How I Met Jane Eyre

Hey guys, K.J.A. here again. I hope you all enjoyed chapter four. Also, thank you to Bonbonnet for your helpful advice with my grammar issues. I have taken it on board, and will use it from now on in my writing. Excerpts for this chapter include chapters twenty-seven and fifteen from Jane Eyre. And now, on with chapter five.

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Chapter 5 – The Mistresses: Celine, Giacinta and Clara

"And so," I continued, "I journeyed onwards in my search to find "the One". I continued with my usual score of women, travelling from one place to the other, coming home whenever business called me to do so and checking on Bertha when I did (and I was glad that Grace was there, for whenever Bertha saw me, she would always try to put her hands around my throat). But I didn't go abroad just for pleasures of the flesh, oh no; I also went, because sometimes a piece of landscape I chanced to come across happened to enrapture me on my travels, that I went back to that particular spot and spent hours there when I was in one place at one time long enough; but, I only did that when I was not busy with other things.

"Amongst my various wanderings across the world, I managed to climb Mount Vesuvius, scale the Great Wall of China, climbed some of the highest peaks in the Himalayas, amongst several other things I did. I also started to find different types of flowers, insects, birds and butterflies, and seeing as I am interested in nature, I started to collect them and put them in display cases, which I brought back with me to Thornfield, along with some other souvenirs from my travels which I placed in my study. I'll explain why they – and we – aren't at Thornfield later, though," I said, before either Janet or Eddie could ask me where all those precious things were now.

"Did the servants know of what you did, besides collecting butterflies and birds, Papa?" Janet asked.

"I think they suspected of what I was up to, but didn't dare say anything to me about it, out of the respect which they had for me, for which I was extremely grateful for. But getting back to the point; I tired of my dissipated life after about a year or so, but I could not live without the warmth of human companionship, unlike your mother (who can – and indeed – has done so, but I'll get to that later), so then I did another thing which I regret now …" I paused, and took a deep breath as I was about to drop a third bombshell on my children. I exhaled slowly and said, "I tried the companionship of mistresses –"

"WHAT!?" my children cried again.

"You know, if you two cry out in shock any louder, you'll end up either making me go deaf in one ear or shattering a window!" I scolded, looking from Janet to Eddie and back again, both of whom were looking at the floor, avoiding my eyes. I sighed and proceeded more calmly, "I know what I have to say is shocking, my children– and I did mention that to you before I started my tale – but could you please try to control the volume in your voices?" They both looked at me then, clearly sensing that the danger had passed, and nodded their heads and softly apologised to me.

"It's quite all right, my dears," I said softly, smiling at them. "So, as I was saying before the glass started to crack, I tried the companionship of mistresses. The first of whom was Celine Varens, a beautiful, young French opera-dancer, who I once called my "grande passion", which she professed to return, ugly mortal that I am, even so. When she told me that she loved me, I was flattered by her; so much so that I gave her everything I could that I had within my power to give her: I installed her in a hotel, gave her servants, a carriage, fine dresses, jewels, the works; and in short, I was ruining myself in the process."

"Oh, Papa," Janet said, looking at me with a mixture of pity and scorn, which I know sounds surprising coming from my child, but I did deserve it.

"I know, my daughter, I know, but I didn't care at that moment, for I thought I loved her. But as I was soon to discover, that this relationship, just like the one I had with Bertha, was not meant to last …"

"So what happened next, Papa?" Eddie asked me, after a few moments of awkward silence had passed between us. During that time, I was lost in painful recollections of the past (which I had not experienced since their mother and I had become one flesh), and I was grateful to my son for bringing me back to the present.

"Hmm? Oh, well, I called on Celine one night when she was not expecting me, and decided to wait for her in the room of the hotel in which I had installed her in. I was content to wait for her to return for as long as possible, happily smelling all the delicious aromas of the all the flowers in the room. As it was a warm, June night, I walked to the balcony, opened the casement and sat on one of the two chairs there, lighting a cigar as I did so.

"After a few minutes of watching and waiting, I beheld an elegant carriage, drawn by a beautiful pair of English horses. It was the carriage I had given Celine. My heart thumped with impatience as I saw her descend from the carriage, wearing a cloak and covered, from what I could see of her, in the satin and jewels I had bestowed on her. Just as I was about to murmur "Mon ange" to her over the balcony, another figure jumped down from the carriage after her, also draped in a cloak.

