A/N: Disclaimer: Richelle Mead owns the characters.

Just so there isn't any confusion, the beginning of this chapter starts with a flash back that takes place before the first two epilogues.

Months without being able to sleep and I'm in a weird state of limbo where I'm living in a numbing daze. I don't know how long I've been in bed but I know I've watched the sunlight brighten and fade more than a few times outside my window. Therapy is taking its toll on me. When I first started going, I was warned that it wouldn't be easy and eventually I'd have to relive what happened to me in order to accept that happened to move on.

I thought I could handle it. I thought I was strong enough.

I crumbled easier than a paper engulfed by flames.

I couldn't think about that night without falling apart and as a result, I've been laying in bed for who knows how many days trying to forget.

I feel the bed dip where someone sits beside me. I don't have to look to see that it's Dimitri. I know his scent anywhere and sometimes there are just times where I can just sense he's near me. It also helps that I've been hiding out at his apartment for a while now and he's the only one that I've let near me in days.

I can't be around Lissa and Andy when I'm like this. I can't let them see me when I'm feeling at my weakest so I decided to come here and hide out for a while with the one person I know who won't force me to talk or try to figure out what's wrong with me. He'll just be there and take care of me no questions asked.

He lays beside me, settling himself slowly so that I know what he's doing and won't be afraid. I hate when I'm afraid. I hate that he thinks I'm afraid of him whenever I flinch or jump or react to the most innocent of actions. He wraps an arm around my body and uses me as an anchor to tug himself closer to me, his body encasing mine from behind. He rests his head close to my own.

Neither of us says anything for a long time. We lay there and both of us drifts in and out of sleep for who knows how long before he finally speaks.

"You haven't eaten," he notes.

It takes me a few tried before I clear my throat enough so that I'm able to reply. "I haven't had much of an appetite."

"You're freezing," he points out, wrapping his warmer hand within my own.

I just shrug, having grown used to the chills and shivers I've had for the last few days.

"I'm worried about you, Roza. I've been thinking about calling my mother over here to check on-"

"No." It comes out so firmly I think it surprises both of us but when I look over my should to see Dimitri's face he seems unfazed by my tone. He's grown used to my sudden changes in mood since I started therapy. He's been so understanding it's almost unbelievable that someone could love someone enough to go through so much trouble in order to be with that person.

"You need to take better care of yourself. Or at least let me do it," he murmurs. "You're going to make yourself sick if you go on like this."

"I thought therapy was supposed to help me. Not make me feel worse."

"It's just going to take time." With his fingers he combs my hair back from my face. The expression on his face is a mix of exhaustion and worry. I've done this to him. Made him like this.

"Time," I muse as raise my hand to his face. "How much time are you willing to waste on me before you realize I'm not worth it?"

His expressions changes immediately, one I've seen only a few times in all the times we've been together and never aimed at me. It's only for a fleeting moment, but I catch the flicker of anger on his face before he takes a deep breath and releases as he sits up in the bed, bring me with him.

"Do you trust me?"

I nod without a doubt. He grabbed a hold of my hand and wrapped one hand behind me to gently stand me up. In one swift motion I'm in his arms and we're headed towards the bathroom. He walks slowly so that I can see what he has in mind and still have time to tell him to stop. I don't.

He sits on the edge of the tub and balances me on his lap as he turns on the water.

"Shower or bath?" he asks me. Options. Always reminding me I have the right to choose. I wonder if he's going to reply to my earlier question about wasting his time with me or if he's just going to ignore it. He's never ignored one of my questions before, always quick to assure me. Maybe he's finally grown tired and this is one last bath for the road before he finally admits he's tired of me.

Is it fare of me to expect so much from Dimitri, to ask so much of him even when I don't actually say anything? Is it fare for me to expect him to positively reassure of my feelings every time I'm feeling low which is most of the time?

No. But I tend to do it anyway.

"Shower," I murmur.

He sets the water to the close to steaming temperature he knows I prefer the water to be. We've showered together before, taken innocent baths. We've lain in bed without a shred of clothing on, held, touched, and kissed each other in every possible way without having sex. He's seen every part of me and he's still here and I still doubt him.

"I just want to help. I can leave or if you want me to be close or near by, just tell me. You have to talk to me so that I can know how to help. I just want to help you," he repeats. "I don't ever want you to hear you doubt your worth, Rose."

