It took a few moments for me to register what he'd just asked me.
Would I marry him?
Yes. Yes I would. But could I tell him that?
The answer was no. No I could not and before I knew it I was hyperventilating. I held my head in my hands and tried to count sheep, but all I could think about was getting a drink. My brain rushed, get a drink, say yes, get a drink, get ahold of yourself, get a drink, calm down, get a drink. Why was I panicking? Nothing bad was happening, in fact, under all the anxiety I was actually over joyed.
"You can say no," he murmured, removing his hands from my person and moving away to give me some space. It was like something broke inside me, because all of a sudden I wanted him to touch me and be near me. I didn't are about germs anymore, I just wanted genuine skin to skin contact, and I wanted it from him.
I turned and aggressively pulled him in to a rushed, clawing hug and held him there, his arms gently wrapping around me as my chest heaved. One sheep, I gasped, two sheep, okay, okay, this was working.
"Sasori, I'm not too immature?" I managed, struggling though leaving breathe to beg him to reassure me.
"No," he asserted. I thought maybe I was making him uncomfortable. I wasn't, but I thought I was.
"You love me?" I more suggested and he agreed that he did love me.
Okay, three sheep, four sheep, breathe in ten seconds and exhale, five sheep. It took a few more minutes to get ahold of myself but when I did, looking up at him with those beautiful brown eyes silently asking if I was alright, I heaved a heavy sigh of relief and touched the fabric of his shirt with quaking fingers.
"Yes," I breathed, nodding my head, "yes, I'll marry you."
I heaved another sigh and slumped against him, the after shock of exhaustion took me right away. His grip on me tightened, provoking a smile to my lips as I buried my head in to his shoulder.
He fell back on the bed, bringing me with him, still clutching each other like we might never be able to again. He was relived, I could tell. I was sure he thought I was going to say no, not that it mattered though, we would have continued seeing each other no matter what. My eyes drifted shut, but I opened them again to look up at my new fiancé, only to discover he'd done the same. I decided to snuggle a little closer to him and relax and shut my eyes again, if not fall asleep. I knew he was tired from work, not to mention his family. I thought he might have muttered something like 'thank god' but I couldn't be sure because the door to the room on our left, Deidara's room, slammed open and slammed shut again. We were about to ignore it and go back to sleep when something outside, something big, clattered on the roof. It wouldn't have bothered me except we were on the second floor and trouble had a tendency to fallow Deidara.
"It's not your problem," Sasori groaned, tightening his grip on me.
"I'm the building manager," I reminded and begrudgingly pulled myself from his grasp. I didn't want to leave and gave him an apologetic look as I left. It was still quite warm out and the sun wasn't even all the way down, so I supposed it was around nine, nine thirty. Kisame was on the couch alone and motioned to the kitchen as soon as I reached the bottom step, he jutted him thumb out to the kitchen. Pots and pans banged seconds later, so I continued on my way.
Deidara was standing over what I could best describe as a vat, a wide, tall, pot that he'd brought to a simmer on the stove. No sooner had I seen it I could smell it, and it smelled absolutely rancid, like fish, sauerkraut and brown sugar.
"What are you doing?" I managed without choking, surprising even myself I hadn't thrown up.
"I'm making something to keep Tobi away from me," he hissed, pouring half a bag of flour in to his mix. The pot was already bubbling and I was sure that the flour was only going to irritate the concoction further.
"Tobi?" I echoed, taking a step back, sure that his sick silence experiment was going to explode any second.
"Tobi," he agreed, "fucking idiot won't leave me alone."
"What's he doing? Is that him on the roof?" I asked, spotting a lid nearby and slamming it on to the pot before any other ingredients layer out on the counter could make their way inside. Just the smell of this stuff made me nervous.
"Trying to make up. I told him I was all done and to enjoy his heterosexual lifestyle, but he's insistent," Deidara stuck out his tongue and slipped the lid up in attempt to add a can of cream of chicken soup in to the mix but the steam that escaped had us both gagging.
"I think it's done," he choked, turning the heat off and grabbing a pair of oven gloves to remove it from the stove. He attempted to carry it upstairs, wanting to throw it down gout my window!) on to Tobi, but I rerouted him to the front yard. If he was going to create a nightmare he was going to do it outside and nowhere near my stuff.
