A/N: I didn't want to say anything at the start of the last chapter, but I was tearing up just writing it. It was literally putting me in a state of depression… Anyway, here's the next installment. Thanks for your reviews; I love to know how the chapters make you feel too!
The night Alex left…
Abbie hangs up the phone with Alex and sees Serena standing in the doorway looking at her. "Abigail Carmichael what have you not told me?" Serena asks with a frown. She can tell from the expression on her fiancé's face that something awful has happened.
"Alex proposed to Casey this morning and Casey turned her down. That is why they were both acting weird today. Anyway, they just talked about it and Casey said it was because of John. Alex told her that she wasn't going to fight a ghost so Casey needed to figure out what she wanted and Alex left her. She wants us to check on Casey. She said she could hear her crying when she left." Abbie relayed in a small voice.
"I can't believe you didn't tell me earlier!" Serena says grabbing her coat and keys. Turning back to Abbie she yells, "Get up we have to go now!"
Abbie jumps from the couch and grabs her coat while following Serena out the door. "Rena what are we doing?" Abbie asks.
"Abbie, we are going to make sure Casey is okay and that Caroline is still sleeping. Kim said Casey needed medicine to calm her after John I can only imagine how she is now." Serena says as they get in the car.
"Oh my God, why didn't you tell me that Serena? I would have told Alex to stay." Abbie states worriedly.
"No, she needs to go. Casey doesn't understand what is going on inside her. She thinks it's wrong for her to forget and move on from John, what she isn't realizing is all of that is happening because Alex is her soul mate. John never made her this happy and sure as hell did not treat her as well. She just needs to come to terms with that and the best way is for Alex to not be there." Serena answers. Quickly she adds, "Call Kim and Owen, they need to know what's going on."
Abbie pulls out her phone but pauses and grabs Serena's hand, "I don't tell you enough Serena but right now in the wake of this I want to say I love you and Serena Southerlyn I am so thankful you are marrying me. You are my soul mate."
Serena smiles, "Thank you Abbie. I love you too and yes you are my soul mate."
Abbie quickly calls Kim and informs her of the situation. Kim assures them they will be over in a minute. Hanging up with Abbie, Kim quickly tells Owen what is going on and that they need to go back to Casey's immediately. Owen quickly packs him and Kim a bag and grabs his prescription pad on his way out the door.
Worried about his little sister, Owen drives so fast that Kim asks him to slow down. "I am sorry honey. She just isn't strong enough to handle this and I am worried about her." Owen sighs.
Kim takes his hand in hers and squeezes, "I know sweetheart. We will be there shortly and you will help her."
Arriving at the house, they find Abbie and Serena standing outside. Getting out of the car, Owen calls out, "Why are you two not inside?"
Serena looks at Abbie and Abbie nods running down to Owen and Kim, "She won't open the door Owen. You brought your key didn't you?" Hearing the news Kim grips Owen's arm and he closes his eyes for a second trying to displace all fears of things that may be waiting for him inside. Opening them again he says, "Help Kim. Wait just inside the door until I say it's okay to come in."
Kim pales holding on to Abbie and shakily says, "Owen?"
Running up to the house Owen yells, "Just do what I say Kim!"
Unlocking the door, Serena firmly states, "Don't think for one second I am not coming inside with you." Owen just looks at her and nods. Opening the door, Owen runs inside making a sweep of the downstairs like he would when he was enlisted, precise and quick. As he exits the kitchen and heads to the stairs he sees a form in the back hallway near the door. Realizing its Casey he runs over and assesses her state, he looks up to Serena and orders her to go check on Caroline.
She isn't crying, just lying on the floor trembling with her eyes fixed on the door. Owen lies down next to her and looks into her eyes, "Casey, its Owen. Are you hurt?"
Casey closes her eyes and holds them shut for a minute, when she reopens them tears are streaming down her face again. Shakily she tries to speak but her voice is almost gone, "Alex," is all she manages to say. Rolling her over, Owen sees she is okay and picks her up. Seeing Serena at the end of the hall he asks, "How is Caroline?"
"Sound asleep." Serena replies.
