedly, Tanya and I were madly in love and engaged to be married. Only problem was, no one could tell me why we weren't. I did know that I was forty-six years old, so, what the hell were we waiting for?

Neither one of us was getting any younger.

I was beyond frustrated. And every time I tried to question my sister, Supulcia, about my concerns, she'd change the subject and leave the room; it's like she was afraid to be alone with me or something.

And my baby sister, Maggs, was the complete opposite. She was never allowed to be in the same room with me for more than ten minutes at a time, and we were never left alone. The crazy thing was, it always felt like she was the one trying to tell me something.

I kind of felt like there was some type of joke going on and I was the only one who wasn't in on it.

Gah... this was so fucking frustrating!

~TWLGAMO~

Upon Eleazar's insistence, I started spending every waking hour with him, and when I wasn't with him, I was with Tanya. We shopped, we ate at the finest restaurants in town, and we attended the exclusive Country Club on a regular basis. People often jokingly referred to us as the golden pair.

And still, I felt no spark!

Not even a fucking little flicker!

Truth be told, every goddamn thing about that woman repulsed to me!

Her perfume smelled too sweet.

Her hair was the wrong color and too straight.

She was too tall.

Her body was the wrong shape...

Too bony...

Hell, she never ate more than a few leaves of lettuce at any given time!

Need I go on?

My hands ached to hold soft, supple flesh that molded to my body. Not a fake, washed out, plastically enhanced Barbie Doll.

The list of her faults was endless.

No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't picture my life with Tanya Denali.

Maybe I was the reason we weren't married yet.

Our relationship was at a standstill.

We'd been reduced to awkward hugs and even more awkward kisses to the cheeks and forehead. I could tell she was beginning to get frustrated with me. Of course, personally, I was well beyond that point.

One night as I lay awake in bed thinking of the pair of unknown green eyes that haunted my dreams, Tanya came to my room.

"Car..." she whisper-yelled through the door as she tapped lightly. "Are you awake?" I hated that fucking name.

My first instinct was to fake sleep, but I'd never forgive myself if she had a legitimate emergency and I just ignored her.

Fucking conscience!

"It's Carlisle, Tanya." I corrected through gritted teeth as I opened up the door. "Please, for the millionth time, stop referring me to as something you drive or ride in."

"But Car," she whined in an irritating, nasally voice. "You use to love it when I call you that."

Rolling my eyes at her pitiful attempt at pouting, I ran a hand roughly through my hair. "Maybe when I was five, but, I highly doubt that I ever took pleasure in that God awful excuse for a nickname." Sighing in exasperation, I asked, "Now, what can I do for you; it's late and I need to get some sleep."

Moving to block her entrance into my suite, I said, "I have a very long day tomorrow and I feel the stirrings of a migraine coming on." Rubbing my temple for emphasis, "So can you just please tell me why you are here?"

Regarding me with a coy smile, she placed a hand on my chest. "Maybe I could come in and help with that headache...make it all better?" She made it sound like a question.

Not even bothering to dignify her with answer, I stepped back out of her reach. "Goodnight, Tanya. Rest well," I said as I closed the door in her face, locking it behind me. After a string of unladylike expletives, she finally went on her merry way.

~TWLGAMO~

Agitated, and unable to sleep, I paced the floor of my room, tugging at my hair. The little blue pills that Amun had prescribed for me were taunting me from my bedside table, but I was doing my best to fight against the pull. I'd been taking one every night since I came home, but no more. They left me in a fog and feeling out of control.

And I had to be in control, if I was going to get my memory back.

I wanted to remember.

No, I needed to remember.

A noise in the corner of the room caught my attention. "Maggie?" I asked, seeing her come from what looked like a panel in the wall. "What are you doing? Where did you come from?"

"Shh… Carl," Maggie shushed, moving in closer so she didn't have to raise her voice. "I can't let anyone find me in here. Eleazar doesn't want me anywhere near you."

Confused, I asked, "Why wouldn't Eleazar want you anywhere near me?" Having had enough of the secrecy, I demanded that my sister tell me what the hell was going on. "What's going on, Maggs? I feel like you've been trying to tell me something for weeks now, so spill it." Little did I know, but I was about to unleash Pandora's Box.

"I have," She sighed, looking ashamed. "And the reason our father," spitting the word with obvious disdain, "is afraid I'll tell you the truth, and put an end to this whole crazy façade he's been keeping up."

"What façade?"

Looking resigned, Maggie sighed. "Look, Carl, Eleazar is up to no good; as usual. I swear I didn't know Carl, I swear I didn't!" Maggie's breathing picked up, and I could see the panic clearly in her eyes. Maggie and I have always been close, and I was reminded of when we were children and she thought she had angered me beyond forgiveness.

"Hey… come on, Maggs, calm down," I said, rubbing soothing circles on her back. "Now, what are you going on about? And what pray tell is Eleazar up to now? And what didn't you know?"

That's when Maggie began to put all the pieces of the puzzle that's my life back together for me, telling me how Eleazar, Tanya, Supulcia, and Alec all had a hand in getting me here under false pretenses. There was no boating accident, it was a plane crash that could have killed me and my wife. My wife?

My mind was reeling at the things she confided in me.

Fucking Eleazar!

How could he do this to me?

Everything, everything was a lie!

All of the people I had encountered, the stories I'd been told, the fake memories that had been planted inside my head, were all staged by Eleazar.

The great and mighty Eleazar Cullen strikes again!

