A/N: Right...well...here's the next chapter! Thank you to the reviews from: Sophia the daughter of Nyx, ezrafromstarwarsrebelsisdabest, wubtastical, regularshow565, Jessieklove, RazzlePazzleDooDot, DisneyandWildKrattfangirl, Dirtkid123, DisneyGirl26, FanGirlJen, Blackwind137, Alexis-senpai, DisneyLover, Guest, Purplaz Miner, BannanGodis, lexig76, Clamadea, ag34, Aiko Wind, LostNightSpirits, boscyboo, kplusthree, and Glee Clue Rock 1251! Thank you all :D
Alright, warning here: THIS CHAPTER IS TRIGGERING AND WILL CONTAIN VIOLENCE AND DEPRESSION AND SELF HARM AND ALL THAT STUFF...SO READ AT YOUR OWN RISK. If you don't want to, please skip to the author's note at the end at least. Thanks guys
"Right, well I'll be gone for at least four hours…" Tadashi said slowly, grabbing his jacket. Hiro watched with boredom as Tadashi put his arms through the sleeves.
"Great." Hiro murmured quietly, and inside he knew he couldn't possibly care less what party Tadashi was going to, who he was going to hang out with, or for that matter what he was doing with his life.
"So… I'll see you later." Tadashi nodded quickly before grabbing the keys to the car.
"Bye." Hiro said quickly, watching as Tadashi walked down the stairs and shortly heard the sound of a café door closing.
Hiro stood up slowly, knowing he had the whole house to himself. It was Christmas Eve, and Aunt Cass was at a party at her friend's house, one of which she was very excited and happy about, not getting out much seeing as she was a single aunt raising two nephews on her own and having a café to run. Tadashi had been invited to a party some juniors were throwing, and he wouldn't be back until midnight most likely. And here Hiro was, by himself once again.
He began to walk around the room, a small bubble of excitement bursting inside him for the few times in a few days. He could do anything he wanted to do. He could build a robot or some small machine. He hadn't touched his tool kit in ages, and his hands seemed to be itching to be holding the piece of metal once more.
He nodded to himself happily; it seemed like a fantastic idea. He took of his hoodie and threw it to the side of the room, seeing as it was slightly warm and he not needing to hide the long, red scars across his arms any longer, no one there to see. He looked under his bed to see his beautiful tool kit sitting there, gathering small bits of dust and just begging to be used. Hiro reached for the kit, before a small ping caught his attention.
Ping! It went again. Slowly, ever so slowly, Hiro turned around to see his phone lighting up on his desk, notifications popping up on the lock screen.
Oh no.
Hiro glared at the phone with anger, the small feeling of pure happiness and excitement dying inside of him. Stupid phone, it ruined his evening.
Ping! Ping! Ping! Ping!
Hiro sighed with a large amount of frustration, standing up and quickly walking across the room back to his desk. He picked up angrily, glaring at it harder.
"Stupid phone." He muttered as he saw notification after notification popping onto his screen. It had gone silent for a day, and was suddenly busy again. Now what was going on?
Logic was screaming at him not to, along with fear and dread, but he ignored it all. With a gasp of breath, as if he was about to dive underwater, he opened slid open the touchscreen phone.
His eyes flickered wide open as a familiar memory pained in his mind, seeing the photo on the screen. There he was, lying on the floor of the school's bathroom. His face was hidden in the floor, and he lied in a curled form.
Hiro felt a sick feeling coming into his stomach, as though he was about to vomit. Slowly, his eyes flickered towards the comments under the photo. Name upon name had been whited out, the accounts and profile pictures anonymous.
Lol what a loser
so pathetic wtf lol
what a idiot
haha he sucks
Lmao what a moron.
No 1 cares about u, hiro.
bet his own br0ther is ashamed of him
Yeah lol
Can he just die? Lol
He's a loner.
Just kill urself hiro no1 cares.
