How I Met Jane Eyre
Hey everyone. K.J.A. here again. First of all, I would just like to say that yes, this is still me and my story, it's just that I have changed my name. Second of all, I hope you really enjoy this chapter. Excerpts from chapters fifteen and seventeen of Jane Eyre are included. Enjoy.
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Chapter 8 – The First Fire and the Beginning of the Party.
"What?" my children said both shocked at what I had just revealed to them.
"It's true, my children," I spoke seriously. "Your mother saved me from a terrible fate that night."
"What happened, Papa?" Janet asked, she and Eddie leaning forward in their seats, desperately wanting to know more.
"Well, my dears," I began, "it all started quiet and well enough for me. I was in my bed, dreaming pleasantly of your mother. I still remember the dream now, you know: we were in the gardens of Thornfield, sharing a rather pleasant time together; our arms were around each other and we were kissing each other passionately; and each kiss we shared got deeper and deeper, as I remember in the dream that I slipped one of my hands down her back and onto her –"
"PAPA!" Janet exclaimed suddenly, startling me out of my passionate, desirable fantasy. I looked at my children and saw that they were both uncomfortable at what I could have revealed to them.
I shifted uncomfortably I my chair as I said, "Sorry, my dears. For a moment there I forgot who I was speaking to, so lost was I in my own thoughts. To get back to the point though, I thought that I heard, even in dreams, the sound of Bertha's laughter, but I was too comfortable being in the dream with your mother that I chose to ignore it.
"The next thing I knew, I heard your mother's voice telling me to wake up, which I thought was odd, because I thought that I was awake with her in the dream; and besides, I was far too comfortable where I was to move. The next thing I knew, I felt the sensation of cold water being splashed over me, and it was only then that I did finally start to wake; but as I was still half-asleep, the only brilliant response that I could come out with was to say if there had been a flood, I was that drenched. I then heard your mother telling me that there had been a fire and that she had had to put it out. I recognised her voice at once, and asked what she was doing in my room and then teased her by asking if she had plotted to drown me. I know, it was the worst time for me to make a joke, but I was still half-asleep as I have just said, and I didn't really understand what was going on. Your mother ignored this and spoke realistically, telling me that I should get up, for we needed to get to the bottom of the "mystery" of who had tried to drown me. I was fully awake by this point, so I did what she said for she was right, and I told her to run and fetch a candle whilst I tried to find some dry garments. Your mother ran from the room as I found my robe and put it on; and within two minutes your mother was back in my room with a candle.
"I took the candle from her and surveyed the damage done to my bed: from the hangings which were all blackened and scorched, to the sheets below, which were all drenched from the water. I asked your mother to tell me what had happened. She proceeded to tell me that she couldn't sleep and that she had heard a noise – a strange laugh – outside her bedroom door. She then went on to tell me that she had heard a step ascending to the third-storey, before she noticed the smell of the fire and followed the smoke to my room, where there was a candle outside my door. She then opened my door – from whence under the eaves, smoke was flowing biliously – and seeing the flames licking the hangings, she then went on to save me."
"It was Bertha who caused the fire!" Eddie said.
"Yes my son, she did, but that was the first time she did it –"
"The first time!" my children said incredulously, shock once again planted on their faces.
"Yes, that was the first time that Bertha had attempted to set fire to the place, but I'll get to the second time later. Anyway, I then knew that she hated me as I hated her, but she decided to take it to a whole new level. I knew that Bertha had been the cause behind this at once, but I did not want your mother to know of my secret. And speaking of your mother, she went on to say that she would get Mrs Fairfax or John and his wife to help me, but I said that I would do, for I did not wish to wake them from their gentle slumber and concern them in something that wasn't their problem. I saw to it that your mother was warm enough and that she was out of the water so she wouldn't catch cold, I then told her to wait for me and to be as quiet as she could as I proceeded to the third-storey.
"When I got there, I saw that Mrs Poole had taken to the bottle a little too much (no doubt that Bertha had a hand in that) and after a few minutes of struggling, I managed to rouse her as Bertha looked on, smiling malignantly at us from her bed. I told Grace of what had happened, told her that this was inacceptable and that she should be careful of how she went when drinking. She nodded in understanding, and then I went back down to your mother, who I was glad to see hadn't moved from where I had put her.
"When I entered the room, I told your mother that I had discovered all. She asked me how, and as I wished not to divulge to her the terrible secret of the demon, I told your mother that I had forgotten what she had told me, whether she saw anyone, which she replied she had not, for she had heard a strange laugh, a laugh which she had heard before, and told me that it was the laugh of Grace Poole. She was half-right, of course, but I didn't want her to know of Bertha for fear that she would leave me, but I instead I went along with her story, telling her that that I would be responsible for what happened in my room that night and that she should say nothing. She agreed of course and prepared to leave me, but I could net let her leave me in that way; so I called her back, for it would not do for me to let her pass me as if we were mere strangers, so I said that we should at least shake hands before we departed. I held out one of mine and she hesitated before putting one of her own little, delicate hands in my large, rough one. I then put my other hand over hers, finally feeling the soft, delicate skin in-between my fingers."
