CHAPTER 19

"Ah!" The rack beside me had fallen as well, letting out a loud, metallic sound as it hit the floor only seconds after I had fallen as well.

I could hear the sound of footsteps stopping, and after a moment of silence, a voice cut through it.

" … Levi?"

I coughed as I pressed a palm against the cold floor, trying to pull myself up into a sitting positions – I failed miserably of course, falling back onto my stomach, all air leaving my lungs again.

"F-Fuck," I stammered, when I felt the dizziness rejoin with my body.

And suddenly someone was at my side, warm hand on my back.

"Levi," Eren whispered under his breath, and before I knew it, strong arms embraced my body, lifting me from the ground.

"Fuck, the rack … " I could hear him mumble, but his voice was suddenly so far away. It was like I was suddenly falling into a deep sleep, even though I was fighting so hard to keep myself awake.

I wanted to say his name, to wrap my arms around his neck, but it was as if I had no strength left in me. Instead my head just leaned against his chest, my nosetip poking at his collarbone. He smelled so nice, almost like the smell of the ocean. It was a familiar smell, something that I had once gotten used to in the past, but now it suddenly seemed like such a long time ago. Being in his arms like this was comfortable, and just before my mind would drift off for good, I had a last thought come to me.

I wish I could stay like this forever.

There was a ringing sound in my ears that just wouldn't go away, no matter how long I waited. I couldn't quite feel my body yet, as if it was refusing to communicate properly with my brain, which did nothing to help with holding my temper down. As I got more and more restless and frustrated, I finally woke up from the dreamless sleep that I had been forced into. I wasn't tired, not really, yet my whole body felt drowsy and weak.

Where had all my strength gone to?

To my happiness, at least my eyes still worked as I wanted them to, and I quickly opened them to get a look around me. I was in my bed again, hooked up to all the machines and the IV fluid again, with a thin blanket over me that did nothing to keep the cold away and only reminded me how little fat I had on my body to protect it from situations like these.

Another person was inside the room with me as well, and of course I couldn't help but to get my hopes up.

"Eren?" I called out, blinking a couple of times to remove the blind spots from my vision, so that everything would become a little clearer.

"No, I'm Mathilda, your nurse," A feminine voice answered quickly after, and I felt my heart drop in my chest.

"Oh," I answered, placing my palms into the bed to force myself up in a sitting position.

"No no no no no," Mathilda said, placing a hand on my chest and pushing me down just as I had gotten up. I clenched my jaw in annoyance, looking up at the woman who was now standing much closer. She was a tall, brown-haired lady, with small glasses just sitting on the tip of her nose, and I found myself wondering how they could keep themselves from falling down.

"Hanji?!" I exclaimed, when I had blinked for the last time, finally getting my full vision back. Hanji was standing in front of me, wearing a white nurse uniform, even with a little hat. There was red stripes on the end of the skirt, and she even wore a name tag on her chest that said 'Mathilda'. What the hell was going on?

"Who is that? Your friend?" She asked, sending me a big smile, before handing me a remote. "You just have to push this button, " – she pointed to a little, red button – "to lift the end of the bed higher, so that you can sit up, okay?"

I raised an eyebrow, slowly taking the remote from her hand.
"What the hell do you think you're doing here, Hanji? Why aren't you back at the law firm?"

Instead of anwering, she just walked over to the night stand, grabbing the flowers that were in the vase, and throwing them into the nearest trash can. I pushed the button on the remote so that the bed started to move, letting me get a better overview over the room, and whatever she was doing.

"Your pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding," She said when she turned around again, holding a single yellow rose in her hands.

"Why are you talking like that?" I asked confused, observing her with more reservation than before. There was something wrong with this scenario, I knew that much, because there was no way that Hanji was actually a nurse. She had spent all her life working as a lawyer, so there had been no time or interesting in taking an education that would allow her to become a nurse. Was she trying to fuck around with me, making some kind of joke? Was that why she was acting so strange?

Again she didn't answer me, she just reached out the hand that was holding the rose, indicating that I was supposed to take it. I looked at her in a rather bewildered silence as I grabbed it slowly, holding it in my hand for a second, trying to see what was so special about it.

"Why did you give me this?" I asked after a moment of silence, but when I looked up again to where she had been standing before, she was suddenly gone.

"Is Eren your lover?"

I turned my head to see that she was now standing at the door, holding it open with her shoulder and foot. I furrowed my brows, not understanding what was going on.

