When we arrive home, Peeta and I plunk down the couch, resting our tired legs, enjoying the feeling of knowing that we're back in each other's presence. I ask him if he's hungry, he tells me yes, for the last meal he ate was breakfast. It's a great thing I prepared dinner myself and not relied on him. I order him to wait for me at the dining table while I set the table.

"Is that what I think it is?"

"Yeah," I breathe out. "You like them this way, right?"

"I never thought you noticed."

"Well, I did. So, here. It's not as good as Sae's but—"

"I'm sure it'd be fine, Katniss. Smells good anyway."

I shrug, "Guess you have to find out yourself."

After dinner we decide to call it a night, we're both exhausted from all the activities we did today. Him, from traveling, me from preparing. We lie awake on the bed for several minutes, my head on his forearm, both of us lying on our backs, eyes trained on the ceiling. Peeta's playing with my hair, threading strands of it in between his fingers before letting them slowly slip. I hear him yawn, feel him shift and turn so he's facing me. He stares for a moment, then, hesitantly, places a kiss on my cheek. So chaste. "Goodnight, Katniss."

I turn and face him, too, then kiss him full on the mouth. I snuggle beneath his chin so he can't see the blush I currently have on my cheeks. I can tell he's surprised. So I surprise him more. "You can kiss me whenever and wherever you feel like it, you know."

I feel like it lacks the shocking quality so I add, "You don't have to be shy."

Still no obvious response, so I include, "Just not in front of many people, we don't want to draw too much attention to ourselves. Might start rumors that can reach the Capitol. I don't want cameras."

Still nothing.

I pull my head back in confusion. Why isn't he saying something? Then, when I see the look on his face, I know exactly why.

I have shocked Peeta into speechlessness.

I audibly and exaggeratedly sigh. "Peeta, I was teasing you. Okay?"

He blinks at me, a look of disbelief on his face. Then he relaxes. "I thought you were serious. God, I really did!"

"Well, actually, I was." I admit. "I only said I wasn't because I got scared you were mad or disappointed or something."

His expression hasn't changed. "You were?"

"Yeah, I told you last night, remember?" I say. "I called my mom to ask for help."

"And I'm guessing you asked for help… to figure out things?"

"Not exactly figure out, more like I asked her to support me, but you get the idea."

"Wow."

"Was it too unexpected?" I ask warily. I'm anxious about everything concerning this.

He ponders, then says, "You know what, I should have seen it coming. But I guess I didn't want to expect too much." He lets out a chuckle. "All of that aside though, I'm happy. I never thought we'd get past the friends stage."

This time, it's me who's surprised. "Why did you think that?"

He bites his lip like he always does when he's anxious. "I'm not sure. I mean, a lot has happened to me— to us— and I don't know. I guess I thought it was too much to handle for the both of us. We were pressured for so long to act as lovers that the thought of it turning out to be real never crossed my mind. Then after that, with us wanting to save each other, for me they say that it was out of love. For you…"

"For me what?"

"I… I thought it was only just to get back at me. Because Haymitch saved and helped you in our first Games." That was it though. I want to tell him this but I, too, want to use this to my advantage. If he doesn't know, I could tell him it was out of love, too, like his. But also, if I want us to…

Oh my God, I want us to have a relationship. A real one.

I shouldn't be reacting this way, I know, but it's still unsettling. For years I convinced myself I won't ever… God, I didn't even think I was capable of loving someone romantically. But things change, don't they?

Yes, even drastic changes can occur. Who would've thought I would ever come at a point where I'm having an internal argument with myself about how to properly start a relationship?

So I proceed on telling him that at first was exactly like he pointed out, things shifted though, and when he died in that Quell arena, I nearly lost it. My eyes water from recalling the unfortunate event, and Peeta must have noticed because he pulls me close to him.

"You don't have to relive that again if you don't want to. It's okay, you don't need to explain."

An enormous force tells me I have to. "No, I do." I almost shout. "I mean, I do. I've—I've played with your feelings one too many times. You deserve an explanation."

"Katniss, you don't—" he interrupts.

"Peeta, just this one time. Let me explain things to you. Okay?"

I can see a smile in his eyes. For once, my guts were right. He did want an explanation. "Okay," he says.

"Okay," I take a deep breath, then start. "During the first Games, I was… very confused about you. You told Haymitch you wanted us to train together but on the day of the interviews, all of a sudden, you want to be coached separately. I remember feeling betrayed; I got scared, too, because for there to be betrayal, there should've have been trust first. I didn't want to trust you," I look away when I say this, too overwhelmed by my admission.

"I thought you were so intent on getting close to me so you can easily kill me in the arena. When I think about it now, I want to punch myself for ever thinking such thing." I shake my head. "Peeta Mellark, my boy with the bread, wants to kill me? It's absurd."

He smiles.

"Then before it started, before the gong sounded, you looked at me and shook your head. You unhinged me, and I thought to myself, that's exactly what you want. To unhinge me so I get killed. It wasn't only later that I realized you were warning me, you were telling me to not go into the bloodbath. The next time I saw you, you were with the Careers. Just imagine what that sight did to my already confused mind. I was certain you really are hunting me down. Then as usual, later on I realized that you probably did that so you can monitor the Careers' actions and whereabouts, to make sure they never get to me. After I dropped the nest, I got stung, almost passed out, but you told me to run. There were three Peetas in front of me when you said that. The venom's pretty intoxicating. I guess that was the start of me knowing that I… can count on you."

