When I wake up all I want to do is fall back into the bliss that was unconsciousness. Everything hurts, the memories more than my body. A tell tale dampness on my face lets me know I either started crying, or I was a little earlier, and if I had any tears left I would cry, and scream and writhe and shriek for everything I've endured and for everything my pack has endured. Blue, Sheldon, drugs and horrid living conditions.
When I open my eyes the light hurts a little but it's tolerable. The headache the light brings with it slightly less so. The first thing my weary eyes do is seek out Shelton. Bandaged and very much alive, sleeping like everyone else. I can smell the pain meds on him but I know he needs them too and I wish so much I had some of the meds running through my veins too. A small movement draws my raptor vision eyes to my puppy, and I find him staring right back at me.
Mother-friend not well.
"No." I whisper back, my voice crackly and defeated. "Mother friend is not well."
Mother-friend not smell right. Off. Right but not right. Why mother-friend?
"A very mean man did things to mother friend, and mother friend just wants to forget." The raspy quality of my voice just gets worse. I look up a little and realize Ben is holding me tightly against his chest. The warmth is nice and a little calming, but does nothing for the pain in my muscles and practically everywhere else. I'm one small entity, a tiny little sun of blazing pain and aches. If I could work my voice into a scream I'd probably have burst the packs ear drums by now. Or if I moved much more.
Mother-friend pain. No like.
All I can do is give a small, static-y hum in response. Coop moves to lick the salty moisture drying on my cheeks and his tongue feels kind of nice against my sore face. He moves carefully onto my lap, testing each point delicately before moving himself onto my thighs. A sigh passed my lips, a harsh sound that carried something that sounded kind of like a sad, almost wise lisp. I watched as lights reached the window. The heavy sheet of metal that made up the door was slammed open violently.
Coop glared at it tiredly, my virals suddenly in action. My wolves were all barking and growling, Forest wailing with anger. Staring at us was the face of my very nightmares, the man who'd 'seen' my yesterday. Reddish, greying hair that thinned at the hair line and a very large bald spot on the crown. Eyes so pale they were almost completely white, save pitch black pupils, all of which hid behind gold horn rimmed glasses with only one lens in the shiny frames. A too wide grin grace the old, wrinkled face. His face, arms and legs were comically thin compared to his fat body.
"Nice to see you all awake. Specially you miss Brennan and might I say you are quite the screamer!" He laughed heartily. He snatched Hiram's jaw, holding tight enough to leave bruises and nodding in dim approval before letting go.
"Any witty comments Brennan? You were pretty full of em before I fucked ya." He full out screams with laughter. They're all growling now, the dogs. My boys are just looking at me in shocked horror.
"It's not fucking me you ass sack. It's called rape for future reference try to get that through your impressively thick skull." I hate the way my voice rasps and I have no idea where I even got those sentences from but thats alright. He tsk's angrily, the cruel smile and the laughter gone, and he stalks out of the room. I just close my eyes and pretend nothing happened. I know for a fact I am far happier thinking it didn't happen.
"Rape..." Shelton whispers in horrified anger.
"Uh huh." I deadpan in response. I open my eyes to find his golden irises fixed on my own. His eyes are wide and he looks so distressed it hurts me. I sigh softly as my newly acquired smokers rasp can manage.
Alpha-sister... force mate?
"Uh huh." I repeat. All of my wolves look very displeased by that emotionally detached confirmation. Fact, the rest of the virals even more so.
"Tory..." Hi tries but I can tell the words get stuck in his throat.
"Please don't, Hi." I mutter, knowing he can hear me very well.
"So out of everything we've been through, the adventures and all of our victories... this is how we go isn't it. We finally lose..." Shelton murmurs and I can hear his hears in his voice, tight and shakey, just as much as I can smell them. His distress makes me feel so much worse, because I can smell it, taste it even, and I hate it because it's his. He shouldn't have to be in this at all, and when I look back he always wanted to stop what we were doing and just go home and play it safe... Make sure we all lived to see another day.
"I'm sorry." I whisper.
"Don't talk like that Tor, please! We'll find something we'll do something anything! Just... we've done it before we can do it again! Escape." His voice is still tight but it's strong. I have to admire his courage and his strength when all of mine seems to have left me.
"Every good story has crazy armed gun men and a pack of mutant teenagers with severely mangled DNA. But every good story has to end." I whisper, mostly to myself, but I know they can hear me."If you see a star make a wish, because you'll realize it might be the last star you'll ever see."
