7. River's Adventures in Wonderland.

"So it's definitely ready now?" Amy asked, staring at the Dimension Canon that River was wearing around her neck.

"Yes."

"But it doesn't look any different," Rory pointed out.

"I only had to add something to the existing information on the Doctor," River explained, "so it was a relatively simple process as far as Dimension Canons go."

"So you can find him?" Amy asked. "You can find our Doctor?"

"Yes," River confirmed, getting up from the sofa and picking her bag up from the floor. Her parents stood too, but River shook her head. "You still can't come with me."

"You can't go by yourself!" Amy exclaimed, gesturing randomly around the room. "What if you need help?"

"I'm a big girl now, Mother," she said, jokingly, and immediately regretted it when Amy's face fell.

"The Doctor could be anywhere!" Rory said before River could say anything to comfort Amy. "He could have been pulled into an alternate version of – I don't know – those vampires we found in Venice!"

"Or Angels," Amy said.

"All the more reason for you both to stay here," River insisted. "It might take me quite a while to find him, and I may be going into a universe where the timeline runs at a different speed to ours, so don't be worried if I don't come back straight away."

"But-" Amy protested, but River interrupted her.

"I love you both. Goodbye."

And before they could protest or reach her – she had seen Amy lunging desperately across the room – River pressed the button and disappeared. Thankful that she had landed on her feet this time, River drew in a large lungful of air. If the vortex manipulator had taken a bit of getting used to, this method of travel was even worse. She felt like she had held her breath and her chest had been squeezed. She had always wondered what it would feel like to be attacked by a boa constrictor. Perhaps it was a similar experience.

The Doctor might know. The man had died so many interesting deaths, after all.

Having caught her breath, River looked around, only mildly surprised to find herself in a dense forest. Much better than a secret government lab, after all. She'd already had to rescue him from one of those once. Though according to him, it was twice in his timeline. It was so hard to keep these things straight in her head.

Thankfully it was still day time so she visually scanned the area. It looked like Earth, but that was hardly saying much. After a quick pat on the gun holster around her waist to make sure that it was still there and hadn't been lost in the gap between universes, River began picking her way through the forest.

It was eerily quiet here, yet she had the impression that something – or lots of things – was watching her. She peered at the trees. They didn't move. Not sentient then. Every so often there was a rustling as the wind lightly brushed the tree tops, and bird calls followed by the flapping of wings, but that was all.

Her breath puffed out in front of her and she suddenly realised that she was very cold, now that the effects from the dimension canon were wearing off. She shrugged off her back pack and put it on the ground, noticing a small smattering of snow, but not much else. The trees must have acted as a natural roof. She pulled a thick white coat from her bigger-on-the-inside bag and put it on, instantly noticing the difference. A lot of rummaging around produced matching gloves, and she pulled them on too before shouldering her bag once more and continuing on her way.

She walked for what felt like hours, tripping over roots, sliding on small patches of snow and once almost being pooed on by a particularly low flying bird. She kept her eyes peeled for any sign of which planet she was on, but saw mainly normal looking birds and insects, and found herself quickly getting bored of the scenery.

Until she saw a winged horse. River stopped dead in her tracks and stared.

"Ok, definitely not Earth, then."

She had to hope that it was a planet where they at least recognised English, because she honestly had no idea if the TARDIS could even translate languages in another universe. And even if it could, would the languages have differences to the universe she was used to? For the sake of finding the Doctor, she really hoped not. Fortunately, she was fluent in a few Earth languages as well as a couple of the main alien ones – Gallifreyan being one of them, as it was occasionally vital for her archaeological exploits – so she should be able to manage. She didn't know if the same could be said of the Doctor.

Recovering from her initial surprise, River crept closer to the winged horse and inspected it from her position behind a tree, not wanting to get close in case she angered it. She could hardly die on the rescue mission.

