Author's Note: I'm not really happy with this chapter, but I've gone back and forward changing everything dozens of times, so I give up! Constructive criticism greatly appreciated.
Takes place during the events of Knockdown and uses some dialogue and situations from that episode, which obviously I don't own.
Kate Beckett stood in the shower and stared at the wall. Her dejected spine arched over like a question mark, curving under the weight of responsibility. Her very bones ached, and there was a weight in her gut that made it almost impossible to move. She would have to move soon though. She couldn't hide in here forever.
This was her alone time. This five minutes a day where she could let everything overwhelm her.
Some mornings, she cried in the shower. Great racking sobs she felt down to her toes. Some mornings she cried as silently as possible, and let the sound of the water cover any small noises she did make. She cried for her cousin's death, for the injustice of it. For every wonderful moment that she and Castle could spend with the boys that Maggie missed out on.
But mostly, she cried because she was scared.
She was scared that she was a horrible mother. She was drowning in her fears of her incompetence. For all of Castle's reassurances that she was doing fine, Kate felt far from it.
Were they setting the right rules? Was she home enough? Did the boys' feel like they could come to her with their problems?
Had she and Castle done the right thing in helping the boys' through their mother's death? Kate worried they didn't talk about Maggie enough. She didn't want to push the boys and make them more upset, but maybe they needed to do that to make sure the boys dealt with some of the issues now, and didn't bottle things up inside.
There were probably books on how to help kids deal with the loss of a parent, Kate thought. She should read one. But then when would she find the time?
And again, she felt guilty, because mothers made times for this sort of thing, didn't they? The kids came first.
God, did all working parents carry this guilt around with them every day? How did they stand it?
She didn't cry this morning. She just stared at the tile on the wall, her body utterly still while the thoughts raced around her mind, pounding her skull.
She'd cried last night though. Not the great racking sobs that came some mornings, but lying in the darkness of her room, she'd felt the tears dampen her cheeks.
Not because of her lack of maternal skills, or the loss of her cousin. For a far more selfish reason.
For Castle.
Because she was in love with him.
She didn't know when it had happened. Looking back over the last few years, she couldn't remember a time when she didn't feel a rush of everything at just the thought of him. She couldn't even work out when it was that she'd realised she was in love.
This was it for her. Her one and done.
During the summer, while he was away on his book tour and Alexis had been on exchange, she'd had a lot of time to think. Alone in the city, she'd had the space to finally realise that she'd been hiding behind her mother's death, afraid to let anyone in, afraid to feel.
Although they'd talked practically every day, the summer gave her time to see what life would be like without Castle by her side.
She found she didn't like it much.
Slowly, she began to see that it was worth the risk. Admitting her feelings, moving forward, letting him in and giving him the power to break her heart if something went wrong – these were terrifying ideas. Not because she doubted Castle in any way. But really, she hadn't let anyone that close to her since her mother's murder.
She knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that Castle would never deliberately hurt her. But people with the very best of intentions could accidentally break your heart. Or be taken from you. And how would she ever get over losing him.
But if she didn't try, hadn't she already lost the potential for what they could be?
And could that be somehow worse than trying and losing him?
By the end of the summer she had resolved to be open to taking things further with him. She'd decided to be honest about her feelings. When they'd gone to the book launch together after the summer, it had felt like a new beginning.
Then Maggie died, and everything had gone to the wind.
And now here she was, a mess of insecurity and self-doubt, held together by fear.
She needed time. Time to pull herself together and become more like the kind of woman a man like Castle would want. He'd once called her extraordinary. She didn't feel that way anymore.
Quietly, she admitted her greatest fear: what if by the time she was ready, he wasn't waiting anymore?
And that brought everything full circle, because if Castle was gone, she was just a broke, homeless, incompetent parent. She wasn't being fair, she knew. Even if Castle gave up on her he would never give up on the boys, not when he had given his word, and she knew he would still take care of them, and help out financially.
So if she gave this thing with a Castle a shot, he could break her heart and she could lose everything. But if she didn't, she might wake up one day and find there was nothing left to lose.
"Kate? Are you ok?"
The detective started suddenly at the noise just beyond the bathroom door. She took a deep breath and willed her voice not to break.
"Sorry, 'Lex. I'll be out in a minute."
"Okay," Alexis replied.
Kate washed her face one last time and shut off the water. "Enough," she whispered to herself. Enough self-pity. Enough fear.
You only got one shot at life. And it was about time Kate Beckett took a risk.
Every muscle screamed in protest. Her legs burned.
But still she ran on.
Nearly there, she thought, catching sight of the apartment building ahead. Just a little further.
