ERIK
I made it home and now sitting in my living room alone eyes closed I don't know why I did what I did, I know why I don't know how to be a father, I never had a loving father. How will I be able to be one to my child. I just can't believe what I did to my sweet one, my sweet Christine... I love with all my heart and soul but I let her go, now I am home alone without my sweet one to pepper me with strange questions, or to make me try new meals she seen on tv.
Our late night talks me holding my sweet one as we sleep, me holding my sweet one as I read to her, and she just sitting on my lap listening to every word, even kissing me to make me stop reading and make love to her. My sweet one why did I do this, to her and our unborn child. I love her so much as well as our unborn child but what kind of father can a monster be? I sat there in this spot for a few hours until I finally got up and went to bed, I laid there still in my clothes, my head resting on Christine's pillow taking in her sweet scent.
I miss her already but after this I know she will never come back to me, and I would never force her either. I just don't know what to do with myself now, I am alone in our home. What am I too do now? I may even die from a broken heart.
CHRISTINE
Raoul took me to go get something to eat and I had the feeling he wanted to talk but I wasn't in the mood for it, but we talked about other things. About how was I feeling being pregnant. I was only giving him one word answers cause I couldn't get my mind off of Erik and how much I love him. If he was to come to me right now I would gladly go to him, not thinking twice about what he did by leaving me and our baby boy who I will name Matthias Alexander Daae no Matthias Alexander Claudin my baby will have it's fathers name.
The naming came once I knew I was pregnant Erik said he didn't care as long as the baby was healthy and to not name his child after him, he did not want to have his child be burden with such a name of a monster, so we came up with Matthias if a boy and Annabelle is it's a girl the names came from the book I made him read to me over and over. I smiled to myself thinking about how I would be in the room watching tv, and I had the need to be around Erik. So I would leave the movie room finding him reading and I would lightly tap the book he would move the book so I could climb into his lap, nestling into his lap,chest face buried into his neck. Smelling him, taking in his scent the scent I grown to love. While I listen to him read.
One of my favorite moments listening to him read, I would go pick out a book that was in french and the words looked so pretty, he would come behind me, taking the book then patting his lap for me to sit so he could read to me. And he did, every week it was a different book with a different language. I love hearing him read to me. I sat there with Raoul so long that I was done eating and just looking off out the window, til I heard the voices I been missing.
"CHRISTINE" Meg yelled and I turned around looking seeing her, Judi coming towards me I got up slow and met them half way hugging them bottom.
"Christine your pregnant" Judi said rubbing my belly making me laugh. And with that we all left going to Raoul's home. Where we talked for hours until they had to leave but they said they would be back tomorrow. Raoul showed me to the guest room, checking the room, bathroom and closet for me I just shook my head.
"Erik is not going to come here, he doesn't want us anymore" I said then I felt the tears sting my eyes before I knew it I was crying head in my hands crying. I then felt Raoul's arms around me hugging me tight. "How would you feel if you had a child somewhere in the world and you never got a chance to know him or her all because you was too chicken and too scared to be around?"
"I would feel like shit" Raoul said
"Yea" I cried. He held me for a few minutes til I finally calmed down. After awhile I was sitting in the bathroom watching the water run in the shower. Raoul had got me towel, wash clothe all that good stuff and one of his shirts he said it should fit and if it doesn't let him know and we'll figure it out from there. After 2 hours I showered and cried. Once out dried off, I was in Raoul's shirt sitting on the bed thinking.
Men have it so easy when it comes to women being pregnant. Erik has it so so easy, he's not obligated to stick with me through this, I, on the other hand,can't just walk away, the baby is inside of me and he's mine. The next few days I stayed in the room one day it was a good day the next it was a bad day. Right now I was in the kitchen trying to make me something to eat but I started crying when I felt Matthias move around, this was not a dream it was true all I got is Matthias and the money my dad left me was enough to keep me going for 5 maybe 6 years but that didn't include a baby. These damn tears again, I felt them fall.
"Christine these mood swings are getting the best of you" Raoul said and I looked at him standing there in the doorway.
"These aren't mood swings! I'm scared, the father of my child couldn't deal with this, so how am I? I'm only 19 about to be 20 after this baby is born." I said
"You don't need to be scared, you're not alone okay?" He walked to me placed his hand on my cheek and gently wiped my tears. I can only stay strong for so long. he then wrapped his arms around me. "I'm here for you and I'll be the father and provide all Matthias's needs will be met I promise."
"Don't I'm too scared to trust anyone right now" I said
"Well trust me Christine... Now finish making your food then we can go shopping." He said kissed the top of my hair then left me in the kitchen. After I was done eating we did just what he said and went shopping he was spending money like it wasn't nothing to him. Whatever I said I liked he brought it, even after I told him I didn't really need it. But he said his baby needed it. I just looked at him and nodded, no need to argue with him, he was going to buy it anyway. We went to 3 different stores and Matthias was racking up, he even brought me a load of clothes that will keep me looking good while my body got bigger.
We was in the last store and something was off I kept looking to see if I saw Erik following or watching us but I never saw him anywhere. But there was a man who was seem to be following us. Right now we was getting bedding, bottles, burp cloths and I looked around seeing the same guy he looked at me then turned his head. We walked to another section Raoul was smiling picking up stuff putting it in the cart. I looked and the guy was following us he didn't have a cart or anything in his hand. He was just picking up stuff and putting it down. I tugged on Raoul's arm making him look at me.
