Deanna/Caleb

Warnings: Triggery for abuse

17 – "I didn't like his friends."

Deanna Winchester pouted in the front seat after finding out there was no way around the unsupervised visit. Her father ignored her. Like always. Sam chattered non-stop. He loved going to the Bailey Farm. No one bothered him, ever. The men met in the yard and walked around to the back to talk about guns, monsters and women. They wouldn't let her come with them. Sam took his book to the porch. Caleb got Sam a glass of lemonade and grinned at Deanna. Deanna pretended not to notice. Not even when it got hot out and going inside would be cooler. It would also be alone with Caleb.

She ate dinner from a box at the table with the rest of them. She didn't even flinch when she felt the hand on her thigh. She was made of stone. Then the men left for their hunt. Sam kept his nose in a book. Caleb whispered hot words in her ear while he helped himself to the skin under her blouse. Maybe it did feel good but it shouldn't. It always made her face hot and red and made her eyes close, made her head nod when he asked his questions into her ear, made her respond to requests and nudges. Made her answer that yes it did feel good and yes she did want it.

Maybe that was the whole reason she hated it. She didn't really like it but when it was happening she just couldn't say no.

It had never felt right.

Not ever in the last four years. Now, his big hands were full of her curves. Now, his fingers met with slick between her legs. Now, it didn't hurt so much in the bad way. Now, she walked into his attic bedroom on her own two feet. Let her fingers count the ridges in his stomach when he laid on top of her. Let her hold on when he buried his face in her neck and thrust deep inside, frantic and breath full of curses.

Her face still burned red afterward. Fingers still shook with wet on their tips as she stared at them covered in her slick and his come. His hand rested on her hip, the back of his arm along her back as he caught his breath. This time he rolled over into her and buried his face in her hair as he slid back inside her, his hands under and around her and touching everything while he whispered how hot she was, how beautiful, how good, how fucking amazing.

It was getting harder to let go of him at the end. Getting harder to get up and put her clothes back on so she could wash up downstairs and get into the bed she shared with her brother. Getting harder to be angry when her dad came back and didn't notice anything. He saw everything in the world but he didn't see this.

It had been going on for so long and no one noticed.

The first time, she'd been 12 and Caleb 15. His friends had been over. They had started it. Teasing Caleb about never having kissed a girl. About never touching a girl under her clothes. Then they had seen Deanna. The first kiss had been just the two of them, alone in the attic bedroom. Touches soft, words reassuring. Then his friends had demanded proof. She'd wanted to say no. She'd wanted to scream for Sam but he was little. There was nothing he could do. They'd wanted to watch.

Things had gone too far.

Everyone knew it. His friends had slunk off and she'd never seen them in the house again. Caleb didn't try to hold on to her. She got up and got cleaned up and stayed well away until their fathers got back. She'd wanted to tell her dad something but she was afraid he'd be mad at her. She'd wanted him to ask but he never did and so she never told.

She'd complained about the next visit but he'd yelled at her to grow up. Caleb had left her alone the first day or so. Kept his friends outside but then he'd come in close and whispered how much he'd liked it and missed her and her face had flooded red and hot. She'd frozen and he'd picked her up and carried her to his room. She'd cried just as much as the first time. She'd cried through several days of all the trips in the following year. She didn't quite remember when the tears had stopped or when the hurting had changed into things that caused flush and warmth. It had slowed down a bit for a while then she'd come back to the farm with real breasts and it had started up all over again.

This time was different. It felt different. Even Caleb was different. Taller and stronger and... hornier. They still didn't talk about it. Like if they did, they'd have to face the truth about it. This time was different.

Deanna sat on the porch and let the sun warm her. Sam was in the field looking for whatever 12-year-olds looked for in fields. She felt Caleb sit next to her. She took the glass of lemonade. Sipped it and set it aside. He was right next to her. So close his warmth seeped into her, hotter than the sunlight. This was different. She listened to him talk. About his friends he hated, about his disappointing graduation, sucky jobs and hunting. Felt his lips on her temple but she didn't move. Didn't lean in. Didn't budge. She was a stone. His hand rested on her opposite shoulder. He talked about enlisting. Talked about regrets.

They were still sitting like that when their fathers pulled up. When Deanna looked up and met her father's eyes, she knew he had finally seen something he didn't like. Caleb sat up and took his hand back. They ate dinner from boxes, her father's eyes burning holes through her face. It got hot despite Caleb keeping his hands to himself. Caleb announced his plans for the Army. It got real quiet. His father nodded to himself. John cleared his throat and asked when he was shipping out. The date was so soon, Deanna's head snapped up. It was too late to pretend she was a stone.

They didn't stay the extra night the way they always had before. Deanna sat in the backseat and watched the farm get small in the rear window. The burn of her father's eyes through the rearview mirror. She waited for him to ask but he didn't. She got an odd look when the call had come from Caleb at boot camp. He was breathing heavy and it sounded like he was crying. She listened to him and his apologies and his regrets and how he thought he might die in basic training.

It wasn't like hunting monsters with the family and the Winchesters. When he'd calmed down, he talked about sniper training and guns. He'd hung up without her saying a word the whole time. Her father had stared at her when she'd handed the phone back but didn't ask. The next time they went to the Bailey Farm, Deanna had run through her duffel for laundry and found the box of tampons smashed at the bottom. Half-full and she couldn't remember when she'd bought them. When she ran into town to pick up the boxes for dinner, she got a pregnancy test because she didn't want to assume any damn thing.

After peeing on the stick, she'd gone to hide in Caleb's attic room and cried hard. She was only 16. Caleb had never used condoms in all the years. She'd been lucky until now. When they left the farm, she waited until Sam was sent into a store for supplies. "Dad."

"Yeah, sweetie?"

"I'm pregnant." She spoke directly to the windshield. Listened to him breathe in and out in harsh breaths. "It's Caleb's."

"I thought you didn't like him." He barked.

She thought about it for a minute. Those were the words she always said when they were headed to the Bailey farmhouse. It wasn't so much all the times it was Caleb, it was Caleb when he was hanging out with his friends. "I always liked Caleb. I didn't like his friends. The way he was with his friends."

"You're sixteen. You're too young for this shit."

"It's been going on a long time, Dad. Long time." She frowned at her knees. She didn't really like Caleb, did she? Maybe she just got used to it. "Maybe I shouldn't have it."

"Maybe?" He scoffed. "You don't know a thing about raising babies."

"I know a thing or two." She reminded him as Sam reappeared with a bag of snacks for the car ride. "I think I have to make a decision soon. I don't want to tell Sam if I don't keep it."

"Yeah, okay. Caleb know?"

"I don't want to tell him at all." She breathed out.

"Cause he joined the army?"

"It's complicated."

"What's complicated about a 19 year old taking advantage of my 16 year old daughter?"

"Because I was 12 when it started and you didn't notice a damned thing even though I begged you not to go back there." She turned her eyes on him but he didn't dare say anything about it when Sam was in the backseat and passing jerky and bottles of water up front.

When Sam was asleep and the radio was on low, she cried softly with her head on her father's leg. "I always begged not to go back there."

"Sh." He rubbed her shoulder and sniffed back his own tears. "It's okay. It's okay."