Every breath was fire in her lungs.
The pounding of sneakers on the pavement echoed in her ears, but she did not dare look behind to see how far her pursuer was.
Pulling up every ounce of willpower she possessed, Kate Beckett pushed herself relentlessly forward. Finally, just as she was sure she couldn't last another second, she reached out her hand and triumphantly slapped the side of the building before her.
Behind her, Alexis let out a groan of defeat.
Kate smiled as she collapsed against the side of the building. "The champion remains undefeated," she crowed. Well, to be honest it came out as more of a wheeze. Each time she and Alexis finished their 4 mile run with a race back to the apartment building it was harder to beat the teenager. It was only a matter of time before the younger woman was victorious.
Alexis collapsed against the wall beside her. Her face was even redder than her hair. "I'm going to take you down one day," she promised.
Kate smiled and grabbed Alexis' arm to pull her away from the wall. She slung a sweaty arm around the teenager as they headed into the building.
The doorman looked up as they entered, smiling at them both. "Hi, Mike," they greeted in unison.
"Morning, ladies," he looked as though he was trying not to laugh at them.
Kate was glad of the elevator, as she rather doubted her ability to walk up even a single flight of stairs at that moment. Even in the elevator she could hear the echo of their heavy breathing above the noise of her heart pounding in her ears. She felt alive.
As soon as they walked through the front door, Kate's eyes scanned the loft, looking for the other inhabitants. To her surprise, she found the living room empty.
"Hello?" she called.
"In here!" came a shout from Castle's office.
She walked over to the office, surprised to see Castle sitting at his desk working on his laptop. Even more astonishing was the sight of the twins sitting at his desk, heads bent over their notebooks, pencils in hand.
Kate glanced at Castle, only to find the writer already looking her. And clearly giving her a once-over. Kate suddenly thought of the way the sweaty lycra must cling to her skin, and almost blushed. Luckily, she was so red-faced from the run, she doubted anyone would notice.
Castle finally seemed to realise what he was doing, because his eyes snapped up to meet hers.
Now it was his turn to blush.
Kate decided to let him off the hook (mostly cause calling him on his distraction was only likely to head to a place she wasn't sure she was ready to go yet). Instead she looked over at the boys briefly, and then flicked her eyes back to Castle, raising her eyebrows as if to ask him what was going on. Castle smiled in return.
"What are you boys up to?" she asked.
The twin on the left – Kate thought it was Eli, because the blue T-shirt he was wearing was Eli's shirt (although the twins sometimes swapped clothes - or names - just to confuse them) – looked up at her.
"Writing," he replied.
"Duh," said the twin on the right.
"Hey!" said Castle in warning. They had been fighting a losing battle in getting the twin to stop saying 'duh' for nearly a week.
"Sorry," said Right Twin automatically, not sounding very contrite.
"Homework," Castle explained.
"We have to write about if we could have any pet what would it be, and why," explained Right Twin.
"And draw a picture," added Left.
"And what did you decide on?" asked Beckett.
"A dragon."
"Of course," said Kate with a smile.
"We did discuss the pros of flying transportation, intimidating size and street cred of being of dragon owner, weighted with the cons of accidental fire damage, high cost of upkeep and general unpleasantness toward humans, but they would not be dissuaded," explained Castle.
Kate smiled, amused at Castle's seriousness.
"But they could fly us to school, and then we wouldn't have to take the subway anymore."
"And if anyone was mean then BAM! you could just make it breath fire on them."
"Those are very persuasive arguments," she conceded.
With a fond smile at the boys, she headed back out to the kitchen to grab a bottle of water. Alexis had apparently used Kate's distraction to run upstairs, which mean the teenager would grab first shower.
She reached for a bottle of water from the fridge, and chugged half of it in one mouthful.
Suddenly, the shrill crying of her cell phone rang out. She picked it up, frowning for a moment. She wasn't on call today, and she didn't recognise the number on the display.
"Beckett."
"Detective Kate Beckett?"
"Yeah," she replied, warily.
"This is John Raglan. I don't know if you remember me. I was –"
"The lead detective on my mother's murder investigation. I remember you." Unconsciously, her eyes found Castle, still sitting behind his desk in the office. As though sensing her eyes on him, he looked up. Even though Kate knew he was too far away for him to have heard her side of the conversation, he must have read the expression on her face, because he was standing up and making his way over to her instantly.
"We need to talk. There is – there are – things you should know."
"Okay."
"The Coffee Stop. Corner of 4th and Main. Meet me there in an hour."
"Okay," she repeated.
"Just you, no cops."
"What's going on?" she demanded. But he had already hung up.
