Again I just want to say THANK YOU so much to everyone who has reviewed or followed. I apologize because this chapter is a little bumpy, but I wanted to get something out there so I could keep plugging.
"Paige." I whispered. I felt dizzy, light in the head and heavy everywhere else, like all my blood was being pulled down in my body. I shook my head and tried to keep myself together. I walked to Aria's couch and purposely sat as far away from Paige as I could. She noticed but didn't say anything, sitting down again herself.
"I guess they told you that Alison and I broke up." I finally said. The silence was full, like storm clouds about to break open with heavy rain. She nodded.
"Listen Em…they were just trying to do what they thought was right. I know you didn't break up with her on my behalf." She spoke to the floor, not looking up at me. Her voice was thick with emotion I couldn't identify.
"I don't know how to begin." I explained. Even though I had tried to sit as far away from her as I could, I noticed I was starting to lean closer, like an invisible force was forever tugging me closer to her. I could smell her citrus scent already, her skin looking clean and flawless. She shifted her hips closer to mine. We still weren't touching but the pull was growing stronger. I felt like I could be crushed if I didn't just give in to the stubborn force.
Emotionally I wasn't anywhere near ready for this. But physically my body was aching for Paige's touch. I had always wanted her. There was nothing stopping us now.
"I should tell you I leave again in a few days." She might as well have wrenched my heart from my chest. "I think that's why Spencer was so insistent I see you." She added, her hand sliding near to mine. I inched mine closer to hers, relishing the spark even in the negative space between our hands.
"Well that and she is Spencer, therefore insistent by nature." I added.
"Yeah…" Paige agreed, trailing off as she looked at my lips. She licked her own; seemingly unaware that she had done it. She seemed to catch herself lost in a thought, and suddenly looked away with such a sudden expression of angst I remembered that we were here to talk. This time, we couldn't just kiss our problems away without explanation.
"Em…why did you break up with her?" She closed her eyes, furrowing her brow as she asked.
"Why do you want to know?" She shook her head, nearly scoffing at the question.
"I just want to hear it in your words, from you." She clarified.
So I told her about Alison admitting to hiding the letter. Paige looked angry, but I figured it was because that part involved her. But once I started to tell her about Alison lying about wanting to move in together, she looked even more aggravated, getting up and pacing while I explained the words Alison and I had exchanged.
When I finished talked, she had gotten so still I was a little nervous. I was afraid she would lash out physically. Not at me; I would never worry about Paige laying a hand on me. I was actually worried for Aria's personal belongings.
"Paige please talk to me." I finally said.
"I hated her. Maybe I still do. And yet…she nearly had everything I wanted with you." She quietly confessed. "Em…how can I ever trust you wouldn't break my heart again? Because the last time nearly killed me." I remembered how she looked leaving the prom and I grimaced. I could feel the sudden sting in my eyes and I tried to will them back. I didn't want her to feel bad for me.
"I was a fool. I had the best of everything. And I gave it up." She could instantly hear the hurt in my voice. She walked over and kneeled in front of me, touching my knee.
"I wondered so many times if things had been different…but they aren't. You dated Alison. It's been over two years since we were together in high school. We aren't the same people anymore." She was earnest as she looked up at me.
"I could understand if you wanted nothing to do with me again. I made a terrible mistake, hurting you. I've made a lot of mistakes since then, but that was the worst." I confessed. She sighed, cupping my cheeks in her hands. She then glanced at my lips, and before she could think better of it, kissed me. It was brief, like a warm breath on my skin. She pulled away and looked back in my eyes, her hands still on my cheeks.
"I haven't met anyone in two years who could even begin to mean what you do." She reassured.
"What about Vanessa?" I wasn't sure I wanted to know the answer.
"Vanessa was just a summer fling." I must have looked surprised, because she quickly added, "something we both understood from the beginning. It is just casual. I haven't been serious with anyone else." She added, looking embarrassed. I gently touched her chin to raise her eyes to mine again. I was overcome by the deep reserve of emotions behind her eyes. Fear, desire, anxiety, love…I couldn't begin to understand what was going through her mind.
