10. The Caretaker and the Toad.
The rest of the Christmas holidays was spent trawling through newspapers looking for any mention of the Doctor having arrived in this universe, but there wasn't a single mention of him that she could see. River was starting to get worried – the fact that there was no sign of his insane antics could only mean that he had been taken by a force stronger than himself, and she had no doubt who that was.
When River had found no information in the newspapers of the Doctor's disappearance (or, in this universe, appearance), she had taken it upon herself to research the circumstances surrounding Voldemort's disappearance.
Apparently it had happened in the exact same way as JK Rowling had described. James Potter had been found dead in his doorway while Lily Potter had been found next to her son, who had received a scar in the shape of the lightning bolt that was so familiar in River's universe. Harry had even been sent to live with his Muggle relatives. She had found no direct reference to what the prophecy said, but she would have bet good money that it was the same, if not very similar. Apparently, details that significant had not changed.
Next, she had searched for information on the books' spy. She had found records of Snape's employment, which had apparently started shortly after Harry's parents had been murdered by Voldemort. He had been the Potions Master for many years, now, though the records showed that he had applied for the Defense position many times, always unsuccessfully. The records did not cite the reason behind the application or the refusal.
She surmised that it was highly likely that Snape was also involved with Voldemort in this universe, though it was as of yet unclear how. Dumbledore did not appear to be worried by Snape's disappearance over the holidays, and River could only take that as a good sign, though she was frustrated that the man was not around to question or spy on for more information; if Voldemort had indeed taken the Doctor, it was highly probable that Snape would know something.
One thing that did remain consistent with the books, unfortunately, was Umbridge. The first time River had met her, a day after her own arrival in the new universe, she had immediately disliked her intensely.
River had been sitting at the lone table in the Great Hall, where the students left behind ate with the professors charged with looking after them, when Umbridge had walked in. Fortunately, she had been warned of her presence by Dumbledore; apparently, she had stayed on over the holidays to make sure that Dumbledore didn't start an army during Christmas. Or something equally ridiculous.
She was short and dressed in tasteless pink, which only served to highlight her pale features and make her look somewhat like a marshmallow. Or possibly a toad wearing a marshmallow – River was somewhat divided on that. She had looked at River with confusion and taken the only available seat opposite her, hemming uncomfortably. River had forced herself to keep her own face blank.
Fortunately, Dumbledore had graciously stepped in. "Dolores, this is Mrs River Song. I have employed her to help Argus with his duties, overwhelming as they are."
"You did not ask the Minister's approval," Umbridge accused immediately, still staring at River.
"Cornelius has been informed," Dumbledore replied mildly.
Umbridge did not take kindly to that. "As High Inquisitor," she said in a high, annoying voice, "I must say that I do not approve of your attitude, Headmaster. The Educational Decrees clearly state that you must ask approval before hiring someone new."
"Actually," McGonagall had cut in, "it only says that the Headmaster must inform the Minister of filling a position, and await his approval." She raised an eyebrow. "Some teachers do leave without notice, after all. And if you're going to start dismissing professors when it suits you, High Inquisitor-"
"Yes," Dumbledore interrupted, seeing Umbridge puff up and turn a deadly red colour, "thank you, Minerva. I believe Dolores has understood your point."
Umbridge had made her life difficult ever since, especially once she had found out that River could not perform magic and did not agree with her ramblings about Dumbledore trying to overthrow Fudge. River knew that she would have to be careful to avoid attracting the woman's suspicion, especially if she was to be allowed to work in the castle. And working in the castle was key to finding the Doctor again. She hated to think what would happen if she was dismissed, cast out into a world she didn't recognise, with no leads as to where he was.
Best to avoid it then. Given Umbridge's disapproving expression, she knew that that would be extremely difficult.
Thankfully, Argus Filch had proved to be a surprising ally. He had quickly realised that she could not perform magic and had taught her the techniques that he had learnt to use in order to keep up with the magical mess created in the castle. Apparently, this involved a lot of really stiff brushes and a terrifying amount of charmed bleach. River therefore found her job as assistant caretaker to be much less strenuous than she had originally thought it would be. Though she had to admit that Mrs Norris constantly following her made it hard to concentrate properly.
The students staying in the castle during the holidays had a divided opinion about her. Some looked at her with interest, wondering how a Squib who didn't know much about the wizarding world had managed to make it into Hogwarts undetected. Those who weren't against her seemed to have the opinion that she was secretly a very powerful witch employed by Dumbledore to keep the castle safe, but that this involved her keeping her powers a secret by pretending to be a Squib, or Umbridge would send her away immediately.
Others, however, took a different approach: her mysterious appearance was treated with suspicion, and they looked at her as though she was Voldemort in disguise. She had even caught a few of them peering at her nose as if to make sure that it was really there and not just charmed on.
Still another group had already forgotten about her appearance or had passed it off as a fluke, saying that Dumbledore was getting on a bit and the wards were bound to be weakening along with the caster. She quickly became as much an object of ridicule and derision as Filch, the only other Squib in the building. The result of this attitude towards her had been, unfortunately, that the students had recruited Peeves to make their lives as hard as possible, and River found herself cleaning up dungballs and ridding her hair of Simon's Super Sticky Paint more than she would have liked.