And I know he means it. It seems insane or irrational to feel like I can completely trust someone, to let myself become so close to someone like this, but I do. He must read it on my face or see it in my eyes because even though I don't say anything, he knows it's okay to keep going. He helps me with the t-shirt of his I've been sleeping in first and it's a moment before he helps me tug it off completely that I remember I'm not wearing anything else underneath other than my underwear. The fear ii always have before he sees me naked immediately settles in, feeling so vulnerable, but Dimitri acts quickly holding me close against him.

"I can't wait for the moment where you realize how beautiful you are," he says against my lips. He stops himself from actually kissing me and instead moves his kiss to my forehead. "Unless you tell me otherwise, I'm not going anywhere any time soon."

He holds me for a long time after he says that and I realize he's waiting for a response. I wrap my arms tighter around his neck and close my eyes, burying my face against his shoulder.

"I know." I feel his lips on my head again and I accept that for the first time since we've been together that I don't need to hope and pray that this man will never leave me because I know he won't. "I love you," I murmur.

"I love you too, Roza. I'll always love you and I'll always take care of you...but I need you to put in a little effort in taking better care of yourself." He hesitated in adding that last part. He once told me he wish he could spoil me rotten, shield me from the scariest parts of the world, without me ever having to lift a finger but he knew it wasn't what was best for me to help me get better.

"So this is what we're going to do," he says using his instructor tone that he rarely ever directs at me. In fact he only uses this tone on the rare occasion we have time to do more self defense practice to motivate me or when we exercise together. "I'm going to give you a shower, we're going to eat a full meal, and then we're going to start up your therapy appointments again."

It wasn't exactly what I wanted to do but I knew it had to be done. I can't hide forever. I nod and give an unenthusiastic but firm, "Okay."

We sit clutching at each other until we both realize the bathroom is getting extra steamy and we're both getting extra sweaty with the shower running. I step out of his arms but only to help him tug off his clothes so that he eventually comes to stand as undressed as I am with the exception of my underwear. This is always the hardest part for me and he knows it. He waits until I calm myself down, slowing my breathing before I give him the slight nod that it's okay for him to help me slip off my underwear.

He pulls them down slowly and then helps me step out of them. The entire time he does, he's looking up at me making sure I'm okay. There have been more than a few times where I ended up freaking out and hyperventilating until he could calm me down. I'm okay right now though.

We wash each other clean and Dimitri laughs as he always does when I have to struggle on my toes to reach his hair in order to wash it while he's easily able to reach mine. We eventually decide to sit in the bath for a while. I trace my hand along the scar of his leg where he'd been shot. Dimitri and I have each been through so much in our lives. He's shown me his scars and I know I've shown him all of mine. It's time to show him I appreciate and love him as much as he loves me by putting in as much effort in this relationship as he has.

He leans down to kiss my cheek and tightens his arms around me as we lean back in the bathtub closing our eyes. I smile for what feels like the first time in days and it's almost always Dimitri that's able to bring me out of my moods.

It's moments like this that I wish I could give him more of myself but I know that I don't need to.

For now, this seems to be enough.

I stir from the memory of that particular moment from the last few years as the sound of Lissa's scribbling and note jotting seems to grow louder. She curses under her breath when she erases one of her notes but makes a tear in the paper.

"How did you do it?" I ask, seemingly out of nowhere spurred on by the memory I just had and all the thinking I've been doing about Dimitri and I lately since everything else in my life seems in order. I have my parents in my life for the first time at the same time, I'm in school, working...

"Do what?" Lissa asked distractedly, as she continued retyping her class notes. She had an important exam coming up and she was still balancing her internship work. I hated bothering her when she was working so hard but she was the only one I could comfortably turn to in order to talk about this.

"How did you know you were ready?" I ask, again too vague for her to catch on to what I'm getting at.

"Ready for what, Rose?" she laughs, trying to focus on her work but more curious about what I was trying to ask her.

I stopped myself from pacing and plopped myself down in the seat in front of her. Being vague and dancing around the subject wasn't going to get me any answers. I just have to come out and ask.

"How did you know you were ready to sleep with Christian?"

Lissa's pen dropped to the table louder than should have been possible. Her face broke out into an amused grin as she moved her chair closer to me.

"Is this about you and Dimitri?"

"No, I'm just curious about you and Christian's sex life," I said sarcastically, rolling my eyes. "Look, I don't exactly get a kick out of the imagery of you guys doing it...I still can't get the visuals out of my head from last time."

She nudged me in the shoulder and laughed apologizing.

"I'm just curious how you knew you were ready...especially after everything," I added, the mood turning a bit more serious than before.

That's what everything always went back to. The attacks. The rapes. The trials. How we moved on from it all. Things were better though. We could talk about it now without any of us having a breakdown.

