Sitting out on the veranda, Squalo kept his back against the wall as he stared up at the sky, watching the lightning flash across the sky as thunder rumbled violently overhead. He was getting lost in his thoughts again, ones that really made no sense to him, but ones that he also couldn't shake, no matter how hard he tried. It seemed that nothing he could do would stop him from remembering his time with Xanxus, and it was even harder to not blame himself for everything.

Why he even blamed himself in the first place, he wasn't sure – but somehow, he knew he had done something to deserve it all, because he had been the one to fuck up somehow and make Xanxus hate him.

"He shouldn't be having this, Squalo. Why has Lussuria been giving it to him in the first place? It's not good for him at all."

Dark eyes turned to Dino, the addressed male taking a deep puff of his cigarette now that he had been distracted from his mind; he had recently taken up smoking as a stress relief, even though he knew it was a disgusting habit. Looking at the portable bong his boyfriend was holding to Belphegor's lips, he felt rage wash over him; he had been furious when he first heard Lussuria was giving the youngest drugs, and seeing it for himself made him want to smash that stupid piece of shit into irreparable pieces to teach Lussuria not to get his charge into the same things he dabbled with. "I know he fucking shouldn't, but he's already addicted! He's just going to get fucking sick if you don't give it to him!"

The three were sitting out on the veranda, the rain pelting down angrily. Belphegor was quiet as he sat on the edge, his legs swinging back and forth as he tried to inhale; the brain damage was extensive enough to interfere with his ability to inhale. Dino sat with him, reluctantly doing everything he could to make sure his friend didn't get withdrawals; he didn't agree at all with drugs, but they were what Lussuria was giving the youngest, so... What choice did he have? He just wanted to make sure Belphegor was okay, and seeing as letting him do this brought relief to the physical pain, he hesitantly allowed it to happen in his home.

While Squalo continued to lean back against the house with his knees in the air as he took deep puffs of his cigarette every now and then, Dino was quick to pack the bong away in a carry case once Belphegor had had his usual doses. He volunteered to make afternoon lunch for everyone, feeling a little hungry himself, and it was almost time for their guest's routine snacks, after all. Belphegor stood up with him, trembling violently from the roar of thunder he could hear in the distance. Hugging his teddy tight with one arm, the smallest of the trio gripped the back of Dino's jacket as he followed the other inside.

Remaining where he was, Squalo didn't even look at them as they left him alone; he had become consumed by his thoughts once again, and had barely noticed them leaving.

Finishing with one smoke, Squalo pulled another out of the packet. He had only just lit it up when he heard something unusual coming from the direction of the stables; something seemed to have spooked Scuderia enough for his startled cries to be heard even from the house.

Getting to his feet, Squalo called out for Dino. "Voi! Go check your horse! Something's wrong with it!"

Dino had heard the call and left the house, barely sparing a glance at his own boyfriend; he could now hear Scuderia as well, and he had had the horse for long enough to know that never before had the animal been spooked so badly; something wasn't right, and he had a terrible feeling about it.

Putting his cigarette out, Squalo caught up with his lover. Upon entering the paddock, they found that the door to the stables was already open; someone had been here, because Dino had closed it securely not even an hour ago after getting his horse out of the storm.

Stepping further into the building, they found splashes of blood around Scuderia's stall. Someone had put a bridal and reins on him, tethering him in place, and the blood that was steadily flowing from his head and face was enough evidence; someone really had gotten into the stables and attacked the horse.

Dino was angry; angry at whoever had done this to his beloved companion, and angry at himself; he hadn't taken this seriously enough, sure that there had been logical explanations for the strange occurrences lately and that it wasn't someone hanging around with malicious intent – now, Scuderia was paying the price for his ignorance.

Not caring for his own safety, Dino rushed forward, trying his hardest to get the horse to calm down. Turning to look at Squalo, he said, "You go back into the house and lock all the doors. Stay with Bel. I can handle myself here, Squalo."

"And what if someone attacks you with a fucking knife or something? Look at what they've done to the horse!" Squalo hadn't felt so stressed in a while; was this Xanxus' doing…?

"And what if they do that to Bel? At least I have a chance of defending myself. Bel's a sitting duck like this. Go and take care of him, Squalo. I'm not joking. Call the police, too."

Squalo knew that his lover was right; if they left Belphegor by himself, anything could happen to the youngest. Chewing his lip as he turned around and left the stables, he could only hope that things were going to be okay – he wasn't sure how much more of this he could take.

~~XX~~

With the police finishing up their investigation into the case, Squalo and Dino were left to sit on the couch with Belphegor, hoping that they would be able to find whoever had done this; they had searched the property for an hour, but they hadn't been able to find anyone.

"What do we do if they come back?" Holding Belphegor's hand as the other trembled, Dino didn't know what to do; the younger blond was very distressed, and it was getting harder to calm him down when they themselves were on edge.

"Give us another call and we will do what we can." The officer who had been speaking with them stood up, leaving after just a few more words. This left Dino to glance over at Squalo, finding his boyfriend sitting on the other side of Belphegor, his head ducked as he clutched his pants tightly.

"Squalo?" Leaning across Belphegor, Dino put his hand on top of one of Squalo's. "Squalo, are you okay?"

Shaking his head, Squalo pulled his knees to his chest. "…Fuck off; leave me alone for a while…"

Dino sighed, but did as the other wished; he couldn't blame Squalo for being so stressed with everything he had been through. "I'm going to see how the vet's doing with Scuderia. Stay here with Bel."

Squalo didn't reply to this; he instead stood up and left the house, heading back to the stables in hopes of hearing some good news; he would be devastated if his horse couldn't be saved.

