Part 4

Ben smiled, his cap in his hand as Julia walked out of the parlor; he noticed immediately how tired she looked when she passed under the streetlamp. She smiled weakly at him and then, when she reached him and he embraced her, she dropped her head on his chest as he put his arms protectively around her.

"A rough day, sweetheart?" Ben asked as he kissed her hair. Despite the perfume Julia used, when she left the gambling parlor, her hair always smelled like cigar smoke. "I wish you wouldn't work there anymore," he said. She glanced at him and he responded by putting his arm around her as they began to walk back to the apartment. "But enough of that. I have something I want to talk to you about."

Julia raised her head and looked up at him; he couldn't know already about her and D'Arcy—he couldn't. The only ones who knew were Marie De Val and Jean DeMarigny and that was only because the couple had walked in on the two of them as they lay wrapped together sweating on D'Arcy's office couch. Marie had gasped at the sight of Julia's legs around D'Arcy's waist and Jean had immediately pulled her out of the room. Julia had heard Marie sputtering to her companion in French about how Julia had always been street trash and was no better than a common whore who walked the French quarter looking for sailors to roll. And D'Arcy, upon hearing what Marie had said as well, had laughed and told Julia that for months now, he had been trying to debauch his young cousin and now he had unintentionally done so. And Julia had laughed at the joke as well but she was bothered-and embarrassed. And now Ben wanted to discuss something and Julia was afraid.

"Let's go home first," Julia said, leaning into Ben as they walked together, his arm around her. "I want a bath-it's so very hot."

"I tell you what," Ben said. "I'll draw a bath for you and I'll even wash your back. How's that?" He grinned, leaned over and kissed the top of her head.

Julia gently chuckled. "That would be heaven, Ben."

And Ben was as good as his word. He filled the tub for her. Even though Julia's apartment was small and inexpensive, it did have running water and the cistern in the bar below that supplied the water to the bar also supplied her. And as Julia lowered herself into the warm water, Ben was there and not only did her wash her back, he took down her hair and washed that as well. Julia felt herself relax under his strong fingers as they massaged her scalp. Now she felt clean enough to be with Ben-her conscience as well as her body seemed to be cleansed by the bathwater.

The next day, Ben had to go see his new captain, Captain Stoddard, who, if what he had told Ben was accurate, would be waiting for him at the Black Devil bar. Ben didn't want Julia to go-he said for her to rest, but what he left unsaid was that he feared that one of the men in the bar she had known before and he would want her again-and that Ben could not allow. So Julia busied herself with straightening the apartment and then she went to the market and bought some fresh fish to grill and some okra and onions to pan fry in saved bacon drippings and a cool cantaloupe for dessert. She was rinsing the okra, the fish popping in the skillet, when Ben came home.

He sat down heavily, the sweat running down his face. He wiped his face off with his handkerchief.

"What's the news?" she asked.

"Well, I waited but Captain Stoddard never showed. I asked the bartender if he had seen Captain Stoddard and the man asked my name and when I told him, he gave me this." Ben pulled an envelope from his pocket. "It's a wire-Captain Stoddard said that he'll be another two months. They've been delayed"

Julia smiled and sat down in Ben's lap, laughing and kissing him. "So you'll be mine for another two months," she said, kissing him.

"That's the only good thing about this," he laughed, "but at least I have a job until then."

"What?" Julia looked at him incredulously. "What job do you have?"

"In talking to the bartender, I found they needed an 'enforcer.' The bartender said that I can start tonight. Now," he said, tweaking her nose, "I will no longer be a kept man-I will be able to contribute to our little household." And they laughed together.

And Julia went to work every afternoon as usual and once a week, sometimes twice, D'Arcy would call Julia to his office and more times than not, she was only asked to drop to her knees. The irony of her convent upbringing and the many times she was coerced to drop to her knees to pray or receive a slap on the palm, and the times she was coerced to drop to her knees here, was not lost on her. But other times when D'Arcy called for her, they would talk business. He showed Julia how to keep the books and that became her main job although she still worked at the faro table; she was too talented to be taken away from the table completely. But D'Arcy warned her to never steal from him-he would find out and she would pay the price for her financial indiscretion by becoming "food for the crabs that dance sideways around the bottom of the gulf." And he laughed at his threat when he saw Julia blanch.

Finally, the time came for Ben to meet with Stoddard. He didn't know how long the meeting would take so he and Julia agreed that they would meet at the Place D'Armes-the name by which the French population still called it, or Jackson Square. Julia kissed Ben goodbye and after eating a light breakfast, she had no appetite lately, Julia walked over to Jackson Square with her parasol open and waited for Ben.

As she was sitting, she heard a man's voice behind her. "You are the most beautiful women I have ever seen-even from the back."

Julia turned on the bench and looked up into Ben's smiling face.