He never could stand to lose!

Well not this time...

This time, I plan to beat Eleazar at his own fucking game!

~TWLGAMO~

Even after all these years, that evil fucker wouldn't let me go. And, my sister, Supulcia, had always been a pawn in his evil schemes. Bitch!

Why?

Why not find someone else to do his dirty work?

Hungry for information, I demanded that Maggie tell me everything that she knew about me. I still couldn't remember everything from my past, but slowly, with the help of my sister, things were coming back to me. Eleazar was by no means a fool, so, Maggie and I had to be very careful and not let on that we were working against him. Meaning, I had to keep up this farce with the temptress and that evil bastard who sired me.

There was a catch twenty-two to getting my memories back, especially, when Maggie revealed the secret to my green-eyed beauty. Esme, the name flowed from my lips like a prayer and tasted so sweet on my tongue.

And with that knowledge came emotions and visions of a young beauty worried for her younger brother because he had a broken arm; it was love at first sight. Knowing that Esme was somewhere in this house and I couldn't see her, touch her, make love to her had the strange void I had been feeling in my chest grow even wider.

As much as I wanted to storm in and assert myself with Eleazar and the rest of his goons, that wasn't the wisest nor safest way to go about this. I had to get Esme, Maggie, and myself out of this house safely. Our children needed us, and we needed them too.

Goddamn it, I needed to remember!

This was getting beyond frustrating...

~TWLGAMO

Day in and day out, it made sick to my stomach to have to go on pretending with Tanya, when all I wanted to do was hold my beautiful wife. The distinctly discolored line on my ring finger was the only tangible proof I had that she existed.

I had to remain strong...

For my family's sake!

My skin burned each time Tanya put her disgusting talons on me; it was almost as if I was betraying my vows and the woman I said them to. The only consolation was that Maggie continued to come to me every night after everyone else was asleep.

All of sudden, I looked forward to nightfall, because with it, came the answers that I sought. Maggie would tell me the truth and fill in so many of the missing pieces. She eventually was able to sneak a laptop into my room, so I could see firsthand the life I once lived.

I wasn't a lying cheat!

I had a life!

A beautiful wife!

A son!

And a daughter!

I'd yet to remember Isabella, and I only had a vague recollections of Edward as a young boy, but that didn't make them any less my children. The most devastating of them all was having to relive Charlotte's death all over again. Esme and I had a baby, a little girl. My body automatically felt the need to grieve my little angel, even though my mind had no distinct recollection of that time in my life. The hollowing pain in my chest crippled me. And in an outrage, I destroyed my room. I was so distraught and inconsolable, I had to be sedated.

Christ, what kind of monster goes through such lengths to destroy his only son's happiness?

Eleazar Cullen, that's who!

And planned to exact my revenge.

Eleazar Cullen would die.

And it would be by my hands.

~TWLGAMO~

The sounds of FBI and police filling the house brought me back to the presents. I felt the stirrings of a migraine, but did my best to ignore it. Now was not the time to be weak, my family needed me. "Sweetheart," Esme whispered, cupping my cheek. "Are you alright? Do you need to take a pill?"

Leaning into her touch, I covered her delicate hand with mine. "I feel a headache coming, but no, Love, I don't need a pill." Smiling at how easy we were with each other. How it seemed that our time apart did nothing but strengthen our bond.

"Carlisle Cullen..." she said in a warning tone.

Kissing her chastely on the lips to silence her, I said, "Hey, I thought I was the one who went to med school?" Giving her a crooked grin, I said, "I'm fine for now. The pills make me feel out of control, and I don't think now is the time to not have my wits about me." Leaning in, I gave her a chaste kiss on the lips. "I promise to ask for something if it gets too bad."

Eventually, we're let go and Agent Romanov arranges for us to be taken to a safe house, but not before my little Isabella puts Edward in his place. On the one hand, Edward deserved for betraying Maggie the way he did, but then again, his whole world has been turned upside down by a monster in my family. Can you blame the guy for not trusting any of my relatives? I can definitely see a lot more than brotherly love between those two, but having no recollection of our past together, I was loathe to interfere. At that thought, the ever present anger and frustration at what Eleazar took from me reared its ugly head.

Baby steps, Carlisle, baby steps...

When Isabella refused to get in the SUV with him, I could see the pained look in his eye. Yep, that boy was a goner, he looked like someone had just squeeze the life out of his puppy.

Looks like I had a lot more to catch up than sleep. First off, I had to reconnect with my wife on every level, and secondly, I needed to get to know my children. The young man and woman they were now, and not the children I should or should not remember from my past.

Squeezing Edward's shoulder in silent support, I climbed in the truck behind my wife. Life may not be back to normal, but we were certainly on our way to getting there.

Eleazar may not have died at my hands, but he did die, leaving every fucking thing to me. Oh the sweet irony, I thought as I threw my head back and laughed.

"Carlisle?" Esme asked concerned. "Is everything okay? What's so funny?"

Looking back, I watched as our prison faded into the night. "Nothing, Sweetheart," I answered, pulling her into my side. "Absolutely nothing."

This nightmare was far from over, but at least I had my family back!

AN: Well, how did you like it? I would love to know. And just a heads up, we'll be wrapping this thing up shortly. I'm thinking roughly, two or three regular chapters and then maybe an epi and a futuretake or two. Hope to hear from you! Leave me some love!

Laters Peeps!

Krazi

xoxo