How I Met Jane Eyre

"I'll come back; When you call me; No need to say goodbye." - The Call by Regina Spektor

Hey guys. K.J.A here again, thanking you for all the kind reviews for this chapter. All the quotes are taken from chapter 37, and the quote above describes this chapter. Listen to this song by the way, because it's brilliant. It's from The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian, just in case anyone is wondering and wants to know. And now, on with this chapter. Enjoy.

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Chapter 15 – Jane Answers the Call Home

I could feel the excitement which radiated from my children tingling in the air as I said this. After a few moments of silence, Janet said, as her chest rose and fell with excitement, "So, then what happened, Papa? Did Mama come back to you?"

I laughed at this, and said, "Patience, my child, patience. You are getting ahead of yourself once more -"

"But she did come back to you, right?" Janet said anxiously, although her body still tingled with excitement.

I sighed at her impetuous curiosity and told her, "Yes, Janet, your mother did come back to me in the end, but would you at least allow me to continue the events of my tale without getting ahead of myself?" We looked at each other steadily for a few minutes before she nodded her head in agreement. I nodded my head at her in acknowledgement and said, "So, for the next three days, I was besides myself with anxious thoughts. Oh, don't get me wrong, I was happy that I had heard your mother's voice once again, but the last three words that she spoke kept reverting around in my head: "I am coming". I wondered consistently to myself if she was going to come to me at all, or whether this was going to be like another one of my dreams: that if she ever did come back to me, she would fade away like her people had done all those years ago, and break my heart once more. Besides, I was worried that if she ever did come back to me, that she would be repulsed by how I looked and would leave me, which would hurt me even more, and I never wanted that. I also worried that your mother's love for me would fade if she ever saw me again. But what worried me most was if she never did come to me. Sure, she meant it when she said it, but for al I knew, she could have been asleep at the time, and that those words that she spoke in her sleep weren't real, and if they weren't real, then surely she would not come to me; add to that, that she might just have been saying those words to perplex me, as she has done many times before. With those words spinning round my mind, I was not only almost driven into madness by them, but the black sea of Despair and the white ship of Hope were battling it out for dominion over my soul once more, but the only difference was that this time, they were both evenly matched: the sea was as beneath me as it had been when I scrambled back up onto the rocks, and the ship was just anchored in the distance, as the sun shone weakly through the dark grey clouds above, which obviously meant that I should not get my hopes up too high; for I had dreamt that your mother had come back to me many times before, and if she came back to me, I should not be too careful, for it could all be just that: another dream."

"But, Papa," Eddie said, "surely you must have known well enough at that point that Mama loved you so much, that she would come and remove your pain and put some life back into you?"

"I confess, my son, that I did not think of that thought at the time. You see, I knew that I wasn't a handsome man before my accident occurred, but afterwards, I seemed to disfigure more, and I forgot that your mother saw past my outward appearance and into my soul, that I did not see myself how she saw me. I still don't, you know. After all, I am a sarcastic, brooding, bad-tempered man, who had made many mistakes and had done many sinful things in my life before your mother entered my life, and whatever your mother saw within me, I am grateful for it; for without your mother, I am nothing, and she has brought out the best in me, the better part of myself that had been hidden for so long, and your mother was the first and only one who was able to see that and at last, bring that part of me back and out into the world for everyone to see."

"So, what happened next, Papa?" Janet asked, getting me back to the story once more. Her eagerness to know, for me to reveal everything to her, reminded me of how Jane used to react to my travels; for she always wanted me to divulge everything to her, too. I smiled at this thought.

"All right, all right, I'll get back to my tale now. So, as I was saying, three days had passed; and on the third night of the third day, a strange feeling, a sort of influence I think it was, urged me to go outside. At the time, I didn't know why this was, but I am glad that I did now, but I'll tell you why later. Anyway, as I was walking down the hall and to the door, I started to feel old memories rising as I went, of happier times that had once been, but I quickly pushed these thoughts from my mind, for those memories were forbidden to me now. I had learnt in the year that I spent without your mother to not get my hopes too high, after all the nights I spent dreaming about her either dead or coming back to me; so I quickly pushed those thoughts back and walked out the door.