"I want to make things right…" I trailed off but she finished my sentence, understanding what I meant.
"When we are both ready." She agreed, searching my eyes. She brushed hair from my eyes and kissed me again, this time lingering but still keeping it tight-lipped. We couldn't rush this if it was going to happen. I had just gotten out of my relationship. I still wasn't ready, even though I was scared to let Paige go again.
After getting over the ambush Aria, Hanna, and Spencer had orchestrated, Paige and I had spent as much time as possible together before she left. We mostly just talked, about her swimming career, my coaching, and our college workloads. Our hang outs stayed chaste and away from more serious topics. She went running with me a few times, and I spent a little time wading in her pool while she did laps. I can't say I didn't appreciate seeing her soaking wet in just a swimsuit, but we never acted on our obvious lust for one another.
Or my obvious lust as the case may be. I could feel the warmth in the pit on my stomach, the wanting tug pulling at me when Paige would smile at me or brush against me accidently. I couldn't tell if she was just holding back showing any visible want because she wanted to be chivalrous or because she was getting what she needed elsewhere. Maybe she was still seeing Vanessa? I hated to think about it, even though I had no claim on her.
"Emily. You said yourself you guys are just friends, with the chance you may end up dating again." Spencer began, getting up to grab a bag of popcorn form the microwave. We were all sitting around Spencer's living room. I knew the next day would be my last with Paige until I visited her or she came back home.
"Yes." I agreed, already seeing where her line of reasoning was going to go.
"So you know you aren't together? At least not yet…unless you can really be ready to be the person she needs." Spencer added.
"Whose friend are you anyway? You sound more protective of Paige then you do of me!" I complained, not wanting to sit through another lecture.
"Okay well you are the one that broke Paige's heart in a million little pieces. And besides…Paige has always been one of the good guys. I regret that I misjudged her initially." Spencer
"She is still sort of close with Caleb and I agree. Paige is a great person. Not that completely ignoring you for months and months was the best way to handle what happened." Hanna added.
"So you guys really didn't have a…conjugal…visit in my apartment?" Aria inquired, looking surprised.
"I can't actually tell how you want me to answer that but no we didn't. I'm not trying to rush this! I just…"
"Want her to want you?" Hanna sincerely asked. "Maybe you should…up the stakes a little bit." She added flirtatiously.
"If she advises you to show up in five inch heels and nothing else on, just disregard her. Not that it wouldn't work…" Spencer mused out loud.
"Yeah well I'm going over to her house, so I'm not entirely sure that would go over well with her parents." A small half-truth; I knew her parents would be at work earlier in the day.
"Just wear something slutty. That is basically what we are suggesting." Aria winked at me as she said it. "Besides you have nothing to worry about. I remember the look Paige gave me when I saw her on that date with Sandra. The same one she had at the engagement party with Vanessa."
"What look?" I questioned.
"Like she was apologetic for being there with anyone but you." She explained. Hanna and Spencer looked as if they agreed as well. Nothing was going to stop Paige from leaving tomorrow, but at least I could plead my case a little more with her.
"Okay can we start looking through these bridal magazines now? Time is wasting!" Hanna gestured at the piles and the rest of us each picked up a few issues to go through. It was going to be a long few days before Hanna left again for school.
It was the last time I would see her this summer; Paige's flight back left in the evening. I had agreed to meet her around ten in the morning, when she would be wrapping up her workout. I rang the doorbell, and after a few moments she came to the door, her hair damp.
"Hey sorry I just got out of the shower." Her eyes flitted up and down as she registered my outfit. It was summer, so cut-offs and a tank top weren't exactly out of the realm of reasonable attire. And I knew Paige had a weakness for my legs.
"Are you going to invite me in?" I asked, smirking. She cleared her throat before stepping back, pulling the door backward with her.
"I was just going to make some coffee…would you like any?" She asked, turning around and walking to the kitchen.
"Sure." I said, following her.
"I'll warn you, it probably won't be Brew quality. She opened a cabinet, reaching up and barely grazing the bottom shelf.
