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en-dure . To carry on through, despite hardships; suffer without yielding

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The infirmary roof was beginning to seem extremely boring. And white. And blank. The bed underneath her body which had been soft and comfortable at first was seriously beginning to seem an annoyance. All because Ines thought a Joining was extremely serious business. Hence, they wouldn't leave those beds until she was sure and certain that nothing would come out of being poisoned after a surprise attack and being scared half to death. Kate wasn't feeling like a happy camper, no.

And worst of all, she was hungry. Ravenously so.

"You'll burn it," Sam commented sleepily. "Stop glaring. Won't get us out earlier."

The black and brown stain on the ceiling right above her was stared at and, unfortunately, no such thing happened. Nothing happened. Kate half expected to have woken up feeling like someone had run her over with a truck. Or not at all. In its place, there was a constant surge of energy sweeping through her body, something which kept her fidgeting even as she tried to rest. Closed doors, closed windows, any more time inside that room and there would be serious damage to something. She could just see it.

Her companion showed no such compulsion. Sam snored away like a champion, snuggled tightly into the blankets and curled over himself. On moments of semi-awakening, he would give her one or two words to keep her on the bed and then turn around, sleeping away once more.

Kate sighed as she stood up for what seemed the hundredth time, a fleeting glance to where Ines had disappeared. The first time she had woken, it had been to the woman's voice, shouting at the Commander of all people. The test had been too quick, without warning. They should have waited until the recovery was complete, what in the world had he been thinking? Kate didn't remember what the man had replied. Only that, whatever it had been, had the effect of ice on skin, cutting, reducing the woman to an annoyed mutter instead of the loud scolding she had used till then. Then she noticed her patient's eyes had opened and used that moment to threaten both of them not to get up under penalty of receiving enough tranquilizers to knock down an ogre. After ten hours though, the threat had steadily turned meaningless.

The nightgown was exchanged for the uniform Ines had left behind. Everyone she had seen till that point wore it. Better to get used to the odd contraption. Tight yet comfortable, resistant, much more than her clothes could ever be. She tried – rather foolishly – to rip a side with no result. Even a dagger had done little to no damage. Maybe they were serious when they said they wanted the elves alive. That would be a new one, definitely.

The woman had just begun tightening the last buckle when the door to the infirmary opened. Her first reaction was to run for cover – good Maker, it was like she had been raised as a savage. The second was to run to the bed because, if it was Ines, Kate could bet half her lifetime that the woman would shackle her to the bed, good or bad health not called into question. She did neither, which ultimately was a good thing as both were rather demeaning. After what seemed a long moment, the rest of the door was opened and Amell entered.

He looked tired, like someone which had slept little, dark circles under his eyes and his ever present smile had faded into something which barely a shadow of it. Even his hair seemed to have taken a turn for the worse, knots and tangles showing he hadn't bothered trying to tame it.

Barely a step had been taken inside when he notice her presence, looking at her like he was seeing her for the very first time.

"Oh. You're still here." A real gift for the obvious, that man had. Buckle in place, Kate reached out for the weapons Ines had provided and proceeded to add them to their place. These humans had the bad habit of surprising her all the bloody time. Leaving anything to chance was just asking for trouble. Later maybe she'd think of herself as paranoid. Later as in, when she no longer remembered the sirens blaring over her head. The man's face from the shadows, mocking, disappearing and returning with an ease she didn't have.

"I was told not to leave," she informed, shaking those thoughts away. Belt crossing her body, even more buckles steading neatly where they wouldn't bother her. "Ines practically threatened us."

To her surprise, Amell's smile turned up a notch. "She does that to everyone after the Joining," he informed. When Kate failed to reply – probably wondering why it would be strange for a healer to keep someone for observation – he saw fit to elaborate. "The Joining's taxing but just for twelve hours or so. A good night sleep and you're pretty good to go. Your friend was probably exhausted. Explains why he's still asleep."