"Tell Kim and Abbie its okay to come inside and tell Kim to come upstairs with my prescription pad. I will need you or Abbie to run to the pharmacy for me." Owen says climbing the stairs with Casey in his arms.
Walking into the bedroom, Owen lays Casey down on the bed and covers her up. Then he lies down beside her and holds her like their parents use to hold them when they were upset as children. Rubbing her hand he kept assuring her that she would be okay. Finally, she starts to cry hysterically.
Kim arrives and Owen scribbles down a script for a mild sedative. About an hour later Abbie walks back into the room and hands the pharmacy bag to Owen. He immediately fills the syringe and gives Casey the shot. Soon she is in a deep sleep and he knows she won't be up anytime in the next few hours.
Standing he walks downstairs to find the rest of the women sitting at the kitchen table. Kim looks up at her husband, "How is she?"
"She's had a total emotional breakdown. I gave her the sedative so she will sleep now. When she wakes in the morning I will assess her then. I am going to sleep in her room with her tonight so in case she wakes up in hysterics again I can administer the medicine immediately." Owen says weakly.
Everyone nods and Owen turns and grabs two bottles of water and heads back upstairs. Walking into the room he notices how Casey in her sleep moved to Alex's side of the bed. She is clutching a pillow he assumes to be Alex's.
He remembers coming to the house a few months back to check on the blonde when she had strep throat. Casey was so upset that she couldn't be there to take care of Alex that she made Owen spend the day at the house taking care of Alex, the following day she had Kim and him take Caroline so she could spend all of Saturday spoiling Alex the way Alex had cared for them. There was no doubt in his mind that his sister was madly in love with Alex Cabot.
Lying down next to his little sister he watches her sleep. "Casey, you need to be okay when you wake up in the morning. You have to be okay so you can get a grip and go after her. You need her Casey," he says as he holds his sisters hand and falls asleep watching over her.
The morning after Alex left…
Casey opens her eyes and sees her brother sleeping next to her holding her hand. He had always taken care of her since their mother died. He would be an amazing father; he already was an amazing son, brother, and husband. Trying to speak, she very hoarsely says, "Owen."
Owen immediately opens his eyes and sits up. "Casey, are you okay?" he asks his voice full of concern. Casey sits up herself and shakes her head no. Owen pulls the medicine bag over but Casey touches his arm and weakly says, "No Owen. If I lose it completely okay, but not right now. I deserve to feel bad. I was so stupid, I ruined everything."
"Casey, why did you say no?" he asks.
Casey hangs her head and lightly starts to cry, "I wanted her to ask. I kept thinking about it happening and dreaming about where we would get married and thinking we would have two or three kids. I kept thinking about how wonderful our lives would be. I had a slight set back at Caroline's birthday but a few weeks after I was better and we seemed so much stronger." She laid her head against her brother's shoulder and he held her close. Soothing her tears away, he tried to reassure her that everything would be okay.
"No it won't Owen. She asked me and it was the most perfect proposal and I said no. What the hell is wrong with me? I said no because I was worried about forgetting John, when I should have been worried about losing Alex, losing her feels so much worse Owen. I want her back. How do I get her back?" Casey asks as she lies back down pulling Alex's pillow tight to her chest.
"Casey you should get up and eat and drink something." Owen suggests.
Casey shakes her head no, "I am not going anywhere until I figure out how to get her back. Owen hand me the ring please. Owen picks the ring up, it's beautiful and completely Casey's style. Handing it to her he watches as she puts it on her finger and curls back up. Kissing her head he walks out of the room to let her sleep.
As Owen walked out of the room Casey lay in the bed thinking of everything that happened over the last day. She wished she could just go to sleep and wake up and it all be a nightmare. She had never felt pain like she felt right now. John's death didn't even affect her like this; it didn't hurt like this, this constant twisting knife in the chest feeling. She just needed Alex. She wanted to close her eyes and open them to see the beautiful blonde lying next to her. She wanted to have Alex comfort her and tell her it was all a nightmare.
She imagined what she wished had happened, what she wanted to happen. She imagined opening the ornament and seeing the beautiful ring Alex had had made for her. She imagined tearing up at Alex's perfect words and barely being able to say yes because her enthusiasm was too much. She imagined pulling Alex into her arms and kissing her passionately, and making love to her.
