Deanna/Caleb

19 – "He made me wonder."

Deanna Winchester walked into the bar and set her bag down by a table before taking a seat. A nervous waitress asked if she would like a smaller table, in the back, but skittered away when Deanna faced her fully. The scars were terrifying for the uninitiated. She ate her meal and drank her beer and wondered how many hunters had wandered through the bar before her. Probably not many. Probably not the good ones. The ones that had lived to be scarred and mangled enough to scare a backwoods waitress.

She took the bag with her to the bathroom. She took her time and cleaned up in the bathroom. Changed her underwear and bra. She was in the middle of putting on clean socks when the waitress barged in, gasped, and ran away. Maybe she should have locked the door.

Dressed, she got her bag and walked outside and into the night. She tossed the bag in the trunk of her car and kept on walking to find a place to gamble. The seedier parts of town wouldn't blink at her face. She had a knife in her boot and a gun in her jacket pocket. No one would mess with her but the ones that might, were the ones who weren't going to back down.

The buy-in was high. She had it covered. Some of the men were just as scarred as she was. She was the last of three in the end. A bald fellow that had gray stubble and a fat fellow with one eye. The bets were high and the hands were amazing. Both of them kept dropping their eyes to her chest and only lingered a minute on the scarred part of her face. Deanna took the pot. Cash in her bra, she joined the others in the main bar for a drink. The bald fellow pushed up on her and she didn't mind so much. He was handsome enough, strong enough, had enough scars. She took him around to her car. She tied him to the door and stashed the cash when he wasn't looking. Made him scream. Even untied him for another go. Afterward, she drove him to his motel.

She stared after the broad shoulders for a long moment before she drove off into the rising sun. Two towns over, she pulled into the little house. She tiptoed past the sleeping priest at his desk and got showered and changed into an old USMC shirt. She crept into bed with her six year old and fell asleep before he woke up.

When she woke, it was afternoon and she had enough time for coffee and to throw together a snack before her son came running through the door with artwork and homework. She kissed his face and threw her arms around him. Pastor Jim came in a bit later with his sermons. They ate dinner and played a couple of board games before bed time.

Deanna sat up with Jim. "I got it."

"I was expecting you yesterday."

"I know." She nodded. "Any time I try to fix myself so that I'm not him… I get so scared that I stay away… and I'm him."

"He was a good man."

"I know. He was a bad father."

"Maybe." Jim sighed. "Sam's okay."

"Yeah?"

"His bill is due."

"Yeah." Deanna pulled the cash out of her pocket. "It's enough for six months. There's some for Marty, too."

"You're not taking him with you?"

"He's caught up. He likes his school." She took a breath and leaned back in her chair. "What I remember the most about school is how much I hated starting over. If it's too much for you, I'll find a situation in town."

"You seem different."

"I had a strange night."

"Oh?"

"I don't know."

"Alright. You should see your brother. He misses you."

She laughed to herself and nodded to him. "Next week. I want some time with Marty so he knows I'm still his mother."

They sat in silence for a while. Jim scribbled on his notepad. "Who was he?" The silence stretched out. "You only get like this when there's a man. Who was he?"

"No one. I won some of that money off him and he was good enough sport to hit on me and he didn't even try to steal his money back." She shrugged. "He had kind eyes. Blue ones. Bald on top, shaved the back. Face had stubble, gray. Good chin. Scars. Hunter, maybe. 35… maybe 40."

"If he's a hunter and as old as all that and still kind to your eyes, he must be a good one."

"Maybe. I just. He made me wonder. I haven't wondered in a while."

"Wondering is always good. You're too young to stop wondering."

"I miss him."

"I know."

