A/N: So here's my next interview. I sweated through this one lol. Ironhide's a real intimidating guy, but I assure you, it was well worth it. Enjoy!

I don't own Transformers. Ray is me.

Interview with an Autobot
Ironhide

Ironhide: Hey, little witch.

Ray of Starlight: H-Hi Ironhide.

Ironhide wasn't a bad guy, don't get me wrong. He's just the scariest thing to walk on two legs and transform into a big, black truck. He was the definition of 'intimidating'. I mean, the others could have their scary moments too, like Sunstreaker, but at least his twin was going to be there to protect me if Sunny happened to get annoyed with me, and I don't know, accidentally tripped and crushed me. Sunny would more than likely not do that, though. He wouldn't like the blood and guts all over his foot to mar his appearance, so maybe I was safe.

But Ironhide was different. He really had no one to hold him back except Optimus and Optimus had already laid down the law. No stepping on the feeble human. But from what I heard Ironhide had a reputation for getting angry easily and using his cannons rather than talking the problem out.

Currently, he was trying to stare me down and doing a fine job. His optics never left me as he sat down, but I made it a point to pretend to read something as I flipped through blank pages of my notebook. Finally, I looked up at him and gulped audibly. He didn't look too happy and he did look annoyed. Maybe he didn't want to do the interview. It was an open invitation. No one was being forced to talk to me. Maybe he just wanted the opportunity to scare me.

RS: So…how are you today?

I: Fine.

RS: Good. That's great. I'm glad you're fine. Good for you. (Crap, don't babble.)

I: You have questions to ask?

RS: Uh, yeah. Um…

I: Well?

RS: … (Why can't I remember what I wanted to ask?)

I: You aren't prepared for this are you?

RS: I was. So, uh, how about this. How's life on Earth so far?

I: Fine.

RS: …Terrific.

I: (He grinned a little. It was creepy.) Do I scare you?

RS: (Oh, shit.) …Maybe.

I: (He laughed aloud.) You know I'm prohibited from hurting humans, right?

RS: Yeah. Doesn't make me feel any safer.

I: Why's that?

RS: You've been known for finding loopholes in rules or even outright disobeying them.

If looks could kill…

I: And you heard this from?

RS: Uh, for the safety of my source I think I would like to keep their identity a secret.

I: Ratchet?

RS: Yeah.

I: (He grunted irritably and rolled his optics.) Meddling slagger.

RS: Sorry. Don't get mad at him. Before I even started interviewing Optimus I asked him for some advice. He told me not to piss you off.

I: Why didn't you talk to Ratchet first?

RS: He was busy. Kinda looked like he had a headache really. Can you get headaches?

I: (He looked a little thoughtful.) In a sense. Not exactly like a human and it's a lot more difficult to get.

RS: Is he okay?

I: How should I know? Jason would know more than me.

RS: Well, I thought that, you know, since you guys work together you'd have more insight.

I: Well, I don't. Ratchet keeps to himself.

RS: (Well, fine than. I'd just have to ask Ratchet when I talked to him.) So how's it going with Captain Lennox? Do you like being his guardian?

I: (He nodded.) He's a noble soldier. He has a good head on his shoulders, as the saying goes.

RS: How about his family? Sarah and Annabelle?

I: Sarah is a formidable female; strong and protective of her family. Lennox values her opinion, as he should. She reminds me of someone I knew.

I totally didn't miss, dare I think it, wistful look on his face. Considering he compared Will's wife to someone he knew it wasn't hard for me to put together who that could possibly be. But since I value my existence I didn't ask. Also, even though I was curious, I didn't want to get to invasive.

I: She knows how to take care of herself. She is independent and confident, unlike a lot of females of your species.

Yeah. That was directed at me. I could tell because of the way he was staring at me with a cynical eye. I was immediately offended, but held my tongue. I just had to stick to the questions and move on.

RS: Right. So how's Annabelle? You like being a surrogate uncle?

I: I am not her uncle. I am her guardian.

RS: (Sometimes jokes escaped this guy's comprehension.) I know, I just…Never mind. So I'm gonna assume that you like being with the Lennox family.

I: Some days more than others.

RS: Really? Why's that?

I: Bath days.

RS: (I couldn't help but laugh.) That stage, huh?

I: Stage?

RS: Yeah. Lots of babies go through this rebellious stage where they don't want to take bathes. You just say the word out loud and they freak out and cry. I never did though. Bath days rocked when I was little.

I: I'm not talking about the infant.

RS: …Then who you talking about?

I: Lennox insists on taking me to the car wash three times a week. I hate that place. I don't get that dirty. One of these days, that dryer at the end is not going to lift and I'm going to run into it.

RS: …You don't like bath days?

I: Not at Joe's Car Wash.

It was so hard not laugh at that moment. Holy crap, Ironhide doesn't like going to the car wash. Like some overgrown toddler, I could imagine him stomping his feet and throwing a fit while Will waited with the keys. Like any father figure, Will would try to talk Ironhide down, calm him enough to convince him to take a bath and Ironhide would pout the entire time. The scene played in my head and it was both hilarious and creepy. From the look Ironhide gave me he knew I was trying not to laugh. Clearing my throat I tried to quell the last of my laughter and get my game face back on to get down to business. But it actually hurt to speak and try to hold back building giggles for a moment.

RS: But how's Annabelle? Is she doing okay?

I: She recently came down with some sort of virus. Sarah and Lennox keep saying she will be fine. Why aren't they taking her to one of your medical facilities? I thought it was a norm for human parents to worry extensively over their offspring, but they only took her to a pediatrician once and he was useless. He didn't prescribe anything to her.