"Yes Christine?" he asked showing me a wash cloth that was in the shape of a teddy bear.
"That guy behind me he's been following us" I said Raoul looked for a minute then back at me.
"No he's shopping" he said I looked back at the guy then at Raoul.
"No he's not he's been following us Raoul, I think we should go please, I wanna go" I said Raoul smiled and nodded leaned down kissing my forehead.
"Okay we'll go but go get the bottle warm first and I'll get the changing table" he said and I nodded walking away from him to the section with the warmers but I wanted to ask Raoul something so I went back to where we was and then I was face to face with the guy who was following us.
"AAAHHH" I screamed backing up putting my hand on my belly backing up.
"Don't be scared Christine I didn't mean to frighten you" the guy said
"How-How- How do you know my name?" I asked and he looked at me for a minute about to say something then thought against it he turned around and went running towards the door I followed him as fast as I could. "WHY ARE YOU FOLLOWING ME, TELL ME WHY ARE YOU FOLLOWING ME" I went right out the door behind him Raoul calling my name. "PLEASE PLEASE" The guy took off running I saw he dropped something I went picking up, just then Raoul helped me stand and brought me back into the store people was looking at us whispering a few asked if I was okay I smiled and said I was.
"What was that?" he asked walking me to the cart.
"I told you he was following us, he called me by my name, he called me Christine." I said
"Who is he? Have you seen him before?" he asked
"No, no never he dropped this" I said handing 2 cards to Raoul, who looked at it.
"Debienne & Polingy" he read
"That's all it says?" I asked
"Yea come on lets buy our things then go" he said I nodded. Later that day Raoul had to go the Opera house and I didn't want to, even tho he tried to get me to say yes but I wouldn't he didn't want me to be alone, so I talked him into taking me home to my place where I told him that's where I wanna be and bring my baby home too. He wasn't happy about that, he wanted me to live with him but I wouldn't let up on going home, so once home he brought all the stuff in sitting it in the empty room I had normally used for my dancing.
Raoul told me he will be back to put everything together for me. I nodded, I was glad to get in to my place from the spare key I had hidden away. Finally I was home and I was going through my mail and realized Erik was paying all my bills for me while I was gone he paid up to a year on all my bills. I did smile a little at the thought. But right now I was laying across the couch watching tv.
I soon fell asleep, sleeping for what was 3 hours I woke up when it felt like someone kissed my cheek. I looked around but I didn't see anyone, feeling the need to pee I got up and used the bathroom, flushing washing my hands I walked back out to the living room where I saw 1 long stem red throne less rose and a note under it.I walked over to it and looked around the room.
"Raoul? Raoul are you here" I said I went looking around my apartment but I was here alone. I walked back to the rose and letter I picked it up and opened it.
My sweet One
I'm writing this message cause I feel really bad, thinking about the way I hurt you makes me really sad.
I'm sorry for all the hurt I've caused you and I regret the things I've done. I've lost the 1 girl I've ever loved and it was cause of the things I've done.
My sweet one I feel so bad right now, cause I tore your world apart, and now all I can think about is how I broke your heart.
These tears that run down my cheek are filled with sadness and hurt, because I loved you so much and now I know that it will never work. I messed up and now I see how much my sweet one mean the absolute world to me.
I know sorry's not enough because I'm such a monster.. But for whatever its worth I wanted to say, that you cross my mind every single day...
The thought of you makes me smile, and I know our love was real, so I'm writing you this letter so that you know how I truly feel.
What I really want to say is that I'm sorry, I know that you didn't deserve to be hurt like that, and I know that you will find someone who will love you and treat you right, they will make you happy and that person won't hurt you like I did.
So I'M SORRY for everything I've done, so all I have to say is that I love you and I'm so sorry my sweet Christine.
To my unborn now ever since my birth, I've been cursed with a life that I don't wish you to ever have to go through.I'm writing you a letter this is to my unborn child. Me and your sweet mother on many occasions we talked, we kissed, we hugged, until finally it lead to breath taking love. I had already confessed my love for her then finally she had put her trust in me, so the next thing we knew she is pregnant with you.
But in all honesty I wasn't ready and I blamed you for putting my life on hold. I blamed you for not achieving my goals which was to marry your mother before we got ready to make you. Now you and your mother are not here, and when your mother would sleep in front of the tv I was in my own bed crying because I was searching for my own innocence and I'm sorry for focusing so much on myself that at times I forgot about you.
I should have hugged and kissed you in your mother's belly every chance I got. I should have made sure to show your mother that I loved you with all my heart. Instead I backed off. I forgot to kiss you. I forgot to hug you. I forgot to tell you that I loved you.
Now I dream of changing lots of diapers, missing lots of sleep, holding you and spoiling you so you'd never want to leave my side but I messed up, before I could be a father.
I'm also sorry for leaving you fatherless. I didn't know how to handle the truth. I didn't know how to take care of your mother, you, and me and still have peace so I did everything I could to push myself away until I was out of my life and yours too. So I'm sorry. I'm sorry
Yours
Erik
I stood there and stared at the letter and walked to my room and laid there with the letter held tight in my hand. I wish he knew he's not a monster, that he's the man I love, that I will always love him and that his son will love him, but I can't make him believe it, he has to take his time and believe in it himself.