How I Met Jane Eyre

Hey, guys. K.J.A here again. We are so close to the end now. Excerpts for this chapter are taken from chapter 37 of Jane Eyre. Enjoy this chapter.

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Chapter 16 – What Jane Had Been Up to, and the Start of a New Life

"What happened the next day, Papa?" Janet asked me.

"Well, when I woke the next morning, just as your mother thought when she woke the morning after I had first proposed to her, I thought that the previous night had been a dream, and that when I accosted John and Mary about if your mother was here, that they would surely think that I was mad and that I had imagined the whole thing; but I was mistaken. This was not the case, for when I asked Mary if your mother was here, she surprised me by saying that your mother was here. At this, the ice in my heart started to melt slightly, and the sea settled and the ship sailed closer to me once more. This remark knocked me off my guard and I was taken aback for a few moments, before I then asked Mary what room she put your mother in; then whether it was dry and was she up; and when Mary said that she would check, I then asked her to check on your mother, asked her to ask your mother whether she wanted anything and when she would come down. After Mary said that she would do what I asked, I went down to the breakfast room and waited for your mother to come down, lost in my own thoughts as I did.

"After a while as I sat there, waiting in my chair, I heard a sweet, gentle voice say that it was a warm and sunny morning, that the rain from the night before had passed and that I would have a walk not long after. I brightened up immediately, for the voice that spoke was your mother's. I asked her then to come to me, and when I touched her arm, I moved my head against her stomach, just under her chest, and told her that I noticed a brightness that meant the sun had risen and that I had heard some birds singing over an hour ago, but I found no beauty in them. Not anymore. All the sun on Earth lay for me within your mother, for she warms my heart, just as the sun warms the Earth; and all the music from the bird's songs lies in your mother's voice, for there is no melody more beautiful to me than your mother's very voice. She was silent for a few moments after I had said as much to her, before she let me go and set about making breakfast.

When breakfast was finished, we then took a walk outside; and after so many months passed for me spending all my time indoors, the fresh air was pleasant to me, and it was made even more so by the person next to me, who held tightly to my arm and guided me about the place, describing it to me. There was no need for my lost sight when I'm with your mother, you know, for she painted the picture clearly to me; so clear, in fact, that I could see it all clearly in my mind: every tree, the colours of the leaves, the blades of grass and what shade of green, how clear and blue the sky was, all of it painted as clear as a picture in my mind. Indeed, your mother described it to me with such clarity and such beauty in her voice, that for once I was glad of my blindness. Your mother's strength as she guided me around truly astonished me, even more so now than it did back then, with the softness of her gentle voice comforting me, providing me with strength and melting more of the ice around my heart. Anyway, after we had walked a bit more, your mother found a secluded spot for us, which was a dry stump that was hidden in the wood. It was quite beautiful from what she told me, filled with peace and serenity. After I had settled myself, I attempted to place her on my knee, and to my surprise and immense delight, she submitted. We were so happy to be near than apart from each other, and I could have sat like that for ever in that moment: just the two of us together, your mother sat on my knee, her head snuggled close to my heart, and Pilot, who we had brought with us, was lying quietly beside us. That moment could have lasted for ever as far as I was concerned, but of course, I knew that there were questions that had to be answered. I knew that they were going to be painful for the pair of us, but I did have the right to ask them."

I saw my children looking anxious again, and after a few minutes had passed in tense silence, Eddie asked, "So then what happened, Papa?"

"Well, my boy, my curiosity would not lie still for much longer, so then I spoke out, saying how cruel it was for your mother to leave me like she did, and the worry I felt when I had studied her apartment thoroughly and had seen for myself that she had taken nothing which could serve as money, not even the pearl necklace I had given her. I then asked your mother to tell me where she went and what she did. She told me how she suffered from her three days of wondering; of sleeping on the ground, wandering and no food or drink to sustain her. She suffered more than she revealed to me that day. After we were married, I asked her to tell me all that she suffered, and after she had done so, I wished that I hadn't asked, but that's another story. Anyway, I then told your mother that she should have confided in me, for I would never have forced her to be my mistress -"

"You wouldn't have, Papa?" Janet asked, she and Eddie both looking shocked at what I had just revealed to them.

"Of course not. I told your mother - as I am telling you two now - that violent as I had seemed in my despair, that I love your mother far too dearly and tenderly to constitute myself as her tyrant; and I would have given away half my fortune to your mother without demanding a kiss in return from her, which would have been far better for your mother, instead of your mother throwing herself friendless out into the world.

"Anyway, after she had told me what she had suffered, she then told me that she hadn't suffered much, and went on to tell me about St John, Diana and Mary Rivers, and how she had later discovered how they were related, and everything in-between and afterwards. She spoke of them with such love as she does now, but this "St John's" name came up more times than I liked it to have come up. And so, of course, I had to ask her about him.