Casey dreamt of going into Caroline's room that morning with Alex to tell her the happy news. To see the excitement on Caroline's face as she realized Alex was going to be a permanent part of her family. Making breakfast with happy laughs and kisses, watching the parade in each other's arms with nothing but love and excitement for their future between them. Telling their friends and sharing ideas for their wedding. Having a happy Thanksgiving dinner filled with the joy of things to come in their lives and being thankful for finding each other. Plus she would have been able to go to bed that night in each other's arms, being so in love.
Sadly though, it didn't happen that way. Instead an answer she didn't expect came out of her and as a result she lost the love of her life. She had to fix this she had to get Alex back. She will never feel whole again without Alex by her side.
Casey hears the bedroom door open but doesn't look up. Hearing little steps come across the floor, Casey forces herself to roll over to greet her child. She knew Caroline would be wondering where her beloved Alex was which only hurt her more. She had caused Caroline to lose another vital person in her life.
"Mommy, are you sick?" Caroline asks coming to face her mother.
Casey swallows hard. She hates lying to her child but right now it's the easiest answer. Hoarsely she says, "Yes sweetie, I am."
"Don't worry Mommy. Uncle Owen will make you better." Caroline replies climbing on the bed and snuggling up with Casey.
Casey notices the little girl has Alex's iPod in her hands. "What are you doing with Alex's iPod?" Casey asks dying a little more inside from saying her girlfriend's name.
"She gave it to me last night so I could hear my song. She said she might go away so this way I could hear it without her. Did she have to go?" Caroline asks with big eyes.
Casey can't hold back her tears now. She turns her head into her pillow and tries to quiet her sobs. She needs to be strong for her little girl, but she can't stop herself. She feels like the worst mother alive right now.
"It's ok Mommy. Alex comes home remember." Caroline tries to soothe, but Casey only cries harder. Soon she hears Kim come into the room.
"Caroline, honey, Mommy is sick. She needs to rest." Kim sees Casey's state, "Oh Case, Caroline, go run and tell your Uncle Owen to come upstairs now and stay downstairs with Abbie and Serena baby."
Caroline does as asked and runs off. Kim climbs on the bed and holds Casey in her arms. "Casey everything will be fine honey. It will all work out. I promise you two will figure things out and be okay." the brunette soothes.
Casey tries to control her breathing, "She told Caroline she might be leaving and gave her, her iPod so she could have her song before bed. She isn't coming back Kim. She isn't coming back. I-I need her. I love her. I just want to die I hurt so badly. I want her-her ba-back. Why couldn't I answer how I wanted to?"
By the time Owen reaches the room, Casey is completely hysterical. He quickly gives her the sedative and as it kicks in they tuck her back into the bed. She again pulls Alex's pillow flush with her chest.
Kim notices Casey is wearing what must be the engagement ring and shakes her head. Looking at Owen she says, "Has she had anything to eat or drink?"
"Nothing to eat and only a little water. I am going to go to the hospital and get some IV fluids for her. Stay with her and see if you can contact Alex. If she keeps unraveling like this I will have to admit her for stronger meds. She doesn't need that. Alex will need to come back before that. She told me this morning she wanted to say yes. She wanted Alex to propose that she was just as shocked when she said no." He runs his hand through his little sisters hair and kissing her forehead whispering, "everything will be okay Casey." Then he leaves.
Kim pulls out her phone and texts Alex, "Alex where are you Casey is falling apart."
Alex Cabot wakes up alone hearing her phone ding alerting her to a new message, but she doesn't look at it she just turns it off. She snuggles back into the plush bed and closes her eyes. Her whole world is falling apart. All she wants is Casey, she feels hollow without Casey. All she wants is to be home with Casey and Caroline. She wanted to make Caroline pancakes and sing silly songs with her while cleaning the kitchen. She wanted to take Casey in her arms and make love to her until neither of them hurt anymore. She wanted to right her world, but she couldn't. Only Casey could fix this mess.