"At that moment, the green snake of jealousy twisted its way around my heart, as I watched them enter the hotel. As I knew they would come to her boudoir, I pulled back the curtain and hid myself in the shadows as I watched them enter. They noticed my name on the card which I had placed on the table as soon as I had entered eventually, and after my name had been mentioned, Celine, who of course did not know that I was there at that moment, said what she truly thought of me: that I was an ugly fellow, whose only handsome aspect was my fortune. I felt my heart break into a million pieces. I poked my head around the partly-shut curtain to take a look at the pair, and when I saw who she was with - a brainless, vicious young officer who I had passed in the streets, I felt my heart, which had recently been broken, instantly heal itself, but yet had hardened slightly; for my flame for Celine had now been extinguished; for a woman who could betray me for such a rival was not worth contending for.

"I had had enough at this point, so I then chose to barge in on the pair of them. I gave Celine freedom from my protection; gave her notice to vacate the hotel and offered her a purse for immediate exigencies; ignoring the piteous works of screaming, hysterics, prayers and protestations Celine was making; trying to worm her way back into my good books by charming me and saying that she didn't know what she was doing, but I wasn't fooled, for it was now too late for her to try and wash away what I had just seen, for I had seen her true heart and was no longer interested with her.

"The next morning, I encountered the officer and had the immense satisfaction of shooting him – oh, don't worry, my dears –" I said, as my children gasped in alarm, "I didn't kill him; I just left him with a wounded arm, that's all. And with that, I thought that I was done with the Varens crew. However, I was mistaken; for six months after I had broken up with her, Celine came to me and left me with Adele, who she claimed was my daughter, but at the time I never saw her as such; for I see no likenesses between the child and myself, not even now, even though I care about her very deeply now than I did back then. Anyway, some years after I had broken with the mother, I learnt that she had abandoned the child and ran off to Italy with a musician or singer. I acknowledged no actual claim to her at the time, for I was then not her father, and yet I did not want to leave her in Paris; so I took her back to England and told her that her mother had passed on. I took care of more business, checked in on Bertha, asked Mrs Fairfax to find a suitable governess for Adele, and then left once more for the Continent.

"Once I reached there, I then decided to travel to Italy, not trusting Paris anymore, and once there I met an Italian, Giacinta, who I tired of within three months. Oh, don't get me wrong, she was beautiful, but she was also unprincipled and violent. I then decided to travel north, past France, and into Germany, where I met Clara, another beauty, honest and quiet; and yet, she was also heavy, mindless and unimpressible: not one whit to my taste. I gave her a sufficient sum to set her up in a good line of business, and thus got rid of her.

"I did not like what I did, living that way, moving from one mistress to another. Hiring a mistress is the next worst thing to hiring a slave: both are often by nature, and always by position, inferior: and thus, to live with inferiors is degrading. I now hate the recollection of the time I spent with Celine, Giacinta and Clara. Indeed, after I left Clara, I hoped that I would never have to return to that life again." I stopped and smiled to myself before pressing on: "And I was glad when I came back to England after I had left Clara."

Eddie and Janet looked at each other confusedly, before they looked at me. Janet then asked me, "Why do you say that, Papa?"

"Haven't you already guessed yet, my dears?" I asked them, surprised that I neither of them had figured it out yet. They shook their heads, still puzzled, and I knew that I would have to give them the answer: "I was glad, Janet, because when I came back to England, I did not know that I was about to meet the most wonderful soul on Earth, in the form of a woman, who just so happens to be your mother."

My children got excited at this, but before either of them could ask me anything, there came a knock at the door. I told whoever it was to come in, and Mary entered, pushing a trolley with a tray on top with our lunches on it. So the story was postponed as we ate, for I really needed to give my vocal chords a rest.

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So that's it for chapter five. I hope you liked the jokes I put in and that you enjoyed this chapter. Good stuff's coming up next, people; and don't worry, I will be explaining about Adele next, so please don't fret and question me about what I'm on about in this chapter about her. Please R&R. Thanks. K.J.A.