"You sound like you're giving up." Hiram accuses. Maybe he's right.
"Maybe I'm tired of fighting."
"Well I'm not." Shelton is literally glaring at me, and I never thought I'd see the day really. His golden eyes seem to be trying to light me on fire but I know it isn't working. I'm tired and sore, and I'd give anything to be dead right now. Well, almost anything. I'll hang on tightly to my pack, because now it's all I've got.
"How can you just give up?" He shouts. Actually shouts. The dark chocolate coloured skin by his eyes, dulled by dust and dirt, is now steaked with rivers of moisture. The glowing embers of his eyes are bright and shiny, just like Hiram's, and Ben's, and mine.
"How can I keep fighting?" I whisper and I hate how defeated I sound.
"You're Victoria Brennan! I know you'll find a way." He retorts rather snarkily and I can't stop the weak, hoarse laugh that passes my lips. He looks at me like I'm crazier than normal. I just shake my head lightly and stroke Coop's fur. It calms me, probably more than it calms him.
Mother-friend OK?
No, not really. Not now anyways, but maybe one day she will be.
My boys flinch a little and I love them all the more for it. Shelton and Hi glare at me a little, though theres no vehemoncy behind their glowing eyes. Hi smiles at me but I can't bring myself to smile back.
Ben doesn't say a single word. His arms tighten a little around me and I let myself relax as much as I can into the solid warmth of his torso. It hurts, all the cuts, stitches and every gaping mental and emotional wound but if I survive this thing maybe I will be OK eventually. I don't want to think about the pain at all, but I can't ignore it. The whole cell falls into an uneasy but rather nice silence and slowly I let myself begin to lose consciousness. I'm tired and sore and I want to sleep, but I'm also hungry, and thirsty, and I kind of need to pee, so I settle for a feigned snooze, right on the very edge of of sleep and wakefulness.
"What are we gonna do?" Shelton asks. It sounds like he's in pain, and very very worried. It takes me longer than I'd like to admit to realize he's talking about me.
"What can we do?" Hi sounds so dejected it makes me want to cry.
"We can wait. Opportunity will present itself and we'll all get out." Ben's voice is harsh, but it's more out of anger than disuse.
"If you mean what Eliza said how can we trust her?" Hi almost snaps. "She's the daughter of that fucking psycho rapist!"
"Shh!" Shelton responds rather loudly and in my mind I snicker a little. Defending my rest, my little hero, with enough volume to wake me up himself.
"Well what choice do we have. She brings us food and we're lucky she doesn't make us eat the raw stuff they give the full out canines. Sides, it's pretty damn obvious she isn't happy here." Ben growls.
"How do you figure that?" Hi sighs.
"The way she held herself, even with the stupid fake cheery attitude and stuff. She kinda slouched, and not normal bad posture really. Just kinda obvious she isn't happy when you know what to look for. She wants us to protect Tory too. I feel like she wanted to say protect her, because I can't. Don't even know why she'd want to." That was a lot of words, especially for Ben.
"Right now do we care?" My chubby baby boy replies. Even though I know for a fact he can carry me pretty easily. He never gets to know I called him my chubby baby boy in my head.
"Maybe we should." Shelton murmurs. I tune out a bit as Hi and Shelton argue a little.
"Guys shut up. Take a leaf out of our red head's book and take a nap. We probably need all the sleep we can get." Ben is quiet. He sounds sad, and a light tugging at the aforementioned locks of my red hair make me realize he's running his fingers through it. I can feel the calluses on his hands against my scalp, and I take a moment to try and memorize the sensation. Silence overtakes the cell, the dogs having fallen silent the second my rapist left. I let the feeling of Ben's fingers in my hair throw me off the ledge I was standing on and I plunge into the rolling waves of a deep, heavy sleep.
I would have liked to make it soooo much longer and you all deserve better but I'm so sorry! I've been dealing with more shit than I'd like to admit to and I kind of just got lost. No inspiration and not much of a desire to do anything but sleep... still don't have a desire to do anything but sleep... not the point. I'm going to make a valiant effort to update more, for those of you still reading and/or waiting and again I am so, so sorry.
Please don't be too mad at me! I know I haven't been a very good authour lately. 0r at least just really, really bad at updating... I don't think I can quite appologize enough because I practically abandoned my account for Even God doesn't know how long... I feel so bad about promising updates and never actually giving them. A million apologies to each of you and a prayer for forgiveness.