"What did you say to her, Papa?" Janet asked excitedly, fidgeting in her seat with excitement.
I smiled at her eagerness as I said, "Well my dears, I then told your mother that she had saved my life and that I had a pleasure in owing her my life. Your mother told me in her own modest way that there was no debt. I remembered how the blood pumped hard and fast through my veins as my heart beat loudly. Anyway, I then went on to tell your mother that I knew that she would do me good in some way the first night I met her from the way the light shone in her eyes; and I inwardly implored your mother to see how much she meant to me, for I'm sure my eyes were saying such things; but at that moment in time, I believe that she did not know, for she was still trying to bid me goodnight. I kept her with me for a few more minutes before she said that she heard Mrs Fairfax moving. I loosened my hand and let her go, and in the blink of an eye, she was gone.
"I sat in the library after that, with all other thoughts of sleep evading me, for all I could think about was your mother. I did not know if she loved me, even though I knew that she cared for me; but I did not then know just how deeply she cared. We were friends at the very least, it was true, but I couldn't go any further than that at that point. I was beginning to wonder and worry if she would ever love me as I loved her, for she had begun to make me feel unsure of myself. These thoughts consumed me, practically driving me into madness the longer I thought about them, and I knew that I would have to get away from her for a while. I was sure that when your mother saw me that morning that she would be confused and embarrassed by what had happened the night before, so as much as it pained me to do so, I left for Eshton's place, where he was hosting a party there with some other friends and acquaintances of ours, and that's where I decided to go. So as soon as it was light enough, I changed, told Mrs Fairfax of where I was going, got on my horse and left."
"You could have at least left a note for Mama, Papa, to tell her of your whereabouts," Janet said disapprovingly.
I sighed deeply as I said, "I know it was wrong of me to leave your mother like that, Janet, but to be honest, that was something that escaped my mind, and I believe that I would only have confused your mother if I had done so. Anyway, when I reached Eshton's place, I put on my best smile for society and entered. I was welcomed warmly by Eshton, who greeted me in the main hall, and led me into the dining room where the company were still at breakfast; but when I entered, they all got up and greeted me warmly, especially Blanche, who as you may recall, hadn't seen me since the Christmas party that I had thrown at Thornfield not eight years earlier. She smiled graciously and flirtatiously at me, saying that she was ever so glad to see me again for it had been too long for us to be apart from each other in her opinion; but for me, however, it had been long enough, for I just could not stand the woman.
"I compared her to your mother. Blanche was beautiful enough on the outside: tall, dark and majestic, who was a woman who was accustomed to the ways of society, who was born wealthy and, if she had had a heart which was not made of cold steel, which seemed to shine from her eyes every so often, then she would be the perfect match to any man who wanted her. Your mother on the other hand, was small, rather plain-looking (but only to those who did not choose to look past the outward appearance), had no family, was not accustomed to the ways of society, did not judge others harshly for their past deeds and sins – unlike Blanche did – but who held within her a heart, which beat with fresh, clean oxygen and was as warm and gentle as a soft fire, which when roused into an inferno was something you had to see, as I have. What was a cold, harsh winter in comparison to a soft, fresh spring with new flowers in bloom? I knew which one I wanted and what suited me, but the question was how I was going to get it?
"Anyway, for two long weeks I spent my time at Eshton's, trying to distract myself by the company, but no matter how hard I tried I could not get your mother out of my head. I would continuously wonder at what she was doing, whether she was thinking about me and how she was passing her days with just Mrs Fairfax and Adele for company amongst others. Indeed, I sometimes got myself so wrapped up in these thoughts of your mother, that someone – mainly Balnche – rather irritatingly snapped me out of my wanderings and brought me rather unwillingly back to the conversation, when all I really wanted was to be alone with the thoughts of your mother, which is why I really looked forward to my dreams at night, during the time I spent away from her.
"Towards the end of my first week there, Eshton, who seemed to understand what I was feeling (for not only did he know how much I despised Blanche and her family, but also happened to know me practically better than anyone else on Earth, besides your mother, of course), made the suggestion that the party should be continued at Thornfield. At first I didn't really think that this was such a good idea, but then another idea started to form in my head; for I knew that before your mother met me that she had never felt the feelings of either love or jealousy; and it was only after these thoughts started that I began to form a plan and I told Eshton that I agreed with him and that we would travel to Thornfield by the end of the week. I wrote to Mrs Fairfax about when I was coming back, the guests that I was bringing with me and what I wanted her and the rest of the staff to do before my return. I then proceeded to treat Blanche better, complimenting her more than usual and thus leading her on, only in an attempt to make your mother jealous."