LOOOOSSEEERRR
IDIOT GO DIE XDXD
Hiro looked up around the room, and felt hot tears streaming down his face. There he was. Sitting alone in his room while everyone at school was wishing he'd die. No one cared about him…no one loved him…no one wanted to be with him.
They were right.
He really was alone.
Every day, he went through pain, acting as though he was alright while he was silently dying inside. He was told to die every day, told how no one would love him and no one did. How could anyone do it? How could anyone hold on?
Hiro slowly put down the phone onto his bed, his body trembling. He grabbed a piece of paper from below, and a pencil. That's what people did right? They wrote a note.
He stared at the white piece of paper, his mind as blank as the paper in front of him. He slowly took his shaking hand, writing carefully.
He finished the note, tears flooding down his face. He let out a sob and put the note onto his pillow, laying the pencil beside it. He took a deep breath and stood up, shaking and crying harder.
The walk from the bedroom, down the hall, and to the bathroom was unbearable. Every step seemed to take an eternity, and every breath equaled another sob escaping his lips.
Once he reached the white door, he stepped inside, closing and locking it behind him. He switched on the light, and didn't bother to look into the mirror to his red eyes and shaking body.
He opened the cabinet behind the mirror, his hands reaching for the orange bottle that revealed the end. The thing that would cure the pain he endured every…single…day…
He grabbed the razor he had held in his hands every day for the past few months, and began to slice open his arms; blood spilling from his arms down to the floor, every cut aching and burning but the pain of wanting to die was more powerful, numbing the physical pain. He felt tears escaping flooding from his eyes and finally he set down the razor, picking up the orange bottle of pills and opening it quickly.
"Goodbye, Tadashi." He took one pill. "Goodbye, school." He took another, letting out another sob. He took one after another, his vision slowly blurring as all his organs screamed inside. His veins seemed to be on fire, burning, bleeding from the cuts, but he felt no pain. He only let out another sob, letting himself fall to the ground.
"Goodbye, world."
Tadashi fumbled for the keys to the front door of the café. It was 11:30 at night, and all the lights were off in the café, the same way he had left it before. The key turned and clicked, and he entered the house.
The party had been alright, he guessed. Tadashi was never the total party lover, but he didn't mind them. After a while, he was growing tired of the laughter and loud music, and he decided to leave and go home, feeling bad that he had left Hiro all alone.
The café was silent, and Tadashi turned on the switch, illuminating the room.
"…Hiro?" He called into the silence, but no respond came. He slowly put the keys onto the counter, convincing himself that Hiro was most likely fast asleep in bed. It was pretty late, and he had been staying up late for the last few nights, he must've been exhausted.
Tadashi made his way up the stairs, an unsure and nervous feeling settling in his stomach, and he had no idea why. He entered the room to find the lights on, and no Hiro in bed.
"Hiro!" Tadashi called again, and let out a sigh. Where was he?
Ping!
Tadashi ignored the sound at first, but he heard it again and again, so he finally turned to the source of the noise, finding Hiro's phone lying on his bed. He slowly walked towards the phone, ignoring his surroundings, and picked it up slowly. Maybe this would show where Hiro was…
He opened up to Hiro's social media, and felt a sudden horror flow through his body as he saw the incoming comments.
No1 loves u
Nerd
PATHETIC LOOSER HAHA
Can you just die?
Go die, you idiot.
Tadashi felt his breathing quicken, and he threw the phone on the bed. He didn't care who said it, or why they were saying it, he just needed to find Hiro right then and right there.
"HIRO!" Tadashi yelled, running down the stairs and started checking every room in the house.
He threw open every door, screaming his little brother's name. Finally, he reached the end of a hallway, and a small light was casting against the wall from the room. He ran towards the door, and knocked loudly.
"Hiro! Open the door!" No answer, only silence. Tadashi tried to open it with all his might, but it was locked.
"HIRO! OPEN, PLEASE, OPEN THE DOOR!" Tadashi threw his body at the door as hard as he could, but it only budged slightly, not willing to open.