"Come, sit with me and tell me about your meeting," Julia said, patting the bench; she pulled her skirts in to make room for him. Ben sat, half turned, and then he held her by the forearms and kissed her. Julia let her head fall on his chest as he wrapped her in his arms. Then she looked up at him, caressing his face. "Oh, Ben," she said, "I love you so."

"Good," Ben said, "because I have something to ask you." Julia sat up and looked at Ben questioningly. Her heart began to thump and her pulse quickened. Ben dropped to one knee before the bench and held Julia's gloved hands. "Julia, my love, will you marry me?"

Julia stared, openmouthed; she didn't know what to say and her mind raced.

Ben smiled at her shocked expression. "You don't have to marry me right this very moment," Ben said, with a small laugh, "not that I would protest, but I leave in two days, Thursday morning, and if you'll give me your answer tomorrow night, hopefully, yes, we'll make plans."

"But, Ben…" Julia was beginning to feel panicky. She loved Ben but she didn't want to leave New Orleans-not yet. Things were becoming highly lucrative for her and her bank account was growing.

Ben stood up and taking both her hands in his, pulled Julia off the bench, laughing. "Well, I didn't mean to terrify you." And then his face softened. "But you must know, my love, how I feel about you, how much I adore you and, Julia, oh, my darling, ma chere, I love you so." He leaned down to kiss her and Julia felt her head spin. He was so overwhelmingly male, so handsome and his mouth was warm and soft. She felt she would faint. She leaned against him, needing his support.

"Julia, are you all right?" Ben was concerned. "Let's get out of this heat. We'll go sit in a café and talk. Is that to your liking?"

Julia looked up at him. "Yes. Yes, that would be nice. It's the heat." And then, partially turning her head, she saw a man and a woman standing a few yards away, watching her with Ben. It was Marie De Val and the handsome young man, Jean DeMarigny. Marie had brought him many times into D'Arcy's salon and he had been with Marie when she had seen Julia and D'Arcy together.

"Come, Ben," Julia said, grabbing his arm. "Let's go now. Please."

Ben looked down at Julia and saw panic in her eyes; she must be more ill than he thought, so quickly, they walked another block to a small café where they could sit under the awning and have a cool drink.

The next day, Julia was restless and Ben was concerned. He decided to ease her mind so he pulled her into his arms as he sat in the large chair in Julia's apartment. "My goodness," he said, "you're like a small child in my arms, a little bird."

"Hopefully not a plain bird," Julia said and Ben laughed.

"What kind of bird would you like to be? You can't be a peacock because the females are so plain." Ben kissed the tip of her nose.

"I choose to be a phoenix." Julia traced Ben's gentle lips with her finger.

"A phoenix? Why?"

"So I can be reborn again into a new Julia as many times as need be."

"But this is the Julia I love," Ben said quietly. "I don't want you to be anything else but this."

Julia wanted to tell Ben that his love for her had made him a fool. She was changing right before his eyes and he couldn't see it-or refused to see it. She put her arms around his neck and kissed him. Then she said that she had to dress for work and Ben sat and smoked his pipe while he watched Julia put on her rouge and brush the kohl on her lashes and to dress. Her every movement thrilled him and he sighed with satisfaction. He would wait for her answer to his proposal.

"Julia," Franz said as she entered the salon and went to her faro table to set up her desk and bank, "M. D'Arcy would like to see you."

"Oh," Julia said, becoming nervous. "Merci." She walked into the back and knocked on D'Arcy's door.

"Entrez," he answered.

Julia walked in and D'Arcy was approaching her. "Franz said that you…" And that was all she had time to say before D'Arcy's hand shot out and slapped her across her face. She fell back against the door, putting her hand up to her cheek. Her neck was sore from the snapping of her head after she was struck.

D'Arcy stood over her after she slid to the floor. His cool demeanor was gone, had evaporated, and in his face, Julia saw a murderous rage. "Did you think I wouldn't find out? That I wouldn't learn that you have been seen arm in arm with a common sailor, probably sleeping with a vulgar, stinking sailor! What do you take me for?" D'Arcy walked back to his desk and sat down, lighting a small, thin cigar and smoking to calm his nerves.

Julia pulled herself up and stood before D'Arcy. Marie, Julia thought, that "salope", has told D'Arcy about Ben. And Julia swore to herself that she would avenge herself against Marie. She did not yet know how but she would but one day she would. But unknown to Julia, it had not been Marie who had informed D'Arcy of Julia's lover; it had been one of the female croupiers who was envious of D'Arcy's show of favoritism toward Julia and of her great beauty who had told D'Arcy that she had seen Julia Bulette on the arm of a common sailor, kissing him and almost making love to him in the park. For her information,the croupier received a gold coin which she dropped inside her bodice for safe-keeping.

