How I Met Jane Eyre

Hey guys, K.J.A. here. I hope you have liked my story so far. Thank you for the reviews of the last chapter. I am really glad you liked it. This one is slightly better than the last in my opinion - for I'm sure there's more stuff I could add, but I really have forgot, so just tell me what I should have added if you think that I have missed anything out here. Excerpts for this chapter are taken from chapters 14, 15 and 27 of Jane Eyre. And so, dear readers, let's proceed with this chapter.

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Chapter 7 – Feelings Grow Stronger

"And so, my dears," I continued, "that was the first conversation me and your mother had. I was pleasantly surprised by the answers she had given to my questions. She addressed me with a keen, a daring and glowing eye to my face: there was penetration and power in each glance she gave; and when piled by close questions, she found ready and round answers. Yet there was one facet about her which I found the most intriguing and captivating; an aspect to her that I could not forget.

"I am talking of her eyes, of course: those penetrating orbs which revealed her soul slowly but shortly to me as the time passed. They seemed to enter my thoughts, day or night. Whenever I was alone, whether I saw her or not on some day, they would appear in my mind involuntarily of their own accord, whether I wanted them to be there or not. No matter what I did to distract myself, they would still find me. I knew where this was heading, and yet I did not want to go there too fast, too soon; besides, as much as I had learnt about her during our first conversation, I still did not know that much about her; and as I had been hurt by other women many times before, I was unsure of whether she would treat me with the tenderness I so greatly deserved, or if she would turn on me with disgust and hurt me yet again, but I really hoped back then that she wouldn't do the latter."

"So, what did you do to distract yourself, Papa?" Janet asked.

"Well," I answered after a moment, "I first checked on Bertha as soon as I was able to move around quite swiftly on my feet after about two days had passed; and I was sure glad to get that meeting out of the way; but I don't have to go into detail there, for I'm sure you already know why that is, don't you? Anyway," I proceeded, "every day, for two weeks straight I would be engaged with business in the morning and in the afternoon gentlemen from Millcote or the neighbourhood called, who sometimes stayed to dine with me. When my sprain had healed, I rode a good deal; returning those visits, as I had every right to do so.

"I seldom sent for Adele during these times, and all the acquaintance between me and your mother was passed in the hall, on the stairs or in the gallery, where I would sometimes pass her haughtily or coldly, just acknowledging her with a single nod or a cool glance, and would sometimes bow or smile at her with gentlemen-like affability, despite the way her eyes would haunt me when I looked at them. She seemed to get used to me very quickly, your mother; for snarl as I would, she showed no fear, surprise, annoyance or displeasure at my moroseness. I think she assumed that this was my general way of acting, and therefore decided to go along with it. She watched me, and every now and then she would smile at me with a simple yet sagacious grace I cannot describe. I was at once content and stimulated with what I saw: I liked what I had seen, and wished to see more of her. Yet for a long time I treated her distantly and sought her company rarely; and before either of you ask why I treated your mother this way," I said, as I saw my children begin to argue with me that it was wrong of me to treat her thusly, "it was because I was an intellectual epicure, and I wished to prolong the gratification of making this novel and piquant acquaintance: besides, I was for a while troubled with a haunting fear that if I handled the flower freely that its bloom would fade – that the sweet charm of freshness would leave it. I did not then know that this was no transitory blossom, but rather the radiant resemblance of one, cut in an indestructible gem. Moreover, I wished to see if your mother would seek me if I shunned her – but she did not; she kept to the schoolroom as still as her own desk and easel; if by chance I happened to meet her, she passed me as soon, with as little token of recognition, as was consistent with respect. Her habitual expression in those days, my dears, was a thoughtful look; not despondent, for she was not sickly; but not buoyant, either, for she had little hope and no actual pleasure. Besides, I began to dream at night of your mother's eyes constantly haunting mine, and I wanted to know what she thought of me, or if she ever thought of me for that matter. To find this out, I resumed my notice of her, for not to do so would have been a very foolish thing for me to do indeed, because I found that I could not avoid her any longer; for the longer I avoided her, the more I wanted to be with her; and as luck would have it, I found the perfect opportunity to speak with her not two weeks after we had first met.

"I had company to dinner that night as I recall, and I had asked for your mother's portfolio to be sent for, for I wished to share with my guests the fantastical imaginings of your mother's mind; but to my dismay, none of them seemed vaguely interested. The gentlemen left early, and seeing as the night was wet – and the drawings reminded me of your mother, and how desperately I wished to be in her presence again – I declined to go with them. I summoned your mother to my presence again that evening, and I waited for her and Adele to join me.

"Adele was, of course, ecstatic with the gift which I had brought for her, which I told her to take away and study it quietly. I sent for Mrs Fairfax to keep her occupied, for it was your mother's company that I wanted that evening.

"As I did not see your mother enter the room with Adele, I wondered out loud as to where she was. I looked around and saw that she was standing in the doorway, looking at me coolly as to treating the child as such. I told her to come on in and sit in front of me, and not to move the chair I had placed for her; for her face was the object I wanted to see so clearly.