"Then why?" Kate raised her arms, gesturing to the space and shaking her head slowly, Universal gesture for 'what in the world?'

The man wobbled a little on the balls of his feet, staff leaning back and forth. "She likes watching to see how long it will take for new recruits to disobey her. Usually by waiting until they're too hungry to listen to anything bar their stomach. She has an odd sense of humor."

That wasn't strange. That was either insane or sadistic.

"I lasted two hours," he whispered, certifying that he was, indeed, a little on the odd side.

"So I can leave? No one will stop me?"

"By the love of Andraste, do so!" A pillow hit her back without warning, preceding a bleary eyed Sam. He looked. Well, there was no way to say it politely. He looked a little better than they had ever on the run but still, it was like the tiredness of their entire escape had suddenly decided to fall on his back. "I swear to the Maker, Tabris. Let me sleep! Or I'll. Just."

She raised an eyebrow. "Work on your threats? Finish a sentence? Appear a little threatening?"

Another pillow was thrown before the male elf huddled back into the blankets. "Maker. Don't make me fry you early in the morning."

"It's afternoon."

A hand left the nest of fabric and raised itself on the hair. Closing into a fist, soon enough the familiar cackle of lightning was surrounding her friend's skin.

"I am going to hurt you."

The elf ignored those words as she would ignore any threat from Sam. Not even bothering with Amell's presence on the background, watching everything with an expression Kate couldn't understand, she came closer to the bed and moved the fabric around until she found the male's head. Her fingers pushed the unruly hair aside before she kissed his forehead lightly. When she pulled back, his eyes were open and almost alert. Measuring. The same hand which had made the futile warning found her wrist and squeezed weakly.

"Be careful," he whispered, loud enough to be heard by her alone. "You hear me?"

It was good to know that, as fascinated as he was with the Wardens – which he was, childishly so – Sam wasn't ready to trust them blindly anytime soon. This was the Sam she knew. Another brush of her lips against his skin was her answer. Words weren't needed. There would be Gold in the Black city before she trusted the men who persisted in throwing their lives upside down. And that included the other woman too.

"Now get out." That effectively stopped her from changing her mind and keep watch while he rested.

Amell was still standing patiently, arms crossed over his chest.

"Food first?"

Maker above, unless he wanted her to attack and eat someone on the way, food first.

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"Little man, you mean. At least that's what every girl says."

"Want to handle that on the ring?"

"No. Definitely not swinging your way."

"Too man for you, huh? As expected, mageling."

"Not nearly enough. Amelia said you ended before two minutes?"

"You little pranc—"

Watching Amell and this man together was like watching a cat trying to speak with a mouse instead of eating it.

Not that she cared. They had filled a tray with things she hadn't had the chance to eat in years and her attention was mostly on the delicious looking morsels. The two men could continue to argue till they were old and grey for all she cared. She was too focused in gobbling down as much as possible without chocking. And as much as possible was turning into a huge amount indeed. Kate couldn't even conceive how many pieces had passed through her lips. Only that they had, the men were smirking and her stomach was far from full. Go figure.

The rest was just a poor man's television at work.

"Here, Tabris." Amell passed another plate her way without looking and crossed his arms over the table. "Better to keep food close in this place. Less chance for fights."

The man who sat with them snorted loudly, half drowning himself with the beer he had been drinking. It was the male who had tested her. Just the barest touch taller than her – which made him incredibly short for a human – lean and strong looking. With the hint of a belly, probably due to the large amount of beer he had drunk already and probably did on a daily basis. His red hair was darker than Sam, his small eyes a strong blue which blend in well with the rest of his appearance and the beard nicely cut and braided. Against Amell's smoother expression, he seemed aged. Oghren, Amell had called him.

Again without bothering to give him the smallest look – something Kate wished she could have done; the liquid had sprayed pretty much everywhere, after all – Amell threw a napkin at the other as if it was a common occurrence, a muttered 'stupid' definitely leaving his lips.