Lissa sat back in her chair and thought about it for a while. I guessed that she was thinking about Andy and how hesitant she was at first to let Christian so much into her life which meant being apart of Andy's life too. Lissa will always have us as her family since her parents turned their backs on her but Andy is the only one of us that is her flesh and blood, her child that she'd do anything to protect. She was scared at first when she admitted she had feelings for Christian. She didn't want to do anything about it but over tine, she realized she didn't have to be so afraid any more. She didn't want to live her life that way. None of us did.

I just wanted to know why she felt ready to be so intimate with Christian when I was still so uncertain about going physically further with Dimitri.

"I don't know. I can't describe it. It was just one of those days where I wasn't thinking about everything that happened, you know? It was a good day, Christian, Andy, and I went on a picnic, he helped me put Andy to bed and then our good day...it just seemed like a good chance for our good day to be something more, a good night. Does that make sense?"

Surprisingly, yes. I nodded. "One of the days where we're not remembering."

"Exactly. It was one of those days where I completely forgot about all the bad things and just focused on the good stuff."

I'd been experiencing the same thing lately, moments where I'd suddenly realize I wasn't thinking about what happened. It was weird but it was also a good feeling. It happened most when I was with Dimitri.

"And believe me it's been beyond good," she gushed, giggling.

I rolled my eyes but laughed, happy we were having normal girl talk.

"I've heard," I muttered dryly but still laughing along with Lissa. It was rare we got to do so lately considering how busy we always were. "This is not something I want to talk about. Chris is like a brother to me and you're like a sister so it's like...eww," I shuddered, eliciting a heavier laugh from Liss.

"Tell me something. You Dimitri have been together seven years and you've really done nothing? How far have you gone?"

"Are we seriously talking first and second base here?" I asked feeling my face flush from the direction this conversation was taking. It was only fun poking fun at Lissa's sex life. Not my own. Or lack thereof.

Liss just lifted a brow, pushing the question with an amused expression on her face. Much like Dimitri, Liss didn't let me get away with much when I was trying to avoid something either.

"It's not like we haven't done anything," I murmured low enough hoping she wouldn't hear but of course she did. "We've...tried stuff, tested my limits to see what my triggers were," I explained, my face feeling overtly warm at the images popping into my head of all the memories Dimitri and I made over the years. "And other stuff."

"Tried stuff?" Liss asked, her curiosity growing with each moment.

I nodded.

"Other stuff?" she again questioned and I nodded.

"Liiiiike..." Lissa prompted, her work completely forgotten.

I rolled my eyes and held my face in my hands wishing I'd never come here to talk about this.

"We've of course seen each other naked."

"I would hope so. It has been seven years," she giggled.

"It's been so perfect..."

"How so? Details girl! Details!" Lissa demanded, a dreamy look in here eyes, expecting me to spill it.

I decided I could give her a little info without giving all of my cherished memories away.

"A couple of months after I started therapy, remember when I had all those nightmares and I couldn't sleep?"

Lissa's head bobbed just like Andy's often did when he was excited and nodding. "Yeah, you said it was after you really started remembering the details. I remember none of the medications prescribed to you were working and you really couldn't sleep for weeks. I could never figure out what fixed it. We all assumed it was just time."

I shook my head softly, feeling the smile grow on my face at the memories. "Yeah time helped but it was mostly Dimitri," I told her feeling embarrassed at having said such a thing.

"He loves you. He takes good care of you," she says nonchalant as though it isn't a big deal.

"I know that. Believe me I do but...I think I'm scared of what happens if we go any further."

She patted me on the shoulder reassuringly. "The only advice I can give to you is that you just have to trust yourself. I already know you trust Dimitri but sometimes that's easy to forget when you're scared. You'll know when you're ready," she assured me, patting the top of our clasped hands.

"Now you sound like Dimitri," I muttered.

She laughed before going back to her work. At first I thought she was leaving me right where I started, unsure of how I'd know when it was the right time but when I thought about it, what she and Dimitri said actually helped.

There's no sense in panicking or worrying about it all, especially whenever anyone reminds me how irrational it is for me to be so worried about being hesitant and needing time.

I'll just have to rely on the hope that I'll know when I'm ready.

After so many years of having Sunday dinners at Olena's, I still could never grow tired of them. I felt myself smiling as I watched Dimitri, Stan, Christian, and a few of the other guys from work or school playing a game of basketball with the kids.

"Have you ever used any of the skills...Dimitri's taught you?" Abe asks as he sits beside me watching everyone play. Everyone else was inside finishing up preparing dinner and gushing about Mark and Tasha's engagement and Viktoria finishing graduate school.