Raglan sat in a booth by the window. "That's him," said Kate.
"Lady, what part of 'no cops' didn't you understand?" Raglan asked as Castle slid into the booth.
"He's not a cop."
"Although she is," said Castle. "So the premise was fundamentally flawed."
"Who the hell is he then?" Raglan asked, ignoring Castle's jibe.
"Someone I trust."
The waitress came over and offered them coffee. Castle took one look at the sludge in the pot she was holding and wrinkled his nose. Kate shook her head at the waitress, answering for them both.
"Tell me what I don't know about my mother's murder," said Kate, as soon as the waitress was gone.
"Everybody drinks their coffee out of cardboard cups these days. Or those plastic travel mugs, but there's something about the way ceramic warms your hands that… it's weird, the things you notice. I just got the long face from the Doc. Lymphoma. Six months."
"Sorry to hear that," said Kate. Although a vindictive part of her wondered if she really meant that. This man had suppressed information that might have helped find her mother's killer.
Then she saw the way his hands shook slightly around the ceramic mug, and was instantly contrite. No matter what, no one deserved what this man was going through.
"Every year around the holidays they, they run that Christmas Carol on local TV. When I was a kid I remember that Jacob Marley scared the hell out of me. Forced to drag that, that chain around in the next world," Raglan said.
"'I wear the chain I forged in life'," quoted Castle.
"'I made it link by link," finished Raglan with a bitter smile. "I hid a lot of sins behind my badge, and now I gotta carry 'em. But your mother's case, that one weights a ton."
"Because you lied."
"I did what I was told. And I kept quiet because I was afraid. About a year ago there was a hostage stand off at your precinct. You killed a hit man named Dick Coonan. It was a big deal in the papers. People noticed."
"You know who hired Coonan to kill my mom?" Kate leaned forward unconsciously.
"You need some context here. This thing started about nineteen years ago, back before I even knew who Johanna Beckett was. Nineteen years ago I made a bad mistake. And that started the dominoes falling, and one of them was your mother."
Suddenly, there was an eruption of noise and the café window exploded around them. Kate mind took half a second to registered that someone was firing on them, even as the coffee cup on the table in front of them shattered. Somebody screamed.
"On the ground!" Beckett shouted, taking control and driving out of the booth, her body covering Castle's as they hit the floor.
Suddenly, Castle's hands were on her. "You're hit," he screamed, his face more pale than she had ever seen before. She looked down at the bloodstain on her shirt.
"It's fine," she reassured him. "It's not my blood." She picked up her radio. "One Lincoln Forty, I have shots fired on 4th and Main. I need back up and a bus."
Castle was still staring at her. His hands were shaking.
"Castle!" she said sharply. "I'm ok." She reached out and grabbed his shaking hand, bringing it to her chest. "I'm fine," she promised, pushing his hand against her chest so he could feel her breathing, the racing of her heart.
"Yeah, ok," he said, dazed.
She gave him a grim smile of reassurance.
A flare of static came from the radio in her hand. "One Lincoln Forty, please repeat your last."
Kate picked up her radio, about to repeat her request. Castle had made his way across the floor to where Raglan lay in a pool of blood. At the sound of her radio he looked up from his position checking Raglan's pulse and shook his head.
"One Lincoln Forty, please be advised this is now a homicide."
"Nineteen years ago."
"What?"
"Raglan. He said nineteen years ago. But my mother's murder was twelve years ago."
"It doesn't make sense."
"Oh God, oh God." There was a blur of red hair and turquoise sweater, and then the staccato tap of heels rushing across the floorboards, and before he could focus there were arms around him. One arm stopped hugging for a moment, and then his head cracked into another skull as another body was pulled into the hug.
Rick looked up, his brain taking a moment to compute what had just happened. His mother had flown through the door like a whirlwind, appealing to a deity she did not believe in, and then had pulled him and Beckett into a tight hug.
"It could have been you," Martha sobbed.
"It's ok," Rick reassured her.
"I heard about the shooting on the radio. It could have been you."
"It's ok, Martha," said Beckett, her voice slightly muffed from the tight hold Martha still had locked around the pair of them.
"This isn't one of Richard's books. You could have died."
Rick pulled away from the hug and Martha lowered her arms.
"You're overreacting, Mother. Where is this coming from?"
"How the hell can you say that? Think about how much you love your children," said Martha, looking at both of them, "and that is how much I love you. Think about that, and don't you dare ask me where this is coming from."
"Martha," soothed Kate, gently. The detective reached out and pulled the other woman back into a brief hug.
"You're part of this family too, young lady. Don't you dare get shot."
