Author's Note: Sorry about the delay getting this one out. I'm kind of proud of this chapter, so let me know what you think if you've got a minute. Thanks for all the reviews for the last chapter too.

The church was a beautiful stone building, with long wooden pews. The pastor had held Kate's hand in both of his when the met two days ago, and he seemed genuinely sincere when he expressed his condolences. He had guided her through the funeral planning with ease. Maggie had been attending the church since she and boys had moved here, and the pastor had told them how much Maggie had enjoyed coming to services and had shared stories of the boys terrorising their Sunday school teachers with endless questions. He wasn't surprised to hear that Kate was a detective. "Maybe they get their inquisitiveness from you," he had said with a warm smile.

With the help of the pastor and a few of the ladies who had been friends with Maggie, they had been able to plan a fitting goodbye to her cousin.

But as the car pulled up before the church all Kate could think of what that it wasn't fair they had to say goodbye at all.

Her dad and Castle had got the unusually subdued twins through breakfast and getting dressed this morning. Kate had been in such a daze, she couldn't recall any of it.

As they got out of the car, Kate looked over at Eli and Zeke. The black pants the twins were wearing were their only formal wear, and Kate hadn't noticed until this morning that – despite being in good condition – they were obviously not new. The pants ended a good two inches above their ankles.

"Kids grow like a weed at that age," Castle had assured her. "No one will be looking at their ankles." Kate had dropped the subject, but she felt like a bad parent. Not that she was a parent. She was a 'temporary guardian under appointment by the state'. Things with child services had only gotten more confusing over the last two days and she had no idea what would happen in the long run. She had been granted emergency care of the boys until they could get through the funeral, and the reading of the will and sorting Maggie's estate. She and Castle had applied for joint guardianship of the boys – something that still her heart flop and nervous butterflies explode in her stomach – but they hadn't heard back from Child Services yet.

Still, on this day of all days, those two inches of bare ankle poking out of the bottom of the boys' pants felt like failure. Even as they left the car, she couldn't help looking around to make sure on one was looking at the boys' pants. She knew it wasn't rational, fixating on this one insignificant detail, but it kept the pain of thinking about everything else a bay, and so she clung to it like a lifeline.

Kate couldn't bear to talk to all the people gathered in the church, so they arrived just as the service was due to start and made their way through the almost deserted vestibule to the crowded church. The boys fell in beside her as she walked up the aisle, Castle just behind her right shoulder, her father slightly behind him. But as she got closer to the front of the room, she realised there was one thing she hadn't thought of.

The front pew.

That was where the family sat, of course. But she couldn't sit there, on show to the whole church. The last time she sat in the front row of pews in a church her mother's body was ten feet away. She couldn't do that again. Be the chief mourner. Have everyone stare.

Her feet had frozen two rows back from the front of the church. She willed them to move, told herself it didn't matter. It was utterly ridiculous, but she just couldn't do it. The boys stopped beside her, then Rick and her father. They blocked the entire aisle, a still rock in a stream of black, forcing the other mourners to back up as they tried to move around the impediment.

She stared at the smooth wood of the front pew, felt the eyes of the congregation upon her, waited for the whispering to start. She willed herself forward, but her knees were locked. Stop making a scene, she screamed internally.

Then there was a hand on her hip, and she knew from the gentle weight and warm rush of safe that flowed from the point of contact that it was Castle, even though she couldn't tear her eyes from the mocking sheen of the sharply polished wood. He didn't say a word, but there was the barest hint of pressure from his fingers, and she obeyed without even consciously thinking of the command, as Castle ushered them into the second row pew.

She glanced up at him as they sat down, feeling guilty about her insecurities, hating herself for not being stronger. And in one glance he told her that he understood, that she didn't love her cousin less for not sitting in the front row, that no one would think less of her. Kate knew that if Castle could understand, then Maggie surely would, and she felt peace.

Whatever anyone else thought about them sitting in the second row of pews in too short trousers, the people she loved would understand, and that was all that mattered.

She sat beside Castle, the boys beside her and then her father sitting on the other end of the pew, by the aisle. The pastor came down through the pews and moved to the front to begin the service. She tried to focus on his words, but they flowed around her, a melody she couldn't quite pick up. Instead, Kate started at the front of the church and tried to focus on the beautiful flowers on the altar and not the coffin just to the right of it.

"Mom's in that box, isn't she?" Eli asked quietly.

Kate's heart broke.