"Was my lover," I corrected her, trying to keep a calm and collected face. She just laughed at this, long enough to get me annoyed again.

"Your love isn't supposed to falter," She answered, shaking her head, and now her laugh and changed into a sad, little smile.

"And what is that supposed to mean?" I demanded to know, clutching the remote tightly in my hand, as I watched her slowly taking a step back.

"I believe it means that the word happiness would lose its meaning if it were not balanced by sadness," She said, before reaching out and unlocking the thing that were keeping the sliding door in place. It slowly started closing, and I could see how she slowly started to disappear. My heart started to beat faster, as if I could almost feel the opportunity slipping through my fingers.

"That makes no sense!" I screamed after her, not even affected by the fact that the desperation was so clear in my voice. "What does that mean? TELL ME WHAT IT MEANS!"

The door finally closed completely, separating us both from eachother, and my heart dropped in my chest when I heard the door lock itself with a click.

Mumbling voices, scratching sounds, a ringing noise in my ears.

….

"Levi?"

….

Frustration. Annoyance.

"L-Levi? … Hey?"

….

Sweating. Cold. Hot.

" … I think he's awake,"

"Really? Levi! Open your eyes,"

"Nghhh,"

"Give him a little space,"

I tried moving, and to my surprise it was easier than last time. All my limbs seemed to be communicating with my brain I discovered, and so I opened my eyes once more. This times there was two people in the room, the one being Eren and the other being a nurse. She was tall and had brown hair as well, but she didn't resemble Hanji the least bit. There was no indication that they were the same person, which made me sigh in relief. It had just been a dream, thank god.

A weird dream, but a dream nonetheless.

"This isn't a dream, right?" I ended up asking anyway, just to be sure. Eren snickered as a response, holding a hand up in front of his mouth to muffle the sound.

"N-No," He answered, clearly having a hard time to cover up his amusement. I crinkled my noise by this, not amused at all.

"Good" I said, and after looking around once more, I pressed my palms against the madras to push myself upwards. I was immediately met with a hand on my chest, and to my astonishment it wasn't the nurse's; it was Eren's.

"What?" I grunted, annoyed when I noticed that he was stronger than me.

"You're not supposed to move. There's a remote for your bed to let you get into a sitting position," He said, and I felt my elbows give up under me, as I felt down in the bed again.

"Then hurry the fuck up and give it to me," I groaned, tapping my fingers against the rail that was at both sides of my bed, keeping me in.

Hmm? That hadn't been there the last time. Did they put them up to keep me in bed? How embarassing.

"Oi, nurse!" I exclaimed after Eren had left, and I could see how I had startled the poor woman. She turned around, running over to me with large eyes.

"Y-Yes?"

"Why the hell am I locked in by these? I'm not a damn baby in a crib, or perhaps you've seen me shitting in a diaper earlier?"

The nurse shook her head rapidly, before scratching her nose.
"Ehh …. They're for your own safety, mr. Levi. So you won't run off again,"

"What? Are you fucking – "

"Leave her alone, Levi." Eren suddenly said, giving my hand a nudge. He had returned again with the remote in his hand, though right now he had crossed his arms over his chest, looking at me with a judgemental look. "She's just doing what she's been told. It was this or handcuffs,"

"Handcuffs? Oh please, I'm no threat," I said, rolling my eyes. "There's no need to be dramatic,"

Eren nodded to the nurse as a sign for her to leave, and she didn't have to be told twice. She got out quickly, closing the door behind her.

"I want an explanation. What the hell is going on, since I deserve this treatment?" I asked, reaching out to demand the remote. He uncrossed his arms, yet he was reluctant with giving me it.
"You don't remember?" He said hesistantly, his eyes getting wider with astonishment.
"Remember what?" I shrugged, raising an eyebrow. I really had no idea what he was talking about. The last I remembered was Pixis going out of my room. I must have blacked out after that, since I was just waking up now.

"Eh … You came into Oluo's room and starting yelling at me. You really scared me for a second there, you didn't seem like yourself at all,"

I had somehow stopped breathing as he explained, and it when only when he had finished that I was able to take a breath again.

"What?! Are you serious?"

Is he trying to fuck around with me? I don't get it, even if it is true what he is saying, how come I have no memory of that at all?

Eren squinted his eyes while staring at me, and I quickly got very aware of my thoughts. I was already getting a sense that he only looked so focused when reading minds … Was he reading mine now?