"Once outside, I inwardly gasped, for I felt a strange energy in the air. I recall that it was raining that night, but that was not the energy I felt. This was a strange, electrical feeling, a feeling that I felt whenever - but no, I thought, no, this was not true. I thought that your mother was not there with me. She couldn't be here, I thought to myself. She just couldn't be. And yet, the strange buzz in the air could only lead to one explanation - but no; I would not allow myself to get my hopes up, only to have them dashed once more. I was quite relieved when I heard footsteps behind me. It was only John, wanting to know if I would take his arm, seeing as the rain had started to fall. I told him to leave me alone, for I did not want the company of a hireling. There was only one person's company - but no, I would not allow my thoughts to go there again, so I gingerly made my way back inside and to the back room once more.

"Once I was there, I made my way over to the fire place and leaned my head on my arms over the mantle. Pilot was lying close by me as I realised that I was thirsty, so I rang the bell and Mary entered. I told her that I wanted some water and my candles for the night -"

"You asked for candles to be brought to you, even though you were blind?" Eddie asked in surprise.

"Yes, I know what you must be thinking, my dears, but the sight in my right eye was quite dim, and I could see but a faint light when I beheld them, as I will tell you again later. Anyway, she told me that she would do so right away, but before she left, she told me that I had a visitor waiting. I was surprised at this, for I never had visitors, and I refused to see anybody; but if I had known who it was, I would have told Mary to send them in to see me right away, with no hesitation. But getting back to the point, I told Mary to tell whoever it was to send them in and proclaim their name and business here. Mary told me that she would do as I asked and then left me. There was a strange tone in her voice as she responded to me, and as I couldn't figure out what it was, I let it pass as I waited for her to come back to me with what I had ordered her to get, and I didn't have to wait long for Mary to come back - or at least, I thought it was Mary who had come back, for there was something rather off about her, starting with her tread across the floor, which was softer than Mary's was. I recognised the tread, along with the strange buzz that seemed to have entered with her from outside, and even Pilot seemed to notice that something was going on, for he ran up to "Mary", barking excitedly. The voice of "Mary" told him to lie down, and I turned my head at the voice - for it was not Mary's who had answered - to try and see what was going on, but seeing as I of course saw nothing, I sighed and asked "Mary" to give me the water.

"Pilot was still barking excitedly as "Mary" handed me the water, but the voice did not say anything to me, but instead told Pilot to lie down once more. I stopped the water on the way to my lips, listening intently to what was going on around me; for after I had been made blind, my other senses became heightened; and after "Mary" had said this, I listened more carefully to what was going on around me, trying to paint a picture in order to decipher what was going on, for I was starting to get an image of the woman who was before me, and everything from the strange buzz in the air to the tone - which I now realised was barely-expressed excitement - now started to make sense, and yet, it also seemed to me to be highly impossible. I therefore put the glass down and asked her if she was indeed Mary, but before she said the words "Mary is in the kitchen", I already knew the answer. And those five words; those five agonizingly glorious words which both made my heart hammer as it had not done in a year, but also made it ache at the same time, for I had never longed for my lost sight so than I did at that moment.

"I tried to reach for her, to feel the form of the voice who spoke to me, but as I saw nothing as I have already said, I quickly stopped. As I was afraid that the voice had quickly faded away with the air, I demanded that whoever had spoken to speak again, and the voice willingly replied, teasing me by asking if I would have a little more water, as she had spilt most of it on the tray. It was then that I realised who it was; for everything from her voice to her manner was so recognisable to me."

"It was Mama, wasn't it?" Janet said excitedly. "She had answered your call? She had come back to you?"