"I wouldn't dream of it," Kate replied. "How about I make you a drink to calm down a little?"
Martha wiped a tear from her cheek. "That would be lovely dear, thank you."
"What can I get? Water? Tea?"
"Oh, just a gin will be fine."
Beckett raised an eye at Rick over Martha's shoulder, but made her way to the kitchen.
Rick guided Martha to the couch, giving his mother a few minutes to compose herself. "Why is this case so important it's worth getting shot over, anyway?" Martha asked.
Rick looked up at Kate as she walked over with Martha's drink. "It's not really my place to say," he hedged.
"It's to do with my mother's murder," Kate broke in.
"Oh." Martha looked like she may begin crying again. "I can't ask you stop then, can I?" she asked in a small voice.
"We've been kicked of the case anyway," Kate told her.
Martha shot the detective a 'do you think I'm stupid?' look. "I doubt that will make much difference. In fact, history would indicate that the two of you do better when your investigations aren't officially sanctioned by the NYPD."
Kate looked at the older woman, and Rick could read the guilt and hesitation on her face. "I'm sorry Martha, but you know how much this means to me. I can't walk away from this one. But there's no reason for Rick to get involved, and I swear to you I will do everything I can to keep you all safe."
Rick opened his mouth to object, but Martha beat him to it. "And who's going to keep you safe? I know my son, and there is no way he's leaving you alone on this one. But you are part of this family too. And if you get yourself shot, I will damn well resuscitate you myself so I can wring your neck."
"Thanks, Martha," said Kate, with a rueful smile.
"Just promise me that you'll not take unnecessary risks. I want you to do everything you can to stay safe. Both of you." They nodded their agreement. Martha drained the rest of her glass in one gulp. "Good," she said, standing and picking up her purse. "If you need anyone to watch the boys, you just let me know."
Kate thanked her again. On impulse, Rick reached out and grabbed his mother, hugging her once more. "Thank you," he whispered softly into her hair.
Martha looked him in the eye for a moment, and Rick could read her fears reflected there. To her credit, Martha merely smiled and left without a backward glance.
After dinner, Rick herded the boys upstairs for their bath, while Kate set up a murder board for her own mother's murder in the study.
Honestly, if Rick wrote a book about their life, people would dismiss it as too ridiculously farfetched.
"Uncle Rick, if you and Aunty Kate die, can Alexis be our new Mom?"
Rick almost dropped the towel he was holding in shock. He righted the towel, and continued to dry Zeke's hair for a moment, trying to work up a response in his mind. "What brought this on?" he asked.
Eli walked back into the bathroom, clad in his Spiderman pyjamas. "Grams said that you almost got shot today."
"If you get shot with a bullet you die," Zeke explained.
"Not all the time," Eli argued. "Like, sometimes they just cut off your leg or something."
"They cut off your leg from bombs, not bullets."
"Not always! Sometimes the bomb just goes BANG! and blows all of you up and then there's blood and bits of you spread everywhere. Then you're just dead. They don't cut off your leg if you're dead."
"I don't really think this is a very nice conversation," Rick interjected.
"I think you made him scared," Zeke told Eli.
"If you want, Aunty Kate can check under your bed for bombs too," Eli offered.
"Thanks," said Rick absentmindedly, wondering how to get some control back into the conversation. "Right, I think your hair is all dry now mister. Time for your PJs."
"So do people always die if you shoot them?" asked Eli.
"Not always. Sometimes they get hurt, but doctors can do surgery to fix them. It depends on where the bullet hits someone, and how quickly they get to hospital…" and I cannot believe I am having this conversation with two second graders, he thought.
"Ok. But if you did get shot and die, and our Mom is already in heaven, then someone needs to take us to school and make dinner and pour the milk on the cereal when the carton is really fully. I can do it if the carton is not too full, but when it's really full it's heavy and the milk doesn't come out right and sometimes it goes on the floor and I don't like cleaning it up. So can Alexis be our new Mom when you're dead? Because she's really pretty and she can take us on the subway to school and cook good."
"Ah…" Castle hedged, trying to work out what the hell to say. "Well, neither Beckett or I are planning on getting shot anytime soon, so I don't think we need to worry about that."
Zeke looked up at him in confusion. "Were you planning on getting nearly shot today? Because that seems like a pretty not responsible thing, you know." He sounded quite disapproving.
"You have to be responsible when you have kids. The pastor at our old church said that," Eli supplied.
"No, we weren't planning…that is…." Castle took a deep breath, trying to compose himself. "If anything happened to me, then Aunty Kate and Alexis would take care of you. And if anything happened to Beckett," ignore the stabbing pain even the thought of that brings "then me and Alexis and Grams will still take care of you."