"Seriously?" Eddie asked in disbelief.
"Papa, how could you do such a thing as that to poor Mama?" Janet asked, looking hurt at what I had just revealed to her and her brother.
"I know, my dears, but I was desperate to know what your mother truly felt, and I was sure that if she felt jealous at seeing me "courting" another woman, she would give me some sort of sign as to how she truly felt about me, even if that meant using jealousy as a means to get herself to open her heart to me; but as you will soon find out, this plan did not go as straight as I had hoped that it would have done, but more on that later.
"So, by the end of two weeks, Blanche, Eshton, the rest of the company and me made the way to Thornfield. I paid Blanche compliments along the way, and she went on to tell me how thankful she was for my compliments and some of the grand parties she had been to since I had been away from her for so long, and also some of the material that she would be using to make her fine dresses. I didn't care about these things, so I drifted off into my own thoughts, letting my mind wander once more to your mother, and thinking about what she was doing and how she could be thinking about me coming home. I rode slightly harder in my excitement to get back to her, for I hoped that she would be waiting for me with the other servants to welcome me back. My excitement went unnoticed by Eshton, who looked at me in a curious manner, but I didn't care; so delirious was I in love with the one woman I wanted to be with above all others. Besides, I missed her smile, her face, her laugh, her voice; but the thing I missed most of all about your mother were her eyes, which I wanted to fall into and never get tired of falling.
"Anyway, once we had reached Thornfield, I was disappointed to find that your mother was not there with the other servants to welcome me and my guests. When I asked Mrs Fairfax of where your mother was, she informed me that she was with Adele upstairs. I was vexed with your mother for this, so I told Mrs Fairfax to tell her that I wanted her and Adele to be in the drawing room the next evening; and when Mrs Fairfax tried to say that your mother was not used to society, I impatiently brushed this remark away, saying that if she did not come down that I would come for her and fetch her myself.
"The next day passed rather slowly for me, and I was very impatient for evening to arrive so that I could see your dear mother and put the main part of my devious plan in action. As I entered the drawing room that night, I saw your mother behind a curtain in a corner; and as thrilled as I was to see her again and look into her bright eyes, that I couldn't help but notice that within them I saw something that was troubling her, for there seemed to be some pain in those clear orbs of hers.
"Before long, Blanche spoke up about Adele, and before I could stop her and change the subject, Blanche, her mother and some of the others were talking about governesses, insulting your mother and not having a care in the world that she, your mother, Adele's governess and the woman I care about most in the world, was being insulted by those good-for-nothing, snobbish, hard-hearted and rather irritating bunch of people without a care in the world that your mother was there with them: for to insult your mother was to insult me; and I felt such anger boiling under my skin as I tried to keep my face looking as calm and straight as ever. I took another glance at your mother and saw that her eyes had gotten dimmer and had glazed over slightly. Oh, how badly I wanted to rush over to your mother at that moment, take her in my arms, comfort her from the pain she was getting, protect her from harm and never let go of her, no matter what the others thought of me for doing so – but I didn't. I stood there and did nothing."
As I imagined, my children were not impressed or happy by this news that I had just told them.
"Our mother was insulted by those despicable people," Eddie said, breathing heavily, his anger slowly rising, "and you are telling us, Father, that you did nothing to comfort her?!"
"Well, I did try to change the subject –" I began rather flimsily, but Janet then interrupted me.
"That's not good enough, Papa! You have told us that you loved her, yet why did you not stand by her side and defend her like you should have done. Add to that the fact that Mama suffered in silence at some of your guest's cruelty, but also that you have told us to treat servants with respect, for they are people and not objects; and seeing as Mama was a servant at the time, where was the respect you had for her, Father, that she had to suffer, though? Honestly, Papa, out of all the things you have told us so far, this has to be a low, even for you!"
I was surprised by the outburst from my daughter, but I quickly regained my composure and said, "I know. You are both right, of course. But let me make this perfectly clear to the pair of you: I did have respect for your mother, but - " I raised my voice before either of them could interrupt, "- I wished to make your mother jealous of me, and therefore in order to do so, I had to keep the game up, no matter how much it pained me and her. Are you both satisfied now?" I asked my children, looking from one to the other. They both looked at each other slowly for a few moments, before they turned back to me and said simultaneously, "For now". I knew that this would be the best response I got from them, for I was going to get nothing better out of them the more I tried, so I just pressed on with my story.
