CHAPTER 20

A flickering of lights. A dripping sound from the bathroom where the nurse forgot to close the door to. Not a single person in sight.

It was rather boring being a patient in this particular hospital, yet I had to endure it for several more days. I needed to get out of here, and back to my job. Not keep lying in this bed, staring at the white walls. Sure, there was a little TV in the corner of the room, but the remote was too far away and I wasn't really feeling up to watching some cheap ass soap opera anyway. Instead I surrounded myself with the silence, closing my eyes in the hope of sleeping so that time would go faster.

It didn't really help. I wasn't tired the least … Yet I kept opening and closing my eyes, in the hopes of slipping into an unconcious state of mind. When would I fall asleep next? Ten minutes? An hour? Two?

"Levi! Levi, did you turn on the – "

The door was forced open with great strength, revealing a Eren as a panting mess, clearly out of breath.

"Did it start yet? Did I miss the opening? Did you – Wah!" He ran into the room, letting the door stand open, just to turn around and looking at the turned off TV. "You didn't even turn it on!"

I looked at him in confusion, fumbling with the remote to the bed that would make it move. A low buzzing sound was heard as it started working, letting me get into an almost sitting position.

"What are you talking about?" I asked, looking at him with astonished eyes, as he started to open the drawers at my night stand.

"Oi!" I said, trying to snap him out of it. He reacted, looking up at me and then he did the most outrageous thing … He smiled.

I hadn't seen that smile in almost 4 months now, it being so long ago that I had almost forgotten how it was. When Eren smiled at you like that, you couldn't help but feel special … As if you were only one that he dared smile to, as if it was a secret thing between the two of you. My heart almost jumped out of place in nostalgia, and I grabbed the fabric of my shirt in front of my chest, as if it would make it stop beating so fast.

"I'm sorry, I'm just so excited! It's the finale after all, and I just … Oh! Here it is!" He grabbed the TV remote and turned around to turn the TV on. The screen was white for a second or two, before turning into small people walking around on the screen while the music boamed from its speakers.

"Is it too loud?" He asked, suddenly looking back at me. He was doing everything so fast that I almost couldn't keep up – the medicine probably had an effect on my reaction system as well, though – so I just stared at him, not knowing what to say.

What was he even doing in my room?

Oh, yeah, I had asked him to come back today and visit … But why was he acting this way? It didn't seem normal at all for him to have such an attitude towards me like this … Perhaps something was wrong?

"Make room, fatty," He suddenly said, grinning at me as he threw a leg over the rail in an attempt to climb over.
"Oi, what the hell do you think you're doing?" I asked in complete surprise, moving away to the other side automatically to get some distance between us.

"What, you want me to say pretty please first? And you say that I'm the brat," He grinned as he got the other leg over it and was now sitting in my bed. I just furrowed my brows, unable to speak.
"Why are you looking at me like that?" He asked confused, tilting his head to the side to look at me with his big, beautiful eyes. I squinted mine in response, but as I opened my mouth to answer him he had already interrupted me again with "Brrr, it's cold! I want some of the blanket too!"

And just like that he crawled under my blankets and had wrapped his arms around me, his head resting on my chest.

"Lay down, or you'll miss the opening! It's the best part," He scolded me with a nudge, and even though my whole body had frozen up as soon as he had touched me, I still somehow managed to lean back. There was no way that I could look at the TV though – My eyes kept lingering on Erens head, as he was deeply engaged with the soap opera that was playing on the screen, totally unaware of anything else.

How had this happened? Surely it had to be a dream. There wasn't really any way possible that this could be happening in real life … This was the way that we had been acting in our previous relationship, this wasn't something that we would ever do now.

So … Why was this happening? And more importantly … How come I was feeling okay with this? Well, my body still couldn't relax at all, but I was strangely enough thinking that I didn't want Eren to let me go now. Was I really fine with this?

"Hey … What's wrong? You feel so tense," Eren noticed, turning his head back so that he was able to look at me. "Relax already," He slapped my stomach gently to demonstrate that I needed to relax my upper body, and I tried, I really did, there was just no way.

"Eh … I'm sorry," Was the only thing I could mutter, too distracted by Eren's eyes that had locked themselves with mine once again. Hearing my answer, his corners of his mouth suddenly turned upwards in a smirk.

"Hmm? Need some help?"

He unwrapped his arms from my waist so that he could push his body upwards so that his face could reach mine. Without another word he grabbed my neck, gently pushing my forward as he leaned down and pressed his lips against mine. The feeling was familiar, and so was to taste. As our lips locked together in passionate movements, I started to feel my whole body melt away, loosing control of my limbs. The only thing I could focus on was Eren's eyes that was only half-closed, and the small moans that he made that made his lips buzz lightly against mine.

