Double Bed Time

"Dean, there's only one bed."

It was all that Sam could think to say as he opened the door to his and Dean's latest motel room and he surveyed the double bed, positioned right in the middle of the room.

He heard Dean sigh behind him. "Thank you, Captain Obvious," his brother grumbled sarcastically. "The desk clerk said that this was the only room they had left," he continued, sounding annoyed. "What's the big deal?"

Sam glared at Dean as he pushed past him to get into the room. He knew that his brother kind of had a point, though, when he put it like that, because Dean could see with his own eyes that there was one bed in the room, the way he always could whenever they ended up in motel rooms with only one bed, and it was pretty plausible that there wouldn't be any rooms left with two queen-sized beds, especially when they had arrived late at the motel. It was just that the there-was-only-one-bed explanation seemed to have been given a lot lately, at almost every motel. And the beds seemed to have got progressively smaller every single time.

"What I mean is," Sam continued, feeling like he had to explain himself further, so that he didn't look like an idiot, "there was only one bed in the last motel room, and the motel room before that…and the one before that, I think."

"So?" Dean asked him gruffly, and Sam could tell that there was something a little…off in Dean's voice. It sounded like he was irritated, or like he was maybe getting defensive.

"So…nothing," Sam replied quickly, already feeling like he had unintentionally said the wrong thing, or that he had said something to annoy Dean. "I just think it's a little weird, that the motels don't seem to have two queen-sized beds anymore…"

"I can sleep on the floor," Dean cut in, his words sounding rushed and kind of sharp.

"No!" Sam answered quickly, wanting to put a stop to that suggestion before Dean got any not-so-good ideas.

Sam instantly remembered the time when they had first started accidentally cuddling, back before Dean had silently acknowledged the fact that he liked it, back when his older brother had made a point of trying to sleep on the floor or in the Impala as much as he could to avoid any cuddles in the night, with Sam lying awake in the bed the whole time, feeling miserable and neglected.

As those memories played in his mind, Sam started to feel kind of stupid that he'd even said anything, because he really didn't want to go back to the Dean-sleeping-on-the-floor-days, and it wasn't like he was complaining about the double bed; it was actually kind of the exact opposite.

Ever since that night when Dean came back to their motel room and asked Sam hesitantly if he had any room in his bed, and the two of them had silently agreed that they were both okay with the cuddling, the cuddling and the spooning and the couch cuddles had happened more and more often, with neither of them having to talk about it or plan it, and Dean rarely protested or pushed Sam away now.

For the first time in what seemed like years, Sam finally felt like he was getting a good night's sleep most nights, because he felt almost like a kid again, enjoying the comfort and protection from his big brother, and all of the nights when they checked into motel rooms with one bed only served to make the cuddling so much easier. Even if neither of them were in the mood for sleeping really close to one another, Sam knew that he would still have the added bonus of his big brother sleeping close enough to him in a king-sized bed that he could continue to feel the same sense of comfort and fall asleep to the sound of Dean's breathing.

It was never really the same now, when they were sleeping in separate beds-or worse, if Dean was sleeping on the floor.

"No," Sam repeated, for emphasis, while also trying to stop sounding like a little kid throwing a tantrum. "Dean, it's fine, I never said it was a problem…"

Dean shrugged and headed to the bathroom to get ready for bed, but Sam could still tell that Dean was feeling tense, and he knew that he'd just gone and made a big deal out of something that they never felt like they had to talk about; something that Sam always treated as a casual, unimportant thing, so that his brother didn't suddenly decide to freak out.

He also couldn't help feeling like there was something that Dean wasn't telling him about the double bed situation.

Sam sighed to himself as he changed into his pajamas. He had a bad feeling that there wouldn't be any cuddling in their latest double bed.

That night, Sam still felt like something wasn't right with Dean. He sensed that his brother was being moody with him, and that there was some sort of weird tension between the two of them. Dean seemed determined to keep to his side of the bed, meaning that he was sleeping right on the edge of the mattress, and putting as much distance as possible between them, much to Sam's disappointment. Dean's breathing also seemed quick and agitated, and as far as Sam could tell, it took him a while to fall asleep.