"Back before I married your mother and had you two, my lambs," I said softly, looking at my children with tenderness I did not know I possessed until my Jane had entered my life; "I was not fond of children, nor did I enjoy the chatter of simple-minded old ladies, which has not changed. So it was your mother who would have to do to suit me, and suited me she certainly did.

"Anyway, as I turned my head to the fire, I saw out of the corner of my eye your mother examining me. I let this continue for a few minutes before I turned my head and asked her if she thought me handsome, to which she replied in the negative, straight and sharply for that matter, just like Celine had done; except that in this case, where Celine had been closed and deceitful, your mother was open and honest. I then went on to ask her what faults she found in all my limbs and features, to which she said that beauty is of little consequence.

"She had intrigued me and surprised me by her answer yet again. I told her that when I was as young as she was that fate had dealt me a blow, and after so many years my once good, gentle heart had hardened into an India-rubber ball, and asked her whether there was hope for me to my heart to become a proper heart once more. I had puzzled her, and that look, along with the blush on her cheeks and the glow from her eyes, transformed her face into something so astoundingly beautiful in my eyes, that I confess it pained me to even draw breath. Anyway, I stood up and leaned against the mantle-piece so that your mother could study my frame better, and told her that I wished to draw her out and be communicative with her, for no one else would do for me to converse with than she, as I have already said. I wished for her to talk about a topic of her choosing, but she could not, not knowing what interests I had.

"I saw that she was stubborn and annoyed at my tone of command, so I told her that I did not wish to treat her as inferior; and that I only claimed such superiority from twenty years' difference in age and a century's advance in experience. I was always thinking some darkening thoughts in those days, my dears; and as my mind started to slip into them, I asked her to talk. Seeing as she didn't know where to begin with, I asked her whether I had the right to be masterful, abrupt, perhaps exacting; sometimes on the grounds I stated namely that I was – and am – old enough to be her father, and that I had battled through a variety of experience with men of many nations, and roamed over half the globe, whilst your dear mother had lived quietly amongst one set of people in one house."

"How did she respond to that, Papa?" Eddie asked.

"Well, the answer she gave me was a rather irritating one, my son," I said. "It was in the form of "Do as you please, sir". I asked her to give me a better one than that, and she said that my claim to superiority came from the use of my time and experience, and not because I was older or more advanced in the ways of the world. That would not do for me, either, because of all the mistakes I had made. We then went on to talk about the money, which I had neglected to mention; seeing that most masters would not ask for their employees views and opinions as I had done, which is true. I then asked her whether she would agree that I had the right to command her on that point, and she said not on that point, but on the point that I did forget about the money. It was then that I saw that your mother was looking for someone to treat her as an equal, for I doubted then whether she had ever been treated as such, or had ever been given the respect that she truly did deserve. I also learnt that money was one of the things she cared very little about on Earth, the same as me.

"Your mother's innocence was something so pure and so good, and something that I had so desperately lost long ago. I wished to go back the time when I still had it when I was in your mother's presence in those days. I knew I had my faults, and told your mother of this; as well as stating that at the age of one-and-twenty, that Fate had dealt me a blow, and that I had made many a wrong choice since then. I was her equal at eighteen, and we went on to discuss how I would get happiness, despite the fact that I had turned desperate and had degenerated because of it. I told your mother to dread remorse, for it is the poison of life, and she told me that repentance I said to be its cure. Oh, I so wished at that moment that your mother could see how much I repented for my past sins and was riddled by the guilt that swirled within me and consumed me day-in, day-out, until – but, I'll get to that later.

"Anyway, as much as I wished to change the subject, we continued to discuss rather heatedly about my regeneration for life and I really did not want to be pained by those dark thoughts, and wished that I could end my pain once and for all.

"I realised after a few minutes of heated discussion had passed between us that your mother cared for my welfare, and had told me as much by the words she conveyed. She seemed confused by the conversation, saying that she had no desire to talk nonsense; for the conversation by that point had gone out of her depth. I went on to say that my former pursuits and associates I would give up, just because I wanted to be with her (although I left out the last part). I so deeply wished that there could have been a way for me to legalise the chains which bound me to the mad woman upstairs: but the more I continued to try and go on and express this point in a non-too direct fashion, it seemed to only confuse her more. When she had had enough of this, for I saw that she was getting up to leave, I asked her to stay and wait with me for Adele (who had gone with Mrs Fairfax to try on her new dress). I asked if she was afraid of me, to which she replied that she was not and once again stated that she did not wish to talk nonsense. I then asked your mother if she ever laughed – which was very rarely back then – but given time, she would get used to me, and the Lowood constraint that restrained control over her features would slowly slip away, and give more free reign of her true self to open up to me – which they did, but I'll get to that. Anyway, I then went on to tell her that I saw her as a sort of curious bird, peeking through the close-set bars of a cage; a vivid, restless captive; and if it were but free it would soar, cloud high. I saw that she was still intent on going, but then Adele came into the room, looking like the younger version of her mother. I told your mother that I would tell her the story of Celine Varens – which I will not repeat to you, my dears, seeing as I have already told you that part – and that it would wait for another time, for it was too late to go into particulars that night. I then bid the women goodnight.