He paused, waiting to see how the boys would react. What if he'd completely damaged their fragile, developing psyche? Maybe he should have just said they weren't going to die. But then, Rick had always hated when adults had lied to him when he was kid, and sworn he wasn't going to do it to Alexis. The boys were the same. Except maybe it was too soon after their mother's death to be talking about these things.
"Okay," said Eli.
Zeke ran naked from the bathroom. "Can I wear my Batman pyjamas?" he yelled over his shoulder.
"Okay?" Rick asked, baffled. Just 'okay'. No existential crisis on the frailties of human life? No deep fear of abandonment after the death of a loved one?
"Well," said Eli, "try not to get shot. Because we'd be really sad."
"Err, right. Thanks," said Rick, wondering why the seven year old was comforting him, rather than the other way around.
Then he set off to find Batman pyjamas.
Since they were both still officially kicked off the case, they took the kids to school together the following morning. Then they headed back to the loft, and started right back in on the case.
Ryan and Esposito were working the official angle down at the precinct, with a focus on Raglan's murder. They'd already managed to track the sniper down.
Rick and Beckett were at home, focusing on what could have happened 19 years ago, and how that could have led to Johanna Beckett's murder.
Esposito called to arrange meet up to share information. Thirty minutes later, he and Ryan showed up, Captain Montgomery entering behind them.
"Captain! What are you doing here? Not that it isn't good to see you, Sir. Of course. Beckett and I were just…just… talking about vacation plans. For Christmas. Uh, so yeah."
Montgomery raised an eyebrow. "I'm not a fool, Castle."
Rick thought that any response to that was only going to dig himself deeper into trouble, so he just shut up and brought the three detectives into his office, where Beckett sat before their makeshift murder board.
There weren't enough chairs in the office, so Kate, Montgomery and Ryan took a seat near the desk. Espo lent against the side table at the end of the room.
Rick dithered for a moment, and wondered whether he should offer everyone a drink.
"There's a sniper trailing you," said Esposito bluntly, staring at Beckett.
For a moment, Rick's brain short circuited.
Kate, of course, took the whole thing in her stride.
"Ryan and Esposito traced Raglan's sniper to a corporate suite in midtown," Montgomery explained. "Looks a lot like he's switched his target to you since Raglan's murder. This isn't just a kook with a deer rifle and a copy of Catcher in the Rye. This guy's a professional, highly trained and well funded, maybe part of a team."
"We found photos of you all through his suite. Looks like he's been trailing you." Esposito added.
"The boys," said Beckett. "Alexis! They're at school, unprotected."
"We don't think they're in danger," Montgomery assured her. "He's had plenty of shots. If whoever's paying him wanted you dead, you would be. Seems like he's just watching, making sure you don't get too close to the truth. If you do, I'm sure he'll be given orders to take you out."
"There's so advantage to hurting your kids. These guys know you, they know that would only make you try harder."
Despite their logical words, Rick whole body almost seemed to itch with the need to fly down to the school and check on them himself. Unable to contain his nervous energy, he started pacing.
"I'm going to put a detail on you. But I need you to stay home," said Montgomery, firmly.
"If this sniper is after me, the safest place in the city is the twelfth. Rick can take the kids away, out of town. I'll come back and work on my mom's case."
"Like hell you're doing this without me," Rick interjected.
Kate nodded in acquiescence. "Martha, then. Martha can take the kids out of town, and you and me are safe at the twelfth." She turned to the captain. "You gotta lot me have this Roy."
"We'll compromise," said Montgomery reluctantly. "You can come back to the 12th, but you are on desk duty, and you are not officially on this case. The only two places you go are here and the precinct."
Kate looked like she was going to explode. Rick walked over and lent against the armrest of her chair, resting her arm on his shoulder gently.
"Right, let's go over everything one more time," he said.
Kate smiled up at him gratefully for a moment. "OK, so here's what we know so far. Nineteen years ago Raglan and at least two other cops were kidnapping mobsters for ransom. Things went south when they tried to snatch Joe Pulgatti," said Kate.
"Instead, they mistakenly killed an undercover fed named Bob Armund. To cover their asses they pinned Armund's murder on Pulgatti," Rick continued.
"And then seven years later my mom and a group of her colleagues tried to put together an appeal for Pulgatti. Now the cops knew that if the case got over turned they would all be exposed . So they hired Dick Coonan to kill all of them."
"Then Raglan, who was under the thumb of organised crime after borrowing money for his gambling addiction, wrote off their homicides as random gang violence," said Montgomery.