"After a few minutes of discussing governesses had passed, Blanche then - finally - decided to change the subject, and for once I agreed with her enthusiastically. She had moved to the piano and began to play a Corsair-song. I sang as she played, aiming every word of love - for a love song it was - at your mother, who was listening intently. When I had finished, I looked to the spot where your mother was and saw that she was not there; for just as I had finished, she had snuck out of a side-door, and I knew that if I was quick enough I would be able to catch up with her, and return quickly before anyone started to wonder about where I was. I therefore took my applause and ran out of the room, before Blanche could draw me back into singing another song for her.
"As I stepped out of the drawing-room, I saw your mother tying her sandal before she straightened up and turned to face me. I said good evening to her and asked how she was, to which she replied that she was well; which I knew was a downright lie, but I didn't dare say anything against her.
"I went on to ask her why she had not come and spoken to me in the drawing-room and wished me a good evening, for I was certain that we were past the servant-master part of our relationship by now; and she replied that she did not wish to disturb me as I was engaged in conversation with my guests. I then wished to know her thoughts - and wanted desperately to know whether she had been thinking about me and missing me in me absence, something that would make me think that she loved me and also that I could tell her how I felt about her and not have to be uncertain of myself for how she felt about me. But to my dismay, she only replied that she had been teaching Adele, and had been doing nothing in particular besides. I was vexed by this rather irritating, short reply that she gave me, for it told me nothing of how she felt about me, so I asked her to come back into the drawing-room, for she was quitting me too early; besides, it was her company that I wanted, not Blanche's, but once again to my utter dismay, she declined, saying that she was merely tired. I believed there was more behind these words than your mother was letting on, but I didn't press her for an answer as I saw her eyes starting to brim with tears, for she was hurt; but whether this pain came out of love for me, or that her pride had been hurt by Blanche's cold, cruel words, I knew not.
"Anyway, I told your mother that she was depressed, and when she told me that this wasn't true, I told her that it was because I saw the tears there as clear as those hauntingly beautiful eyes of hers, and those tears now began to fall onto her delicate skin, that I so badly wanted to touch. I said that she was excused for that evening, but I wanted her to be in the drawing room every evening whilst my guests stayed (for I wanted to see if she would reveal her feelings for me). I then sent her to get Sophie - Adele's old nurse - to come and fetch Adele and I bid her goodnight. I caught myself just in time before I said love, or angel, or darling or something of the sort at the end of that sentence and went back inside the drawing-room, for I was unaware of how your mother felt about me, and I knew that it was too soon for me to confess my true feelings for her to her then, anyway."
"You are such a coward, Papa," Eddie said, trying hard not to laugh as Janet silently giggled to herself.
I chuckled and said, "My boy, you are right. I am a coward. Don't get me wrong, I wanted to tell her, but I was scared to how she would react."
"Well, that's just dumb, Papa," Janet said seriously, her giggles having now subsided. Her brother and I looked at her: her brother in wonder agreement at what she had just said, whereas I was curious as to what she was going to say and why she was telling me that it was dumb for me not to tell their mother how I had felt about her all those years ago. Janet took a couple of deep breaths to steady herself before she pressed on with her point: "Well Papa, forgive me for what I say, but isn't love all about taking a risk and a leap of faith? I mean, isn't that why people say it's called "jumping in"? I know you were scared, Papa, but it was wrong of you to keep your feelings for Mama hidden from her that way."
As I looked at my children, I realised that they were right and that I was a fool for treating their mother the way I had, but much had changed since then, so I didn't let it bother me too much and I continued on: "Getting back to the story, though: as I re-joined the party and took a seat next to Blanche, who I let talk to me but paid no attention to her, for my mind was fixed on thoughts of your mother. That night I had expected that she would confess her feelings for me; but somewhere along the lines I had obviously miscalculated, and I knew that I would have to try harder. Clearly, things had not gone the way I had expected them to."
I looked at my children, and was shocked to find that they were both looking at me disbelievingly.
"What is it, my dears? Why are you both looking at me that way?" I asked, confused by their looks.
"Papa, after all this time, are you seriously telling us that you have no idea why Mama never confessed her feelings for you to you, and that you still haven't figured out the one flaw in your plan?" Janet asked.
When I replied that I had not, Janet and Eddie merely groaned and put their heads in their hands, clearly frustrated about the flaw which I had failed to notice. I was sure that they would tell me later though, so I decided to proceed with my story.
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So that's the end of chapter 8. I hope you enjoyed it, particularly the parts with his children being angry with him for not telling their mother how he felt about her, or that he didn't stand by her because of the Ingrams' words about Jane, or the fact that he kept pestering her when she left the drawing-room. This was something that always irritated me when I read the book, so I thought it would be nice to have a bit of justice done on how cruelly he acted towards Jane. Anyway, I hope I have done this story justice. Another chapter is in the works and will be updated soon. Please R&R. Thanks.