"When I was alone with my thoughts, I took to thinking about your mother, and of how different she was from every other woman I had ever been with. Adele was only interested in material things – but not anymore; for fortunately after time went on, she began to lose some of the values that her mother had placed in her mind, thanks to your mother's good heart – much like her mother, and Bertha was another story. But your mother was the first woman who seemed generally interested in my conversation and my well-being. I started to think that she could be the one to save me and that she would do me some good, just as I had done when I first met her. She has done me more good than I ever thought possible, your mother has; and at that moment, I started to imagine a better and far brighter future than I ever thought possible, with your mother at the heart and centre of it.

"Anyway," I then went on, "when I told your mother the story of Celine, seeing as your mother was Adele's governess at the time, I asked her, once I had finished, whether I would have to find a new governess for her; for I assumed that your mother would be ashamed with what I had just told her; but on the contrary, she just smiled sweetly and told me that Adele was not answerable for her mother's faults or mine, and as she saw Adele alone and parentless, she would hold her with a much higher regard than she had done prior to my confession at telling her of Adele's mother.

"But before I told your mother of what had happened between Celine and myself, I took to spending more time with your mother, calling her to my presence almost every evening, watching her face light up as I told her of my travels (leaving out rather the explicit details, I assure you), and she became delighted to hear me talk of them in such relish; I saw a new light flash in those beautiful eyes of hers, as I opened my mind to her. I saw her listening to me, hanging on to my every word, always wanting to hear more. I was happy to share my travels with someone who valued them as much as I valued her.

"As the weeks passed, I saw that there was something glad in her glance and genial in her manner when I conversed with your mother when she was thus engaged in conversation. I saw that she had a social heart, and that it was the silent schoolroom – the tedium of her life – which made your mother mournful. I permitted myself the delight of being kind to her; kindness stirred emotion soon: her face became soft in expression, her tones gentle. She began to smile and laugh in my presence, and when she did so, I would do so, too; delighted by the way her eyes illuminated brightly when she laughed, and I would find myself being captivated by the windows to her sweet soul, slowly falling under her spell – but once again, I'm getting ahead of myself here. Anyway, I was still thinking dark thoughts as I waited in the library for her to come and read to me; but when she entered the room, they went away, as my eyes were blinded by her presence; and when she read, her voice spoke with such energy that I was carried away on the words she spoke: after all, she spoke the words with such clarity, that I imagined the pictures she was forming as clearly as I saw her face.

"As I was saying, I liked to hear my name pronounced on her lips in a graceful, happy accent. I used to enjoy a chance meeting at this time: there was a curious hesitation in her manner: she glanced at me with a slight trouble – a hovering doubt: you see, my dears, your mother did not know what my caprice might be – whether I was going to play the master and be stern or the friend and be benignant. I was now too fond of your mother often to stimulate the first whim, which was true; whenever we were in the library together, the light would shine on her skin in such a way that I was blown away by her beauty. I so desperately wanted to feel for myself how her soft, delicate skin would feel to the touch, to run my fingers through her soft, luscious hair and wondered how soft and delicate her lips would feel against mine.

"Anyway, as I was saying before I got lost in my thoughts, whenever I would stretch out my hand cordially, such bloom and light and bliss rose up from her young, wistful features, and beams of light burning brighter than the Sun, which pierced right through my own eyes and seemed to reach right down into the very heart of my soul, that I had much ado often to avoid straining her then and there to my heart, for she took my breath away, and made my heart beat violently.

"To continue though: as I got into bed the night of the day when I had told your mother about Adele's mother, I realised that I was falling hard and fast down a long tunnel, into the arms of love that were your mother's; waiting for them to reach up to me and fold me in her loving embrace. Yes my dears, even though I had only known your mother for two months, I was already deeply in love with her."

"Oh, Papa!" Janet exclaimed, giving me a half-piteous, half-joyous look. "You finally found the One, even though you couldn't marry Mama back then."

"Yes Janet, I did, for there was never a more true saying than "you can't help who you fall in love with", something you will both learn in time. Anyway, your mother only made my feelings grow even stronger for her after that night; for you see, she did something that I am still grateful to her for even after all these years, and mad my love - as well as my respect - for her increase."

"What did she do, Papa?" Eddie asked, him and Janet both curious as to what their mother did; I smiled as I remembered what had had happened that night, the night I truly realised that I loved her, as I looked at my children and said simply, "Your mother, my dears, saved my life."

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So that's it for this chapter. I will be updating tomorrow, where the next chapter will focus on the first fire and the beginning of the party. I will also be adding more dialogue from his children, because I felt that there in some things in Jane Eyre that I was annoyed with, so I want his children to speak those issues, not only to ease my own mind on this matter, but also to express more of their own feelings as to why their father did what he did.This will become clearer in the next chapter. So I hope you enjoyed this chapter, and please R&R. Thank you.