Even after Dean fell asleep, Sam lay awake for what felt like hours, staring up at the ceiling, unable to relax with all of the thoughts going around in his head, and-if he were being honest-without the feeling of Dean's body pressed up next to him, without the comforting sensation of resting his head on Dean's shoulder, wrapping his arms around Dean's waist, feeling Dean's hands running soothingly through his hair.

After a little while, Sam blinked rapidly in sudden realization. He could practically see a light bulb switching on above his head, the way it did with the characters in the cartoons that he used to watch with Dean when they were kids, when the characters suddenly had a bright idea, or a moment of clarity.

Dean had deliberately been asking for rooms with only one bed at every motel recently. It seemed so obvious, when he thought about it. Sam couldn't explain how exactly he knew this for sure, and he knew that he would have no solid proof if he ever accused Dean of this in an argument, but he just knew that this is what had been happening, especially when he thought about how unlikely it was that every single motel for weeks on end would only have one room left with one double bed every night, and also when he thought about how awkward and embarrassed (and maybe even hurt) Dean had looked when Sam pointed out the fact that they seemed to end up sleeping in a double bed at every motel.

Sam then started thinking about why Dean might be requesting rooms with only one bed.

Maybe Dean had been trying to take the next step by ensuring that they were already in the same bed most nights, so that the cuddling could just sort of happen naturally without the weird sneaking around from bed to bed on the nights when they both wanted the close contact, or the awkward questions about whether one of them was cold or needed warming up, or-one of Dean's favourite questions-asking Sam if he'd been having nightmares again and wanted some company or comfort.

Sam already knew that Dean liked cuddling with him, but he was also well aware of the fact that Dean would never say this directly out loud (not if he didn't have to, anyway), and it wasn't like the situation would ever be perfect, because Dean was always going to be Dean when it came to things like this, and there would always be an underlying sense of tension when it came to any of the 'touchy-feely crap', and Sam decided that maybe this gesture was Dean's way of reassuring Sam without words that he really did like it, that he was okay with the physical contact, and that he wanted to cuddle more often.

And when Sam pointed out earlier that he had noticed that something didn't add up about them ending up in rooms with one bed every night, actually using the word 'weird' to describe it, and maybe even sounding confused or exasperated when he did so, it probably sent out a message to Dean that Sam was uncomfortable with so much bed-sharing, that he didn't approve of the increase in the nights spent cuddling, or worse, that he was growing tired of the cuddling now and wanted to put some distance between the two of them again.

And, Dean being Dean, that would have been all it took to make him feel rejected or embarrassed and instantly put the barriers back up, slowly starting to back off.

Sam fell asleep with his hands covering his eyes in frustration, feeling like an even bigger idiot.

Sam really wanted to talk about last night's realization with Dean, but Dean was up early the next morning, still looking like he was irritable and on edge, and Sam knew that the discussion would be awkward enough, without having to deal with a tense Dean at the same time; and then Dean was talking about a new lead in their latest hunt, and all thoughts of cuddling temporarily vanished from Sam's mind as he went into hunter-mode and he focused fully on their latest job.

It was only when they headed to a new motel room the next night (both of them feeling exhausted after the hunt) just after Dean went to check in, that Sam started to worry about the situation again.

He felt the familiar feeling of anxiety as he worried that Dean hadn't asked for one bed in the room this time, especially after last night when there had been all the tension between them and they had slept on separate sides of the bed, and, unfortunately, Sam's worst fears were confirmed when Dean opened the door to the room and Sam noticed that there were two beds, with the gap between them looking huge, given the current situation.

Sam had to suppress a sigh of disappointment as he walked into the room and threw his stuff onto his bed.

He really thought that he and Dean had made progress over the past few months since they first agreed that they liked cuddling; now, as he looked from bed to bed, it felt like they had taken so many steps back that they were right back at the beginning again.

Sam was quiet for most of the evening, refusing to answer a lot of Dean's questions, and probably looking a lot like he was sulking, which was maybe kind of true. Things were made worse by the fact that Dean looked like he was kind of mad too, and he'd already been agitated and snappy with Sam through most of their hunt.