After a moment – that I deemed way too short – he pulled away, his breath a little uneven. His lips instantly turned into a grin as he looked at me. I had a hazy look, my lips separated into forming a small 'o', and my breath heavy.

"Are you comfortable now?"

This wasn't something that I had asked for. Though now that it had happened, I couldn't seem to stop myself from wanting more.

"Hmm … Not yet. I think I need a little more," I said, trying to sound as cool and calm as I could, though Eren could easily see right through that.

"Nooo, we'll just miss the show then!"

He placed himself in his original position, wrapping his arms around me with his head on my chest before I could protest, and suddenly I was forced to watch a superficial soap opera with my previous lover lying at my side.

This surely had to be a dream. But even if it was … I could still enjoy it, right?

After fourty minutes of riddiculous drama it was finally over, and I grabbed the remote to turn it off before Eren could say that he wanted to watch anything else.

We stayed like that for another couple of minutes, just being with each other in silence, before something else would interrupt our peace. I had my hand tangled up in Eren's messy brown hair, giving him a head massage which he purred in satisfaction to, when two people appeared outside on the hall. They didn't seem to notice that we could see and hear them, and we could have easily ignored them if it wasn't for Eren.

"Oh my god," He suddenly giggled, lifting his head from my chest to look at me. "They're having an affair!"

"What are you talking about?" I asked in confusion, furrowing my eyebrows as I looked at him.

"Well, the girl is thinking about the sex they had last night, and the guy is thinking that he's afraid that his wife will show up today," He quickly explained, pointing at the two doctors that was casually talking at the reception stand, perfectly standing so that we had visibility.

"Are you serious? How scandalous," I couldn't help but laugh at that. "It's like soap opera in real life!"

"That's so true! I wonder how it will end," He muttered, still chuckling lightly. "Shit, I would be pretty pissed if I found out that you had a wife … Or that you were having an affair with someone else,"

I rolled my eyes, laughing as well. "Oh please, as if I would. There's no way,"

"Are you sure about that?" He had suddenly moved so that he was now sitting on top of my, grabbing my wrists and holding them down to be sure that I wouldn't move. "Maybe I should read your thoughts just to be sure,"

The blood was drained from my face as he said that, and I realised that we had just been joking about his ability. It had been so casually, it even seemed like it was a part of our everyday life. Like it was normal for me to know about it and even be okay with it.

"Don't," I quickly said, not sure how to react otherwise.

"Oh please, as if I would. I believe you … But," He smirked at me, even as much as to wink at me. "Maybe I should mark you as mine, just to make sure that everyone knows whose you are,"

I bit my lip, not really able to not get aroused when he spoke like that.

"Hey, isn't that my line?" I asked, trying to cover up that my voice had trembled.

"Oh, come on! You're in a hospital, aren't I allowed to see this as an opportunity to get a little control?" He asked, pushing out his bottom lip as he pouted, his eyes getting wider. I sighed, trying to hold in a laugh.

"Stop looking at me like that!"

"Hmpf, fine then!" He snorted, clearly faking it, since he then started to lower his head. His lips crashed with the skin on my neck as he started kissing it softly. I got goosebumps on my arms as he continued, slightly sticking out his tongue to lick the places he had kissed.

"Mmmhh," He purred against my skin before opening his mouth wider to place a part of my flesh between his teeth and –
"Ow!" I protested, but since he was still holding my hands, my movements was limited.

"Sorry," He said, though I could he him chuckle lightly under his breath before kissing the place that he had bitten.

"Who's the sadist now?" I grinned as he raised his head again to send me a smile.

"Idiot," He just answered, before giving me a quick kiss on the lips.

"Brat,"

He released my wrists so that he could wrap his arms around my neck instead, pulling me into a warm embrace. Surprised, but glad, I placed my arms around him as well to return it. I could feel his warm breath on the back of my neck as I leaned down to rest my chin on his shoulder.

"You're so warm," I mumbled as he pressed his cheek against my neck.

"Mmmh," He hummed in agreement, not really bothering to say anymore. I closed my eyes, feeling rather happy by the fact that I was holding Eren in my arms once again.

It had been way too long.

"Levi?"

" … "

"Hey, are you awake?"

"Ngghh,"

"For fucks sake,"

When I opened my eyes again, my bed only contained myself, and my arms were empty. In front of me, at the of of my bed though, Eren was standing, resting his hands on the rail. It felt like so far away, but that was probably just because I was too short to fill out the whole bed.

