"Hey Skul, i've been wondering, can you drink in that form?" Tanith asked as she brought a plate of tea to the coffee table and sat back on the couch.
"I tried once, I got a wet spine and a wasted pair of tousers. Why do you ask?"
"It's just that you have a lot less tea than the last time I was here. I was just thinking maybe you got drunk and mixed scotch with Earl Grey. It would've also explained your rampage last night. I'd be lying if I said I haven't gotten plastered and took on a mob of goblins with my fists and a bottle of liquour."
"Unlike you, young lady i'm a refined skeleton" said modestly, hand to his chest, head pointed upward.
"You don't know what kind of skeleton i'll be!" The warrior said, pointing to her chest.
"Probably a broken one, with all that brawling you do. "
"Hypocrisy comes best from the aristocracy!" She said as she sipped her tea.
"Do I look like the aristocracy to you?"
"Unnaturally pale, terrifies normal people, throws money around like toiler paper. Sound familiar?" Tanith said with a smirk.
"We don't have a monarchy here Tanith, the only time you can complain about superiority is who has a better punch."
"I was talking about you,Skeleton. If we're talking about punches, no one throws it better than me."
"I'm proud you think of me as royalty though, my young battle accesory."
"I'm like fucking 90 dude!"
"I feel you aren't really old until you reach my age." Skulduggery said with his usual charm. "Also, don't call me 'dude', it completely reinforces your maturity."
"Your about as mature as a pimply teenager Skeleton. Also, you wouldn't say that 'young until 400' flak to Valkyrie would you?" Tanith said, cackling slightly.
Blushing was impossible and also highly unorthodox for the skeleton detective. However, the phantom sensation remained. He immediately turned to the window and tried not to make eye contact with her. Figuratively speaking of course.
"I presume you would say the same hm? Not a lot of people are friends with 90 year olds." Skulduggery said bashfully. He would have something far more witty and charming to say if not for the fact they were talking about Valkyrie. It hadn't been like this until she had left. When she had said...
THAT.
"I love Val, she's like a sister to me. Probably not the same way as you, hm? I wouldn't know, soul-sista." Tanith said, almost drunkily. Skulduggery knew she liked her tea strong but this was a whole new level. He peered into the kitchen from his couch and noticed a large bottle of something was on the benchtop next to the kettle. He stared for a second, realising it was one of the brandys he kept for when one of the Dead Men came over. He just shook his head dissapointedly, knowing that she wouldn't respond to some lecture, so he just said:
"I keep that brandy for friends you know, that stuff's worth about several hundred pounds in your home country. I've had it since we formed the Dead Men. I hope you realise how important that was to me."
"You're beating around the bush Skeleton. Let's talk about Val for a minute shall we. I know you knew her for a long time, since she was young and I feel as though I should talk about something she told me before I turned evil and shit." She said with a slur. It was obvious the liqour was kicking in and it was only midday. She was holding the cup of tea like a tankard of ale and sloshed it about, most unbecoming of a sanctuary agent.
"Back when you weren't listening or in the room, she would gush about how awesome you are in cases. She would talk about how you could win every fight, how you could solve any crime, save the world a dozen times and still have enough time to meditate. The thing about that was she always had this fucking look in her eyes. I admit she was like, 6 or some shit but she still looked at you like she was putting you on a pedestal, like she would have given her soul to be like you."
"I do believe she was 16 the last time she talked to you, I also doubt you knew her when she was 6. Also, how much brandy did you put in that?" Skulduggery said sceptically, pointing to the kitchen.
"Oh, you should keep talking you sexy fucker. Your voice is like a vibrator in my soul, babe. I understand why she had a crush on you Skul-man. I have a bone to pick with you. If you get what I mean!" Tanith leant her arms on the couch arm and looked shakily into Skulduggery's eye-sockets. He assumed that it was some kind of come-hither look, but at that moment she just looked drunker.
"Flattery will only ever get you so far Miss Low, please restrain yourself. However dashing I may be, i'd prefer it if you didn't try using your lady wiles on me. I need a battle accesory, not a lover."
"You wouldn't say that to Valkyrie now, would you!" Tanith guffawed, practically dying from laughter.
"That's not what's relevant right now. I feel like you should go home and clear your head Tanith. I have a feeling they might have sent the wrong person to confront me about this. I think i'll just go and talk to Grand Mage Sorrows. Would you like some help to the door?" Skulduggery raised a courteous arm to Miss Low and tried to walk her to the door. As she went to grab his arm, she pushed it away and shouted.