Eventually, Sam gave in and mumbled something about an early night as he quietly got into his bed.

He already knew though that he wouldn't get much sleep. It was almost scary, he realized, just how much he had come to depend on the physical contact with Dean in such a short space of time. He wasn't sure that he would be able to cope without it now.

A few hours later, Sam was still wide awake. He lay on his side and watched as Dean tossed and turned in his bed on the other side of the room, looking like he couldn't get to sleep either.

Sam started to feel confused about what was going on; he couldn't work out if Dean had deliberately asked for a room with two beds because he was mad at Sam and he therefore wanted to hurt him in return, making this a kind of twisted act of revenge, or if this was a misguided attempt from Dean to make things more comfortable for Sam, mistakenly believing that Sam was no longer happy about all the cuddling that they had been doing, and he was therefore trying to rectify the situation by silently returning to a bed on the other side of their motel rooms, maybe even putting his own feelings and his possible sense of rejection to one side.

In the end, Sam decided that he might as well try to rule out the second option, before he started to get really mad about option one.

Quietly, he pushed the covers back, got out of bed and tiptoed over to Dean's bed.

He noticed Dean's body tense up before he even lifted the covers, and Dean didn't even turn around to look at him, even though he must have had an idea what Sam was about to do, but it didn't stop Sam from sliding into Dean's bed and then slowly, carefully, laying back down on his side so that he and Dean were lying back-to-chest, and hesitantly reaching out his arms so that he could wrap them around Dean and pull his brother in closer to him.

"Dean?" he whispered after a couple of seconds, when Dean didn't offer any reaction to Sam's attempts to cuddle him. He wasn't really sure what he was actually going to say, if Dean even bothered to respond.

The silence stretched out in the cold air around them, and for a little while, Sam was convinced that Dean was going to ignore him or pretend to be asleep, so that he didn't have to deal with any potentially awkward discussions or chick-flick moments.

"Hmm?" Dean eventually asked, the tension still obvious in his body and his tone of voice.

"I…uh…t-this, this is more comfortable, when we're in a double bed…when there's only one bed in the motel room…"

Sam knew that it wasn't exactly his most eloquent sentence, and he wasn't even sure if it would make sense to his brother, but he decided that it was the best explanation he could offer, without mentioning outright just how much he loved cuddling with Dean, just how much he had come to depend on it, and given the fact that he was really tired, and that Dean would get uncomfortable with anything that seemed more sappy or 'girly'.

"Hmm," Dean responded again, ambiguously, before Sam felt his breathing even out, like he was falling asleep.

Sam blinked in confusion, wondering if Dean had even got what he was trying to say, and if he had got it, whether he was in agreement or not.

Sam sighed and pulled Dean in closer, deciding to make the most of the cuddling for tonight, just in case.

The next evening, Sam decided to follow Dean to the motel front desk, telling himself that he was just curious to see what Dean was going to do.

Dean rolled his eyes and glared at him the whole time, and Sam understood that he was annoyed by Sam's close proximity, especially when the desk clerk raised her eyebrows and smirked suggestively at the two of them like they were having some kind of couple's argument, but Sam decided that Dean's anger was definitely an improvement on their behaviour earlier in the day, when things had still been tense and awkward between the two of them, and they had spent most of the ride in the Impala in total silence.

When the desk clerk asked them what kind of room they wanted, aiming the question at Dean and looking like she kind of already knew the answer, Sam took advantage of Dean's initial embarrassed silence and attempts at awkward mumbling to cut in with, "He wants a room with a king-sized bed."

It was more of a demand than a request, and it was said with a lot more firmness than kindness, and it led to a childish response from Dean of, "No, you want a king-sized bed!" like this clarification actually mattered, but it seemed to work, because the desk clerk quickly nodded and handed a room key over to Sam.

Sam almost sighed with relief, because he knew that Dean probably wouldn't have been brave enough to ask for a double bed in the end, given the circumstances, and he was kind of hoping that he'd just made another night of cuddling and closeness more likely.