Deanna spent two weeks with her son. Then she went to see her brother. The machines did the work. She spent a week sitting by his side. They celebrated his birthday. The machines hissed. Deanna chatted. She spent one night in the bed with him, holding him the way she used to when they were kids and all the guns in the world couldn't scare away the monsters in his head. She signed all the new papers and listened to the doctors. She nodded and fought tears. She met the new doctors and listened to them and told the story again. "He was on the roof. Dad was trying to get him down. They slipped. They had concussions. We thought everything was fine. He had a couple of stitches and his hair was so long we didn't know it was infected. It was bad. We got it treated but it took so long to clear up that the meds caused some kind of arrhythmia but we didn't know about it cause he's… he was pretty active.

"Dad was pretty hard on us and… when he complained of chest pains, Dad told him to suck it up. He'd get dizzy spells. We just… kept on. No one knew." Deanna sniffed and shifted her stance. "He went down in gym class. They couldn't get him up. Dad… freaked out. Stroked out is what they said. He came to and was more or less with it but then it happened again. We had to get specialists and surgeries and they all just say he'll wake up when he wakes up."

"Have you considered turning off the machines?"

Deanna turned to look at her brother. He was 27 years old and hadn't been awake for nearly 10 years. "It was my dad's wish we keep trying."

"And when did your father pass?"

"Five years ago." Deanna took a breath. "Sam never met my son and I'm determined that someday he will. If you don't have proof that he's not in there, I don't want to hear it."

The doctor was silent for a moment. "It's a drain."

"On medical staff, on me. On the time I spend with my son. On money I could use to fix my face. I've heard it all. The machines stay on." She paced. "He never graduated high school. He never had sex. He never got to buy his first smokes or beer. He wasn't there when I gave birth. He wasn't there when Dad died. I'm all he has left and I'm going to fight for him."

"Alright."

The ride back to the priest's was full of tears and nausea. She spent the next three weeks quarantined in the extra bedroom and kissing Marty through a face mask. She went to the doctor under duress. She should have just spent seven dollars at the pharmacy. She went home and stared at the whiskey bottle. She didn't drink. She didn't tell Jim. She just spent a few more days with her son and then found herself a hunt while she thought about bringing another child into the world.

She was standing over a fresh werewolf corpse in Washington when the man came crashing into her clearing with a crossbow in his arms. She raised an eyebrow at him then yanked the shovel off her pack. They worked in silence to dig a pit to burn the corpse in. Afterward, he held out his hand. "Caleb Bailey."

"Deanna Winchester." She shook it. "I thought maybe you were a hunter."

"Oh?" He snorted.

"I am. Obviously." She gestured to her face.

"Winchester. I met a John Winchester, once."

"My father." She nodded and picked up her bag for the trek to her car.

"How is he?"

"Dead."

"Hunting?"

"Yep." She nodded and plodded through the woods. He followed. "How'd you meet him?"

"Hunt that got me started… many years ago."

"He train you?"

"Told me to find something else to do with my time. He sent me to a couple of different folks if I couldn't keep it out of my head. I didn't know he had a kid."

"Yeah, sounds like him."

They walked the rest of the way in silence. There were a few cars in the lot. They belonged to campers who had no clue a werewolf had been hunting just hours before. Deanna tossed her bag in the trunk with her crossbow. Caleb stared at her. She stared back. "I got a room in town… if you're game."

The next three days were spent ordering in and having lots of sex. Deanna even managed not to throw up during the sexathon. She didn't want to know what that meant. There was a bit of chitchat. He talked about his parents and an old girlfriend. She talked about her dad and brother. She did a fly-by on Marty that he wisely chose not to press. He didn't ask how she got the scars on her face or ribs. She didn't ask why he was missing a nut.

She thought about the child in her belly. She thought about Marty. She thought he might like to know… but when she turned to look at him and his scars and the haunt in his eyes, she just saw her father. The back of his head as he walked away from her and Sammy on so many hunts. He tilt of his head as he swallowed down another bottle of booze. The glint in his eyes as he yelled at them to be better, to do better, to be just like him.

He poured them both drinks and she stared at hers. He walked around, sipping his whiskey and she stared at her glass. She watched his aging body moving around and she wanted to die. When Sam got hurt, she had her dad. When Marty was born, she had her dad. Now, she just had Marty. She handed Caleb the glass when he passed close to her again. He tilted his head at her. "I'm pregnant. Shouldn't drink it."