"YOU AREN'T MY FATHER YOU WANKER!" she shouted this as she stood up, at the point where she said 'wanker' she slammed her entire body into Skulduggerys favourite wallpaper. She fell like a woman sized tree. He wondered if she would stab herself with her sword as she fell. It would be an easy way to claim heroics.
We could say she was kncoked out by some thugs, causing amnesia. It's very believable.
Is it really?
As she lay there sleepily a large bump formed on her head, he thought of simply leaving her there, but she might end up ruining his house. So he picked her up and walked her to the bed that he had gotten for Valkyrie and lied her down. She would probably regain consciousness after the brandy wore off. He wrote down a note and walked out of the house, his coat collar's popped and his scarf around his jaw. He had a feeling this would happen again. She had brought her own liqour last time she was around. He had since prohibted her from ever drinking anything remoetly related to liqour. He had only gotten his roof repaired recently. She had only started doing this since Val had left. She lived by the way of the samurai for a while, she didn't believe in tainting her body in anyway. But now it was like she was doing that every second day of the week. He never delved to far into the details but it wasn't things one would expect a 90-something to do. As he got into the bentley he looked out over the street, at the two funeral services that sat on the road he thought of how boring life was becoming. Sure there was a lot more work but that barely constituted any rush. If there was no one left to bask in the greatness and crack wise then there wasn't anything to getting back to the daily grind.
Skulduggery wondered if he could have done a side project. Singing was a hidden passion for the man, his natural sense of tone was something to be admired. But when one does something good, they should do all this well. He drove down the road, heading to Roarhaven as he had done for the past 4 years. Drove alongside the river like he had done for all that time, passing the one crazy guy with the trolley. He knew he was in for a scolding from Sorrows but at this point he was going there out of habit more than anything else. They needed him and he knew it. Skulduggery had stopped giving a damn about consequences long ago. After armies had fallen at his feet, rules tended to go by the wayside. It was one of the reasons why Valkyrie had become his partner, the consequences never even tapped his mind. A mistake he had grown to regret. As he rolled up to the sanctuary he got ugly looks from the other agents, word had spread quickly throughout town. He didn't regret this consequence, it was adding to his legend. The hellish skeleton detective, almost murdered a Cleaver without thining about it. That sounded good.
He strode through the hallway, keeping his composure as much as possible. He didn't want people thinking it had gotten to him. He would try to play it off as though the cleaver had just not been careful enough, Skulduggery was one of the dead men after all, could he blamed for what he did to ill-prepared fighters. His Bespoke shoes clacked hard against the marble floor. As he passed he could have sworn some of the Cleavers were flinching, the researchers were walking away faster than what they used to. It was highly amusing, this must have been what had happened during the war. He just never had enough free time to pay attention to it. Though there were some draw backs, he had a feeling some of his previous clientelle would be disturbed at the news, but the best paying clients were the one who didn't ask questions. Of course he didn't really care about money, however it was important to maintain standards. As he entered the main hall, all glowing marble and tinted window panes, Grand Mage Sorrows was talking with her advisors. China was elegant as ever, despite her position of power she hadn't lost her touch. Her followers still had a longing stare in their eyes, the twinkling that tended to signal love or admiration, but to China it simply signified complacency. Skulduggery had a respect for that, though. When one observes love in anothers eyes, it takes a certain strength to ignore it, he knew that. He also knew that if you ignore it for to long, it will go away, and thats when it hurts the most. As she turned she game him her typical dazzling smile and curvy hips routine which made other men vacate their nether regions, but to Skulduggery it only meant she wanted something from him.
"My dearest detective! It's been far too long!" Chine said, that smile plastered onto her face like a cheap mask.
"We met last week to discuss the Ampersan Case, we also met briefly yesterday to discuss the coffee in the staff room."
"Pish posh, dear! I trust your here for a case then?" China said cheerfully. Presumably because her advisor was still in the room. Everyone knew who China was, what she did during the war. However, she was trying to cover up who she was, certain files had dissapeared from the archives. Specifically on the Diablerie. Skulduggery had no problem, she was doing what e expected her to do. Nonetheless, it pissed him off when she was doing that in front of him. It was like her defecating on him while she drank a pumpkin latte. But, she was giving him a job, so he didn't care.
"You know why i'm here Grand Mage..." He said, rather tight lipped. He knew that she wanted to talk with him about his actions the previous night, that or she wanted a report on the previous case. But he didn't care.
"Right... Let's go to my quarters." Chine said as she walked out of the grand hall. Skulduggery did the same