Back in the living room, Squalo lifted his head as he felt Belphegor curl in against him. He raised his hand in order to caress golden locks, wishing he could do something more for the younger – but how was he supposed to save Belphegor when he didn't even know how to save himself?

"Lussu…" Tugging at Squalo's jacket, Belphegor whispered again. "Where's Lussu…?"

Shaking his head, Squalo wrapped an arm around the thin body. "I'll call Lussu and get him to come and get you, Bel. You don't need to get involved in something like this again…"

Knowing he would never be able to live with himself if something further happened to Belphegor because of him, Squalo couldn't keep himself from crying; why was life such a bitch…?

~~XX~~

"How's Scudera doing, hon?" Nursing Belphegor on his lap, Lussuria sat on the couch in Squalo and Dino's living room. "Squa-chan told me about everything."

"The vet said he should be okay, but I have to keep an eye on him in case of infections or he reopens the wounds." Angry at the thought of someone hurting his precious horse, Dino bit his lip. "I can't believe someone would do that to him…"

"I bet it's Xanxus…" From the other side of the room, Squalo held a dark look on his face as he pulled his cigarette packet from his jeans. He fumbled in pulling one out before he said, "It's always Xanxus…"

"No, hon…" Frowning, Lussuria wished he could stand up and embrace the younger male, but he knew that Squalo would only get angry; the long-haired man only seemed comfortable with letting Dino and Belphegor close to him. "It might not be Xanxus this time; I know you're scared of him, but –"

Dropping his smoke to the ground, Squalo narrowed his eyes as he shouted, "I am not fucking scared of him, you dumb faggot! Shut your fucking mouth; you don't know anything!"

Lussuria wasn't stupid; he knew that Squalo was only fooling himself. He didn't say anything back to this, knowing that his friend was simply searching for comfort in the only way he knew how; by denying that there was anything wrong with him.

Getting to his feet, Lussuria helped Belphegor to his own. "We're going to go home now. Please let me know if anything else happens. Come on, Bel-chan; it's time to go home."

Belphegor refused to walk, instead raising his arms into the air in silent request to be picked up. He didn't understand why Lussuria shook his head at him, remembering how he used to get carried all the time, even when he was still a teenager. "Lussu…"

"Bel-chan, you're too heavy for me to be carrying around all the time." Lussuria sighed as the other started whimpering, pressing himself against the older male as he twitched his fingers. "Bel-chan… Bel-chan, you're not a little boy anymore; you're too old to be picked up like that. Now, don't give me that look, Bel-chan; you're twenty-seven-years-old. …Oh… Alright, then. But just this one time."

Lussuria was careful as he picked Belphegor up. It was awkward to carry him around when he was too big and heavy to be held comfortably, but the blond didn't seem to mind; he buried his face in against his guardian's chest as he tried to allow himself to relax; Lussuria had finally come back for him.

"I'll talk to you later, Lussuria." Dino stood up and walked the older male out of the house, glad that Bel seemed to have calmed down as well. "If you need anything with Bel, let me know."

Lussuria nodded, placing a soft kiss on his friend's cheek before he left.

Turning back into the living room, Dino found his lover lighting up a smoke on the couch. He crinkled his nose at the smell, but he didn't say anything; Squalo desperately needed to unwind, and he most likely didn't want to go outside with what had happened.

Dino understood, and he would offer as much support as he could.

~~XX~~

For the rest of the day, Dino had left his lover alone; Squalo needed time to himself, and the blond was happy to give that to him. Now, deciding that checking on the long-haired man was in order, Dino searched the house for the younger male before finally finding him in the bathroom.

"Squalo?" Knocking on the door, Dino became worried as he heard the other sobbing. "Squalo, I'm coming in."

"No…" Squalo's voice was choked with emotional pain, and Dino couldn't help but instinctively grab the doorhandle; this wasn't normal at all for Squalo, and it meant that something bad was happening; if the long-haired male had allowed himself to get to this point…

Trying to open the door, Dino felt panic bubble up inside him; it was locked, which meant that Squalo was up to no good. "Squalo, open the door."

"Fuck off!" Squalo's crying came harder at this, almost as if the demand had allowed him to break.

"Open the door or I'll break it down. Squalo, I mean it."

"Just… Fuck off… Fuck off and leave me alone!"

"Squalo!" True to his word, Dino wasted no time in breaking the door from its hinges. His hazel eyes widened as he saw all of the blood on the marble floor, knowing what he had walked into; either his boyfriend was self-harming, or he was trying to kill himself – and with the amount of blood he could see, it seemed to be the latter. "Squalo, what are you doing?! Stop!"

Squalo was looking at his lap, a razorblade in his hand as tears dripped down his cheeks, mingling with the blood. "…"

"Squalo!" Rushing over to the younger, Dino took the blade from his boyfriend, sliding it into his pocket. Grabbing damp cheeks in his hands, he forced Squalo to look at him. "Squalo, please… No… It doesn't have to come to this… Please…"

"I just… want to get away from him…" Never before had the blond seen Squalo look as agonised as he did now. "I wish I had never met him, Bucking Horse… I… I can only get away if I'm dead… Don't make me have to keep suffering because of him…"

"Squalo…" Feeling his own tears slide down his cheeks, Dino shook his head. "Squalo, I…"

Having no idea what to say or do in this moment, all Dino could do was hold Squalo close for a while before he got to work on bandaging the wounds. If Squalo was trying to resort to this just to stop his pain… was Dino ever going to be able to save him…?

It didn't look that way.