"HIRO PLEASE!" He felt hot tears pricking his eyes, but he continued to throw his body against the locked door, ignoring the pain that flew from his side to the rest of his body.
"HIRO." Finally, the hinges broke and the door clicked, unlocking, and Tadashi threw it open.
He stared in horror at the scene in front of him. Hiro was lying still on the floor, a small pool of blood around his arms and an empty pill bottle in his fist, drying tears stained on his face.
Tadashi fell to his knees, letting out a sob.
"HIRO NO." He screamed, feeling his world crashing against him, and pulled his baby brother he had grown up with since he was three; the boy he had taught his first word, the boy he had played with and laughed with, the boy he loved and tried so desperately to show it. The blood on his arms was cold, and his face was a pasty white.
"Help! Somebody please help!" Tadashi screamed, sobbing as he hugged Hiro to his chest, letting the blood stain his shirt. But no one was home. He quickly pulled his own phone out of his pocket and with shaking hands dialed 911.
Tadashi sat in the silence, eyes cast towards the floor, his knees to hit chest as he sat in the waiting room of the hospital. He was shaking, tears staining his cheeks. The paramedics had called Aunt Cass, and she was on her way as quick as she could, she being over twenty miles away.
The thoughts that had been swirling in his darkened mind ever since he rode on the ambulance were back again. How had he not realized…how had he been that blind? How didn't he see that Hiro was depressed, that Hiro was being bullied, that Hiro was suffering? How had he been so stupid…so selfish and oblivious to the fact that his little brother was being told to die daily?
Tadashi was pulled out of his thoughts as he saw a doctor exit into the waiting room.
"Well?" Tadashi was on his feet in an instant, but his whole world crumbled as he saw the doctor standing in silence, staring sadly at the floor.
"…we tried everything we could. He died about an hour ago." The doctor said in a low voice. He finally looked up. "We're so sorry."
Tadashi stood in silence, in pure shock and horror. Hiro was dead... Hiro was gone… Hiro had killed himself…He was gone…
Tadashi fell to his knees, and began to bawl. He let out loud anguished sobs, rocking himself back and forth. The doctor had left the room, and here Tadashi sat, alone, sobbing and breaking inside.
He had failed his parents. He had failed himself.
He had failed Hiro.
Three hours had passed since the hospital trip. Aunt Cass came and was crying with Tadashi as she heard what happened to her youngest nephew.
Now Tadashi was entering the café once again, his eyes puffy and red from crying so hard. His aunt wasn't with him; she was talking with someone about something that Tadashi didn't care about. He just wanted to go home.
He looked up the stairs, waiting for Hiro to come running down with a huge smile on his face, laughing and yelling "There you are, Dashi!" as he did months and months ago. He waited in silence, hoping and praying with all his heart that he would be there. But no Hiro came.
Tadashi glanced around the empty café, the empty tables that he and Hiro used to sit at, eating the donuts their aunt gave them as they finished their homework from elementary school. He remembered Hiro's laughter as he finished before Tadashi, calling him a slow poke.
Tadashi felt tears prick his eyes again as he made his way up the stairs. He looked into the TV room, remembering how the two brothers had watched old movies, Hiro making sarcastic commentary just to get a laugh from Tadashi and an elbow to the ribs that made him crack up.
Tadashi walked up to their room, hesitantly opening the door. It was just the way he had found it before he knew what Hiro had done. Before he realized. Before he knew Hiro was gone.
Tadashi glanced at Hiro's unmade bed, his sheets spread messily across the bed the way they were left before he had died. He then noticed something he hadn't before.
A note on Hiro's pillow.
Tadashi made his way towards the bed slowly, unfolding the note with care and staring at the piece of paper before tears filled his eyes as he began to read the first word.
Dear reader.
My name was Hiro Hamada. I was twelve years old. My parents died when I was three years old, and I had been an orphan ever since. Now I went back home with them.