"Damn! My dad always sets the bag too far back in the cabinet." I took a deep breath and seized the opportunity before I lost my nerve. I walked up behind her, gently touching her waist with my left hand, while my right arm reached up with hers and grabbed the bag. My breasts pressed against her well-muscled back. She tensed up, and I could hear the breath hitch in her throat. For a moment we just stood there, our bodies pressed together as if we were dancing.
Then I dropped the bag of coffee on the counter. It hit the ceramic with a padded thud that managed to break us out of the moment, her body shifting from mine.
"Thanks...for getting that." She mumbled, her cheeks flushed red. I let my hands linger on her for a moment.
"No problem." I said in her ear. I could feel her shiver as my breath hit her earlobe before I backed away. Paige started to prepare the coffee as I took a seat on the couch. After she brewed two cups, she brought them to where I was sitting. I leaned in under the pretense of grabbing my cup, and felt a burst of warmth in my stomach as I let me leg touch hers, not breaking the connection.
"Are you excited to go back?" I wasn't sure what I wanted her answer to be. She looked straight into my eyes, then briefly down to my lips before answering.
"Yes…and no. I have a whole other life there. One that feels like my real life."
"But?" I lead.
It felt like she sat her coffee mug down in slow motion, before leaning in and kissing me. Both of us had the fresh, sharp taste of sweet coffee on our breath.
"Everything but the girl." She answered honestly. I smiled, but it was a small one before I frowned again. All I could think about was her leaving. She brushed my lips with the pad of her thumb and kissed me again, this time deepening the kiss. Her tongue moved against mine and I eagerly responded, moaning into her mouth. I fumbled to set my coffee down, and in my haste to get rid of it, and get my hands on Paige's body, I knocked it over on the coffee table.
"Shit!" I said as I broke the kiss.
"Don't worry; I'll get some paper towels." She stood up and went back out into the kitchen. While she was gone, her phone lit up on the table and caught my eye. I hated that I looked, but with an iPhone it was hard not to see a new message since it flashed right on the screen. It started with "You should tell her before…" It was from Caleb.
Tell who what? Was I the 'her' being referred to?
"Alright, the cleanup crew if here." Paige said, wiping the coffee off the table. She coughed.
"Sorry for getting carried away before. To be fair, you know what it does to me to see you in those shorts." Her frank acknowledgement of my efforts turned me on even more. Slow down I silently told myself.
"Do you mean to say I was purposely attempting to get you riled up?" I asked innocently, forgetting about the vague text message already.
"Yes, but I thought we agreed on taking things slow." She said with a smile, looking deep into my eyes before gesturing at the wet paper towels. "I mean clearly we aren't ready to have…hot coffee together right now."
"Yes that's right…I do remember agreeing to take things slow. I just wanted to make sure you still enjoyed…hot coffee." I added coyly.
"I have thoughts on the beverage. With you. But we should keep it iced for now. Maybe even with lids to be safe." She got up and threw the soiled towels away. When she came back, she looked deep into my eyes again, seemingly searching for something.
"When we are ready for this, I'll buy your place ticket myself." Paige promised.
"You don't have to do that."
"I want to." She said with such conviction I didn't continue to argue.
The rest of the hours we had left alone I mainly spent watching her pack up, fighting off the overwhelming sadness threatening to engulf me. She took a break after a couple of hours and we ate a couple of sandwiches. After that, I helped her pile her luggage next to the door. She had left a lot of things in California.
"My parents will be home any minute." She said, cupping my cheek in her hand again. We kissed one last time before I let myself out. I waited till I was in my car before I let myself cry.
I nearly made it home before I thought better of it, turning around and driving down the street to Hanna's place. I was relieved to see it seemed like she was home. I sent her a message saying I was in her driveway. After a few moments, her front door burst open and she strode purposefully to the side of my car. She took one good, long look at me.
"You look like a mess." She said. The words would have sounded harsh from anyone else, but soft and warm coming from her, as she pulled me out the car and into a hug. "Come on in, I'll make some tea." She said, wrapping her arm around me as we walked.