"Whatever, this way I can just throw it straight in his face," he grunted, a little pissed I wouldnt go along with his plan, "fucking idiot deserves this, HEY, TOBI," he shouted.
From my vantage point in the front yard, away from Deidara, I could see a spot on our roof that didn't look like shingles. Tobi shimmied out far enough that he caught some light from the street lamp, and hung his legs over the edge.
"Are you ready to talk?" he asked, leaning a bit too far for my nerves.
"I'm ready to talk alright," Deidara grumbled.
Tobi disappeared for a second, getting up and walking around the back of the house. I didn't hear anything while, and I worried he'd fallen off and gotten hurt until he came around the house, climbing over the backyard fence.
"Deidara, before you say anything," Tobi grinned though the darkness, "I want you to know that I love you, okay? I know I never said it before but I love you."
Deidara looked positively disturbed to hear that.
"That mess with Rin was a mess, that's all. My head is clear," Tobi elaborated, coming to join us in the light of the porch. I didn't say anything but stuck around to keep the peace.
"Your head should have been clear before you kissed her," Deidara hissed, backing away as Tobi came closer.
"Your completely right," Tobi agreed. I could see him eyeing the pot his blonde exlover was holding. As if he was some kind of idiot, Tobi came closer still and Deidara heaved his science experiment on to him, pot, lid and all, coating the black haired man from his nose down to his hips. The pot flew by him and on to the grass but Tobi ignored the hazardous object still.
I could see the literal terror in Deidara's eyes as his exlover ignored the smell and texture of the mix completely. It was burning my eyes and churning my stomach, and I was still seven feet away from it. Tobi came closer still and the blonde artist tried to get away, but was instead captured in a tight hug. No matter how much he struggled, Tobi refused to let go.
"Oh my god!" Dei shrieked, "how can you stand that?!"
"Same way I stand you!" Tobi grinned, laughing. Deidara swore and called him names, struggling and trying to force himself out of Tobi's grip until tears brimmed on his eyes and he started crying. He turned and hugged Tobi, burying his face in his shoulder. Tobi turned to mush seconds later. Deidara didn't care the least bit that Tobi had a thick, chunky, sticky, stinking, orange mess all over him and he was smearing it between them in the embrace, at least he didn't care for that moment.
I couldn't help but smile as I walked out in to the yard and turned on the garden hose, breaking up their moment with a blast of cold water.
"Kimi! What the fuck?" My surrogate little brother shouted, trying in vain to escape the water, but I had a gardening nozzle and it had a jet setting.
"You aren't coming back in my house smelling like that," I grinned as he made a run for the front door. I could see Sasori on the other side of the screen, holding the handle and keeping it shut. Tobi helped me out, lifting him up and holding him still again, tickling him and laughing too. I sprayed them both down and Sasori made them remove their clothing before he traded them towels and a laundry basket for entry in to the house. Their cloths would be washed and dried in under an hour, plus, Deidara had sweatpants enough for both of them.
"Now," the tired eyed red head muttered, "after all this is taken care of, where were we?"
"Your going to bed," I grinned, "I'm awake now, but you deserve some good rest."
"You'll join me when you return to bed?" He asked, innocently enough. I agreed and we parted, him for bed and me for the television, and then probably a little wine after.
Apparently more than a little wine. I woke up on my bedroom floor, white wine all down the front of me and no recollection of how I'd gotten here. I could hear yelling down stairs, and that probably wasn't good. I had to remind myself this time that I was the building manager and I needed to find out what it was, so after changing my shirt I drug myself downstairs.
Deidara and Sasuke were having a screaming match in the middle of the living room over the upstairs shower while Hidan, who I hadn't seen in weeks, lay on the couch, his arm over his face, bitching up a storm. I was reminded it was Saturday when I spotted Sasori in the kitchen, face propped up on his hand over a cup of coffee.
"No fighting!" I shouted, passing though, but I was largely ignored.
After making myself a cup of tea I sat down next to Sasori, who looked less not impressed than usual.