I tried to stay strong, I tried to hold on. Don't say I didn't. But I realized how damned this world is. I realized how useless I was. I realized how no matter what happened…I would always be dealing with people who hated me for being me.
I couldn't do it.
So now I'm gone.
Don't cry for me. You'd be crying for nothing. No one loved me. I was born in the wrong time, wrong place…with the wrong life. I was a mistake. No one wanted me here. No one wanted me to be on this stupid earth. I'm sorry.
Tell the world I died in vain. If you want someone to blame, blame the world for never caring. Blame the world for hating me. Blame the world for being a screwed up. Blame the world and blame the majority in it.
I couldn't be on this world anymore. So now I'm gone…back where I belong
Goodbye.
Tadashi read it once. Read it again, and let himself let out another sob, shaking his head as he fell to his knees.
"I'm sorry, otouto…I'm so sorry."
It had been a week. A whole week since that terrible Christmas Eve, the day Hiro Hamada left the earth.
It was raining hard that day. "It rains when a good man dies." Tadashi had told Hiro, who of course was too young to understand, but still frowned as Tadashi was on the verge of tears at their parents' funeral that day. The familiar quote rang true to this day.
Tadashi stared in the mirror at his black suit and black tie before feeling a familiar pain he had felt years and years ago, but this time the pain was so much greater than the one before. Of course it hurt; how could burying your baby brother not hurt…?
He felt himself holding back tears again. He had been crying every single day for the past week, and he tried so hard to hold it in again.
He ran a shaking hand through his hair, which had not been combed in a while, and it was growing messy. Not as messy as Hiro's, but-
The thought of Hiro made his eyes burn and he left his reflection, left the mirror to bury his brother, bury his otouto. Bury Hiro Hamada.
The funeral had just finished. Tadashi sat on the front step of the café, rain beating against him harshly, as if God was punishing Tadashi for being such a terrible brother. But Tadashi couldn't complain. God was always right.
Tadashi felt the rain mixing in with the tears streaming down his face, not being able to tell them apart. Only an hour ago, he stood in a grassy field, music flowing through the air, but he didn't notice it until later. All he saw was everyone dressed in black, black umbrellas over their heads. Hardly anyone was there at the funeral, only a preacher, Aunt Cass, Tadashi, and three of Aunt Cass's favorite costumers who wouldn't let the field be as empty as it was, coming to pay their respects.
Tadashi could barely turn to see the coffin, and tears rose once again in his eyes as he saw his baby brother, his only family he had left just lying there, his face pale and dressed in white. Everything burst into pain and anguish, his insides screaming: Hiro, otouto, please, stand up! Say something! Don't just lie there! Say something, do something! Please, just say it was a joke. Please, just don't be dead! Don't be dead…
But he was as still as stone.
The pastor spoke in a low voice, speaking comforting words, but Tadashi couldn't make them out. They all blurred in his ears, not comforting or helping Tadashi whatsoever.
Finally, the preacher went silent, and everything was still. Tadashi thought he heard his aunt's sobs, but as much as he wanted to, he couldn't turn. He couldn't comfort her, couldn't even move a muscle. He saw the coffin close, and it lowered into the ground…his little brother who he couldn't save…he was dead…he was gone.
Afterwards, people apologized endlessly. "I'm sorry for your loss." They said in a low voice to both Aunt Cass and Tadashi, but no words could make up for the boy who now was lying under the ground, body pale and alone. No matter what anyone could or did say, it didn't make up for the fact that Tadashi had just let his family die once again, that he had failed his baby brother when he promised to protect him with all his life…
Tadashi brought himself out of his thoughts and he looked up suddenly as the rain continued to beat on his head. He looked up at the gray sky as raindrops washed over his face, as if angels were crying for Tadashi, who sat alone on the steps.
He never got to help Hiro. He never realized what he was going through every single day. He never got to make things better for him.
"I'm sorry I couldn't save you, Hiro…" Tadashi whispered softly, slowly standing up and looking at the sky again, tears streaming down his face. "I'm sorry, Hiro!" He yelled towards the sky.