"We know there were more guys involved than just Raglan," said Ryan.
"And we already know who one of them is – Raglan's old academy buddy, Gary McCallister," added Esposito.
"How do you know that?" Montgomery asked. There was an odd note to his voice.
"I pulled the dispatchers log from the archives. There was another unit backing Raglan when he arrested Pulgatti. A one man patrol unit, Officer Gary McCallister," Ryan explained.
"I think it's time we talked to McCallister."
Castle looked at McCallister across the table of the interrogation room. He was calm, untouchable.
But not for long.
"You tried to throw us off the scent," said Beckett.
"You tried to point the finger at Vulcan Simmons," added Castle.
"As a former cop, you knew he fit the part, so you used him to cover yourself, when the truth is that you and Raglan were up to your necks in murders and kidnappings."
"We did what we had to," said McCallister coldly.
"You killed a fed, and then you pinned it on Joe Pulgatti."
"You want me to tell you about Joe Pulgatti? About the people he put in the hospital, the ones he put in the river? But you couldn't touch him because he brought everybody. This part, this part I want to you know, cause this part I'm not ashamed of, at least we tried to do something. It wasn't pretty and it wasn't legal, but it was right," McCallister defended.
"When my mom put together that appeal for Pulgatti you got worried that she'd get onto you so you hired Dick Coonan to kill her."
"No!"
"And then when Raglan grew a conscience you had him killed too."
"No. That was someone else."
"Who?"
"Oh lady," said McCallister, leaning back in the interrogation chair. "That was someone you'll never touch. You don't understand. You woke the dragon. And this is so much better than you can comprehend."
Kate flopped into her chair and lent her elbows on her desk, dropping her head into her hands. Her loose hair fell in a sheet around her face, hiding her disappointment from the room.
"We're getting closer," said a voice from her side.
She ran a hand through her hair to push it back and looked up at her partner in the chair beside her. "It feels like a whole lot of dead-ends. We've got to find that shooter."
"It's fresh evidence, after all these years, and that's something. Besides, the more they try to cover this up, and more likely they are to make a mistake, and then we'll get them."
"Thanks," said Kate, the corners of her mouth turning up into a smile. She was glad of his support, and faith in her. She didn't know what she'd do without it. He's not going to wait forever, a little voice reminded her.
"Yo," said Esposito, calling their attention. "I think we got a lead on the shooter."
Ryan came and lent on the corner of her desk, Esposito behind him. Kate nodded for them to continue.
"So, while we were looking through all that stuff we found in Lockwood's corporate suite we found anti-anxiety drugs," said Ryan.
"Snipers use them to slow down their heart rate, given them more time to fire between heart beats," added Espo.
"So we tracked down the guy who manufactures and street distributes the drugs. According to him, the capsules Lockwood was using were sold to one of his regulars, named Jolene."
"Girlfriend?" Castle suggested.
"Probably. All we got is blonde, thirties, lives in Brooklyn. So we fed her descriptors in the DMV database and got it narrowed down to two women. Jolene Granger and Jolene Anders."
"Great work guys," praised Kate. "Let's get them down here. You guys pick up Anders, and we'll take Granger."
"Ah, Boss, I don't think that's what the Captain had in mind when he put you on desk duty," said Ryan.
Kate looked over at Montgomery's empty office. "Captain's down at One for a meeting with the brass. And what he doesn't know can't hurt him."
"This is it," said Castle, checking the apartment number with the DMV record Ryan had handed him.
Kate knocked firmly on the door. "Jolene Granger, this is the NYPD."
They paused, but the apartment beyond the door was silent.
Kate knocked again. "Jolene Granger, NYPD," she repeated.
They waited another full minute. "We better get the Super to open the door for us," Kate decided.
"Wait," said Castle pointing at the doorjamb.
Kate looked down at the edge of the door near the handle. It was subtle, but the lock had obviously been tampered with. She turned the handle and pushed firmly on the door. It gave a little, more than it should have if it was locked correctly, but didn't open.
Castle pulled out his wallet. "Allow me," he said, grabbing a credit card and sliding it into the gap in the doorjamb. The already broken lock gave way, and Castle pushed open the door.
In the tiny apartment beyond lay the body of a woman matching Jolene's description. Kate pulled out her cell and dialed Esposito.
"Esposito," the detective answered.
"Looks like Jolene Granger is dead," Kate informed him.
Esposito sighed. "We're on our way."
Kate opened her mouth to reply, but before she could speak there was a suddenly flash of light and an explosion of noise around her. She turned instinctively to where Castle was, reaching for him.
But before she could get there, the world went black.