Now that didn't sound like the Sarah I had met and written about. She was a mother hen to the very end, especially with her own baby so the idea of them ignoring their sick child seemed ridiculous to me. But Ironhide was clearly bothered by the whole thing.

RS: What's wrong?

I: She is continuously sneezing and coughing with a runny nose. She cries all the time and has a hard time sleeping.

RS: I think it's just a cold.

I: (He was irritated.) That's what Lennox said! The child is sick! They won't even take her to Ratchet. How can she be ignored?

RS: Well, there's nothing you can really do for a cold, but try to make a baby as comfortable as possible and medicine for the coughing. It'll pass on its own eventually. I can't believe you didn't know this. What happened to the unlimited Internet access?

I: (He glared at me again.) It is corrupted.

RS: What? You stumble on a porn site or something?

The idea made me laugh out loud this time. Then I noticed how Ironhide crossed his arms, looking deliberately away from me. Why did he look so embarrassed? I didn't take long to hit me.

RS: Oh, you have got to be kidding me…

I: …

RS: Oh, my God, you didn't!

I: …

RS: Does Captain Lennox know?

I: (He looked at me and frowned.) Why would this concern Lennox?

RS: He's been counting down the moments till you found a porno site. This will make his day! Where is he?

I: We are not telling him and if you do, not even Prime can save you.

That made me shut up. Pretty much Optimus and Ratchet were the only ones who would really be able to insert themselves between me and Ironhide if the cannons were out and make a real difference. But even with the threat I couldn't help but laugh at his embarrassment.

RS: Did you like it?

I: …Excuse me? It was disgusting! How humans can watch others perform in their ridiculous mating rituals is beyond me. (He paused and looked thoughtful.) Not to mention that the acting was horrible.

RS: HA!

I: (He glared at me again in anger and humiliation.) Can we move on? I want to get the rest of this meaningless Q&A over with and you're wasting my time.

That statement cut the smile from my face like a hot knife through butter. I had a feeling that a few Autobots weren't very eager to talk to me. As far as I knew, Optimus hadn't really asked them if it was okay if I came here. Originally, I was just supposed to interview him, but when Sideswipe and Bumblebee found out they wanted in and Ratchet suggested that they all went for an interview. Besides Ironhide, the other interview I was nervous about was with Sunstreaker.

Ironhide shouldn't have to be here if he didn't want to and that went for Sunstreaker too. I wasn't trying to force anyone to talk to me. Optimus made the suggestion that I come out to basically meet everyone and I'd be a fool if I didn't jump at the chance. Um, hello? Who gets to write a story for these guys, much less have one-on-one chats with them? How could I not say yes?

So Ironhide didn't want to be here. I was wasting his time. Well, he had an eternity and what did I have? Sixty to seventy years or so? And that went without incident. I actually expected this, but I was still a little hurt. So I bowed my head and kept the questions coming, writing them down as he spoke, but I didn't look up and I didn't try to elaborate on anything we discussed. I didn't want to see what he thought of me in his eyes. I already figured he was irritated, because of the one worded answers he gave me.

What I wasn't expecting was a question of his own.

I: What's the matter with you?

RS: Nothing.

I: (He merely stared at me, calculating me demeanor.) You're sad.

RS: (I rolled me eyes.) I'm not sad.

I: Then what's wrong?

RS: (I sighed and give him the are-you-kidding-me look.) You just said that this was wasting your time and that it was meaningless. I figured I get this over with ASAP for you. (I didn't hold back on the snappy attitude.)

I: Irritating witch.

RS: (Line drawn.) Okay, yeah, if you're gonna be a jackass, I don't want this interview. Sure it's a privilege to me, but that doesn't mean I have to sit here and take crap. I have a life, you know. I don't even have to write this story. I didn't have to lie to my family, sit in a car for three hours to get on a plane with Simmons as my only company to come here and get ridiculed by you, okay? This is supposed to be a once in a lifetime experience and your ruining it.

Cue the awkward silence.

RS: S-Sorry.

I: You are far too timid. If you say something, mean it. Don't go back on it

RS: (I felt ashamed as I looked up at him.) I'm working really hard on all this. I don't think it's meaningless.

I: (He nodded.) Ask another question.

RS: (I was confused.) But…

I: This is important to you. Ask the questions and I'll give the answers.

RS: But you said you didn't want to do this.

I: (He grinned.) Just needed to get you to stand up to yourself. You're too passive.

RS: (What. The. Hell.) Did you say that just to piss me off?

I: You're amusing when you're angry.

RS: You're a human-porn-watching-pervert.

I: You will scratch that.

RS: Um…I don't think so. It's gold.

I: (Despite that, he grunted a laugh.) Evil little witch.

RS: I think you and my mom would get along great. You both call me a witch too much.

The interview went back and forth. We pushed each other buttons, but it was kinda fun. I realized that he had actually helped me out. I was too passive. I did say sorry too much. I guess he just wanted me to stand up for myself a little more, even to him. I really appreciated it.

RS: Tell Captain Lennox and Sarah I said hi.

I: Why can't you?

RS: Well, I'm gonna be in here all day. I won't get the chance.

I: You're not leaving right away when you're done are you?

RS: I don't know yet. I guess that up to you guys.

I: You can tell them yourself.

RS: Jerk.

I: Witch.

RS: See ya later.

He waved and left the hanger. I crossed Ironhide off the list and looked at the rest of the names I had written down. I still had a long way to go. There wasn't an order, so, once again, I had no idea who would be coming in next. I didn't take me long though to figure it out.

??: Is that seat taken?

RS: (I smiled brightly and looked up towards the entrance of the hanger.) Hi, Bumblebee. Come on in.

A/N: So turns out Ironhide isn't that bad of a guy. He really helped me out. Yay Bumblebee! The song was Congratulations by Blue October.

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