It was tall and skeletal, grey in colour, and she knew that the wings would stretch for several meters on either side if they were not currently folded against its body. At the moment it was distracted, its face buried in the undergrowth, no doubt sniffing for food.

Aware that time was running out and that the light would only last for an hour or two more, River pressed on, hoping that she wasn't going in circles. Out of the corner of her eye she thought she saw an impossibly large spider hurriedly scurrying away from the strange winged horse, but when she blinked it was gone, and she thought that she must have imagined it.

Finally the trees began to thin gradually and snow became thicker on the ground. The wind became slightly sharper and the sound of the wildlife quieter. She must be going in the right direction.

The undergrowth thinned out and she happened upon a thin, rough path leading towards an open space ahead, so headed for it, hoping to find some sort of civilisation. If she could find people, she could ask if they had noticed the Doctor or, at the very least, find a place to stay while she searched for him.

The grass was short and well-trimmed now, and to her left further down a hill River noticed a small wooden cabin with a vegetable patch outside. But what really caught her attention was the giant castle perched on top of the hills, looking majestic in the setting sun, which cast a strange glow on the snow that covered it. It was almost like a scene from a snow globe. She turned in a circle, noting the forest that she had arrived in, rolling hills, and then the cabin once more. There was no other civilisation in sight.

She trudged through the snow, hearing it crunch under her feet. Her breath came in bigger puffs now, pooling in front of her face, and she could feel her hair springing about uncontrollably; travel outside of the TARDIS always seemed to increase its hate for the laws of gravity.

As she got closer to the castle she could see birds flying around above one of the towers, heading off into the distance. Bright lights burned from the windows, looking invitingly warm after such a long, cold journey. She could hear voices belonging to children running around outside, though they were very few in number. She thought that this was unexpected, given the size of the castle and the blanket of snow – surely there should be more?

Their voices got louder with every step they took, and she noticed that some were waving sticks around, while others seemed to launch the snowballs a surprising distance away.

Super human strength?

"Wingardium leviosa!" One of them suddenly yelled, laughing, pointing a stick at a nearby snowman, which rose off the ground and began dancing in the air.

"Stop it!" Another yelled, running over to the laughing child. "You'll make the nose fall off!"

River stared. Wingardium leviosa? She shook her head. It couldn't be. Surely it was impossible. Was she going mad?

But even as she was wondering this, the indignant student threw a snowball at the one levitating the snowman, who let the snowman drop and conjured some sort of force field out of thin air, the snowball bouncing right off.

"What sort of person uses Protego in a snowball fight?" The one who had thrown the snowball moaned. "That's just cheating."

The one who had conjured the force field scoffed. "You're such a Muggle."

Ok, she was definitely going mad. But then again… London with zeppelins popped into her mind. It might just be possible. She had definitely seen societies that seemed to work on unconventional scientific laws, and even the Doctor had mentioned Shakespeare and witches, though he had gotten so excited while telling the story that she had just assumed that he had made it up. He had been rather hyper at the time.

River smirked. Poor Sweetie. Haribo never was good for him.

She suddenly realised that the children had stopped playing and were staring at her. "Hello?" One of them said, sounding slightly nervous. The others stared at her with plain distrust. "Who are you?"

"A visitor." Be vague. Always the best approach when you have no idea where you are.

"How did you get in here?" Another asked.

"I walked," she said, simply. She nodded her head at the castle. "Is there anyone in?"

The levitator of snowmen frowned. "This is Hogwarts. You can't just walk in."

River shrugged. "Yes I can. Official business." And with that, she walked towards what she assumed to be the main entrance, not even leaving them the chance to argue. Which, of course, they wouldn't. Students rarely did.

The first thing she noticed was that everything was made of stone and beautifully crafted, as though every single person involved in this project had really loved their work. She took a moment to admire the architecture, peering at twirls and tiny figurines that seemed not to have diminished with time, before she looked up and took in the rest of the room. She was in an entrance hall. Before her stretched a stone staircase, and to her right on the same floor were two huge wooden doors. From within she could hear the dim talking of a small crowd. Around the door and on all the walls were portraits, hundreds and hundreds of them.