He always hesitates to use Dimitri's name because he typically still calls him "the cradle robber".

"Nope," I said proudly. "And I hope I never have to."

"Well if he ever mistreats you then please feel free to use his skills against him and then call me," Abe advises much to amusement. It's still funny to me watching him trying to play the father role. He's doing his best. He and my mother have made it a point to come to every Sunday dinner since their first one. The family has welcomed them wholeheartedly and it felt nice having my family complete.

"Dimitri is one of the best things that has ever happened to me. He has never mistreated me and he never will."

"He better not or I will bring all hell down on him," Abe muttered.

I fought an amused smile and went back to drinking my soda. "Noted," I smiled. He offered me one of his grins as well before standing to go help my mother and Yeva carry some of the food out. Lissa sat beside me in his place.

"What's so funny?" she asked looking at my amused grin.

"Abe playing the overprotective father," I told her. "He and my mother being a couple. It's still kind of a weird sight to see," I admitted.

She nodded and smiled with me. "Speaking of mothers and fathers...remember I went to visit Andre's grave?"

"Yeah for his birthday yesterday, right? I'm sorry I couldn't go with you this time. No one could fill in for me at the diner," I apologized again.

"No it's fine," she waved my words away. "I'm kind of glad I went by myself. My parents were there too," she said surprising me. "I thought they'd never visited his grave before but they said they come every year on his birthday and the anniversary of his death the same way I do."

"You'd think you guys would have bumped into each other at some point over all these years."

"I said the same thing but they always visited early in the morning and I usually go in the late afternoon. They were a little late yesterday so they ended up being there the same time I did. None of us really said anything at first. In fact, I was pretty sure neither of them was going to say anything at all until I started heading back to my car."

"What happened?"

"My dad saw Andy's car seat. You should of seen the look on his face when he realized I kept the baby. He said that they heard I really did keep the baby but they couldn't believe it."

"What did your mom say?" I asked as Lissa looked out to where Andy was running with the basketball and everyone else was chasing after him.

"She didn't say anything at first. She wouldn't even look at me until my dad asked if I had any photos of Andy. I showed him and my mother said that he had Andre's eyes."

"Wow," I gasped. It wasn't much but her mother saying anything meant she at least had a bit of emotion. "So what happened after that?"

Liss shrugged. "My mom just went to sit in the car. My dad stood there for a while and said he couldn't believe he was a grandfather and then they left."

I wrapped an are around Liss and scooted closer. "Are you okay, Liss?"

She inhaled deeply and smiled. "I am actually. My parents have never really been in my life. The difference between me and you is that there was always a point in time where your parents loved you. My parents...I just don't think they know how. They were brought up a certain way so that's how they live and I accepted that a long time ago."

I had my parents back but I hated that Lissa didn't have hers. But she didn't need them. She had us. She was part of this makeshift family just like the rest of us. I reeled her in for a very Dimitri-like tight hug.

"You know, something just occurred to me..."

"What?"

"I didn't realize it until now but...my dad never handed the picture of Andy back to me."

I thought about what that might mean as Liss and I looked at each other smiling slightly. "Well that has to mean something..."

"Yeah I think it does."

"Maybe you'll see them again whenever you visit Andre's grave," I suggested.

She nodded. "Yeah I was thinking the same thing," she said sounding hopeful.

It's something that's said all the time but it really is amazing how quickly times flies.

As often as I told myself I'd never come back to this high school, I always do.

It's usually when I come back with Liss to visit Andre's grave that I give her a couple of hours by herself while I drive around town reminiscing. Since I couldn't make it with her this time, I decided to go on my own for once.

I often drive through town and always say I won't stop but I always do. I end up parking the car in front of what used to be my mother's house and wandering off on my own for a while, winding up here at the school's front doors. There are a few students milling about in after school sports and clubs, teachers wandering tiredly to their cars, and janitors finishing up their cleaning.

I wonder if they remember what happened when I went here, if students or even teachers still talk about it or is it something the town just avoids bringing up because of the bad light it sheds on the town. I stand at the gates and reflect on all that I've endured inside those doors, how much I dreaded walking in and how happy I was when I was able to walk out. There were a few good memories here but, unfortunately, they're tainted too much by the overwhelmingly bad ones.

I wander off from the school, hoping and praying that all the students after us experience something different. I want them to have happier times, normal childhoods, make better memories than the ones we have.

I wander on foot and find myself at the second place I never imagined I'd returned to: The Ivashkov house.