Sam could tell that Dean was glaring at him again as they headed back outside, like it was Sam's fault that everybody always seemed to get the wrong impression about them, but then, as they got their stuff out of the car so that they could take it to the room, Sam noticed Dean tensing up all over again, ducking his head and looking really uncomfortable.

As they got nearer to the motel room door, Sam saw Dean looking almost longingly in the direction of the bar they'd passed on their way to the motel. A bar that Sam was pretty sure was within walking distance.

Dean looked even tenser when Sam opened the door and the two of them stared at the king-sized bed, positioned right in the middle of the room like it was the room's main feature. He saw the flicker of panic in Dean's eyes, like the situation was too much for him now.

"I'm gonna go out for a little while," Dean announced quickly, already heading out the door. Like Sam hadn't seen it coming.

Sam felt a rush of panic and he tried to think of something to say to get Dean to stay, something like an apology, now that he was starting to feel kind of guilty, or even an offer to go with his brother, but he didn't have enough time, because the door had already slammed, and he could already hear Dean's rapidly retreating footsteps.

He started to panic even more as he listened out for the sound of the Impala's engine, worried that Dean would just drive away to another motel and leave Sam alone for the night, only serving to increase the tension between the two of them.

Thankfully, the Impala remained firmly in the parking lot, and Sam decided that Dean had just headed to the bar for a much-needed drink. He then started to wonder if Dean would find someone at the bar to go home with, so that he wouldn't have to come back to the motel room, or if he would bring someone back and kick Sam out.

Just as Sam was starting to get annoyed by this possibility, he stopped himself and started to think about just how ridiculous this whole thing was. It was only cuddling; they did it all the time when they were kids, and they had pretty much been doing it every night for the past few months. Sure, Sam enjoyed it, and it helped him to feel relaxed and closer to Dean, but it wasn't a big deal, compared with everything else they had to face in their lives, and it wasn't something that merited endless discussions or tension or arguments.

Sam knew that it would be healthy for them, to have space at night every once in a while, and Dean had a right to put that distance there when he wanted, or to choose to share his bed with other people without Sam getting angry or moody with his brother.

He sighed, wishing that he had just gone along with Dean's discreet requests for double beds as and when he wanted them, without having to point out Dean's bed preferences out loud.

Feeling a little calmer after this realization, Sam changed into an old T-shirt and sweatpants, turned on the TV and got comfortable on the bed, spreading himself over the two sides as he made a firm decision that he would be fine about it if Dean stayed out for the night, and that he would try to get a good night's sleep, and then in the morning, he would find a way to tell Dean that the cuddling wasn't a big deal, that there was no problem if Dean needed some time apart for a little while. He also decided, with a sigh of regret, that maybe he would have to give up the cuddling or the requests for cuddles, at least on a temporary basis, if that was what was needed to work things out with Dean.

However, to Sam's surprise, less than an hour later, the door swung open, and Dean was striding purposefully across the motel room, shouting, "Move over!" bossily at Sam as he headed in the direction of the bathroom.

The moment the bathroom door slammed shut, Sam looked across the room from the main door to the bathroom in confusion, before he moved over, hesitantly, to the side of the bed that was farthest from the door.

Dean walked out of the bathroom wearing his T-shirt and sweatpants, awkwardly climbing into the bed and moving closer to Sam, keeping his eyes on the TV the whole time, like he wasn't ready to fully acknowledge the situation yet.

Sam also kept staring at the TV, trying to act casual, just in case Dean was still in freak out or run away mode.

It was only when Dean got right up close to Sam, the way he usually did at night to initiate the cuddling, that Sam reached out to pull Dean in, sensing Dean's anxiety and wanting to comfort him and take care of him for a little while.

Dean, however, tensed up and put out a hand in protest.

Sam backed off, trying his best not to sulk or get annoyed, remembering his earlier decision to give his brother space when he needed it.

Surprisingly though, Dean didn't back off; he simply reversed their positions a little so that he could pull Sam down towards his chest, maneuvering them so that Sam's head was resting on Dean's shoulder, the way they used to sleep when they were kids.

