Note: Thanks for the reviews, follows, and favorites. I sincerely appreciate them. I know you guys have expressed some legit concerns about Paige's behavior. Please have patience with me. I can't promise I have an amazing storyline (I'll be content with mediocre), but I can promise I have an explanation. But since this is the "all Em, all the time" 1st person perspective, we won't find out what's going on till Emily does.
The way Paige reacted to the comment about having a social life was a hint.
I finally stopped crying and being too torn up to drive after what seemed like hours but had only actually been twenty minutes. I started my car and began the drive home, trying to figure out how on earth to tell Alison what had happened. Even after her surprisingly sweet, apologetic text, I couldn't just keep the truth from her. I couldn't not tell her what I had done. What I had silently asked Paige to do.
Paige had never been as jealous of Alison as Alison had been of her. And still was. Paige had a shockingly high sense of security when it came to our relationship, even when I gave her all the reason in the world to distrust me. Alison would get irritated at the very mention of Paige. She was smart…she never talked down about her or uttered that awful nickname she gave her. But I could tell however much she tried to hide it; she would always consider Paige a threat.
I got home and snuck up the stairs. I walked into my room and there Alison was, just staring out the window. She turned around and just looked at me, up and down. I wondered if she would be able to smell Paige's scent on me.
"Alison…" I started; both hesitant and hopeful that just getting it off my chest might make some of the guilt go away.
"Em…I'm so sorry about the way I acted earlier." She walked up and kissed me so gently on the lips. "It was stupid to not see how insensitive I was being." She kissed me again, slipping my purse off my shoulder while grabbing me around the hip. Still gentle as if she would or could break me.
"Alison I did something…" But she was already pushing me towards the bed, shaking her head. Then she looked up in my eyes, a ghost of a smile dancing across her lips. A Cheshire cat grin.
"Let's forget about it." She said. I forgot my desire to tell her that night. But I didn't forget how Paige's touch felt. It woke up something instinctual in me. Alison was fire and ice, extremes that burned and melted. But Paige was not an extreme. She was quirky and sometimes cheesy, but she didn't come with a warning label or edges that cut and sliced.
Alison wasn't sharp now. She was soft and curves, having put away the verbal daggers she kept sleeved up and waited for opportunities to use. She straddled my lap and thoughts of anything else melted away as my hips bucked, almost against my will. Alison's hold on me was incredible. Her long blonde hair tickled my face as she kissed me, working her way down.
Once Paige had excused herself for the punch bowl, Noel slinked up to where I was sitting. Spencer, Aria, and Hanna were all dancing with their respective boyfriends so I was alone.
"Emily you look beautiful." Noel said, trying to not sound like a slime ball for once, which I did appreciate.
"What do you possibly want Noel?" I asked, afraid he would confront me for snooping in his things to try and get information about Alison.
"Alison is in Fitz's classroom and she needs to talk to you." I rolled my eyes at him.
"That's rich. No thanks." I fired back. I looked away from him, hoping to dismiss him with my body language. It didn't work; he just kneeled in front of me to make me look him in the eyes. He actually looked sincere.
"Emily please. She has proof."
"Of what?"
"That she isn't A. That she really has been looking out for you guys. That she…" He trailed off, stopping his thought midsentence. My heart sped up. Even though I have every reason to hate Alison, she was my first love. I could never hate her. That was part of the problem. "I better let her tell you that last part. But please…she wants you because you will give it a chance."
"Okay." I said, getting up. I glanced around but there was a crowd swarming the punch bowl, so I didn't see Paige. I went down the hallways and saw Alison waiting in the classroom. She was breathtaking in her dress for prom, and I wouldn't be shocked if her and Noel won king and queen despite all they had done to torment people at our school.
"Emily." She whispered. Her demeanor was serious. I folded my arms over my chest.
"Noel said you have some kind of proof. Make it quick." Alison handed me a series of black and white pictures. There was no mistaking it, it was A…and the pictures must be security camera footage from a gas station or something. The familiar black hoodie is the giveaway. After a couple shots, someone else walks up to A, and they take the mask off…I gasp and drop the pictures.
"Ali…are you sure?" She nods.
"Positive. In fact I always suspected…but think about it. It all makes sense." She said. I was nearly hyperventilating, and hoping she wouldn't unload too much information on me at once. My knees buckled and I held onto Fitz's desk for support.