"I confess to you now, my dears, that I had hoped that this St John would be a respectable, well-conducted man of about fifty; that he was of low stature, phlegmatic and plain, whose goodness consisted of guiltlessness and vice, than in his prowess and virtue; that his brain was rather soft; that he was not an able man and not a thoroughly educated man; that he was ugly and short, and that his manners were priggish and parsonic; but to my utter dismay, I got the complete opposite description: St John, it turns out, was twenty-nine when I asked your mother about him, who was untiringly active, who liked to perform great and exalted deeds; that his brain was first-rate, and even though he didn't talk much, what he did say was ever to the point; that he was an able and accomplished and profound scholar; his manners calm, polished and gentleman-like, and to top it all, he was tall, handsome and had a Grecian profile. Your mother told me all this with a teasing, playful tone, although at that moment, I didn't know why. When she told me all this, I felt the ice seeping back into my heart, and the black sea of Despair was rising up again, as the sky turned black and stormy as lightning flashed threateningly. The sun disappeared and the white ship of Hope was sailing away from me once more."

"Were you jealous, Papa?" Janet said teasingly.

I gave a half-chuckle at this, and said, "Yes, Janet, I admit that I was. I thought at that moment that I had lost your mother for ever, and that it was wrong for me to hold your mother in my arms, seeing as she was no longer mine and was in love with another man. I asked your mother whether she would not like to sit on my knee for much longer, and when she asked me why that was, I told her that she preferred a vision of Apollo rather than that of a Vulcan: who was a blacksmith, brown, broad-shouldered and blind and lame into the bargain. Your mother chose to ignore most of this speech, as she does, and told me that I was rather Vulcan-like. I thought then that I really had lost her, but for good this time; and as the ship faded away from me again, as the sky turned that hellish-red colour, and the lightning flashed more vigorously, as the sea was becoming more wild and was rising up, ready to engulf me once more as the rock on which I was standing began to quake once more, I told your mother that she could leave me, but before she did, I asked her to answer some questions, holding your mother as close to me as I dared to, remembering everything about her childish slender form. She then asked me what questions she had for me, and thus began the cross-examination:

"She told me that St John made her schoolmistress of Morton before she discovered that she and the Rivers' were cousins; that St John would visit her once or twice of an evening; that he approved of your mother's plans (for we all know what a talented, gifted woman your mother is), and then your mother surprised me; for when I asked her if he discovered any unusual accomplishments that he did not expect to find, your mother told me that she didn't know about that. I felt angry at such news that St John did not value your mother like I did, and that he did not give your mother praise enough, praise that she so deserves.

"Anyway, your mother went on to tell me that she lived with her cousins for five months after the cousinship was discovered; that he spent time with the ladies in the back study, which was his as much as it was theirs, and that he studied a great deal of Hindustani. I thought that this was strange, but pushed it out of my mind for the time being, and asked your mother what she learnt. She told me that she studied German at first, but then Rivers wanted her - and only her - to study Hindustani with him, after I had learnt that Rivers did not study German for he did not understand the language. Anyway, when I asked your mother if she asked to learn Hindustani, she told me that she did not; rather that he wished to teach your mother. I then asked your mother of what use this could be to her, and she told me that Rivers wanted to take your mother with him to India."

"What!" my children yelled indignantly.

"He wished to marry Mama?" Eddie said, he and Janet both shocked at this news.

I nodded my head sullenly as I said, "Yes, my dears, it is true. He did wish to marry your mother. I thought that she was lying (just as you two both do now, I see), and thought that this was a fictional invention made in order to vex me; but when your mother told me that he did want her to marry him, and was just as straight with his point as I was. I could hardly see the white ship now, as I told your mother that she could leave me, and when I asked her why she remained, she told me that she was comfortable there; and when I told her that she wasn't and that her heart was not with me, but was instead with her cousin, she unexpectedly asked me to shake her off, for she would not leave my side of her own accord, was her comforting reply. Her tone of voice was so comforting and so sweet and truthful, that it took me back to the early days of our time together; I told her this, and told her that she should go her own way in life with the husband that she had chosen: in other words, that of her cousin, St John.

"I was just about to fall into the sea of Despair, when your mother saved me once more, by telling me that St John was not her husband, never had been and never would be. She went on to say that he was good and great, but was severe and to her was as cold as an iceberg. She also told me that she did not love him, and nor he her; for he loved - and that is not as I love, as I was told - a beautiful young woman called Rosamond Oliver. Your mother then told me that she was not happy at his side, nor near him or with him, and then asked me if she should really leave me, and go marry a man who she did not love. I was surprised, my dears, when your mother told me this, especially about St John; for what your mother described to me of him and his cold heart, was an exact definition of what I had been before I met your mother; and that if your mother couldn't save him as she had me, than what hope did the poor fellow have. And speaking of hope: the storm in my soul calmed once more, and the sun shone more brightly than ever through the clouds, as the rocks stopped crumbling and the sea stopped churning. The ship came towards me once again, riding towards me at a much faster pace than it ever had done before, and the ice that surrounded my heart melted even more.

