CHAPTER 16

I snorted loudly as an response to my mother saying goodmorning as she walked into the kitchen, wearing nothing but a bathrobe and a pair of bunny slippers that both matched with their horrible, pink colours.

"Damn mom. Ready for Miss America in 10 minutes? You just need your crown and then you're ready to go," I snickered, which earned me a slap in the back of my head.

"Don't get all sassy towards your own mother," She just answered, though she wasn't good at hiding her smile.

I continued to eat my cereal, as I watched her pull several ingredienses out from the cupboards. I observed her for a moment, before opening my mouth again.

"What'cha doing?" I asked in a sloppy manner, my mouth still half-filled with cereal.

"Pancakes," She said, before she started to hum.

"Um … Do you not see me eating? Hello?" I said, confused. "I don't want any pancakes,"

"Excuse me, young man, but I don't always have to only tend to your needs, alright?" She said, turning her head to send me a wink. I rolled my eyes, trying to strangle to laughter in my throat.

"Well, well, well, somebody wanna be luxurious and spoiled today, hmm? Is it a special day or something? Is there anything I'm supposed to know?" I asked, suddenly a little intrigued. She tensed up immediately by that comment, which only made me more interested.

"Mom?" I asked again, before standing up to take the empty bowl over to the sink to pour out the rest of the milk.

"Nothing special. Just wanna spoil myself," She quickly said, and suddenly she grabs my wrist and pulls me close in a hug, starting to suffocate me in kisses all over the face.

"Moooom!" I whined, pulling away. She lets go of me, grinning.

"Sorry honey,"

She starts humming again, and with that, I leave the kitchen to head to my room. It's friday today, and I have to make myself presentable for school. Well, not only because of school – Chief Pixis told me to head into the police station again after school, so it's mostly because I don't want to let anybody down by being sloppy.

Just thinking about my newly given job, gives me the chills. The fact that I'm actually using my ability for something that is usual for society … It had never really occurred to me before now, that that had been a possibility.

And it was all thanks to Levi.

I snorted loudly by that last thought, almost to the extent of being irritated. I really didn't feel like owing the guy anything.

After putting on a jersey and my tight, black pants, I started gathering my school stuff into my old, leather bag. I threw it over my shoulder, huffing a bit when I feel the actual weight of it. I didn't expect it to be that heavy, but then again, the project in English requited quite the heavy objects to succeed in it.

"See you tonight!" I yelled while running down the stairs, though not really expecting an answer. I put on my shoes, and soon I was out the door and on my way.

It always felt like forever to actually get to school, and this day was no different. When I finally arrived, Armin was already waiting for me outside the gate.

"Hey you," I said, placing an arm around his shoulders and giving him a light nudge. He snickered slightly, before starting to talk about our project.

"By the way," He says, as we walk into the class and finds our seats. "Can you hang out after school? Then we could get a little jump ahead, you know, so we wouldn't have to stress over it the last minute,"

"But that's what I do best!" I protested, before grinning. "Ah, but no, sorry. I have plans after school,"

Armin leaned forward over his table, resting his chin into his palm before continuing to stare at me with intrigued eyes.
"Oh really? You've hardly been free at all after school this last week … What's going on with you?"

I am immediately reminded how I haven't told Armin about my new job yet. To irritate him further, I just wink and say "I'll tell you later," just before the teacher walks in and class starts.

The day is long and boring, and I only seem to wake up from my constant daydreaming when we have breaks between classes. The longest of them all, lunch break, is when I finally feel the energy coming back to me, as me and Armin head outside to sit on the grass in the sun, in an attempt to enjoy the weather.

"So tell me," Armin begins, taking a bite of his sandwich. "What's going on with you?"

I don't know what to say, so I just end up with a shrug and instantly after I recieve a friendly nudge from Armin.
"Come on, spit it out!"

I knew very well that Armin wouldn't like hearing about my new job, so I just postpone as much as I can, like the coward I am. I know that I can't lie to Armin, even if I tried.

"I got a job," I started out, and Armin instantly lights up in a smile.

"That's great! Doing what?"

"Um … I'm a consultant for the police, or – well, that's the official title," I say, looking down at the rye bread in my hand. I don't want to see how Armin's smile falters, because surely it does.

"What?! Eren, you can't be serious. How did you get that job? Does anybody now about … " His voice fades out as he doesn't know how to continue.

"No, they think I'm just good at reading body language," I say, and then giggles about how ridiculous that really is. Armin looks at me as if I have lost my mind.

"How did you even get hired? How is it possible? Did you walk in there yourself, or?"

I bit my lip, looking at the sky, since what will be coming next definitely won't be pleasant.

"Levi asked me for help with a case. Apparently I solved it, because the Chief was impressed and offered me the job to help with more cases,"

"WHAT – " His shrieking is so loud that I have to cover my ears.

"Jesus Christ, Armin!" I said, looking at him with large eyes.

"How dare he! Eren, listen to me – You don't owe that man anything, do you hear? Nothing!"

I nod quickly, actually a bit terrified by how Armin was acting. This wasn't like him at all.
"I know, I know! But he wasn't the one who called me, and when I was already at the police station, that was where I discovered that he was behind it all … And by then, I couldn't actually say no," I said, a bit embarassed.

"So he tricked you?!" Armin gasped, before suddenly pulling out his phone. "I'm calling Mikasa, she'll kick his ass,"

"Armin, no!" I yelp, as I tear the phone away from him. "Have you gone mad?"