"Why didn't you tell us? It was almost like you were protecting them…that's why we thought it was you." I pleaded. She started tearing up and my heart ached for how we froze her out. She had been sincere.
"I couldn't. A wouldn't let me. Em…" She paused and hesitantly touched my hand. "I love you." My stomach lurched with a heat, a carnal desire I couldn't deny.
"Ali…" I turned my hand so our fingers could intertwine.
"You finally called me Ali again…" She said before we kissed. It was like fireworks in my chest. I remember reading some magazine where Johnny Depp said if you fell in love with two people, choose the second person. You wouldn't have fallen for the second if you still loved the first.
The problem was, at this point, I'm not sure who was second and who was first. Alison was my first unrequited love, and then Paige was my love after Maya. But Paige was real, requited, equal love. I never worried Paige would go behind my back. I never worried she wouldn't tell me the truth. Unconditional love. Then Alison came back and things shifted and slide and imploded under their heavy weight and confusion.
But I felt something when Ali kissed me then. I would live to regret this moment, but that something kept me with my mysterious, ice queen. Always waiting for her to melt for me.
We pulled apart, and I slowly opened my eyes. Paige. Ali took a moment to open hers. Paige was standing there, by the door but I could tell she had seen it all.
She didn't look shocked. Just…resolved. Like something had bothered her, but she had always half expected it to turn out that way anyway. Like she was a picky eater used to restaurants serving her incorrectly, and she had just seen a dish that had come out the wrong way yet again. Cynical and yet oddly smug about being right about something you really didn't want to be right about.
"Paige…" It took me a second to realize Alison had spoken. And her tone seemed apologetic, for what it was worth.
Paige just nodded one curt, vicious nod before turning on her heel and walking away. Alison looked down, knowing she couldn't do anything for us right now.
I took off after Paige, shuffling down the hall.
"Paige please…I'm so sorry…I can explain baby please." I wasn't sure why I said baby. We never called each other pet names but I was desperate. She stopped walking for a moment, her shoulders sagging down towards the floor. She wouldn't look up at me.
"No Emily. Nope. Not this. Not again." She refused to talk to me anymore or even look at me. I tried to stop her from walking, putting out my arm to halt her. She pushed it away and kept walking, shaking her head in disgust.
The next morning when I woke up my mind was blissfully blank for a moment. Till the reality of what happened yesterday crashed over me. I frowned, untangling myself from Alison to get up. We had physically reconciled, but other than cuddling afterwards I didn't feel anything to suggest we had overcome our issues emotionally. My moving stirred her and she slowly opened her eyes and looked at me, smiling.
"Good morning beautiful."
"Alison. Last night…" I started, not sure what I was actually going to say.
"Was good. It always is." She smiled, reaching out to push some hair back from my face. "Come here." She whispered, pulling me to her. I tried to relax in her embrace.
"Em?" She asked.
"Yeah?" I responded, not looking up at her. I was looking at one of my Rosewood Sharks flyers on my memo board.
"Let's start looking at apartments." I nearly fell off the bed, startled with disbelief. I looked up at her, and she was already smirking, one side of her mouth pulled up.
"Seriously?" She just nodded, kissing my forehead.
"Why now?" I asked, nervously swallowing as I spoke.
"Because…" She trailed off, pulling away from me only to grab both my hands with hers and roll her body flush on top of mine, pining me down under her. Her blonde hair fell down around her face, nearly tickling mine. It reminded me of the time she pulled me from the barn. I hadn't been sure if she was an angel, devil, or just a dream. I still wasn't sure.
"Because you deserve to get what you want. And we could decorate it with a Paris theme." I rolled my eyes, but started to smile. Alison's words warmed and bloomed in my stomach. Maybe this could work after all. Maybe what happened with Paige was just a fluke with someone I used to love and now had an overwhelming fondness for. I did something wrong and I was being rewarded.
"Is that okay?" She asked, and I just nodded, nervous and guilty. Waves of happiness fought waves of guilt and anxiety. I should talk to the others about what was going on. I pulled away from Alison and grabbed my phone. No texts from Paige.
I sent out one of the first group text messages to the group I had sent in years.
Me: Need to meet up ASAP to talk. Can you guys stop by the Brew later?
They all affirmed and I took off, claiming to Alison I just wanted to study for a bit at the Brew.
Spencer stormed in first, unceremoniously dropping her bag on the table.