"Please God…give me another chance…" He continued to yell at the sky, as if God could hear him and fulfill his wishes. "You took everything from me! You took my parents already; you made me an orphan at age eight! Do you really have to take my brother too? Do you!?" Tadashi heard a crack of thunder overhead, but was crying too hard to care.
"You made my brother go through hell! Why couldn't you let things get better on earth for him? Why did you have to make Hiro be with such a horrible brother like me?!" Tadashi sobbed out, the sky continuing to pour out rain and rumble lowly.
"WHY DO YOU HATE OUR BROKEN FAMILY SO MUCH?!" Lighting flashed overhead, and Tadashi cursed loudly and fell to his knees, sobbing harder.
"…H-Hiro…I'm so sorry…please come back, please just come back…" Tadashi whispered, but he knew it was far too late.
"I'm sorry Hiro…I'm so sorry…"
The End…
A/N: …right before you kill me please hear me out, and please read below.
Okay…a lot of you may be wondering why the heck did I end this this way. Why did I do this to Hiro? I love Hiro, I like happy endings. So why on earth did I do this?
Well…a few of you may know this but I'm depressed and suicidal. I cut, and I was bullied (very little don't worry) and emotionally abused. And no, I didn't say that to make you feel bad for me. No, I don't want PM's of apologies or sympathy.
What I wanted to do was prove a point. So I'm writing letters to a few groups of people. Here it goes.
To the suicidal (broken, beaten, and the damned (if you know that that's from I love you)): I know how you feel. It's okay. First of all, I didn't make this story to make you feel bad about the way you are. Hell no, that's not at all what I'm trying to say! But I know how it feels, and you often feel "no one will care if I just DIE." I'm here to tell you that is NOT true. Look at Tadashi! Don't tell me that's not how your parents would feel, or your siblings or friends. Again, I'm not trying to make you feel terrible. But before you pick up the pill bottles, before you pick up the gun or the rope to end your precious life, please think about what you're doing, and please oh please don't do it. It's not going to get better that way, it just ends it. Please, stay strong. Hold on and hang in there. Tell someone you can trust. Please. I love you so much. Stay strong, beautiful.
To the bullies: Alright, there are most likely very, VERY few of you reading this story. But if you are and you're making fun of someone, listen up, jerk. STOP. Even if you think: "Oh, it's just a joke. They need to toughen up." IS DEATH A JOKE TO YOU? (sorry I get really angry about this sort of thing) How about instead of spreading anger, sadness, and pain: maybe love, charity, and kindness? Maybe instead of teasing a friend for something they love, or for something they can't change, ACCEPT THEM. There is very little love in this world. Please, give a little more.
To people who know someone suicidal: Alright, some of you might be helping. Which is beyond wonderful! But some of you aren't, and I'm talking to you now. Look, I had a "best friend" who I loved very dearly and I told her I was suicidal. What did she do? Nothing. Not a dang thing. I can't tell you how much that hurt! Someone I trusted and loved didn't care if I wanted to die. Didn't care that I was suffering. SO IT HURTS. If you know someone is suicidal, tell a grown-up you trust; maybe your parents or school counselor. I know you might think "but they trusted me with this secret…" My rule for secrets is "if it's not harming you or anyone else, don't tell." So, TELL SOMEONE. Is it more important that your friend is mad at you but is getting help or that your friend might not be mad at you but is dead?
Finally, to people who just wanted a good, dang story: I'M SORRY *hands virtual tissues*
But…if you all don't hate me…(and I know some of you might right now…sorry!) Please stick around for another few chapters (whaaaa?) I know I said it was the end, but stick around for a while please.
Again…if any of you are suffering and need someone to talk to, please PM me. I love helping people, and I'll never be annoyed with you. Literally, I do nothing all day except stupid homework and writing. SO YOU CAN PM ME IF YOU WANT.
I love you all… *internet hugs*