Fortunately the professors were more consistent in their approach (with the obvious exception of Umbridge, of course). They all trusted Dumbledore explicitly, she knew, which must have worked in her favour, because they treated her like any other professor. She knew that the only reason that Dumbledore was keeping her here was because he had sensed the truth in her mind on the day of her arrival, that he knew that Voldemort had indeed managed to get hold of someone incredibly important (or who Voldemort saw as important), that River was the only link to this person, and that she really was from another universe rather than just pretending to be a Squib to get past his defences.
Unfortunately, this didn't necessarily mean that he trusted her explicitly, which was to be expected. She was still banned from the same areas that the students were and Dumbledore had failed to mention Snape as being a spy, and River had not mentioned it, unsure if Dumbledore's lack of mention meant that there was a difference between the books and this universe. And if it did in fact turn out that Snape was a spy but working for Voldemort, knowing about River's real identity and the reason for her presence could very well put the Doctor in more danger.
The whole situation gave her a headache just from thinking about it. And she had thought the usual "timey-wimey" stuff was bad…
oOo
It was the day the students returned and River found, to her dismay, that Snape still had not returned. The Great Hall had been moved back into its usual arrangement; four large tables running down the room and the professor's table set slightly above them at the front. Filch had shown River to their seats at the very end of the table, much to her surprise; the films had always lead her to believe that the caretaker ate alone with his cat in his cupboard.
The students had trooped in shortly after all the professors were seated, chatting excitedly. Several threw her confused looks but the majority were too wrapped up in their Christmas tales to even notice her presence. Finally the doors to the hall were closed and Dumbledore stood, banging his fork lightly against his glass. The quiet tinkling cut across the loud chatter like a knife, and silence descended like a blanket.
"Welcome," Dumbledore said with enthusiasm, "to another year at Hogwarts. I hope that you have all enjoyed the holidays and have remembered to do your homework."
Several students exchanged guilty glances at this, but a girl with bushy hair sandwiched between two boys nodded proudly. River knew immediately who they were, and the resemblance to their counterparts was uncanny. She would even go so far as to say that they were identical.
"And for those of you who haven't," he continued, not missing the general panic that his words engendered, "please do not stay up too late tonight as I am sure that your professors would rather you be awake when practicing magic."
There was a general murmur of laughter at that.
"Now, before you all tuck into the marvellous feast that has been prepared, I would like to remind you that the Forbidden Forest is out of bounds for those who do not want to be eaten by the creatures that come out of hibernation during the winter."
River frowned at that. Come out of hibernation during the winter? She cast a glance around the hall, but no one else seemed to find the phrasing strange. Interesting. She would love to know what kind of creatures hibernated backwards.
"Secondly, Mr Filch has given me a list of-"
The doors to the Great Hall banged open dramatically, interrupting Dumbledore's speech. In strode a very smug-looking Umbridge who was accompanied by a very serious looking man dressed in robes that looked like they had been diligently ironed. Whispers began to break out among the students as the pair walked further into the room, followed by three strong men in non-descript robes.
"Ah, Minister," Dumbledore said, recovering quickly, "to what do I owe this pleasure?"
"Professor Dumbledore," the man who could only be Fudge said in a booming voice, clearly pleased with himself, "you are under arrest!"
The room exploded with noise as every student voiced their opinion at once. Most looked panicked, others confused, while quite a few Slytherin students were openly celebrating. Dumbledore shouted for silence and the students obeyed instantly, though some looked sullen.
"Whatever for?" the old wizard asked when he could be heard.
Fudge sputtered incredulously. "For revolutionary activity," he said as if it was obvious.
"I was unaware of any such activity."
"You have violated a number of decrees," Umbridge said, quivering like an excited marshmallow. "For example, decrees 5 and 57, relating to-"
"As I recall," Dumbledore interrupted, "those decrees were implemented after I returned the corridors on your floor to their normal colour."
River raised an eyebrow, wondering what had happened there.
"Decrees 8 and 24," Umbridge continued, "relating to the dangerous practice of allowing students access to cauldrons after hours."
"Potions club," Dumbledore replied, "was designed for students in difficulty."
At the Gryffindor table, a boy with dark hair and dishevelled clothes blushed a deep red.
"Thank you, Dolores," Fudge murmured. "The fact is, Dumbledore, that you have violated a rather extraordinary number of Educational Decrees instigated by the Ministry, not to mention the secret duelling club, and as such can no longer be trusted as a figure of authority in this school."
"Minister," Dumbledore said, seriously, "I must reiterate my earlier point-"
"No," Fudge said, "you have nothing to say this time, Dumbledore, that could convince the Ministry that you being Headmaster is a good idea." He turned to the Aurors. "Take him to Azkaban."
Dumbledore walked around the professors' table as the professors looked on in horror. Some of them had drawn their wands, ready to fight for their employer's rightful place, but he shook his head at them. They reluctantly remained seated.
Dumbledore walked down the Great Hall until he was a few feet away from the Minister. The aurors were instantly on red alert; wands drawn, faces tense, they watched the old wizard's every move.
"It seems that we have hit a little snag," Dumbledore said to Fudge. "You see, you appear to be labouring under the delusion that I will come quietly."
There was a brief pause while he let that sink in.
"I have no intention of doing that," he added, abruptly disappearing in a flash of light.
River, the professors and students looked on in shock as Fudge remained rooted to the spot, his jaw practically on the floor.
"What?" He said, shell shocked, before turning to the Aurors. "Get after him!"
One of the Aurors, a tall black man that River recognised as Kingsley Shacklebolt, shrugged. "How, sir? He's gone."