"What'd she do to you?" She demanded. I was confused by her aggressive body posture, her arms folding over her chest.
"Hello to you Spencer." I answered, looking away from her. She sighed and sat.
"Sorry, I didn't mean to jump to conclusions. What's going on?" She asked, gentler.
"Aria and Hanna aren't even here yet." I said weakly. I didn't want to have to keep repeating something I felt so guilty about. And I figured if I told all three of them at once, I could get a group consensus on a reasonable course of action. Aria came in a few minutes later and sat.
"Of course Hanna is running the latest." She said, smiling.
"Well okay. One thing is that Ali…she said she wants us to finally get an apartment."
"Wow! I thought she'd never budge on that." Aria said.
"Is that really what you want though?" Spencer asked. I narrowed my eyes at her.
"Spencer knock it off. I get it, you guys don't like her. You haven't fully forgiven her. But she's my girlfriend." I said harshly. Aria and Spencer both looked surprised at my outburst. And yet they didn't even know the real reason I called them over was to tell them Paige and I had kissed.
"Fine. I'm sorry Emily. I just want to make sure you are happy. You deserve to be happy. Not settling because…" Spencer trailed off, not wanting to complete her sentence. Aria did instead.
"Because of a sense of obligation. Because you feel bad about what happened to her and she was your first love." I opened my mouth to respond but just then Tim came over and set our drinks down. I thanked him quietly.
"You really feel that way too?" I asked, looking at Aria. If she also really felt I didn't love Alison…
Before we could talk more, the front door chimed, and Hanna came in. She looked dazed and disoriented, shambling like she was auditioning for a zombie movie.
"Hanna! Are you okay?" Aria said, getting up to touch Hanna's arm and guide her over. Then Aria looked down and gasped, covering her mouth with her hands.
"Uh yeah…better than okay. Caleb proposed to me this morning." As she said it, her dumbstruck expression finally melted into an elated smile.
"Oh my God Hanna! That ring is gorgeous. I could buy Toby a MUCH nicer truck for that thing." Spencer said, getting up and hugging her. I jumped up as well, hugging her so we formed a little huddle in the coffee shop. She had a traditional, silver band with a modest but shiny diamond set in the middle.
"How'd he do it?" Aria asked as we all sat down.
"He insisted we go up to Toby's cabin and that he had a surprise for me. He had it totally decked out, roses everywhere and a brunch that he ordered us. Mimosas. I kept thinking he was pulling away from me, but he must have been busy planning. Then we…you know…"
"Hanna we get that. Please don't elaborate." Spencer chirped sarcastically, but she was smiling.
"I'm fricken engaged!" Hanna nearly squealed, smiling and looking at her hand and ring.
"And I want you all to be in my wedding party." She said, smiling at each of us.
"Of course! It would be an honor." I replied. Spencer and Aria nodded as well. After that Hanna put in an order at the counter and sat back down.
"So what did you want to talk about Em?" Hanna asked, looking at me and giving me her full attention. I frowned a bit, unsure if I wanted to change the mood so drastically.
"Doesn't seem that important now. Alison wants to finally get an apartment together. That's all." I decided it was best to not bring up Paige. It was a mistake, an instinct that we hadn't gotten rid of. Even if kissing her made my heart beat faster, my skin flush.
"Oh…well that's great. I know you wanted to move out of your parent's house." Hanna responded, trying to be supportive.
"Yeah exactly. I still feel like I'm in high school half the time." Especially when I'm kissing my high school sweetheart out at the lake…
I shook my head, trying to clear my confused thoughts and just support Hanna. I would have to deal with everything else later.
After getting back from meeting everyone, I threw my stuff down and changed into my running clothes. Maybe I should consider training for a race. I had gotten a little lax; figuring since I didn't have meets to train for I could go easy.
I started a slow trot down the street, picking up my pace a bit once I got to the woods. The hot summer sun streamed through various trees, casting bright beams of light on various parts of the shadowy path. I half expected to see Paige any moment, but I didn't
Running helped my brain wander. I thought about Hanna and Caleb getting engaged, and felt the same pang of anxiety I had felt when Aria told us about traveling abroad. Like everyone was moving past me, and I was stuck in a nightmare where I was moving in slow motion. I would have to look up races to participate in when I got home, that would be a start to getting things back in order. That and apartment hunting. With Alison.