Nevertheless, Julia was certain it was Marie. Therefore, a few years later, once Julia had established herself as the owner of a small gambling salon, D'Arcy came to her and asked if she knew someone who, for a small fee-or a larger one-would participate in a "prank' on Marie DeMarigny and her husband, Jean. Julia gave him a name of a man who owed her a sum of money. D'Arcy thanked her generously with many pieces of gold and told her that he and Madame DeMarigny, Jean DeMarigny's mother, would be eternally in her debt.

But now, Julia stood frightened; she didn't know what to do but then, as her mind calmed, she knew; she would make it seem as if Ben's leaving was her idea. "I didn't know that you would care," she said to D'Arcy. "But I will be rid of him, if that pleases you."

"Either you get rid of him and have no other lover but me, or I will have your throat cut for making a fool of me. Do you understand, Julia?"

"Yes," she said coldly, "I understand." And she turned to leave to put cool water on the red mark on her face. She would never forget this, she told herself. Never. And she never did. And months before she left New Orleans to go out west, to find Ben Cartwright and destroy him, she owned the Palais de la Chance and had changed the name to Julia's Palace. Edouard D'Arcy wasted away in his bed, the victim of a mysterious disorder. It was rumored that his own cook had been bribed to slowly poison him, more than likely with arsenic. But nothing came of it; the cook could not be found to be questioned having left New Orleans quickly during the night that D'Arcy took his last, desperate breath.

~ 0 ~

Julia worked the rest of her shift and hid any residual redness with powder but although her face no longer stung, the sting of the slap, of her feeling of helplessness stayed with her and that night, Ben wasn't waiting for her. Julia pulled her cape tightly around her and even though the night was warm, she felt chilled. She rushed home through the empty streets growing more and more desperate every moment. She soon was home and looked up-a light was on in her apartment. She rushed up the stairs and out of breath, opened the door. Ben sat on the edge of her bed, his duffle bag at his feet. He turned his head to face her when she rushed in. He stood up and Julia stopped.

"Ben, I was worried. You weren't there tonight-I was afraid you had already left." She threw her cape over a chair.

"A man came by tonight and gave me this." Ben held out a letter. Julia took it from him and with shaking hands, she unfolded it and read it. "Is it true, Julia?" he asked. "Is it? Are you that man's mistress?"

Julia looked up at Ben. She couldn't decipher his expression. He looked angry and yet there was a tinge of sadness about him. She was unaware she was looking at a broken heart.

"Ben, I did it for us. He's giving me a part of the house's earnings. I'll save the money and then we'll use it to travel out west, to buy the land you want."

"Oh, Julia." Ben turned away, the tears stinging his eyes. "How could you. You said you loved me."

She held onto his arm, trying to turn him to look at her. If he looked at her he would be able to see how much she loved him; she had to make him understand. "I do love you, Ben. I do. He just has my body but you have my heart. That's what's most important. You have my heart and always will. It's not mine anymore now, my heart is yours. That's something D'Arcy will never own. I love you, Ben, only you."

Ben shrugged off her hand and picked up his duffle. "Julia, I can't…it may be nothing to you, to open your body to another man, but I can't live with it. Goodbye, Julia." Ben walked out the door and Julia could hear his footsteps as he quickly descended the narrow staircase.

She ran back inside and threw open the French doors and leaned out over her balcony. "Ben!" she cried out to him. "Ben, please! Come back! Oh please, Ben, come back!" but if he heard her, he never looked up or even slowed his pace. Julia collapsed on the cold tile of the balcony and sobbed. For a few seconds, she considered throwing herself off the balcony and lying broken on the brick street below to end the pain of his abandonment but Julia's mind wouldn't long stay in this mode-her survival skills were too great. Julia literally pulled herself up using the iron rails of the balustrade and went back inside. She lay on the bed, crying and suddenly she was gripped by a stabbing pain in her abdomen. It was so acute that it took away her breath. She drew her knees up and doubled over. The pain kept coming as if her intestines were being twisted, tied in knots. Then she felt a stickiness between her thighs and with a groan of pain, blood flowed from her and all alone, Julia Bulette went through the miscarriage of Ben Cartwright's child.

Julia stayed alone for a week; the intense pain had lasted two days but finally it waned and eventually, she stopped passing clots of blood and the flow tapered off to become manageable. One of the girls from the gambling salon came to check on Julia and why she had not shown to work. Julia the woman was a spy for D'Arcy, come to see if the sailor had left. She helped Julia to clean up and prepared her tea and toast and then she left. Julia wondered what D'Arcy would be told.

The first morning she felt well enough, Julia went to the Haitian section of New Orleans to Mama Manette, a priestess. Julia gave her two silver coins and the lock of Ben's hair she had kept and Mama Manette let loose a curse on Ben. Julia wanted him to know what it was like to lose someone he loved and to suffer broken heart after broken heart. She wanted Ben to feel the pain that he had given her, left her to deal with all alone and Mama Manette assured Julia that he would suffer—he would suffer thrice times over.