here we go! takes place at the end of paperclip ( if I recall correctly) after Melissa dies and they're sitting in the empty hospital enjoy and review if you could! :)))
1995
They both remained there, tightly clutching each other by the empty hospital bed . For a while neither speak. A nurse comes in and tells them quite rudely they need to move out soon because a patient will need that bed ( Scully snaps at her, and Mulder has to calm her down. The nurse leaves quickly after this. ) , but besides for that, they just remain there, together in remorseful silence for what seems to Scully to be an eternity. At least it is a somewhat nice and comforting eternity.
She doesn't want it to end. But it does.
Mulder is the first to break the silence and that eternity. She wishes he hadn't.
" I know this is a bad thing to say but... I'm glad it wasn't you." He whispers softly and almost voicelessly. " I don't know what I'd do if it had been you." He's staring at her. But not really. He's staring, dazing out looking just a bit to the left of her.
She's a bit taken back by his comment immediately. Scully knows he means well, but that is just something you don't say, especially this soon after a thing like this. She's not sure how to respond to him. Leave it to Mulder to say the difficult things , she thinks.
So she responds with the only thing she can think of, even though it is a crude reply.
" I wish it was. " She responds curtly and quickly.
" I know you do." He was even quieter with his reply. Mulder didn't meet her gaze either.
" This wasn't her time. It-it wasn't meant for her. It was meant for me, Mulder. I told you that already. It should be me laying on a slab, not her. Not Melissa. Me. She wasn't the one that bullet was meant for." Scully bites her lip, almost drawing blood , before continuing, a hard edge beginning to come into her voice. " It's all my fault because I got wrapped up in all this bullshit and now my sister is dead. If I hadn't been trying to protect this damn quest of yours she'd be here. "
This all spurts out all of a sudden before Scully can censor it and she regrets what she's said immediately as she catches the pain that flashes through her partners eyes. Such a nice way to thank a friend for comforting you in a time of loss- by gruelingly insulting and blaming them. This time she draws blood biting her lip.
" I'm sorry." He murmurs , unable to make eye contact once again. He moves away from her.
" No, I'm sorry. I didn't mean.. " Scully stammers in reply.
" It's fine. I know you're upset. "
There's another long silence, but unlike the first , this one is uncomfortable and filled with tension. She hates this silence and wants it to end as soon as it begins.
Again, Mulder is the first to break the silence.
"I think I should go."
Scully opens her mouth to say something but she can't find the right thing to say. So she lets him go.
Mulder reaches over to her hesitantly to give her hand a quick and soft squeeze. He then gets up slowly, keenly watching to see how she responds.
She weakly and warily smiles briefly at him and he does so back, then proceeds quietly through the door. Scully watches him pass the door and leave her sight.
She doesn't follow.
Not yet. Not quite yet. She isn't ready to go through that door. Frankly she feels like she might never be able to.
Scully's too sad, too hurt, too confused to move yet. She feels almost paralyzed. And glued down to the spot. She doesn't care how many nurses they want to send in to drag her away, she can't do yet. She can't leave . Mulder's now left her alone in her head. There's too much to contemplate and too much to mourn right now.
And the thing she continues to contemplate is:
Was it worth it?
Is this all worth it?
Is Mulder worth all of this?
Is his cause worth it?
It's absolutely horrible of her but she wonders if there's merit to her cruel comment to Mulder. Scratch that. She knows there is. Scully still regrets what she's said to Mulder but she cannot deny it's truth.
Her involvement with Mulder has cost her so, so dearly. Her abduction and now her sister. And despite that Scully knows she'll continue to follow him. And that doesn't make sense.
Why is that? Why does she continue to make sacrifices for a cause not her own? Why does she put it all on the line for an apparently insane man looking for little green men?
Scully's grown to care about Mulder quite fondly but even so, the sacrifices she makes are so so extreme. It's so strange. So odd.
Scully doesn't think she's ready to answer those questions yet. There's an answer she knows but can't bring herself to admit or say.
She can't. Not yet.
Not quite yet. There's still too much else to think and contemplate. She's so confused and hurt right now and she can't think of Mulder and all that surrounds their unorthodox relationship.
Scully breathes in and out deeply. She can't figure out the answer to that question yet but she knows the answer to another one and she's ready to admit this one.
She stands up over the hospital bed, feeling tears run down her face. She's almost ready to walk out that door.
" Bye, Melissa. "
She bites the inside of her cheek and wipes her tears off on the cuff of her pantsuit. And Scully leaves the room.