I always end up here, expecting to find some sense of closure to what happened with us and the fact that I can stand here without bursting into tears or panicking at the assaulting wave of memories from that night. There's nothing. I feel nothing. I was scared and worried the first time I returned here and felt impassive but, without talking my therapist, I realized why I feel nothing for this place anymore.

Therapy doesn't fix everything. It's been sort of a base ground for me to start fresh and it's given me a few moments of clarity like the moment I realized none of it was my fault and I accepted it wasn't my fault. Therapy can't give me all the answers though. I've had to do some of the soul searching, problem solving, and reach some of the realizations on my own. I don't have everything sorted or figured out and I probably never will.

I've accepted that I may have to live with the fact that I may never have an answer to the hardest question of them all. Why? Why me? Why did this happen? Why did this happen to any of us? I've started to acknowledge my therapist's answer that there might never be an acceptable answer to that. It makes me feel better that there are some many others who are asking the same question.

Talking about it is hard but it helps. As helpful as its been talking a professional, I realized I'm more open when I'm talking with Dimitri, my rock. He's my solid rock, tethering me down, keeping me from drifting into the darkness I used to feel would one day swallow me from the inside out.

The first time I visited the Ivashkov home since that night, I returned home and looked at Dimitri's relaxed face as he slept. I kissed his face, feeling the love that I long ago learned to accept and the warmth of his protective arms as he encased his body around mine even as he slept. I realized I reached my point of closure a long time ago without even realizing. It wasn't some grand moment or an epiphany. It was something gradual.

That house has no hold over me. The memories are there, will always be there, but I've learned to grow and live above them. I moved on so much and found myself so much happiness that there are days, weeks even, where I don't spear even a moment reflecting on the past.

Freeing. Breathtaking. Gentle.

Tender. Warm.

Loving.

I shuddered as Dimitri removed his mouth from my own to kiss his favorite spot on my shoulder. I ran my fingers through his hair as my head lulled back where he moved to trail his lips along my neck down to my collar bone. The movie we'd been watching completely forgotten as I reached behind Dimitri for the remote to turn the TV off while Dimitri stood lifting me up with him. He easily balanced me in his arms with my legs wrapped around his waist walking us to the bedroom.

The rain outside was pouring down and thunder rolled. It was one of those cozy days where we had nothing to do but stay home and cuddling on the couch in front of a movie.

I always imagined our first time would be in some grand hotel after a nice fancy dinner and dancing. Somehow, this was better.

Safe and tucked away in our own private world, in the home we'd made for ourselves, it was perfect.

I don't know how I knew I was ready. We'd done this many times before, moved ourselves from the living room to the bedroom and nothing ever happened. Tonight was going to be different and I can't explain how I know. I just know I don't want to hold back. I'm okay with the idea of giving myself completely to Dimitri.

No fear. No inhibitions. No worries.

Just love. Passion, hunger, lust, all mirrored in his eyes the same way I feel their in my own. And love.

Dimitri rolled so that I landed in top of him on the bed.

He must have read all that I was feeling in my eyes or maybe he could feel the difference and sense change in the electric charge that always exhausted between us when we close like this. He sat up in the bed and cupped my face in his hands.

I could read the question in his eyes.

Instead of answering aloud, I nodded slightly but enough for him to see. The only light in the room was from the rest of the city outside of our bedroom window and whatever thunder and lightening rolled overhead. He tilted my chin up to kiss me sweetly on the lips before he pulled back and jumped out of the bed.

"Where-"

"One second," he said sounding excited.

I laughed as he searched through the drawers and pulled out a couple of candles and aligned them along the dresser and one on each side table on either side of the bed. The lights from the candles emitted a soft glow in the room.

"I wish I had rose petals to scatter on the bed," Dimitri muttered to himself. "It's cliche but-"

"All I need is you, Dimitri," I told him giggling at how upset he looked that he didn't have any rose petals. I crawled on my knees to the edge of the bed and took a hold of both of his hands, hoping to pull him down back onto the bed with me. He came along willingly. "Although I do wish I had one of those fancy lingerie night dresses like in the movies..."

He hovered over me and I didn't feel the usual panic that built in my chest when we were sometimes like this. I didn't feel my lungs clutch nor my throat close. I was trembling but not in trepidation. I was breathless but not our of fear. I didn't have the faces of my nightmares hovering only me.

It was only him.

The two of us.

It was only Dimitri hovering over me, looking down at me lovingly.

"Even if you had a fancy lingerie night gown believe me when I say you wouldn't need it because..."

I thought he was going to kiss me again but he shifted moving his mouth instead to my ear.