"As I was saying, my dears: after your mother told me of St John, she shuddered and held me closer to her than ever before. I smiled with delight at the fact that your mother really was all mine. I asked her if this was true, and she told me that of course it was, and that all she wanted to do was to tease me a little in order to make me a little less sad. She then told me the greatest news of all: that all her heart was mine, and that it would stay with me, even if Fate were to split us apart for all eternity. When I heard this, the joy in my heart made the ice melt faster and the ship sail harder as I kissed her, but then I remembered about my seared vision and crippled strength, which I mentioned out loud. Your mother then caressed me in order to comfort me, as a single tear flowed down my cheek. I then said that I was no better than the lightning-struck tree at Thornfield orchard, and asked your mother what good would that ruin do to bid a budding woodbine cover its decay with freshness; and your dear mother comforted me once again by saying that I was not a lightning-struck tree as much as I was a ruin, that I was green and vigorous and that plants would grow again, because they took delight in its bountiful shadow, and added that they would grow and lean towards and wrap around me, because my strength offers them so safe a prop. There is no one on Earth who can provide the same comfort to me as your mother can. I smiled at that."

"So, then what happened, Father?" Eddie asked me.

"It was then, after a few more questions - which all involved marriage of some sort - that I then asked your mother to marry me once more, and when she said yes to each of my questions individually (but the main one in particular) my heart sored with delight. I told her that God should bless and reward your mother, and she told me that out of all the good that she has done, that to be my wife was for her to be as happy as she could ever be on Earth, and when I asked her whether it was because she delighted in sacrifice, she then asked me what did she sacrifice: famine for food, expectation for content. She then said that to put her arms around what she mauled, and to press her lips to what she loved, and to repose in what she trusted, she asked if that was what it took to make a sacrifice, and that if this was so, that she would certainly delight in sacrifice. I then asked her whether she could bear to look over my infirmities and overlook my deficiencies (which was a question whose answer worried me greatly), and your mother said that they meant nothing to her, and that she loved me more than she did before, now that she could truly be of help to me, than she did before my accident in my state of former proud independence, and when I disdained every part of giver and protector. Oh, how those words comforted me greatly, although it took me a while before I believed what she told me was true.

"I then told her that I hated to be led, helped, put my hand into a hireling's and wanted to be alone, but your mother helped me quickly to not hate such things anymore, which I told her. I then told your mother that she suited me, and I asked if I suited her, to which she replied that I did suit her and to the finest fibre of her nature. At this, I felt my old impetuosity rising, as I told her that we would marry as soon as we got the license, which was three days from that day. I remember that I was eager that day as I was the first time around, but this time it wasn't because I wanted to be married quickly in order to keep the mad woman a secret. Oh no. This time it was from the pure excitement of your mother and I becoming one flesh, but for good this time.

"Your mother and I were both consumed in our own thoughts after this; for as I was going on about my marriage plans, she was wondering about the time, and that Pilot had gone home for his dinner, as it was then after four o'clock. I ignored your mother though, and went on to say that she must have thought of me as some irreligious dog, and that my heart swelled with gratitude to God for bringing your mother back to me. I saw that I had done wrong, but back when I first lost your mother almost cursed the dispensation and defied the decree. I told your mother that I had had to pass through the valley of the shadow of Death, and how divine disasters came upon me thick and fast, and that after these things had happened, I then told your mother that I started to pray to God before I told your mother that I had called out her name and that she had replied to mine, and I told her that I was sure that we must have met in spirit. I then went on to say that the night that your mother returned to me, I thought that I had been dreaming, but then I realised that God had been merciful to me, and it was because of him that your mother had come back to me, and I thanked him for it. I then put your mother off my knee, stood up, and bent my head towards the earth, sending up a silent prayer to God, before I said out loud that I thanked my Maker, that, in the midst of judgement, that he remembered mercy, and that I entreated Him to give me strength to lead henceforth a purer life than I had done hitherto, before I turned my attention back to your mother as I ended my prayer aloud, and gave her my hand, which she took and kissed it, before winding it round her shoulder and guiding us both home, and as she did so, she once again gave me new life.

"As we wended our way homeward, the ice in my heart had fully melted and was replaced by a burning hot flame of fire, which only burned more brightly as the years passed; and the storm in my soul had calmed completely, as the sun shone brighter than ever before, as the white ship of Hope sailed across the now silent black sea of Despair and came to where I was stranded; and on that ship was the soul of your mother, who reached out her hand, which I gladly took, and as she did so, I felt my soul become whole again, whereas the night before it had only felt well, but now, I was truly whole. We sailed on that ship, the sea of Despair has never disturbed me again since, and I felt your mother once more ruffling her angel wings, so that when the time came, she would carry us both up to our heavenly paradise."

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I hope that you all enjoyed this chapter. OK, so the next chapter will be all about the wedding and of course the ending. Who knows, maybe Jane will come up in the present. I'll play it by ear and see what happens. Please R&R. Thank you.