Alex thinks maybe she shouldn't have left. It just about killed her to leave Casey crying like she did. Honestly, she thinks cutting her heart out with a knife would have been easier. After ending her call with Abbie the other night Alex cried the whole way here. When she checked in the bed and breakfast staff asked if she was okay her eyes were so puffy. She could only nod yes but promptly broke down again once she was in her room.
She had no intentions of going anywhere the next few days and no intention of turning her phone on until she was ready to speak to Casey. She needed time to process and if it were a real emergency they could easily track her through her car or credit card. No one was ever fully off the grid anymore.
Closing her eyes she wills herself to sleep. Her dreams are filled with Casey. Her dreams are better than reality.
Three days after Alex left...
Casey is sitting on the park bench watching Caroline play with Alex on the playground. They look so happy and Casey feels nothing but happiness watching them. Deciding to go join them Casey realizes someone is sitting next to her, it's John.
"They look happy Casey. I like her, she good for you." He says calmly.
"How are you here?" Casey asks clearly confused at her dead husband's presence.
"Your dreaming Casey, I am not hear and neither are they really." He answers pointing to Alex and Caroline. As Casey watches them she sees Alex fade away as Caroline plays then slowly fades as well.
"I screwed everything up John." Casey mumbles.
"Yeah you did Case, but you can fix it and you should. You deserve to be happy Casey. Stop punishing yourself." John says.
"What do you mean?" She asks.
"You know what I mean Casey. You feel bad for moving on so you push the best person for you away. Don't feel bad Casey. I don't. Go get your girl." He says standing.
Casey shakes her head, "I don't know how John, I don't even know where she is she won't answer anyone's calls."
"You know what to do in your heart Casey. Plus, you know Alexandra better than anyone. You know where she is Casey." He answers with a smiles and fades away as well.
Suddenly it's just Casey sitting on the bench. She hangs her head and whispers, "Where are you Alex?"
"Right here Casey." the blonde answered.
Casey looks up and sees Alex sitting next to her. "Alex, I wish you were really with me." She whispers back.
"Casey you know where I am. I would never go someplace you couldn't find me. Just think about it babe." Alex replies before leaning in and kissing Casey lightly.
Casey wakes up alone in her bed. Rolling over she realizes Owen must have removed the IV while she was sleeping. He knows she hates IV's so at least he was nice enough to insert it and removing while he had her drugged. Sitting up in bed she thinks about her dream. Her subconscious had just dumped a shit ton of information in her lap and now she had to process it. Laying back down and smelling the last traces of Alex on her pillow Casey thinks about the so apparent differences between Alex and John.
John was a good man but he was obsessed with work. He never put Casey or Caroline before his job and Casey thought it was because he was a surgeon despite seeing Owen do differently. He also never thought to do little sweet things for her like leaving love notes or running her a warm bath. He hated to snuggle. He just simply wasn't her perfect match.
Alex on the other hand left her love notes and did sweet little things for her, like bringing her coffee. She ran Casey hot baths after a long day, and would rub Casey's shoulders when she was stressed. Casey would do all the same things for Alex too. Best of all Alex loved to snuggle just as much as Casey did to the point that they were always touching through the night. Alexandra Cabot was clearly her soul mate.
Climbing out of bed she walked to the bathroom and took a shower. While the warm water ran over her body washing all the bad memories from the last few days away Casey made up her mind. Alex and she were meant to be together and she wasn't going to rest until she was here with her again. She was refusing to let Alexandra Cabot go. She was the love of her life and she would fight for her until the day she died. Forming a plan she exited the shower.
After cleaning up and getting dressed Casey walked downstairs to find Owen sitting at the kitchen table. "Hey," he said seeing her enter the room. He was astonished to see his sister awake nonetheless showered dressed nicely and makeup applied. Shaking his head he said, "Wow, you are feeling much better."
"Thanks I feel it. Where are my cars keys?" Casey asks blandly.
"Casey, you aren't okay to drive anywhere until tomorrow at least. You have had some serious sedatives coursing through you for the last couple of days. Honestly I am shocked to see you this put together." He admits.
"Great, then get your car keys."
"Casey, where are we going?" He asks standing to get his jacket. He knows if he refuses she'll just take a cab.
"Tiffany's." She answers and Owen's jaw drops.