"You wouldn't be wearing it for long anyway."

I laughed and shuddered at the thought as I tugged at his shirt, undoing the first few buttons. "You won't need this for long either," I whispered beck.

We both smiled at each other, smothering our laughs with kisses. Soon our laughter was replaced with heavy panting and soft moans elicited with soft carefully placed touches. I thought Dimitri was moving slowly for my benefit but I soon also realize that he was drawing it all out to make every moment last as long as possible.

He took his time in helping me with my shirt. He nipped and nibbled at every new piece of exposed skin before moving on to my jeans letting his soft lips leave a trail on my skin. He undid the top button and slowly slid them down. I wrapped my legs around his waist, hoping he'd come back to where I was. He obliged, blanketing his body with my own.

He used his finger tips to leave a tickling trail along my skin before cupping my cheeks in his hand kissing either one.

The way he was looking at me right now made feel like I was going to melt into a puddle of Rose goo.

In this moment there was no way I'd ever doubt his love for me again.

This beautiful man who has done any and everything in helping me become the person I am today, who has been with me at my side through thick and thin and hasn't never once faltered in his love for me. He never once hesitated to love and hold me. I can't imagine how I'm so lucky to have ended up with a man like this but I'm grateful for him. Before I realized it, tears were building in my eyes and Dimitri tilted my face up worriedly.

"Do you know how much I love you?" I sniffled. I clutched my arms around his neck in tightly locked embrace.

He didn't hesitate to hold me back just as tightly with his voice in my ear telling me,"I know, Roza. I love you too." He held me tightly, as long as I needed, until I moved to find his lips.

He laid us back gently on the bed, surrounded by nothing but the soft blankets and the warmth of our bodies finally coming together.

"I don't think it's going to fit," I gasped as Lissa, the Belikov women, Tasha, and my mother tried to help zip up the wedding dress I'd bought months ago when I thought I'd still be able to fit it.

I hadn't anticipated being fourteen weeks pregnant with a baby bump on my wedding day.

Everyone released their hold on me and the zipper of my dress, exhausted.

"Didn't you have the dress altered?" Viktoria asked.

"Yeah a week ago," I answered grimly.

"You've apparently changed in shape since then," my mother laughed.

"That's because she never stops eating," Tasha also laughed just as I'd pulled a candy bar out of my purse.

"Well when you and Mark start popping out babies then you come and talk to my about not eating all the time," I shot back as I devoured most of the candy bar into my mouth. Tasha just laughed and hugged me apologetically.

"I'll forgive you if you give me that granola bar I see sticking out of your coat pocket over there," I told her. She laughed even harder as she went for the bar and handed it to me.

"You didn't eat as much when you had Andy did you?" Tasha asked Liss as I tore into the bar.

"Liss ate everyone out of house and home when she was pregnant," I answered for her making everyone laugh. I still wasn't laughing.

"It's my wedding day and I can't fit into my wedding dress," I sighed, my mouth full of granola as I settled on the small couch in the dressing room. "I guess I'm getting married in my maternity clothes."

"Of course not!" Olena squeaked searching through her purse. "We'll just need to make a few alterations of our own."

"Maybe you should have thought this through before you and my brother decided to make a baby," Karolina laughed as she patted my shoulders reassuringly while Olena and my mother searched for needles and extra cloth to fix my dress.

The night Dimitri and I celebrated our engagement with the rest of the family we were more concerned with celebrating with as much wine as possible instead of being concerned about protection. Needless to say our engagement party resulted in the baby bump I am currently sporting.

"We were celebrating," I finally laughed.

"When you guys celebrate you guys go all out," Sonya laughed. I'm glad everyone was having fun at my expense.

Yeva came to sit beside me, resting her hand on the firmness of my stomach.

"This is going to be a big one."

My eyes widened at the thought. I always felt both happy and scared at the thought of being responsible for another human being but I kept myself from thinking about the actual birth.

"Was Dimitri a big baby?" I asked worriedly, trying to imagine a Dimitri sized baby coming out of me.

Yeva nodded. "He was huge! Ten pounds," she told me and I could feel my mouth hanging open. "Don't worry though. Women have been giving birth since the beginning of time. You have nothing to be afraid of."

"Really? Because I'm kind of afraid of pushing a ten pound baby out of my-"

"Okay we cut some material from a curtain," my mother announced. "Abe will pay for that," she whispered to me.

"Come on, Roza," Olena instructed. Everyone pulled me up to stand so they could fix my dress. After a lot of pulling, tugging, and a few needle pricks, they were done. When I looked in the mirror and twirled around to get a look at myself I saw that they had patched the open zipper part of the dress with the material so that it made it seem like I didn't even have a zipper.