"Good morning," I greeted, and he grunted in response.
"When did Hidan get here?" I asked, taking a sip of my tea.
"He came in last night very late. He woke the entire house up, where were you?" He returned in a snarky tone. I deserved it after I'd used that building manager thing on him last but then I hadn't heard Hidan's voice at all.
"I never heard anything," I replied, clearing my throat and looking away from him. I knew I was gonna catch hell.
"Mmm, well maybe if you weren't so drunk it caused you pass out you would have," Sasori snapped, "I'm not going to tolerate this any longer. You've got a problem and you need help."
"I can stop any time I want," I insisted, "besides, it's not like I did anything embarrassing or, like, bad."
"I see, so allowing your tenant to cause problems for your other tenants is okay?" He asked rhetorically. I huffed. Well if he wanted to be like that, fine. Standing up and going in to the living room, I forcibly pushed the fighting teenagers apart, telling Sasuke he had ten minutes to shower before I turned the water off on him and send Deidara to clean up his mess in the front yard. I told him it was better that way anyway, he could get clean right after he finished.
Hidan was a little different. I eventually nagged him in to his bedroom with empty threats of eviction and some bullshit I made up about the mess in his room being against house rules. Regardless, he left.
Flopping back down at the kitchen table next to Sasori, I found my tea cold. "Happy now?"
"No, not really," he said levely, blinking sleep from tired eyes. I rolled my eyes.
We shared a comfortable silence in the coming moments, letting ourselves wake up all the way and sharing an hour together fresh morning air coming though the kitchen window. We were quiet people, quiet worked well for us, It allowed us both comfortable, quality time with each other. We could spend eternity without mouths and still be happy.
I reheated my tea and after a while of enjoying the calm composure of the morning and when I sat down again, he had a question prompted for me.
"Kimi, do you enjoy living here?"
"Yes," I answered after giving it some thought.
"Alright," he replied flatly, turning to Kakuzu as he entered the room, handed Sasori the news paper and then left again.
Why bother with a question like that I wondered,"Why?"
"I was just thinking..." He trailed off, looking off in to space with his usual bored expression before blinking and opening the paper. He spoke as he read. "With the money I have, We could buy a house and move, or open another store and stay here. Your college will have no cost though the government aid system as it stands currently, so your free to do that as long as we don't get married, but," he paused, thinking hard for just a second before he continued in a more serious tone, "I'm prepared to put you in a managerial position without schooling at the existing location so we could be free to get married whenever. These are the options now, they'll change later. It's whatever you think at this point."
"Me?" I questioned, my jaw slack and unable to comprehend what I was hearing.
"Yes, you. This is your future too," he sighed, flipping the news paper page and brushing off the seriousness of the conversation.
"But Sasori," I stuttered, "it's your money."
"Yes," he repeated, very matter of factly, " and after we get married it'll be our money. You agreed to share your life with me, and generally when people get married, they share possessions too."
"Regardless, you worked hard, way hard, I don't think it's right for me to be able to claim any ownership of it," I tried to explain my position but his mind was made up.
"Nonsense," he asserted, "you'll be legally entitled."
That didn't sit well with me and he realized that, asking if he'd made me nervous, but I told him no even though it did and escaped upstairs to take my medicine.
I wasn't sure what I'd expected, Sasori was older, he'd already thought out all this stuff and accepted it. Hell, he probably already named our nonexistent, future children. He was at a different point in his life than I was, he was established and sure if himself and my sorry ass had just moved out of my parents house earlier that year. I took my pill with a drink, deciding if I kept this stuff in a cup I couldn't see though I could carry it with me, and used one I'd procured a few days ago. Wine was different than vodka, I could drink more and be less drunk and that was a good thing, It was nice not feeling funny after taking my pills with alcohol, the biggest no no on the warning label.
I was going to get married, I was going to grow up a little more, manage something, take care of this house, probably have a baby, and with my liquid courage it wasn't so bad accepting that. After my liquid courage wore off though, I was a mess. If tried to take a shower, and what started off as a peaceful moment for myself ended up sobbing on the floor. This was genuine fear, panic and regret all rolled in to one. It wasn't until someone beat on the door I realized the water had run cold.