And they all turned around to stare at her. She stared right back, and was amused to note that some actually broke her gaze, mumbling in embarrassment, while others deepened their glares. She walked up to one of them and admired it, noting the intricate brushwork, the bright colours, the spark in the eyes that had somehow been captured.

She reached out to gently lay a hand on the frame. "So realistic," she marvelled, murmuring to herself.

If she had not been travelling with the Doctor for so long, lived in Stormcage and been hardened by her childhood run by The Silence, River would have flinched at what happened next. The portrait scoffed and turned to glare at her. "And you're pretty realistic too, young lady."

She silently moved away from it and up the staircase, knowing that she would find no one but students in what had to be the Great Hall at this time of day. A ghost that she recognised to be the Bloody Baron drifted mournfully passed, not even seeming to notice her.

At the top of the staircase was a long corridor, again with portraits on every available surface, but also a few suits of armour. But what really caught her eye this time were the moving staircases, which groaned and shifted every few minutes. Intellectually, she knew that this was not that dissimilar to escalators, but there was just something impressive about the way they moved in complete coordination with each other, almost as though they were sentient.

She regarded them for a moment, suddenly feeling very lost and alone without the Doctor there bouncing around from one thing to another, and tried to work out which one to take. She had read all of the books, when she had been growing up in Leadworth, and had even been dragged to the cinema to watch the films by Amy, though she had always preferred her own imagination to the big screen, wonderful though it was. She had wanted to keep the magical, fantastical, private world to herself. It was so much easier to pretend that it was a secret when reading it alone than it had been in a crowded cinema. It had been something that made her feel as though she belonged, made her feel special, as though magic was really possible. It had made her feel that, maybe, life wasn't as terrible as she had so far seen it to be.

She supposed some would find it sad that a world with Voldemort, Death Eaters and the persecution of Muggles had been a comfort to her, but it was the truth.

"Are you lost?" A mild, very old voice suddenly asked her, jolting River from her reverie.

She turned around and found herself face to face with a tall, thin wizard. His eyebrows and hair were completely white, and his eyes were set above sharp cheekbones. His face was covered with the wrinkles of the wise, and the old eyes sparkled at her with all the youth and energy of a twenty year old man. His robes were bright and badly coordinated, and he was wearing a Santa hat as though it were the most natural thing in the world. She immediately knew who he was.

"I'm looking for Professor Dumbledore," she said.

"I am he." He peered at her curiously, noting her clothes and the vortex manipulator that she still wore around her wrist, in the case of an emergency escape. "You appear to have travelled a long way, Miss…"

"Mrs," she corrected, not really knowing why. She and the Doctor were not even officially married. Not in this version of reality, anyway. "River Song."

His eyebrows rose at that. "River Song," he repeated, his old voice adding a strange lilt to her name. "A very pretty name."

She didn't really know what to say to that, so she just nodded her head. That was the last thing she had expected. Questions on where she had come from, yes, but not that.

Dumbledore glanced calmly around before looking back to River. "Perhaps my office would be a more ideal destination?"

"Yes," she agreed. "Lead the way, Professor."

Even with her impeccable sense of direction, River found herself getting completely lost as Dumbledore led her through a labyrinth of corridors, through a few ghosts, and across a few moving staircases. But she recognised the spiral staircase and stone statues looming ahead of her: Dumbledore's office.

"Drooble's Best Blowing Gum," Dumbledore said clearly. The gargoyles leapt out of the way and they stepped onto the moving staircase. "Always gets stuck in my beard," he told her with complete seriousness, and River had to resist the absurd urge to laugh.