I exhaled in relief. The dress was so beautiful that when I saw it the very next day after Dimitri proposed to me, I bought it right way. The sleeves of the dress were elbow length, it was a nice cream color, and floor length with spread out patterns of embroidered flowers on the body of the dress. I had bought matching heels to go with it but my feet were already a little swollen and even though I wasn't that far along it still took a lot out of me standing on my feet for so long so, thankfully, Liss came prepared with flat sandals.

"You look so beautiful," Tasha sniffled, helping to adjust the embroidered headband that kept my bangs in place and the rest of my hair that was loosely braided back, neatly out of my face. Zoya and Sonya's youngest daughter stuck various flowers in my braid.

I looked at the faces of the women around me and everyone had tears in their eyes.

I laughed but I had to fan myself to keep myself from crying with everyone else.

Dimitri's hands traced gentle patterns on my stomach as we watched our friends and family continue to dance, eat, and laugh. The wedding reception was pretty much over and winding down, everyone having already given their speeches of blessing, toasts, taken turns dancing with Dimitri and I, and we already shoved slices of cake into each other's faces.

I couldn't believe I was finally married, Mrs. Rosemarie Belikov. The sound of Dimitri's last name with my first name still sounded weird to my ears but I knew how much it meant to him that I take his last name. We compromised that we'd hyphenate the last name of the baby in my belly.

I was already exhausted by the time we finished our first dance. Dimitri went out of his way to make sure I was comfortable but I wanted him to enjoy our wedding to, dancing with all the women in each of our families and the kids.

This was the first time we'd sat together alone all day.

He found me with my feet propped up and various plates of devoured food in front of me. He managed to lift me up and slide in under me so that I was on his lap, my legs still propped up on the chair. Every so often I'd feel the gentle brush of his lips on the top of my head, my cheeks, or he'd kiss each of my fingers.

"Have I told you how beautiful you are?"

"Once or twice," I answered jokingly. He'd made it a point to tell me how beautiful I was once every few minutes or so ever since we met at the alter. "You know I couldn't even fit my dress before the wedding," I told him, describing the fiasco we'd had about having to alter my dress. I could tell he was fighting the urge to laugh but struggled to keep a straight face once he saw I was less than amused. I was trying not to laugh along with him but it was too funny and I knew we'd look back on this one day fondly.

"As always, you're still beautiful, altered dress and all," he told me.

"Are you going to tell me that for the rest of the night?" I asked amused.

"You take my breath away," he said by way answering, smiling. He spooned the last of the cake we'd been sharing into my mouth and kissed the frosting off of my lips while I brushed the crumbs from his. "When you're looking at me like that, how can I resist telling you how beautiful you are. Would you mind if I told you again?"

"I would rather you kiss me," I answered honestly. He kissed me sweetly and tenderly and it would have lasted longer if I had my way but he pulled away.

"Let's go," he whispered against my mouth.

"Where?" I giggled as he stood us up.

He stopped one of the waiters and asked them to tell someone at the party that we left. We walked hurriedly, before anyone from the reception could stop us to chat or talk, toward his truck. He lifted me up into my seat and buckled me in before climbing in on his side and we were off.

"Where are we going?" I asked giddily excited.

"On our honeymoon."

I looked down on the city from the patio in the lakeside cottage we'd rented. Down the mountain side I could see the lake but further out I could see the city lights. Dimitri had wanted to take me someplace exotic and spectacular for our honeymoon but there were only so many days I could miss from school and work and since we were thinking of buying a house soon, money was tight.

This was perfect enough for me.

It didn't matter where we were as long as we were together. I looked over my shoulder to where he was sleeping soundly, the sheets tangled around his bare legs and chest. I'd been exhausted at the reception but the second we walked into the cottage and realized we were really alone for the first time in days, we dropped all of our belongings and were quick to reach for each other. Dimitri made quick work of the patchwork our mothers had done on my wedding dress.

Every moment Dimitri and I shared loving each other seemed better than the last. I didn't know someone could consume your heart, you're very being but Dimitri had. I loved every part of him and I couldn't believe I was going to spend the rest of our lives together.

I thought about all the people in high school that would never have moments like this, all the people whose lives were ruined beyond repair. As he had walked me down the aisle, Abe reminded me how far I'd come. He told me that though I'd been through many hardships it's best to never forget the struggles that made me the person I am today. He told me to never forget but also that it's a good thing how I've moved on since then.