The concrete was hard beneath her cheek. She tried to move, but her head exploded in pain. Her arms were pulled at an unnatural angle and tied behind her back. The rope cut into her wrist.
Castle! she thought in panic. Where is he? Is he ok?
Ignoring the pounding in her head, she managed to turn over. Her entire body sagged in relief at the sight of the writer, sitting on the hard ground, leaning back against a pole.
"You're awake," said Castle in relief.
"Are you ok?" she managed. "Where are we?"
"I'm fine," he reassured her. "We're in some kind of warehouse with an underground parking garage. They must have used a flashbang back at Jolene's apartment and then drugged us with something. When I woke up we were in the van that brought us here. It didn't have any windows and they drove straight into the underground car park and moved us in here."
Kate nodded appreciating Castle's thorough report, even if it didn't really give her any information to work off.
Her mouth was incredibly dry. She tried to swallow, and it felt like razor blades in her throat. For a moment the pain distracted her from the throbbing of her skull.
"How's your head?" Castle asked.
"Bad," she managed. "What happened?"
"They hit you," said Castle, pausing when his voice broke. Even from three feet away, Kate could see the tears in his eyes. "You woke up as they were taking us from the van and tried to fight them. Kicked the big guy in the balls." He smiled grimly, looking proud. Then the smiled dropped from his face. "He hit you with the butt of his gun and you passed out again."
"I don't remember," said Kate, frowning in confusion. "The last thing I remember was the flashbang. Any idea why they've taken us?"
"I think they want information. This guy came down before; could be the sniper we're after. He seemed a big shot form the way the others were treating him. He wasn't impressed you were knocked out. Said now he'd have to wait to get his information."
"Well," said a voice and Kate jerked her head around, ignoring the pain, to see a guy step out of the shadows. "Looks like sleeping beauty is finally awake. Time to get this show on the road."
Two other guys appeared then, both armed. The bigger of the two seemed to get a lot of satisfaction out of pulling her up off the ground and dragging her roughly through the doorway and into a larger room. Kate bit down on her lip, desperate not to give him the satisfaction of crying out.
Once they were in the middle of the large, open space, the big guy grabbed her head and pushed her roughly to the ground. Pain erupted through her skull, and for a moment her vision swam. She landed heavily on the concrete floor. With her hands tied behind her back, she was unable to put out an arm to break her fall, but she managed to land mostly onto her shoulder, and protect her aching head. A moment later, Castle was dumped beside her.
The guy who was in charge – Kate was pretty sure this must be Lockwood, the sniper – stood over them. "I wanna congratulate you both," he said. "I don't know how you found my place, but I've been doing this kind of work for a while now and no one's ever come that close to me. But my problem is that your investigation has gone further than I expected. And now in order for me to finish my job I need to know exactly what you know about me and my employer. Now I've got a lot of respect for you guys, so I'm gonna make you a deal. You tell me what I need to know, one pro to another, and I will put a bullet in your brain. You don't and you jerk me around and you will be begging me to end you before this night is up."
"I'm gonna have to go with plan B," said Kate.
"Oh yeah," agreed Castle. "We're definitely going to jerk you around."
Lockwood nodded to his goons, and then the big guy smiled. He moved his leg back, pausing for a moment to relish the moment, and then kicked her between the legs with all his might. She gasped and curled in a ball, agony tearing through her. "Payback's a bitch," said big-guy.
Beside her, Castle too was curled into the fetal position, trying to protect himself from the kicks the other goon was raining down on him. The goon got a bit too enthusiastic, kicking Castle firmly in the head.
"Watch it!" said Lockwood. "They're no good to me brain damaged are they?"
Taking advantage of her distraction, big-guy kicked Kate again in the back, causing her head to ricochet off the concrete.
The blackness claimed her once more.
Kate was startled awake, gasping, as a bucket of ice water was poured over her head.
"You want to sleep, lady?" asked Lockwood. "I got no problem with that. Just answer my questions and I'll put a bullet in you. Painless. Respectful."
"Go to hell."
"Always so brave. At least at the start. The begging comes later." Lockwood indicated two large containers in front of him. "See, this is ice cold water. It'll burn like hell when it hits your lungs. But you won't lose consciousness again. All this stops when you tell me how much the cops know."
With that, he nodded. One of the guys grabbed her, while the other grabbed Castle.
Then her head was under the ice and it was so cold the breath was knocked out of her as she gasped. But her head was still under water and she couldn't breathe and it was so, so cold, but her lungs were burning.
Finally, the hand holding the back of her leg eased off, and she pushed her face from the water, gasping for precious air.
"Again," called Lockwood.