"He'd know." Another loud scoff, fortunately hidden by the napkin. What a pig. "First week on the job?" The man jabbed a thumb in the mage's direction, grinning like a fool. "Idiot stabbed a guy's hand with a fork."

That didn't match the mage's attitude till that moment. He seemed calm, always at ease, impeccable manners in comparison with what she was deeming her vacuuming style of eating.

"He moved the plate while I was getting something," he explained slowly.

"Bullshit. You almost jumped him for scrambled eggs. Fuck if I don't remember, Cullen."

Maker help her, were these two always like that? Kate looked around, trying to see if anyone else thought this to be stupid. None did. Some sent amused looks, some snickered, the majority ignored the two like they were an annoyance and hardly worthy of their time.

And Cullen? Who in the Void was Cullen?

Amell coughed into his hand and saw fit to, thankfully, change the subject. Might have been embarrassment. Was embarrassment. Had to be considering he was looking like someone thrown into an oven. His companion was smirking like someone who had just won an entire year of salary. Idiots.

"I heard the Commander mentioning Haven yesterday. Might want to catch up by the reservation for more recruits, wouldn't know." He waved a hand carelessly. "With the uprising and the general opinion of the Wardens growing, he's probably going to milk it for all he's worth."

Her fork stopped before it passed through her lips, heavy drops of sauce falling on table's surface.

"Uprising?" It was the first contribution she had given to the conversation. "What do you mean with uprising?"

To her limited knowledge, only two classes would wish to rise against anything. She represented one and Sam the other; none of them had heard anything about this. She stuck the fork in her mouth before she said something which would show her incredible ignorance about anything outside the wilderness and continued to eat. Different was how she was actually interested. The food was chewed on to give time to actual breathing to occur, allowing her to follow the men's conversation now that it had turned serious.

"Haven's a mess when it comes to control. The Queen can try all she wants and the Chantry can shout all they want, their Hahren's one step behind declaring independence. Good for them, I say." Oghren burped, beating with a closed hand against his chest. "Woman's smart to keep this not against you, not with you thing going. Doesn't give any reason for the Templars to play kill the elves nor does she bend her head. Smart woman. Think we'll get there, what? Next week?"

"Maybe next month." Amell – well, Cullen – was shaking his blond head. "It's a dangerous game. Eventually they will all fall on her. Anyone who might replace her would be far wor—"

How ridiculous would it be to ask for explanations over the whole thing?

"Bullshit, Amell. Think they haven't tried? People tried killing her before, she's still up and kicking. Fade, even her fucking family. Met them in Redcliffe. Bunch of prissy little fuckers with too much cash." The brunette patted his hands strongly against his pants and reached out for another jug. "Not bad for a Guerrin, that chick."

Guerrin. Kate knew that name. Anyone from Redcliffe to Amaranthine would. The family who ruled the red city, one of the five who had come up with what they had called the 'Purge' – a name that made her think of insects and not her kind; added insult to injury – and especially the ones who enriched by using others. No. That name brought no pleasant memories.

"So she's a human?" Sue her, she was curious.

"All Reservation Hahren's are," Funny how Oghren knew more of her people than herself. He even seemed angry about the whole thing, like they thought it to be an injustice. Which it was. But he was neither elf nor mage, not many would think that. "Most of the time the title means fucking nothing. This one's just."

"Weird," Amell completed.

"Weird. The Commander likes her." That seemed to be enough for the brunette's complete approval of the woman.

Cullen cleared his throat, gesturing vaguely with a hand for Ogrhen to shut up. Kate didn't even notice why until the reason was right by her side, towering above her. Female, mage, Maker above, where had she come from?

She scooted to the side the slightest bit, trying to keep some personal space between her and whoever this person was.