There were a lot of people, friends and family alike, that helped in piecing me back together. I wouldn't be here if it wasn't for them but I also wouldn't be here if I hadn't put in any effort on my part. None of this would mean nothing if I'd never accepted that I could never change what happened to me. None of this would mean anything if I didn't decide to grow from what had happened and put it all behind me.

And I'm glad I did.

I'm grateful for all the I have now and I've made a promise to myself to do everything I can to keep all that I've gained.

"I missed you in bed," Dimitri murmurs as he comes up behind me. I think of how far I've come from living in my nightmares that I didn't jump as he came up behind me. He wraps his arms around me, his hands folded over my stomach as he rests his chin on my shoulder.

"I thought you were sleeping," I said as I held my hands over his on my stomach.

"I didn't have anything small, soft, and warm to cuddle with so I woke up," he admitted grinning boyishly.

I laughed, remembering all the times I'd woken up in the middle night because Dimitri wasn't beside me.

"What are you doing out here? It's freezing and you're taking care of two now," he said both worriedly and proudly, circling our hands over my stomach.

"I was just thinking..."

"About?" he asked when I trailed off.

"Everything," I shrugged simply.

He didn't press me to explain or ask me to elaborate because somehow he knew that I was just working everything out in my head. My past was behind me and now we had a nice future to look forward to.

"Are you scared?"

"A little," I admitted. "Mostly because Yeva told me you were a ten pound baby and this one might be even bigger than that."

We laughed as Dimitri swayed us back and forth. "I'm excited too," I added. "Not about changing diapers though," I joked, remembering the variety of diapers we changed over the years and how gross it sometimes was.

"How about this? I'll take responsibility for the majority of the gross diapers," he offered.

"And why would you do that?" I asked with a smile in my voice.

"Because odds are you are going to give birth to a very large, over sized baby and there's nothing I can do about that so it only seems fair."

"Really?" I asked in disbelief.

He nodded. "I promise."

"Okay. Let's see what else we can negotiate," I said giddily making Dimitri laugh. "What about late night feedings?"

"If you plan on breastfeeding that might be a problem," he pointed out.

"We can use formula."

"Okay then how about every other night we trade off on late night feedings?" he offered.

"You'll really get up late at night for late night feedings?" I asked knowing there were sometimes Dimitri could be as much as an anti-morning person as me.

"I promise," he says holding one hand up in a scouts honor gesture.

"Cool," I smiled. "You know, you're promising a lot. It may come back to haunt you once the baby is actually born."

"Without a doubt," he exhaled grinning. I spun in his arms so that I was facing him. "But I'd promise anything if I know it'll make things a little easier on you. I remember how my sisters and Lissa were after giving birth. I want to do my best to take care of you so if I have to promise any and everything I will."

"Really?"

"Yup," he answered quickly.

"Driving a mini van?"

"I'll do it."

"Saturday morning soccer games?"

"I'm looking forward to them," he grinned. That was an easy one since he was already assistant coach with Christian for Andy's soccer team.

"Romantic dinners at least once a week so that we don't become one of those boring parents that forgets how much they love each other."

"Definitely," he said breathlessly as though that was a given.

"Family vacations once a year?"

"Of course."

"Never forgetting to say 'I love you' even when we're angry."

He cupped my face in his hands and kissed my cheeks, the tip of my nose, and finally my lips. "I will tell you at least once every hour, by text, phone call, email or in person how much I love you and I won't ever forget."

I leaned up on my toes so that I could reach his lips.

"Will you do the same for me?"

"Once every few minutes by email, text, phone call, or in person."

He laughed at the "few minutes" and smothered my giggles with his lips on top of my own. It felt like we were adding all of this to the many vows we'd written down to give each other at our wedding.

We promised to love, honor, and trust each other, caring for each other through the best and worsts of times. It seems we'd started filling most of these vows even when we weren't married so I guess that was a good sign. I made a few extra promises to myself. I promised to never doubt myself and to not live in fear. I promised to love with all of my heart and do my best to keep hold of everything I've fought to gain.

"I promise."

A/N: It took me a few tries to write this out (especially since my computer kept refreshing the page thereby deleting any progress I made in writing the chapter). I probably should have been doing the pile of homework that accumulated over Spring Break but I had to give this story it's ending.

You guys have been totally amazing throughout this very long story and I'm sorry my updates weren't as frequent as they should have been and that there were some people who may not have been crazy about the story but like I said all opinions are appreciated and I'm grateful for those of you who reviewed, read, favorited, followed, private messaged and binge-read this story over night :) You guys are awesome and thanks for reading!