Once the party finally wore down, Alison and I went home. I was physically tired from the night, but mentally I was all over the place. Once we returned from the pantry, Paige was noticeably less physical with Vanessa. Alison also managed to beat everyone but Spencer in poker. She was a gracious loser, especially since they had still managed to beat every guy in the room at cards.

"Coming to bed?" Alison asked, a hint of suggestion in her voice. I smiled and shook my head.

"I'm still kind of wired. I think I'm going to stay up for a while, work on some drills for swim camp this coming week." Alison leaned in and kissed me softly on the lips. It didn't tingle like Paige's kisses did, but Alison and I had been dating for a couple of years now. Those kinds of intense, powerful tingles faded after a while.

"So diligent even in the lazy summer." I went upstairs, kissing her goodnight before grabbing my laptop and notebook with swimmer stats inside. After making myself a cup of tea I went to work on figuring out some workouts to suggest we incorporate into the camp. As hard as I was on her, Sydney was now one of our star swimmers. I had to make sure we doing anything we could to keep her at peak condition, and ready to help lead the other girls.

I also started browsing some apartment listings, seeing if there were any worthwhile for Alison and I to look at this week. We both liked the layout of Ezra and Aria's respective apartments, but their buildings were full. I had to focus on Alison. What happened with Paige was intense, but it was wrong. I shouldn't have gotten so close to kissing her again. She would be gone again in a couple of months anyway.

My phone buzzed. It was nearly 2 am.

Paige: Are you still up?

My heart felt like it was in my throat.

Me: Yes.

Paige: I'm outside.

I nearly dropped my phone, setting it on the table and peeking through our peephole. Sure enough Paige was standing there, head dipped a bit and her hands in her pockets. I opened the door and stepped out on the porch, closing it softly behind me so I wouldn't wake anyone up.

"Paige…what are you doing here?" I asked, wrapping my arms around my body. It had grown a bit chilly in the dead of night.

"I came just to talk. I won't try anything." She held her hands up, palms facing me in surrender. Instead of continuing, she just regarded me with the same puppy dog eyes I fell in love with in high school.

"Alright. Let's talk." I murmured. She shrugged like she was giving up and surrendering to this conversation.

"I've missed you. I can't pretend I don't want you or I haven't been thinking about that kiss and what nearly happened in the pantry tonight." She said, looking at the ground. I couldn't believe her. Where was this coming from? She was clearly seeing someone now that she was back in town anyway. She had never reached out to me.

"You never returned my calls. You never tried to talk to me or visit…" Paige started shaking her head, looking genuinely confused.

"But I did." She said shortly, looking me in the eyes. "She didn't tell you, did she? Unbelievable." She added, sticking her hands in her pockets and almost shrugging her shoulders helplessly.

"What do you mean?"

"Last summer, I came home after my freshman year. I know I didn't answer your messages or texts…I wasn't ready. I kind of just hoped whatever might have been going on between you two had ended. I came here to your house. I wanted to apologize for storming off at prom and avoiding you since then." She took a breath and paused before continuing.

"I needed time away from you, but months passed and you were always, always in the back of my mind. I at least wanted to salvage our friendship." She had been pacing a bit, unable to stay till. But once she admitted I had been on her mind, she looked me in the eyes. Part of her hair had fallen over her face, and I had to resist pushing it back.

"And then what happened? What does Alison have to do with this?"

"When I came here Alison answered the door. She said you were out with your parents. Seeing her answer your door told me all I really needed to know. I asked her to give you a letter I wrote. This, especially given my history with Alison and letters, was a foolish thing to do. As I left, I glanced up at your bedroom. You were sitting in the window seat." She glanced up at the top of porch as she said it, trying to gesture to where my window was. I shook my head, feeling jangled by this information. Alison had hid this from me?

"I don't remember any time the doorbell rang and Alison got it instead of me." I felt like I was giving statements to the Rosewood police again, trying to sound noncommittal and not indict myself.

"Maybe you had headphones in. But you were home." She seemed like she was telling the truth. Everyone in Rosewood was a liar, but Paige hardly did so. When she had, it had been to protect me or our relationship.

"What did the letter say?" She hesitated for a moment, biting her lip and seemingly lost in thoughts.

"The same thing I'm telling you now. That I still think about you. I wonder all the time how things would have been if we had still been together when I left. Maybe you could have transferred in after all. And that no matter what, I would be here for you if you really needed me." She sounded gruff, like she had lost sleep. But she didn't shed a tear. She was stronger than when she left. Almost impossibly strong. The change in her behavior was cold, almost off-putting.

"You still could have called or messaged me or tried again." I was shocked. Paige had reached out to me a year ago, but Alison had intercepted it. Did she do it to protect our relationship or to spite Paige? Should it matter?

"I don't know why I didn't! I didn't want to get my hopes up. I thought maybe you had…purposely sent Alison down to see me because you didn't want to. And since I assumed she would at least give you the letter…I had to assume I was out of line and you were done with me." She dipped her head, looking embarrassed for being afraid. "I know it is wrong to want to come between you two. But Emily…are you really happy with her?" I shook my head, and Paige's eyes went round in surprise. She misunderstood; I was shaking my head at her asking me something like that.

"It's too late for us." I said, trying to sound convincing. I saw the hope instantly drain from her expression.

"That's…that's not what I asked." She gently said.

"I think you should go now." Instead of moving, she pinched the bridge of her nose with one hand.

"Em…you did this to yourself. But you can undo it. You…you're better than this." She started to walk away. She didn't say it in a malicious way, but it felt like a splinter under my skin. I walked after her, grabbing her shoulder to whirl her around and face me.

"Where do you get off saying something like that? I'm glad you are having such a great time at Stanford and you feel like you can come in and out of town and judge me. Stanford was your dream, not mine." The words hung in the air like a thick blanket. You know what it is like when you say something, and however true it is, you instantly regret it? You realize the impact and you know you can't apologize it away?

"Is that really how you feel? How you've always felt?" Her demeanor had changed. It was like she was contemplating a possibility she never thought about before. I remained silent, not wanting to make things worse. I had already driven her away with that statement.

"Okay." She said as she disappeared into the night. I went back inside with a heavy heart and even more to think about.

I woke up to someone gently shaking my shoulder, and bright sunlight. My dad was the one shaking me awake, and I realized after blinking a few times I feel asleep on the couch. I felt sweaty and uncomfortable, having also fallen asleep in jeans and my top from the night before. Dad just smiled and glanced at the laptop and back at me.

"All work no play?" He asked.

"Sort of. I was working on workouts for the team and must have drifted off…what time is it?" I said, rubbing my eyes and lifting myself up. I was stiff from increasing my runs and sleeping there.

"It's only eight." He replied.

"Great…still might get a run in before work." I started to gather my things and head up the stairs, then stopped and turned to my dad. I thought about my conversation the night before with Paige. I knew I had to confront Alison about the letter.

"Dad?" I asked to get his attention again. He looked over at me, setting his cup of coffee down.

"Yeah Emily?"

"When you and mom met…how did you realize she was the woman you wanted to marry? What was the difference between her and other women you dated?" He looked puzzled at why I was asking such a personal question right now, but I knew he would give me an answer. He touched the edge of a framed picture from their wedding he had sitting on the coffee table.

"It was more than just being in love. She supported me and I supported her. I felt like we could be partners. We could live and raise a family together. We want the same things out of life." He finished and looked at me, still trying to figure out why I asked.

"Thanks." I said as I practically jogged up the stairs.