"Time to keep silent, children." She breezed in like a ghost – something which she was beginning to doubt to be just a story. Graceful and lithe but the last word Kate would use to describe her would be weak or frail. It wasn't even the way she carried herself, the hint of arrogance or how she seemed to know more than them. It was something unnamable which made the elf stop paying attention to the conversation and fall silent. "These are subjects best left to those who understand them. And mage or not, neither of you knows enough to meddle. Now do you?" They didn't.

Both grown men closed their mouths at the same time, Amell with a small contrite look towards the table.

"Forgive us, Azar. We were just."

"Speaking, of course. And now you are silent. That's more like it." Azar didn't sit, did come closer; she just continued speaking in that little calm tone which made shivers run up and down other's arms. Like Sam's electricity when he was distracted, only this was invisible. "You boys should be training. Commander Loghain will rely on you pretty soon, you wouldn't want to disappoint him. And while we're on the subject." Her eyes, too light, too uncomfortable to stare at turned to hers. Kate felt like she was on the wrong side of an examination. When the woman patted her shoulder, it was like someone had dropped her into a cold shower. "You should take her too. Girl's green. Get her to learn something new."

Like she arrived, she left. Without warning. Andraste help her, there was no break in that place.

"Who is she?" Her hands closed on the silverware, trying hard not to let go in order to rub her arms. Or reach for the daggers, whichever seemed more comfortable.

Oghren's expression was so closed that it felt like etched in stone. "The Commander's freaking mistake that's what she is." Amell began to open his mouth to say something but was stopped by a sharp gesture of the brunette, the chair falling to the floor as he stood. "Don't even start, mage. Don't fucking care what little things she whispers in the right ears. That woman? Reason why all you mages are considered dangerous. Fuck if I'll believe otherwise. You."

A finger was stuck in front of her eyes, dripping oil and splattered with meat bits. "Keep away from her. Woman's not to be trusted."

Who did this guy think he was? He was the one to try and kill her not twelve hours before.

"Don't listen to him." Amell pushed his chair back, reaching out for his staff. "She probably told him no the first time he tried getting her into bed. Happens all the time."

"What did you just say?"

Standing up, Kate could only think about how maybe it wasn't too late to get away from that place. And these people.

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The weapon was strangely heavy in her hand. It seemed to so alien. Kate turned it from side to side, watching the odd metal contraption with a wary kind of curiosity. She was usually on the wrong side of the channel. And that side usually hurt. It was best to be confined to her daggers. They wouldn't accidently fall on her foot while she was distracted and this thing? It obviously had it for her. As much as any inanimate object could. She grimaced with her own stupid thoughts, gripping the handle a little more firmly. It was just a weapon. Just a weapon.

Just a weapon that could turn her heart into pudding from twenty feet away.

What had Ogrhen been thinking? Kate had thought he disliked the so called Azar. And here he was, following her suggestions like a well behaved mabari. He probably hadn't thought at all about this. Probably just wanted to get rid of her while he attempted to pummel another man to the ground. She could see them from where she stood, circling carefully around the training ground, the man jumping in and out of shadows as he had done against her. He had obviously been holding back then, she had to think while watching him from outside. He had to have let her seen him. He was too good, there was little way she would have won – or escaped – if he hadn't wanted it.

But back to the problem at hand. The gun she was supposed to train with.

It would sound stupid to anyone else but it was hard for the girl to trust it. It had been the elected weapon of most humans around her, the way they lorded power over everyone else. She could trust blades, they despised them. This was just different. Still, new place, new rules. Swallowing tightly, she raised the weapon to eye level, trying to target the center of the mark. Or just the mark itself, Kate highly doubted she would be able to shoot anything else other than herself.

Her finger pressed the trigger and the recoil nearly made her take a step back, not only because of the surprise. Above the target, a lamp exploded into several pieces accompanied by her wince. Maker, that would come out of her payroll. Wait. Did she even have one? Considering she had virtually been poisoned and, apparently, employed as a monster assassin, the least they could do was pay her something at the end of the month. Though, what would she buy and from whom was yet another little mystery. Her mind was firmly on that mental image – complete with a random human face staring at her money like it would jump at its throat – when she fired again.