"Kimi?" Deidara shouted, "sorry to bug you but I gotta pee and Kakuzu is working on the plumbing downstairs. Something to do with the washer..."
I nearly jumped out of my skin as I got out of the tub and grabbed a towel. After wrapping myself up tight I flung open the door and came face to face with the blonde.
"Are you okay?" He asked immediately. He'd seen my red, puffy eyes and I'd neglected to turn the water off, so it was a dead giveaway something was wrong. I nodded furiously.
"Calm down okay? Deep breathes," he encouraged, "I'll be upstairs in a second and we can talk."
I nodded again and jerked around him as I made a mad dash upstairs, thanking God that no one else was around because I hadn't grabbed my cloths or gotten dressed. I'd talked myself down before I panicked and with shaking hands found myself a drink and then a second and then a third before Deidara came.
"Maybe you should talk to Sasori," he suggested right off the bat, first thing out if his mouth, before he'd even closed the door. He meant well, and I knew he was worried about me, especially after seeing the drink in my hand, but now was not the time.
"No, no," I stuttered, "not yet, I don't want him to know I'm afraid."
"Afraid of what?" He asked, going to sit on the edge of my bed and patting a spot next to him. I danced in place for a moment before deciding I needed to sit down and seated myself in the middle, pulling my legs of to my chest but careful of the wine.
"Uh, uh oh God, it's a secret, um," I muttered before deciding to tell him anyway. I was going to panic either way. "Listen, you can't tell anyone, you can't even tell Sasori that you know, okay?"
He nodded but I continued asking him if he understood until he lost his patience.
"We're gonna get married, like, married married, and have a kid and a house and everything, I mean, not until later, " I explained talking a mile a minute, "he wants to open another toy store, let me manage the old store, but, married Deidara, like, together, by law. Like, share everything, I mean, where does he get off telling me that I'll be entitled to everything he's got?"
"I dunno Kimi, I think it'd be nice. He just wants to take care of you," the blonde grinned after giving it some thought, "congrats by the way. I guess the old man really does hate to wait hm?" He laughed, "he hasn't even known you six months."
It made sense, I decided while nursing my drink further. No one took care of Sasori when he was young, so Sasori wanted to take care of me, and Deidara, and his sister's kids too. I surmised he be an excellent father, when and if that time came in the future, but the blondes final remark reminded me that I was still worried about the speed of this progression.
"He's more or less right," he hairs on the back of my neck stood on end.
"Oh, Sasori," Deidara grinned sheepishly, "how long have you been standing there?"
"I heard the whole thing, I wouldn't have if you'd properly shut the door Deidara," he muttered, scowling, "and Kimi, should you really be drinking?"
I ignored that remark. Deidara took a hike and left the red head and I alone, much to my distain. This time I heard the door click shut behind him. Sasori came closer and took his spot on the bed.
"Slow down," he spoke gently, "I know we're moving fast but not that fast, alright? We don't even have a wedding date. It can be as soon or as far away as we like."
"Yeah but," I sighed, "this is so much..."
"I feel the same way," he sighed too, "but I'm sure I want to be with you and that's enough, don't you think?"
I nodded. I moved over to give him room to lay down and he took it, kicking back on what was quick becoming his side of the bed. He was pushing me and he knew it, and he was pushing himself too. Sasori was the kind of person to keep note books of plans and ideas, he loved to be able to execute things quickly, and he loved to finish something so he could move on to the next. I felt a little like one of his projects, but wasn't I? And wasn't he one of mine? That was just his personality I decided, drinking down the rest of my wine.
I was feeling it, and I was reflecting it. My speech slurred and my face was read, I swayed a little where I sat and watched him though blurring eyes. I'd gotten this drunk on purpose but, why? I felt nauseous, light headed and this wasn't any fun anymore.
"I'm thinking next year," he told, tone even, calm and collected, "for the wedding."
I nodded. A year would be enough time.
"Can we wait to tell people?" I asked, setting my now empty cup down. He nodded. Finally I heaved a heavy sigh of relief and flopped down on the bed. Crisis averted.
"But in the mean time, we've got to do something about that nasty drinking problem of yours."