"Tiffany's as in the jewelry store?" He questions as they walk out of the house and he locks the door.
"Yes, I am going to buy Alex the most beautiful ring and then I am going to go ask her to please forgive me and marry me." Casey explains.
"Casey, do you know where Alex is?" Owen asks climbing into the car.
Buckling her seatbelt Casey smiles at her brother, "Yeah, I think I do actually. If not I will have her car traced by Elliot and Olivia. I will find her one way or another because I don't plan on coming home without her."
That evening Casey sat downstairs snuggled up with Caroline watching Cinderella. The little girl picked that movie instead of The Little Mermaid because Cinderella looked like Alex. The notion suddenly made Casey appreciate the movie more.
Finishing the dishes, Abbie walked down the stairs and sat in a chair near Casey. She noticed the redhead playing with the new engagement ring she purchased earlier that day for Alex. It was a gorgeous two carat white diamond encircled by a row of pink and white bead-set diamonds on a diamond band. She knew her best friend would love it. It was exactly Alex's style.
"So how are you going to ask?" Abbie asks.
Casey thinks for a minute placing the ring back on the necklace she was wearing around her neck. Turning to look at Abbie she answers, "I don't know for sure Abbie what I am going to say. It's what I was just thinking about when you asked. First thing I plan to do is beg for her forgiveness and tell her that I intend to spend the rest of our lives making it up to her. The rest I guess I will figure out as I go."
Abbie smiles at her friend. She can tell just how much Casey loves Alex and is truly determined to bring her home. "I am sure everything will work out fine for you two. I would be shocked if she turned you down Casey. Then again I did just say those words to Alex not too long ago as well." Abbie says with a smirk.
Casey frowns, "You are so evil Carmichael. And to think everyone thinks Kim is the bad one."
Abbie gets a dead serious look on her face and whispers, "You better hope old bat ears didn't hear you say that. She might be three floors up asleep but she does have evil powers since being pregnant. I am beginning to think she is carrying demon spawns. The last month she has become even scarier especially when she wants a case. Even Serena is afraid of her now so we get stuck with all the crap cases."
Casey can't help but burst out into laughter at this knowledge. She didn't know Kim had actually used the knowledge of Serena and Abbie being afraid of her to get cases. She would have to give Kim a high five later for going through with it. Abbie frowns at Casey confused by how she could possibly find her and Serena's situation funny.
"You better put a plug in it Novak. Just remember Serena and I, are taking on a lot of work for you and Alex right now so that Donnelly doesn't fire your asses." Abbie deadpans.
Casey quickly covers her mouth to silence her humor. Caroline looks over at Casey and asks, "Mommy when is Alex coming home?"
Feeling a pang of guilt for being the cause of Alex's absence Casey quickly answers, "Well Care-bear, Alex is working really hard on our case and as a matter of a fact Mommy has to leave tomorrow to go help her. So while Alex and I are gone you are going to stay here with Abbie, Serena, Uncle Owen and Aunt Kim. You are such a lucky girl to have so many people who love you and want to play with you that they all had to come and stay. Plus, when Mommy comes back Alex will be with me!"
"Casey!" Casey turns hearing Serena call her name, "What if it doesn't work? Don't say something that might not work, if you get my drift."
Casey smiles understanding what her friend means and replies, "I am not coming back without her Rena so it will be okay."
Four days after Alex left...
Casey stands by the back door giving Caroline a hug and kiss while Owen puts her bag in the car. "Okay, Kim you know the drill. If you need me call, I will have my phone on me at all times. I should be there in a couple of hours and I will call you all tonight." Giving Caroline another hug and kiss she sets the little girl down and adds, "Caroline I love you so, so much. You be good for everyone while I am away."
"Yes ma'am Mommy. Mommy don't forget to bring Alex back!" Caroline exclaims.
Smiling at her daughter, Casey whispers in her ear, "I won't sweetheart, I promise."
Giving Kim and Owen a hug she starts to her car thanking them again for everything as she climbs inside. She hoped she was right about where Alex was hiding out; however, she already had Liv and Elliot on standby just in case she was wrong. One way or another Casey was going to fix everything with the blonde today.