"Yeah, I'm serious," He nodded at last, followed by a low sigh. "Levi, what do you remember doing last?"

It didn't take long for me to remember.

"I was talking with Pixis … He was saying something about throwing me off the mission, and I got really pissed. Then he went on to tell me about my wounds, and then he walked out … " I paused, imagining the scene in front of me again. No, something was missing. He had done something before that, something had been touched … "Ah! He pushed a yellow button on one of the machines," I said, pointing behind me where they were all neatly stacked up. Eren went over to look at them, and the only sounds were our heavy breathing as I waited.

"Oh … " I could hear him say, and I turned my upper body to look at him. It was an uncomfortable position to be in, so while he had his back turned anyway, I pushed myself up to sit on my knees.
"What is it?" I asked, placing a hand on the rail to be able to lean over it, so I could get a closer look. In that second Eren had turned around, and we where now facing eachother rather close.

"Eh … It's the button you push when you need more meds. He basically drugged you," He said, scratching his cheek to try and cover up the pink blush that had appeared. He quickly took a step back to greaten the distance between us, and I sat down on my ass again.
"So that's why I don't remember," I plainly stated, not knowing what else to say. Eren nodded while walking over to the end of my bed.

"Well, uh … If there isn't anything else," He mumbled, clearly a bit nervous. "Then I guess I'll get going … "

Already? No, I didn't want that. I wanted him here, with me – I didn't know why exactly, but I knew that if I didn't say anything soon, he would be leaving, and then it would be too late.

"Wait!" I said, and he stopped mid-way in turning around. He looked back at me, his eyebrows furrowing in confusion.

"What?"

"Um, well … Why didn't you come to visit me?"

"Huh?" Eren seemed genuinely taken aback by this, lost for words. "Well, uh … I don't really see the reason why I should," He mumbled, scratching his neck while biting his bottom lip. I had forgotten how cute he looked when he did that, and seeing it again after such a long time made my heart skip a beat. He really was just a young brat.

"Well then, why did you come to visit Oluo?" I asked innocently, pulling my legs up so that I could wrap my arms around them and rest my chin on my kneecap. He stared at me for a moment, too distracted by my actions to remember that he was actually supposed to answer me.
"Uh, well, um … " He mumbled, resting a hand on the end of my bed. When he became aware of it, he sat down slowly on the end. There was a lot of space since my legs weren't stretched out anymore, so there was no fear of us accidentally touching. "I wanted to see that he was okay. He talked to me before you guys went out … I guess,"

I didn't know if I should believe that. I didn't want to get my hopes up and think that he had gone to Oluo to ask if I was okay, just because his pride had stopped him from going directly to me.

Was that too much to hope for?

"Oh. Okay," I ended up saying when I realised that I had taken too long time to come up with an answer. We sat there for a moment, just staring at eachother, and I reminded myself to remember everything about him. There was no telling when I would be able to see him again, and I wanted to be able to imagine him in my head.

What, why did I want that?

I chewed on my lip, as I tried to make my intentions clear. What was it that I wanted from Eren, really? At first, I didn't even want him involved with the mission. I didn't even want him in my life. But even if it had been accident or destiny, we had ended up together again, after three months of separation. He had been acting like an annoying little brat, but he had matured as well, I had sensed that. There was something about him that had changed, and it was something unfamiliar, something that I couldn't quite set my finger on.

Now I really wasn't sure what to do. So when I didn't say anything else, Eren got off the bed and over to the door.

"Bye Levi," He said, opening the door, and taking a step out.

A step in the wrong direction.

"Wait, Eren!" The words just flew out of my mouth, as if I had no control over them. But to my relief I saw how his hand grabbed the closing door, forcing it up just enough so that he could stick his head in.

"Come again tomorrow," I said, and even though it sounded more like an order than a request, he still nodded.

And then the door closed again, and he was gone.

Okay, so I'm REALLY excited to hear your thoughts on Levi's dream. What do you think it means? What's with the yellow rose? What's up with Hanji's weird and mysterious phrases? Please tell me what you think!

Ah, next chapter will be another dream ... aaaaaand MORE AWKWARDNESS BECAUSE WHO DOESN'T LOVE AWKWARD SITUATIONS

P.S. I'm so sorry for the long wait for this chapter. I've been having a horrible couple of days, and a lot of really bad stuff have happened ... So I've been too distracted to write. But hopefully it'll be over soon so I can go back to writing ~

Stay lovely! xoxo