"Eren?" I mumbled as I rubbed my eyes with both hands, trying to get to sleep out of the corners of my eyes.

"Yeah? You said that you wanted me to come. So here I am,"

He seemed rather impatient and annoyed, as if he had other plans. Or maybe it was just because he didn't want to be here.

"That's … Good. Thanks for coming," I said sleepishly, still tired. How long had I been out for? My whole body ached as I reached for the remote that would move my bed, only to realise that I was already in a sitting position. My hand fell flat down onto the madras, and with that I wasn't really sure what to do next. I looked over at Eren again who had been staring at me this whole time with an unreadable expression.

"So … Did you want to talk about something?" He asked in a milder tone as he walked around the bed and over to the chair. He pulled it up to the side of the bed and sat down so that he was the same height as me.

"Well … " I wasn't really sure what I was going to say. I couldn't even remember if there was something in particular that I had had in mind when asking him to come today, but since I had that dream, I suddenly had a lot of new thoughts floating around in my mind. Mostly about the fact that I missed him. But how the hell was I going to say that?

"Yeah?"

I guess this was a now or never moment. So I ended up taking the opportunity.

"I wanted to say that … I'm sorry,"

This seemed to taken him aback, as his jaw dropped and his eyes widened. I rolled my eyes at his dramatic reaction, though I could understand it.

"I'm sorry that I was so cruel to you. I'm sorry that I punished you for something that wasn't even your fault. I'm sorry for hating you for having something that you didn't even choose yourself. I'm sorry that I made you cry. I'm sorry that it ended the way it did. I'm sorry that I fucked up. But most of all, I'm so sorry that it has taken me this long to actually say it. And what I'm most sorry for? That I didn't fix it right after. That I didn't contact you afterwards to try and make things right – "

"Why are you telling me this?" He interrupted me before I could get any further. I took a deep breath, as I tried to find the right words to answer him.

"Because I regret losing you. Because … Because I miss you, Eren. I was struggling for a long time trying to forgive you, but for all that time … I never stopped loving you. Not really,"

Eren gulped, but didn't say anything else that could interrupt me. So I just kept on going – I was already so far out, that I could just get everything out on the table. Even though this was scary, opening myself up to him after all this time, something that I had never done before, I still felt that it was necessary.

He needed to know.

"I also realise something else. I realise that our relationship wasn't just sex and physical attraction. It might have started out that way, but … It developed. I really did care about you, because … You made me happy. You made me smile, everything about you made me want to smile. Your smell, your attitude towards everything, your ability to be so carefree and happy," As I kept on talking, I just realised all the things only seconds before they came out of my mouth. None of this was planned, but now that I had opened the gate, there was no way of closing it before I had let it all out.

"So … I forgive you." I took a deep breath. "Because … We are both human and we both make mistakes and bad choices. I could continue to be spiteful towards you but that wouldn't really accomplish anything. So I forgive you and accept you for who you are,"

I bit my lip, waiting to see Eren's reaction to my long rant. He was chewing his lip as well, staring at something below my face – my collarbone maybe? - and looking like he was thinking rather hard.

"Levi … " He started out saying, and even though I had been interested in hearing what he had to say before, now I wasn't so sure that I actually wanted to hear it. His tone of voice had scared me as it sounded so despairing.

"No, Eren, please." I interrupted, leaning forward to look him closer in the eyes. We got eyecontact, and I locked it in place, making sure that he couldn't look away. "Eren, I miss you. My life feels …Empty without you. I want to come home to you, to hold you in my arms again, to kiss you … I love you, Eren. Please just … Can't you give me another chance?"

This time it didn't take him too long to respond.

He sent me an apologetic smile and the words followed soon after that. Those words that would cause tears to fall from the corners of my eyes the next time that I would be alone.

"No. I can't. I don't love you anymore, Levi."

Brutal, huh?

BTW, THIS IS IMPORTANT!
I dunno if any of you have Instagram, but I've been wondering for some time now if I should get one .. You now, an account that would let me update sneak peeks for you of my chapters before I upload. I don't know, if any of you would be interest in following me if I did that?
Anyways, I kinda already did it. I'm new to the whole social media thing so I'm not really good at it, but I really hope that you think this is a good idea!
My account name is : ererilove
Yeah, it's super original, right? Anyways, I just wanted to be able to communicate with you guys another way than just here on AO3 so I thought that Instagram would be a great way to start off. (I'm still not even sure how to do the whole tumblr thing ... Haha, I suck, i know) so if you wanna chat or get sneak peeks of this fanfic or see cute pics of Eren and Levi together, you should find me on there!