"I teamed up with Rue," I say, my voice cracks when I said her name. "She helped me with the stings, blew up the Careers' supplies, she… you know." An unwanted and unavoidable tear slides down my cheek. Peeta wipes it away with his thumb. "Then they announced the rule change. Before I even know it, I'm shouting your name at the top of my lungs, trying to get to you, also giving away my location. When I realized what I've done, I couldn't understand anything about my thoughts. It was all 'I have to find Peeta, I have to save him,' and I just didn't know what else to do. So I set out to find you. Nursed you back to health."

"You mean, you brought me back from the dead."

"You kept on insisting that, even before, so I'm not going to argue with you on this."

"Really?"

"Yeah." I answer. He furrows his eyebrows, trying to remember, then shrugs. So I continue explaining, "Most of our kisses were for the cameras, I admit that, but there was one kiss that felt real." At this very moment I thanking the Creator for making tonight a very dark night. I'm blushing.

"It made me want more," my voice is now so soft. "I didn't know what to make of that, so I settled on just being a teenager with uncontrollable hormones." That last statement comes out like a joke, which lifts the mood again.

"You told me you weren't good with words!"

I laugh, "This is your fault, Peeta! I spend too much time with you!"

"Oh, but you like it. I know you do," then Peeta Mellark winks at me.

This makes me laugh harder, and him, too. "Oh my God, Peeta Mellark just winked at me! I'm melting, oh, save me!" I imitate the face the girls at my school make whenever they're talking about boys in the corridor. Peeta laughs at me even harder, so harder that no sound comes out of his mouth. It's just him and his silly face and closed eyes and slightly crooked smile. When we've calmed ourselves down, we're both out of breath. And he makes a pun out of that fact, "Katniss, you take my breath away."

I give his shoulder a playful shove, "Do you want to hear the rest of my… story, explanation… justification, whatever?"

"Are you sleepy?" he asks. And truth is, I'm not. I tell him that.

"Then let's hear it."

"Okay, so where did we stop?"

"Um, you being a hormonal teenager?"

"Oh, yeah. That." I smile. "After that, on the train home, we… things got complicated. You told me it was real for you, I told you it wasn't for me. You were… disappointed in me for months. Then I fractured my ankle from jumping from a tree branch and you took care of me. Then we tried being friends, which turned out okay, but the Quell was announced. I got depressed and such. You insisted that we train, like Careers do, even if it's illegal. In that period of time, you kind of like abandoned any pretense of being my friend. You were treating me solely just as a trainer would to his student. Then the reaping came, Haymitch was chosen…, you volunteered. I was mad at you, I knew I was but the grief was too much. I had no energy to waste on being mad at you. On the train to the Capitol, we hugged. I remember feeling your lips on my neck and not wanting to let go but the Capitol attendant I asked to bring a warm glass of milk interrupted us. For every night, you held me in your arms while we slept, to ward off the nightmares. You made me feel safe even when I thought I could never be again.

"We watched a recap of the reapings from the different districts, Haymitch ordered us to make friends because we were at a disadvantage. I disagreed, mostly because I only wanted you by my side. More people around, more effort to watch over you. But during the Quell we had allies. You remember them, right?"

He nods.

"On that first day, you fought off a tribute in the water and won even if you didn't know how to swim. I was proud of you and relieved, too. That same day, you hit the force field with your knife and got electrocuted. I cried when I couldn't hear your heartbeat. Finnick… he saved you, though. And I'll forever be grateful for that."

I say a silent message to him, 'Hey, Finn, I know you're up there… Thank you for everything, for saving Peeta, for keeping me company in Thirteen, for loving Annie, for helping me realize, even just for a bit, that I love Peeta, for sacrificing yourself to save us. Thank you, thank you so much. Do me a favor and take care of Prim and Rue for me, okay? We'll take care of Annie.'

I make a mental note to mention inviting Annie and his son over for a visit when they're available.

A tear rolls on my cheek. I hastily wipe it using the back of my hand. I glance up at Peeta and his eyes meet mine. It's filled with so much sorrow and joy and… love?

He cups my cheek and kisses me gently.

Yes, love.

I don't think I could ever love him more than I do at this moment.

"That was the start of everything, I guess. Every single second after your heart stopped, I thought of you. And on the beach, when we kissed, that felt real, too." I blink, my eyelids now feel heavy but I don't pay them mind. Tonight I'm getting this over with. "All of these things though, in the Quell, they're so… on the surface…? Compared to what I felt in Thirteen. Everything was just more intense. The longing for you… I dream of having nightmares just to feel your arms again. I spend hours crying myself to sleep. I roll the pearl on my lips, pretending that it's your lips. Even the anger I felt for you was deeper, when you hated me. My… love for you, too." I leave it hanging there.

He takes this opportunity to speak. "I know," he tells me. "I felt it, on that mission. The way you didn't want me to kill myself, or the way you held on to me when I was fighting off an episode. I guess that was what kept me sane, your love."

I am, once again, shocked into silence.

He felt it.

He knew.

I guess people do seem to know my secrets before I even know them myself.

"I don't know what to say to that," I say softly.

"Then just continue," he says. "You did that to me, too, earlier."

Right. When I told him about kissing me and such.

I think, what else is there to say? Then I remember what my mother told me. "You know what my mom told me? She said, 'To be honest, dear, I don't think you're confused.'" I pause and look at him. '"You're just afraid.'"

I reach out to touch his face. "Do you remember what I told Cinna when he told me that he'd be lighting us up for the parade?"

He raises his eyebrows, furrows them, then his face morphs into one of enlightenment.

"I'm not afraid," he says, repeating my exact words.

I shake my head at him. "Not anymore."

A/N: So... I'm back. If you're wondering why I update quickly, it's just because I hate to be kept waiting so I won't do that to you.

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