Sam got what it meant, when Dean wanted to sleep like this. Their sleeping positions were often in reverse to what might be expected; when Dean was feeling calm and confident and in control, he was usually happy to be 'vulnerable' with Sam, leaning on Sam's shoulder or Sam's chest, or letting Sam be the big spoon. Yet when he actually was feeling vulnerable, he needed Sam to be the little brother, he needed Sam to seek comfort from him, and he wanted Sam to allow Dean to feel like he was caring for and protecting him. It was Dean's way of trying to gain more control or stability in a situation, so that he didn't look too weak.

They lay in silence for a few minutes, with Sam slowly relaxing into Dean's embrace, unable to stop the flood of happiness at being able to cuddle with Dean again, but also sensing that there was something else to come, like there was something else to deal with.

Dean's breathing got heavier, and he shifted around a couple of times, as though he were a little uncomfortable, and he raised his right hand a couple of times, like he was about to run his fingers through Sam's hair, but he kept hesitating at the last second.

"We really gonna do this, every night?"

The question was asked in barely more than a whisper, but Sam still heard it clearly.

At those words, Sam was sure that he finally understood what this was all about: Dean had been trying to slowly and discreetly ease them into more regular cuddling, and at first he had freaked out because Sam hadn't seemed happy about it; but then, by telling Dean that he was more comfortable in double beds, and pretty much forcing Dean into getting one at this motel to prove his point, Sam had made this situation more real, more public, more permanent, pushing towards a change in their routine, a rewrite of their unspoken rules, maybe even a change in their dynamic, and that had freaked Dean out even more, especially when the two of them had only recently come to terms with the fact that they enjoyed sleeping so close together.

It didn't even matter if they both enjoyed it though, because any change in dynamic was still worthy of a freak out from either of them, especially after so many years of covering up emotions and feelings and viewing the need for affection as a weakness. Anyway, there was a difference between an unspoken agreement to cuddle more often when they had the opportunity, and a conscious decision to ask for double beds so that the cuddling could become a regular thing.

Knowing Dean, he had probably headed out to the bar so that he could try to work himself up to asking Sam if the cuddling was going to be a permanent fixture in their lives from now on, no doubt using a few beers to help settle his nerves.

Yet Sam felt like he could deal with a question like that now; he felt like it would be easier than a decision to never cuddle again.

"It doesn't have to be every night, if that's not what you want," he told Dean with a grin, trying to sound reassuring, and at the same time breathing another sigh of relief. "And it's not like there has to be a plan or a routine behind it, and we can change things whenever we want."

He thought about all the reasons why they would need separate beds. A few of the reasons were social ones, but most of them were based around the knowledge that there were times when they argued and then ignored each other, times when they had really difficult hunts, times when they were on the road for days, with no other interactions, and they started to drive each other crazy.

"We need our space, sometimes," Sam continued to reassure Dean, deciding to leave it at that vague and general explanation, rather than going into detail. "I just meant that when we do…you know…this,"-he suddenly realized that neither of them ever said the word 'cuddling' out loud to describe what they were doing-"it's more comfortable in a double bed. And…uh…I don't mind, if we do it more often, because it's not like we don't enjoy it, right? And uh...it's cool if you keep asking for, you know, double beds...if you want."

Sam noticed that Dean blushed a little, but even though he looked kind of embarrassed, he nodded, slowly, like he got it, like Sam's suggestion was easier to deal with right now than the 'every night' possibility, then he sort of grinned, and ran a hand affectionately through Sam's hair.

They fell into silence, but Sam hoped that this silence was a more comfortable one.

"Bedtime?" Sam asked hesitantly, breaking the silence by using their new night-time code word to check that Dean was okay, that this was going to be okay, that they could both fall asleep peacefully in this position now, and that they weren't going to argue in the morning.

"Double bed time," Dean responded, pulling Sam in closer, before they started to drift off to sleep.

*(Notes) So, I decided to write a follow up to the first chapter, because I still think that Dean would be Dean in situations like this, even though he secretly loves cuddling with Sam, and also because I feel like there can never be enough fanfiction focusing on Winchester cuddles. :)