Jim Beckett lent down to the boy's level. "Yes," he said, blinking back tears, his voice raw with emotion. His honesty was painful, but there was no way any of them would lie to two orphaned little boys.

"She's really not coming back," said Zeke and for the first time it wasn't a question. Still, Kate could see the hope on his face, like he was waiting for someone to tell him there had been a horrible mistake, and everything was going to be ok. Kate knew that look. She'd worn it for months after her mother died.

"No, buddy," said Jim. "She can't come back."

They started crying again. Zeke turned and burrowed into Kate's side. She pulled him up onto her lap and he buried his heard in her chest, her right hand falling to rub his back in long smooth strokes. Beside her, she saw her dad pull Eli up onto his lap.

The pastor kept speaking. Then the music started, and she tried to sing because it was Maggie's favourite but her voice broke on the first note, and her tongue was a lead weight in her mouth and nothing came out. But Castle saw her struggle – Castle always saw her struggle, even when she didn't want him to – and started singing from beside her. She leant into his side, grateful.

Anne, the mother who held the sleepover party that the boys had been staying at and who was apparently one of Maggie's best friends stood up to give a reading. "This was Maggie's favourite prayer," she said through tears.

"God, give us grace to accept with serenity

the things that cannot be changed,

Courage to change the things

which should be changed,

and the Wisdom to distinguish

the one from the other.

Living one day at a time,

Enjoying one moment at a time,

Accepting hardship as a pathway to peace,

Taking, as Jesus did,

This sinful world as it is,

Not as I would have it,

Trusting that You will make all things right,

If I surrender to Your will,

So that I may be reasonably happy in this life,

And supremely happy with You forever in the next.

Amen."

Kate recognised the AA prayer and knew how it had resonated with both her father and her cousin as they battled their addictions. Living one day at a time, Kate thought. Give the pain that felt like it was tearing her heart in two and her complete uncertainty about the future, it sounded like all she could manage right now.

She was brought back to reality when her father stood. Kate had been apprehensive when he said he wanted to deliver the eulogy, but he looked solid and determined as he stood in the pews. Jim gathered up Eli from his lap as he rose, and reached past Kate awkwardly to place Eli in Castle's lap. Eli looked at her for a second, his red rimmed eyes a silent testimony to his pain, and then buried his head in Castle's chest, a mirror of Zeke's position on her own lap. Beside her, Jim made his way to the small lectern at the front of the church.

Castle moved slightly to adjust Eli's weight and his kneecap hit the wood of the pew in front of them, the crack of bone on wood resonant in the silent church. Kate reached out unconsciously to rub it for him.

It was inbuilt in her now. Castle was hurt. She would automatically reach out to comfort him in any way possible, even something as small as a bumped knee. It was exactly what he had been doing for her the last few days. She was hurt. And Castle had reached out instinctively to do anything he could to ease her pain.

She wished she knew how to thank him for that.

Though somehow she thought he knew without her saying a word.

At the front of the church her father started speaking, his voice strong as he shared stories of his niece. In the second pew, Castle reached his free hand down to where hers sat on his knee and wove their fingers together. And the dull roar of pain in her chest eased, just a little.

The rest of the service passed in a blur, until Castle was sliding Eli off his lap then walking with her father up to where the coffin was draped in flowers at the front of the church. Kate watched Castle and Jim greeted the other pallbearers silently, and then together lifted the coffin.

Kate took one of the boys' hands in each of hers and moved to follow the procession out. As she moved down the aisle she saw a flash of red in a pew near the back. Looking closer, she realised it was Martha and Alexis sitting together. Beside them in the pew was Lanie, and then Esposito and Ryan.

She gave them all a nod of acknowledgement, and the closest thing to a smile she could manage. She hadn't been expecting to see them, but she felt a rush of warmth at their show of support.

Maggie's friend Anne had come through again, offering to host the wake at her house. Kate was relieved. Her cousin had been very loved in the community, and there was no way they could fit all these people in Maggie's tiny apartment.

Kate stopped abruptly on the pavement outside of Anne's house. She had just caught sight of a couple entering the house, a casserole dish in hand.

She looked to Castle suddenly. "We should have brought something," she said. "Anne's hosting the whole wake, and I completely forgot to bring anything."

Castle looked sheepish. "It's fine," he demurred, not quite making eye contact.

She knew that look. "Castle," she said, "what did you do?"

"I paid for catering," Castle admitted. He looked worried she would be mad.