I grinned at her before I continued: "That's right, Janet. It was your mother, and she had indeed answered my call. Anyway, at the time, I thought that it was a dream, a delusion, and that madness had finally consumed me as I tried to reach out for whoever had spoken to me; and when they did not touch me because of my blindness, I was even more convinced that I had gone mad, so instead I demanded the voice to speak again, and the voice (for indeed, I did think that it was just a voice that had answered me) asked me in her kind and gentle manner if I would have any more water, seeing as she had spilt half of it in the glass. Oh, it was just like your mother to tease me like that, to brush off my demands and speak with her own. I still thought that I was sinking further into madness, so I asked again who spoke, and the voice told me that John and Mary knew that she was here, and that Pilot knew her too. I then voiced my fears of madness to God, along with asking what delusion had come over me. Your mother's voice told me that no delusion or madness had come over me, and that my mind was too strong for delusion, and my health too sound for frenzy. I was becoming more frantic with these words, for I was getting no real answer, and seeing as I could not contain my anguish for much longer, and so I told whoever it was that they should be perceptible to the touch (for seeing as I could not see with my eyes, my hands would have to do instead), for I felt that my heart would stop and my brain burst, and I could not live without feeling whoever it was who I was speaking to.

"I groped desperately, wanting so much to feel the warmth of the woman who I loved so well, as I thought that she was not real, and that I was going to be disappointed once more; but I was not kept disappointed for long, as I felt my restless, groping hand being surrounded by the comfort of your mother's hands gently, softly holding mine, and as soon as I felt her, she breathed new life into me once more. My soul felt the seas of Despair etching away again, as the sunlight broke through the clouds even more, sending the ship of Hope steering towards me once more.

"Anyway, once I had felt your mother's hand (I knew it was her at once, for I knew her fingers as well as my own), I then wanted to feel the rest of her, to make sure that she was indeed all there and that I was not descending into madness. I was left disappointed as I let go of her, but only for a second, though, as I felt her arm, shoulder and waist, and then drew her into my arms, and held her close to my heart, just as I had always dreamt of doing ever since I lost my sight. I held her in my arms, holding onto her for dear life, and swearing that I would never let go of her from that moment on. I then asked if it was your mother who had come back to me, for even though I felt her, I was still convinced that I was in a dream once more. She told me that it was indeed her and that she had come back to me. I could only say your mother's name, my shock was so great and that was all my heart would allow me to say. Your mother then told me that she had found me out and had come back to me. When I asked her if this was true, your mother told me (rather teasingly, I might add) if she thought that I thought whether she was vacant like air or cold like a corpse. I then went on to say to your mother that even though I held her and felt her form, I still could not believe that it was her, and that I should be so blest after all that I had suffered. I told her that it was like one of the many dreams that I had had before, when I got to hold her in my arms, press her to my heart and kiss her once more. Oh, how good it felt to feel those sweet lips on mine once more; for as I kissed her, I felt the icy shards that consumed my entire heart start to melt, and the flame light it up again, and start it beating once more. Anyway, I then went on to tell your mother that I felt that your mother loved me, and trusted that she would not leave me? When I heard from your mother's lips that she would never leave me from that day on. I still thought that she must have been a vision, and told her as much, adding that I always woke and found it to be an empty mockery, that I was desolate and abandoned with my life dark, lonely and hopeless before me, with my soul athirst and forbidden to drink, and my heart famished and never to be fed. I thought that I was dreaming and that she was a part of my dream, and that she would escape me as she always did when I woke; and so before I "woke" I asked her to embrace and kiss me.

"As I waited for her to do so as I kept my tears hidden, for I was clearly having a dream, as I thought at that moment; but when she put her lips to my closed eyes and the scar on my forehead, I then realised that I was not under the influence of sleep, that I was really awake, and that your mother had indeed come back to me, I saw the sun bursting through the clouds which were finally parting, as the ship of Hope came closer to me. The sea of Despair I could not hear anymore at that moment. I then asked your mother once again whether it was her and that she had indeed come back to me, she replied that she had. I then voice my worst fears, asking her if she was not lying dead under some ditch, or made an outcast amongst strangers. She said that she had not, and then said that she was an independent woman. I had not expected to hear those words come from her lips, and when I asked her what she meant by this, your mother informed me that her uncle in Madeira had died and left her five thousand pounds. I was then even more convinced that I was awake, but I was also worried that, seeing as she was rich, that she would have friends who would care for her, and that she would not want to devote herself to a blind lameter, such as myself was in those days. She told me that she was her own mistress as well as an independent woman, which tortured me, for I did not know whether she wanted to stay with me for love, and not out of pure pity alone; for she also told me that she would build a house next to mine, and would be comfortable with being my nurse and my companion, who would come to read to me at nights, and would never leave me.