His office was just as she had imagined and as the films had described. Portraits lined the walls, talking quietly with one another – a few conversing in what appeared to be an ancient form of English. A majestic desk was strewn with odd knick knacks and gadgets, some of them whirring almost inaudibly. And, of course, there was Fawkes, perched proudly in the corner and watching River with eagle-like eyes. Dumbledore settled himself behind his desk and inclined his head at a chair, indicating that River sit down.

"Now," the old wizard said once they were both settled, "let us discuss the most important matter first. Tea?"

She blinked, before telling herself that, really, she should hardly be surprised, this was Dumbledore. She nodded.

"Earl Grey?"

"That would be lovely, thank you."

Dumbledore waved his hand and a teapot leapt up from the desk, pouring its contents into two cups. "Milk? Sugar?"

"No, thank you."

"Very brave," Dumbledore remarked, flicking milk and six cubes of sugar into his. "Or perhaps I am just an old man with an absurdly sweet tooth."

The tea cup set itself down in front of River, and she took a tentative sip. It didn't feel like he had put anything in it, and she had to admit that it felt nice and warm after the snow and wind.

"I can assure you," Dumbledore said wryly, when he saw her hesitate, "that there are no, ah, extra ingredients."

River swallowed. "So I see."

He waved a hand at a plate of biscuits, which zoomed over to her and began floating in front of her face, making her go cross eyed, and refusing to move until she awkwardly took one, whereupon it settled itself back on the table.

"Now, Mrs River Song, how may I help you?"

"I'm looking for a missing person."

"Why not go to the Aurors?" Dumbledore asked, though he seemed to already know the answer.

"Given the circumstances," River replied, "you seemed to be the best" (and only, her mind added, remembering the barren landscape) "person to ask."

"A Muggle or a Squib?" Dumbledore asked politely, his clear gaze boring into hers.

River floundered for a moment, finding herself wondering which one the Doctor would be. Unfortunately, she must have hesitated for slightly too long, or Dumbledore read something in her expression – Legilimens, her mind whispered – because he continued talking.

"Yes, I had an inkling that you were not from our world. You dress like a Muggle yet were able to wander onto Hogwarts grounds," he explained when she remained silent. "That is a rather rare occurrence. Where, may I ask, are you from?"

"Earth."

Dumbledore's expression became even more curious. "I see. And your missing person? Your husband, I assume?"

"Yes," River replied. "He went missing… near here." In fact, she had no idea if the dimension canon had taken her to the area the Doctor had disappeared in, or just to the right universe. She hoped it was the former. "He's been gone for quite some time."

"I am afraid that disappearances are rather common place in these times," Dumbledore said, his eyes still staring right into her soul, "but I would venture a guess that you are already aware of that."

River nodded, knowing it was useless to lie at this point. "Mainly Muggles and Muggle-borns." Despite the sinking feeling in her stomach, her hand automatically tipped tea into her mouth. "But have you seen anyone around here recently?"

"Only the occasional student."

There was a beat of silence during which Dumbledore's expression became grave.

"I am afraid that there is rather little that I can do."

River sighed.

"However," Dumbledore added, "there is a position needing to be filled at the school."

River's eyebrows shot to her hairline. "What makes you think that I am suitable for the job?" She asked, genuinely curious.

"I can see that you have come a long way," he said, suddenly completely serious, the twinkle gone. "An unfathomable distance. The fact that you managed to walk onto the grounds without the wards going off…" If possible, his stare became even more intense, and River felt a strange tingling sensation in the front of her mind.

He was trying to get further into her mind. Using the techniques that the Doctor had taught her, River erected a mental wall. A vague sensation of bemusement entered her mind.

"Yes," Dumbledore murmured, and the tickling stopped as his twinkle returned, "best to keep you on the grounds, I should think." He offered her a smile. "Hogwarts has a way of giving those who live within what they most need. Now, I believe there is an old classroom somewhere that I can transform into quarters for you," he added, rising from his desk. "I will explain your duties along the way."