Kate exhaled in relief. "Thank you, Rick." He was a good man, she thought. It was the little things like this that reminded her of that.

Anne hugged them as they entered the house. There were already a lot of people gathered around. They looked friendly enough, but Kate couldn't help but feel that they were on show.

"Hi boys," said Anne, greeting the twins. "Tom is out in the yard if you want to go and hang out with him?"

Eli and Zeke looked up at Kate for permission. She nodded, and the boys disappeared though a doorway, obviously familiar with the house from previous visits. Kate was grateful they could get away and have a bit of time to themselves. It had been a big day for all of them.

Castle left a moment later to use the bathroom. It was the first time he'd left her side all day, and Kate felt suddenly incredibly vulnerable.

Jim indicated a table in the corner with drinks spread upon it. "How about we get some coffee?" he suggested.

Kate smiled at him, grateful for a task to distract herself. They made their way to the table, Kate automatically fixing a coffee for Castle as she made her own. She was just finished when she heard the writer's voice from beside her.

"Look who I found," Castle said.

Kate turned, seeing Castle standing with his daughter, Martha and the team from the 12th gathered behind them.

"Kate!" said Alexis, breaking away from her father and coming over to the detective. Kate wrapped her up in a hug.

"It's so good to see you, Lex," Kate whispered, hugging the younger girl tight.

"I'm so sorry about Maggie, Kate. She sounds like an amazing person. I would have liked to meet her." Alexis replied, looking at Kate with tears in her eyes.

"Thanks," Kate replied around the lump in her throat. "She would have loved you."

As Alexis moved away, Martha came over to hug Kate. "How are you holding up, kiddo?"

Kate tried to reassure them that she was fine, but all she could do was nod.

"It's horrible, and it's unfair," Martha said. "But we are all here for you, anytime you need."

Kate nodded again, moved beyond words as Espo, Lanie and Ryan nodded from behind Martha. Then Castle was at her side, his hand resting gently on Kate's back. "Thank you," he said to everyone. "And thank you all for coming up today, it means a lot."

Kate turned back to the drinks table for a moment, turning away so that the others couldn't see the tears in her eyes. She reached for the two coffee mugs, automatically handing Castle's coffee off to him.

Lanie and Martha moved forward to make some coffee for themselves, and soon everyone was talking quietly. Kate spoke little, but was content to stand with her friends, feeling their support.

As more people arrived for the wake, the room became crowded and Kate made an escape to the kitchen. But there were even more people in there, women gathered together talking about Maggie. She caught sight of the back door in the kitchen and slipped through it.

The twins were in the yard with a blond boy who must be Anne's son Tom. Kate stood by the back door and watched them. Her thoughts wandered to the all the application forms she and Castle had completed for Child Services. Would they get custody? What would she do if they didn't and the boys were placed in foster care?

What would she do if they did get custody? She was glad Castle was with her on this, but what would she do if he left? She worked so many hours, and couldn't afford to pay someone to look after the boys while she was at work.

How had Maggie done it?

God, she missed her cousin.

The back door opened again, and Kate assumed Castle had come out to join her. A moment later she heard soft footsteps and realised instantly that it wasn't Castle's gait. She looked over her shoulder to see Lanie walking over to her.

"Hey girl," said Lanie. The medical examiner stood next to her, and looked over at the boys in the yard. She indicated the twins. "They the boys?" she asked.

Kate managed a smile. "Zeke and Eli," she replied, pointing at each twin in turn.

"They look like you," Lanie observed.

"They look just like Maggie," Kate replied. "But everyone used to say we looked like sisters, growing up." She sighed.

"What happens now?" Lanie asked.

Kate felt her insides tied in knots. If they got the boys, everyone would have to know eventually. If they didn't get the boys – that wasn't something she could even contemplate. If they didn't get the boys, life was a black void, and who cared what anyone else thought.

Kate kept her eyes on the boys in the distance. "Castle and I applied for joint custody," she said.

She waited for a response from her friend. She waited for Lanie to finally put a voice to Kate's fears – to point out the craziness of applying for joint custody of two boys with a bed-hopping playboy celebrity she wasn't even in a relationship with, to point out Kate's lack of anything resembling a maternal instinct. But the medical examiner was silent beside her.

Finally, Kate mustered the courage to look at the woman beside her.

"What?" asked Lanie. "If you're waiting for me to tell you this is a bad idea, you're not going to hear it. This will be the toughest thing you've ever done. And I hope for your sake that Castle will stick by you and pull his weight. But you're my best friend. And I will be there for you one hundred per cent." She paused, and locked eyes with the detective. "This is the right thing, Kate."