"Anyway, I then asked her if she would stay with me, and she told me that she would do so. I then fell silent as she said those words, for truly I did not know what to say to her. After a few minutes had passed where I was lost in my thoughts, I felt your mother withdrawing, but I slowly pulled her back, telling her that she could not go, for I had touched her, felt her, and was comforted by her. I could not give up those thoughts; nor could I let her go away from me so easily again. I had so little of myself back in those days, my dears; for everything that was good in my life had fled with your mother, the day she broke my heart and left me. My soul demanded her - for she was my rescuer on that white ship of Hope - and I told her that my soul demanded her, and that my soul should be demanded, or it would take deadly vengeance on its frame if it didn't have the one thing that it desired above all other things on this Earth: your mother. I wondered what she say and how she would react: whether she would leave me with scorn, or stay with me with pity in her heart because of my injuries.

"I waited with baited breath for her response, and after an eternity, she told me that she would stay with me. I was torn between joy and guilt: joy because she had friends and money, and could go and do as she pleased, whereas I could not; and guilt in knowing that if she stayed with me, she would be condemned to stay with passing a life at my side, being around my hand and chair, wasting her life away by helping me in all my daily needs, which I told her. I then asked her if she thought that I should have none but fatherly feelings for her, and asked her for what she thought. Your mother told me that she would think as I liked, and that she would be content to be my nurse, but only if I thought it best. Those words were torture to me, because even though I wanted her to stay, I did not want her to stay because she pitied me; so I told her that she must not always condemn herself to be my nurse, and that she must marry someday. She replied stubbornly that she did not care about being married, which I almost laughed at. I told her that she should care, and if I was what I once was that I would try to make her care. I then sank into dejection, for it was useless trying to make her see what I did.

"Your mother then felt that she should distract me, saying that I looked something like a lion and that my hair reminded her of eagles' feathers, and then said that she did not know whether my fingers looked like birds' claws, for she had not noticed them yet. I told her that my left arm had neither a hand nor nails (I had forgotten to mention, my dears, that in those days I kept my left arm hidden in my shirt out of force of habit, for I was ashamed by the useless limb, and I was influenced by my pride for not wanting anyone to see it), as I pulled it out and showed it to her, saying that it was a mere stump and a ghastly sight, and asked your mother what she thought."

"What did she tell you, Papa?" Eddie said.

"Well, my son, she told me that it was a pity to see it, and my eyes and the scar on my forehead, and that the worst of it was that she was in fear of loving me too much and making too much of me. Her gentle words did not surprise me, because I knew her; what did surprise me though, was the fact that she wasn't repulsed by me; and when I confessed that fear to her, she asked me if that's what I thought, and that I shouldn't tell her so, lest she should say something disparaging against my judgement, and then went on to say that she was going to leave me for an instant so that she could have the hearth swept and a decent fire made. She then asked me if I could see it, and told her that it was a ruddy gaze; then she asked me whether I could see the candles, to which I told her that I could see them very dimly, and that they were both a luminous cloud. I then heard your mother's foot tread right in front of me, and asked me if I could see her, and I told her that I could not, though I was only too thankful that I could hear and feel her, which was perfectly true, despite the fact that my heart was bleeding inwardly at the thought that I could never see her again. She asked me when I took supper, to which I replied that I never did, and then she told me that I would have some that night, for she was hungry, and so was I, only that I forgot. She said this in a playful tone, and I was comforted. Nothing comforts me like your mother; and indeed I was comforted, right through supper and afterwards as we talked. I in the interim, tried to draw her out by asking her questions about where she had been and what she had been doing in the past year, but to my dismay, it seemed that she was not going to tell me all that night, and gave me only very small replies. Her pleasant aim, as it were, was to comfort me, and comforted I was, unless there came a pause in the conversation for about a minute; then I would grow restless, reach out and touch her and spoke her name, to convince myself that I was not alone; for when she did pause, I felt the ship halt in its cause, the sun dart back behind the clouds and the seas begin churn and rise, but as soon as she touched me, and told me that she was next to me, all became calm again; but besides the battle between Hope and Despair in my soul, there was also one happening in my heart between fire and ice; for whenever dark thoughts entered my mind, the fire would be extinguished, and would be quickly replaced by the ice, before your mother's voice removed those thoughts, and the fire would burn brightly once more. But besides this, I was terrified that in one frantic glance, this would all become another dream to me, and I would wake up alone again, with bitter tears streaming from my eyes; but I quickly put this depressing thought out of my head: your mother was happy - so was I, and why should I ruin such a joyful, peaceful happy time now, after all the time I spent locking myself away with nothing but isolation and despair, and all those endless, saddening, maddening thoughts for company?