And missed. Again. Luckily the opposite wall had enough holes for one more to be noticed. What was wrong with the thing, she thought sullenly. It was pretty ridiculous to be beaten by a thing one tenth her size. Kate looked around, watching the different warriors, all attempting the same thing as her with much better results. She could even see Amell, hitting the bullseye every time. Not surprising, any staff was a long ranged weapon. It made her ego take what seemed a permanent vacation into nonexistence.

"You'll need to fa—" The sudden words didn't register, the closeness did, the hand which had suddenly dropped on her shoulder.

Before Kate could think about what she was doing, her body had turned around, throwing the pressure against her skin off, raising the gun in the direction of the voice. And waited. Unfortunately, her eyes took their sweet time to understand who she was facing. It was the only reason why the point of the gun rested against his nose, trembling lightly as her heart pushed blood quickly through her veins.

"I wager you won't miss if the target's this close," the Commander commented, his larger hand rising once more, this time to lay on the weapon's barrel. "Which would explain why I'm uncomfortable to have it shoved in my face."

He was joking. It sounded like one. Could he manage something as frivolous? Kate couldn't decide completely between surprise and amazement so she settled by lowering her hand slowly. Looking like she was threatening the man would look really bad to the rest of the hall of armed warriors. They might take it personally. And unlike her, they seemed to be able to use a gun for something other than self-harm.

His lips were twisted just the smallest hint at the corner but it was his eyes who gave him away. It was a joke. Andraste's flames, this place was one surprise after the other. Kate wasn't sure how to feel about not being a human's subject for jokes for once. It seemed… surreal.

Loghain's hand still rested on the gun, holding it as to stop her from lowering it further. "Other than that, you're a menace." And the break was officially over. How nice. Strangely correct too but Kate chose to ignore her more logical comment. "Who gave you this?" Her lips opened to speak but the Commander paid no mind to the attempt to utter a reply. He just pulled her hand upwards to its initial position, moving his hand to support her wrist. "You were leveling it wrongly. Tighten your grip or the recoil will destroy your initial aim. You need to have it secure."

It took her a little time to understand he was instructing her. All she could think of how close the human was. Her first reaction was wishing to pull away as fast as possible, place at least two feet between their bodies because disgust and fear of humans were intrinsic parts of her education. Loghain seemed to notice. A quick glance, a little more space between them even though his hand didn't move and kept holding hers carefully.

"Well," he said calmly, apparently disregarding her discomfort. "Feel free to follow my instructions. Unless you want to shoot your friend next."

Bastard.

"Did you say something?"

She shook her head quickly, focusing on her hands and the weapon she carried. The only thing worse than threatening the Commander – hers now, she supposed – would be to insult him to his face. Even if he deserved it. Even if she wanted nothing more than to shake his hand off and introduce him to the blunt piece of metal.

Loghain's eyes gave her what was clearly an appraising glance before turning once more to the target, his hand slowly directing hers to what he deemed to be the correct position. "As you wish." Aimed a little lower, then tightened, shaking it. "Put some force into it. Try again."

She pressed the trigger, bracing herself for the recoil. The bullet hit the very edge of the target. Her possible smile died before it could begin to form as Loghain's expression remained the same.

"Not good enough. Again," he ordered bluntly.

So she did, silence between them only broken by her steady attempts against the target – who Kate could bet to be mocking her loud enough to be seen from Denerim.

"Why do you use a gun and a sword?"