She didn't know how long it went on for. It felt like hours, but could have been only minutes. There was only pain and cold, and gasping – sometimes air, but sometimes ice cold water.
Finally it stopped.
"You going to tell me what I need to know?" asked Lockwood.
Castle nodded, wearily. Kate didn't blame him for cracking. This was more than anyone should have to bear.
Lockwood leaned in.
"That jacket is so last season," Castle crocked out.
Lockwood's shout of rage was cut off abruptly as her head was shoved back under the icy water. She held her breath, but it wasn't long enough. She gasped, and her lungs burnt as the icy water flooded in. But still they kept her under water.
I'm going to drown, she realised. This is it. I'm going to die in a bucket of water in a warehouse. And Castle…
She thought of Castle, and all the moments they wouldn't get to have. She wondered if somehow he would know that her final thought in life was of him.
Then her hair was yanked and suddenly her face wasn't in the water, and she could breathe, and air had never tasted so sweet and perfect. She coughed the water from her lungs, and then vomited water straight back into the container before her. She was still retching when she felt the hand at the back of her head pushing her back under water.
No, she thought. No, please, no. But she stayed silent.
"Stop," said Lockwood suddenly. "We're doing this wrong."
Kate used this minor reprieve to gasp in as much air as possible. Beside her, Castle was suddenly pulled from the water. He gasped, almost seeming to swallow air in her desperation to fill his lungs. Then he lent over slightly and vomiting a puddle of water onto the floor. Some of the water hit the boot of the guy holding him down, and the guy kicked Castle in retaliation, wiping his boot on Castle's shirt.
Kate looked up at Lockwood. She was aiming for defiant, but she probably looked defeated, huddling in a wet, shivering mess at his feet.
There was a gleam in his eye which stopped her heart. "Make him watch," said Lockwood.
So they dragged Castle over she was opposite her, and then they dunked her again. She tried not to struggle, tried desperately to preserve the air she had, she tried to calm her racing heart. But it was all impossible.
They'll find us, she promised herself. Ryan and Espo are probably on their way now. You just have to hold on a little longer.
When they pulled her head out this time, the first thing she saw was Rick's eyes. The pain in them was almost more excruciating then those icy breaths under water.
Lockwood was expecting Castle to break down and tell him everything because he couldn't bear to watch her suffer, Kate knew. But the opposite might be true, she thought. Castle would never betray her, no matter how much pain it caused him to see her hurt. So she was the only one who could end this. The only way to end Castle's agony would be to end her own.
Then she was back in the water again, and it was pain, pain, pain. Hurry, she silently willed her fellow detectives. I don't know how much longer I can last.
Either Lockwood picked up on her feelings for Castle, or he just wasn't a patient man.
"This is getting us nowhere," he said. Kate gasped in relief, thinking they might get a few minutes of reprieve while Lockwood set up the next torture device. "We don't need this one," he said, pointing at Castle. "He's not even a cop. He probably doesn't know anything. Kill him. And then shoot out her kneecaps until she tells us what we want."
"No!" she cried. She crawled on her knees, trying to get to Castle, desperate. But her hands were still tied behind her back, and the bucket of ice water was between them, and she couldn't move fast enough, and the little goon already had his gun pointed at Castle.
A shot rang out. Kate's heart stopped.
Then there was another shot, and people flooded the room. It wasn't until she heard Ryan shouting her name that she realised it was a SWAT team.
"Are you ok?" Ryan was asking, running his hands over her head, her arms, looking for damage.
He looked guilty, she thought, but her addled brain couldn't figure out why. "We got here as soon as we could," Ryan said.
She must look a fright, she thought. Her head wound had bled a lot, making the icy water they'd been dunking her in all red. She was covered in that water now, her wet clothes clinging to her, stained red.
Finally, her brain kick-started. "Castle!" she gasped, her eyes searching for him. But there were too many people in the room.
She tried to stand, lurching forward. Her head rushed as soon as she was upright, and she propelled herself in the direction she had last seen him, swaying dangerously as her vision blurred. Blackness crept in, but she held it at bay, desperately.
And then he was before her.
Half drowned, one eye swollen shut, with bruises blooming on his skin.
But breathing.
Alive.
He was the most perfect thing she'd ever seen.
She threw herself into his arms. Luckily, although her hands were still tied, someone had cut Castle's wrists free, so he was able to grab her as she lurched toward him and pulled her into his chest.
"You're ok," he whispered, half-amazement, half-promise.
She tried to raise her head, to look into his eyes. "I love you," she whispered back, as the blackness crept in. Then she could only hear the steady thump of his heart beating in his chest, as darkness claimed her once more.