Kate let out a breath that she didn't realise she'd be holding. "What if Child Services says no, Lanie? What if they go into care?"

"They'll say yes, Kate. I had to deal with Child Services a bit, back in med school, and you are everything they could wish for for these boys. And if they say no, Castle will just pull some strings and make it happen."

Kate smothered a laugh, admitting that was probably true.

Gradually, the others joined them outside. Castle came out too, and called the twins over.

He squatted down to their level and looked at the intently. He pointed at the twin on the left. "Elijah," he said confidently.

The twins laughed. "I'm Zeke!" he replied.

Castle pouted.

"Boys, be nice to Castle," Kate said, firmly. She looked over at her partner. "You were right, that's Elijah." She turned to the group. "Everyone, this is Elijah and Ezekiel. Eli, Zeke, this is Castle's daughter Alexis, and his mom Martha, and these are the people we work with, Rya- er Kevin and Javier are detectives, and Lanie is a…" she trailed off, trying to think of a way to explain 'medical examiner' to two seven year olds.

"I chop up dead bodies to work out what killed them," Lanie finished for her.

"Awesome!" chorused the twins, looking at Lanie with wide eyes.

"Is it totally gross?" asked Eli.

"Are they ever not really dead, and then just when you're about to cut them they jump up?" asked Zeke.

"It is pretty gross," Lanie replied. "And there was one time in med school when my friend pretended to be a body and put a sheet over himself, and then scared the pants of some poor first year girl who was coming in to do a prac class when she pulled back the sheet."

"Cool," said Zeke, his eyes shining.

Kate probably should have told Lanie off for giving the boys ideas, but anything that would make them smile on today, of all days, was ok with her.

"Hey, Miss Lanie," Eli said, a pensive look on his face, "are zombies real? Because Rick says they are, but Aunty Kate says that's not true, and Joshua in my class said that he saw one once at the mall and it's face was melting off."

"What do you think?" asked Lanie, clearly smothering a laugh.

"I think Joshua tells lies. Like how he said that I stole his glue stick, but I didn't. And Aunty Kate said Rick has an 'overactive imagination'. Except she calls him Castle. So zombies probably aren't real. But it would be cool if they were."

"I saw a movie with a zombie once." Zeke broke in. "It was trying to eat this guy and then BAM! he shot it in the face."

"It was cool," Eli declared.

The adults all laughed at their enthusiasm. Castle saw a football in the grass by the door, and soon Ryan, Espo and Castle were throwing the ball around with the boys, pretending to tackle each other as they ran around the yard.

"They are wonderful boys," said Martha, smiling at the sight of her son grabbing Zeke around the middle and lifting him up, trying to make the younger boy drop the football he was carrying.

"Yeah," Kate agreed. "They didn't deserve this."

"No one deserves this," said Martha firmly. "But from now on they've got us."

Lanie and Alexis nodded beside Martha. Irrationally, Kate felt tears fill her eyes.

"Thank you for coming," she said, smiling at each of them in turn.

"Of course we came," replied Alexis. "I wanted to meet my little brothers."

Something burned in Kate's chest, and her eyes stung with tears at the younger girl's words. She tried to speak, but she couldn't even form a cohesive thought, let alone words.

"Oh!" said Alexia, seeing Kate's face. "Sorry, I shouldn't have said that. I just thought that since you and dad were applying for custody. But it's not – I mean – I'm sorry." She dropped her head, her long red hair falling to cover her face.

"No," Kate tried to say, but her eyes were stinging and her throat was burning, and she just couldn't speak.

Lanie came to her rescue. "I think Kate's trying to say that they're happy tears. That she's just happy that you're accepting the boys and that things are going to be ok now. She's just a little overwhelmed."

Kate nodded, and then opened her arms. Alexis was crushed up against her instantly. They stayed like that for a few minutes. Then Kate bent her neck and pressed a kiss to the top of Alexis' head. She took a deep breath as they broke apart. "Thank you," she told the younger girl. "I don't know what I did to deserve you in my life, but I'm glad it happened."

"Reward for putting up with me, I suspect," said Castle voice from behind her. Kate turned to face him. "Wait a minute, does that mean that you're glad I follow you around and never take no for an answer?" he teased.

Kate knew he was joking, but she was serious as she answered, "I am."

Castle beamed at her.