He seemed to be expecting that question. Stepping back, Loghain settled against the wall of the cubicle, only evidencing the fact that yes, he too carried both blade and firearm on his person. A longsword, a wickedly curved blade with an artistically designed pommel which destroyed little its practicality. There were no visible jewels but all of it was silver and tightly wound golden wire, the very tip terminating in a small globe. The handgun was a more modern version of the one she held, blunt as any other. "Darkspawn don't die immediately if you shoot them," he explained calmly, too calmly considering the subject. On the corner of her eye, she could see how his fingers had trailed to feel the pommel like assuring himself that it was still there. "The seconds they'll take to die can rip your arm, a sword can pierce you, arrows can still be shot. The sword is clean. Head off and they don't move. But the gun's useful to slow down incoming targets. You either learn both or you are good as useless."

Another shot smothered the repetitive wish to hit him. Useless? She had walked more in her twenty something years of life than most humans did on their entire lives. And she had done that defending herself without guns. The bullet hit the wall yet again.

"If I shoot you now, will everyone else kill me?" Kate avoided looking at him.

"That would require you to be able to hit me. Which I doubt."

He was too above her lowly mortal form so Loghain's face lacked the smirk which underlined every word. That was it. She was going to shoot him.

"I can take that as incentive," she informed, trying to mimic the stance he had guided her into.

"Commanding taught me it never hurts," his voice was definitely light, lacking any bite to it. His eyes never turned away from her grip. "And practice does miracles."

"Is that a hunch I'll get good at it?"

If there was any blunter way to say she had heard his little comment after the Joining, Kate really wouldn't know.

"I don't believe in miracles." That was an actual smirk now. Asshole. "Reload. There's no such thing as infinite ammo outside videogames." His uniform rustled as he let go of the wall. "I have matters to take care of. Try to hit the target by yourself before the end of the day." And all his tone of voice said I doubt you'll manage but. Bloody ass. Like all of his kind.

Frowning deeply, Kate aimed carefully one more time and pulled the trigger.

The bullet missed.

"Blast."

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The mage kept watching the newcomer with shrewd eyes and an amusement Loghain had no explanation to. He didn't understand her. He didn't like her. He simply put up with her. It was necessary and Maker knew he always did whatever was necessary. Always.

"She's a cute kid. Still. A kid. So is that boy of hers." Azar's arms crossed over her chest languidly, hands wrapping around her elbows. "A lot to learn. When are you going to tell her that you've signed her death warrant? When someone else tells her? Because, my dear, you know what will happen then."

There were reasons. Reasons to bring the boy and the girl. Reasons to leave the coming month. And reasons not to trust this woman who looked even at him like he was a chess piece to be moved. Sometimes, Loghain did feel like throwing her out. If only it was possible.

"Kids grow up and get to fight like anyone else. It's the price we pay. Who I choose or not, isn't any of your business." Not even a Warden, Azar had no right to meddle.

"They're going to hate you."

"That's not new."

Azar showed him her knowing smile, one step below happy. "You'll kill a lot of them before the year's up." It was just like her. To use his values against him. To use all he feared as both blade and armor. Maker, he kept a wolf so close that the sheep's skin she covered herself in meant nothing anymore. "And It won't be enough."

His expression hardened, his fingers reaching out to grip her arm. Loghain pretended not to know the strength he was using. "That is fine." Voice low and sharp. Dangerous. "As long as, before this Blight's over, not only Wardens lay dead."

He wished her dead. Might make him despicable but he knew exactly how many daggers she would use against him if possible. That was the kind of woman Azar was. That was the kind of woman he needed for the moment.

Whatever was necessary.

Always.

"As long as I get to sing you to sleep, my dear boy."

Not for the first time, Loghain felt like the woman was making a promise instead of speaking platitudes. She wanted him dead and buried, where she wouldn't try to walk and stumble against him. He was just needed. The Commander of the Grey with a Blight at his door. And his unsaid promise mirrored hers. Keep while useful, discard when she became too dangerous. It wasn't time for it just yet.

He let her go.

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Author's note: Still not very sure where I'm going with this but while I keep writing something, I'll keep posting. Thank you again for the comments and opinions, they truly make my day :)

In my defense, I never said Amell was a PC.