"When I asked her if she was certain that your mother was sure that she was altogether a human being, she told me that she conscientiously believed that she was. I asked her how she came to be on my lone hearth after I expected to be given a glass of water by Mary, and that it was she who I expected to answer my question. Your mother only gave a small, sly reply, saying that she had come in Mary's stead with the tray. There was enchantment that night in the hours I spent in your mother's presence that night after all our time spent apart, where I was doing and expecting nothing, merging night in day, feeling cold when I let the fire go out and hungry when I forgot to eat; and as always I had a constant craving for your mother; for it was her presence that I longed for, far more than that of my lost sight. I told your mother all this, and added that when I awoke, I was worried that she would flee as she had in my dreams of her, disappearing from me again for ever, and her whereabouts becoming once more unbeknownst to me. Your mother ignored this, saying that she should apply something to make my eyebrows grow as broad and black as they had ever been, after she had surveyed me and told me that they were scorched from the fire; but no matter what she told me, I was still glum, for hardly anything she said roused me out of my dark thoughts. I asked her what good she would do me, when for all I knew she would escape from me again, and fly freely like all the other free birds do. She continued to ignore me, I saw; still trying to cheer me. She then asked me if I had a pocket comb anywhere about me, and when I asked her what she would want with such an object, she told me that it was to comb out the shaggy black mane, and went on to tease me, saying that she found me quite alarming when she saw me up close; and as much as I called her a fairy, she was sure that I was more like a brownie. Tease me as she would, the despair surrounding me was still rather difficult to break.

"To try and ignore these thoughts, I asked if she thought that I was hideous, which she told me that I was and always had been. I almost laughed at this," I said, as I gave a slight chuckle, and saw my children laughing at their dear mama's teasing comment, "for with your mother around, I found despair a thing which could be rid off quite easily. I then told her that the wickedness had not been taken out of her, wherever she had sojourned. She then told me that she had been with good people, far better people than myself; a hundred times better, who possessed ideas and views that I had never imagined before in my life, which is true, for you have both met your aunts Diana and Mary (even though your mother, Diana and Mary are cousins, for some reason we see them as comfortable together as if they were sisters, so why should they not be treated as such?), and when I asked your mother who she had been with, she told me that I would not get the tale out of her that night, and that I must wait for her to tell me it in the morning, where she would not bring me a glass of water, but an egg, to say the least of fried ham. I remember smiling at that comment as I do now, and telling her that she was a mocking changeling, who was fairy-born and human-bred. When she said that I was redd up and made decent, she told me that she would leave me for the night, for she had been travelling for three days and said that she was tired. Three days she had been travelling, and yet it seemed to me like it had been an eternity since we had last seen each other. I asked her before she left me if there were only ladies in the house where she had been, and to my utter vexation, she only laughed and left me.

"I gave a bitter laugh at this, before I went to bed myself. I had a dreadful night's rest that night, tossing and turning fitfully, as I had dreams of your mother being in the arms of another man. Once again, I felt the rocks starting to crumble around me, as the sun disappeared behind the clouds which had grown black and stormy once more, as the white ship of Hope started turning away from me, and the black sea of Despair started to rise, ready to drag me down yet again.

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So, that's it for this chapter. We are really close to the end now. Next chapter will be about Edward learning what happened to Jane when she was away from him. I hope you enjoyed this chapter, so please R&R. Until the next time I write, then.