"Have you?" He says, crossing his arms stubbornly. "You should not have helped him, Eren! He doesn't deserve your kindness,"

I blush, and immediately feel awkward.

"Th-Thanks Armin, but really … I don't mind," That was a small lie, but I needed to tell him something to calm him down.

"How can you not? He broke your heart!" Armin exclaimed, maybe just a tad too loud. Silence overpowers the athmosphere after that, since I don't answer immediately. Instead, I just reach up to place a hand over my heart, and looking down at it while doing so. I bite my lip, as the horrible memory runs through my mind once more.

"I know he did … But I picked up the pieces, and now it works just fine again, right?" I finally say, tilting my head upwards to look at Armin again, who looks absolutely terrified of the thought that he might have hurt me while just trying to show me that he cared.

"E-Eren, I'm sorry … "

"No, it's fine," I interrupt, placing the hand on Armin's shoulder now. "I'm fine. Really, Armin, don't worry about me … It's great. With this job, I feel like I can actually help people. I feel really useful,"

Armin smiles vaguely, but I can see his eyes flickering with worry.

"Alright, if you say so … "

As school ends, I decide on walking instead of taking any of the public transportation systems. It will take me double the time to get to the police station, but it doesn't matter, because I would have been there way too early if I had done it the other way. This way, I would be right on time, and I would get some exercise as well. It feels nice to finally be alone. Since I'm constantly surrounded by either friends or family, I sometimes feel like I'm drowning.

Like I'm drowning in a sea of no water, and everyone around me goes along with their lives, feeling fine as always.

I stopped when I reached the tiny, little park on the right side of the sidewalk. I decided to take a quick walk inside, with no real motives as to why. Or that is what I believed – my body suddenly stops when arriving in front of a large tree, and I end up just standing there, staring into the bark.

It had felt so weird, when Armin had gotten so upset on my behalf. It was like he had sucked all the anger out of me, and into himself instead.

And now I was standing here, staring into a tree.

I clenched and unclenched my fists, trying to decide what I wanted … No, what I was supposed to do next. Why had Armin gotten so angry? I ask myself again. And why hadn't I?

I remember when I had come home that day, three months ago. My mom hadn't been home, and I had the whole house for myself. Not having anybody to talk to, not even having any thoughts invading my head, had made the silence unbearable. I had started to scream inside the kitchen, just to remove the silence, but everytime I had needed to breathe in and out again, the silence had come again. No matter how much I screamed and yelled, the silence was just like a boomerang – it just kept coming back to haunt me all over again.

The first thing that had entered my mind hadn't been music. I had accidentally hit the table, and a glass that had been placed too close to the edge, had fallen down and broken into a million pieces. The sound it had made, though, was just what I needed. After that, I had pretty much ruined the whole kitchen, throwing around with our spoons, plates, glasses and everything else that I could get my hands on.

In the end, I had ended up sobbing on the floor, until the police showed up. Apparently, the neighbours had thought that somebody was being murdered or something and called the cops, but as I had tried to explain the situation to them through my loud sobs, my mother had come home and sent them away in the end.

After that, I hadn't been alone since. Sure, I could be in my room alone, but my mom was always home when I was. And when I was in school, my friends were there with me. I had been very silent the first couple of weeks, mourning in silence. And after that, I had went back to my normal self.

I started to nudge the tip of my right shoe against the tree, just tapping it lightly.

I had thought, that if I just acted like everything was alright, then it would eventually become alright. If I forgot him, he would disappear from my life. Yet, I always found myself thinking about him when I went to bed, lying in the silent bedroom as I tried to go to sleep.

What was he doing right now? Was he sad like I was? Or was he over me? Was he happy? Had his foot healed properly? Was he eating healthy?

It was stupid thoughts, I knew that, but I couldn't help but think about him. I hated him, yes, but I also still loved him.

How could I not?

My foot started hitting the tree harder, and at some point my hands had joined in as well, hitting it with only mediocre strength.

I hated myself for still loving him. I hated him, and I hated myself, and it was all so messy. Sometimes I would imagine scenarios in which I had told him about everything sooner. Where I had confessed my innermost secret, the worst part of my being, but for some reason, I didn't imagine him being understanding. In my dreams, he never was. So I came to the conclusion, that he would probably feel betrayed either way.

I also came to the conclusion that there never had been a good time to tell him. I couldn't have told him in the beginning, because he would probably just have thought that I was crazy. And the first couple of weeks that we were together had been weird and messy, and we hadn't gone through the standard stepping stones that normal couples did.

But it had still been perfect. It had been so fucking perfect and I had ruined it with whatever was wrong inside my head, that had made me to the freak that I was.

I had fucking ruined it, and I understood why he had felt the way he had felt.

I pressed my palms against the tree, pulling back and then repeating the action. I wasn't realising that I was actually hitting the tree.

But then again … Could I not catch a fucking break? People I had loved had left me before because of my freak ability, and I had thought that Levi would be different. Not because I had loved him, but because he had loved me.

Or hadn't he loved me enough?

Before I had noticed, I had gone berserk on the poor tree in front of me, which had caused my knuckles to bleed extensively.

Couldn't I catch a fucking break?!

I was gasping for air, as I fell to my knees and soon I started to sob.

When I finally stopped, silence surrounded me once more, until I felt like I was being suffocated.

Sentence of the day: "I'm calling Mikasa, she'll kick his ass!"

Well, here is the long-awaited POV of Eren! The original chapter was too damn long, so I cut it in half. If you are nice, I'll put up part 2 up tomorrow!