"Oh." He tossed hers back and glanced back over his shoulder as he moved to the little table to set the glasses down. "Did I step in the middle of something?"

"No. I just found out. One night stand."

"Oh."

"I only just decided, I guess." She took a breath. "I should go. My kid is probably driving the sitter crazy." Silence stretched out between them. It was more awkward than she could handle. "That's me. Crazy hunter-mom."

"I'm always up for an adventure." He offered. "Hunting or… otherwise."

"I'll bear it in mind." She grabbed her pants and watched him stare out the window. "I'm pregnant, not infirmed."

"Well… call me… for whatever." He turned to look at her. "I'm game for anything."

Marty ran up and hugged his mother the second she climbed out of the car. They all had dinner and he had four stories before bed. She watched him sleep for a moment before she joined the priest for a drink. She had a lemonade with him. He made a face at her. She sighed and shrugged. "I'm pregnant."

"I didn't know you were seeing anyone." The second he'd finished the sentence, he realized he should have kept it to himself. "Well, are you going to…"

"Yes. Marty could use a sibling." Deanna nodded.

"You're a better mother than you think. You should think about settling somewhere. Maybe here in town."

"I'll think about it."

"I'll always be here for you but I think I let you lean too much."

"I know." She nodded.

It was a little house. Two rooms and she had to get a job to keep it up. She had to get a sitter to keep gambling up extra money for Sam's care. She joined a PTA and killed three monsters. She took Marty with her to Jim's when he called her for a hunt. Her son whooped through the little yard and into the house and went right for the old school Lincoln logs. Deanna walked into the dining room to find a bunch of hunters. All familiar faces. Deanna shook hands with Caleb as if they had never met.

No one wanted Deanna to go. No one could do the hunt without her. There was a huge fight about the baby bump and the crucial person to the hunt and who was willing to put her and her unborn child at risk. Deanna and Caleb ended up in his car to deal with the gate in question. Caleb kept watching her as he drove. "I know I said I was okay doing this with you but are you okay with it?"

"I'm hunter." She laughed. "I took down a rawhead when I was eight and half months pregnant with Marty." She touched her belly, just barely protruding. "She'll be okay through an incantation."

"She?"

"I think this one is a girl."

They chattered easily through the ride. They got through the sealing of the gate and with the adrenaline, running high, they fell into bed. Deanna woke to find Caleb's hand on her belly and her child kicking enthusiastically. She groaned and he rubbed her belly gently. "Sorry. I just… never got to do this before."

"Molest a sleeping woman?"

"Sorry." He laughed and caught the glitter in her eye. "Never been a father. Probably never will be." He started to take his hand back.

Deanna took his hand and placed it firmly where her child kicked the hardest. "This is my second go round without a father in the picture."

"Idiots." He sighed. "When does the baby come?"

"Five months." She sighed heavily and rolled her naked body into his. "I'm not looking for a daddy for my kids. If you want to come see me, I won't kick you out of bed."

"You really do this? You hunt and play house?"

"I was raised in it. I thought about… cutting out on my kid." She admitted. "It would be easy to do but… when I got pregnant again… I took that as a sign."

"Where's the father?"

"Marty's daddy was a blackout I had in New Orleans during Marti Gras seven years ago." She shrugged. "This one… I was out and gambling, just like when I met you. It's what I do."

"There's something here. I kick myself every time I say goodbye."

"Cause I'm such a beauty." She snorted.

"It's just a scar. I like you." He rolled over on top of her. "I'm not such a catch."

"I like you." She slid her legs around his waist. "Where were you when I had my whole face?"

"Where were you when I had two nuts?"

Jim gave Deanna a look when Marty told him a story about his new friend Caleb. Heavily pregnant, she couldn't escape the man and his looks. "He keeps me company."

"I didn't realize there was a romance there."

"We're… kindred spirits."

"I see."

"I may have… done something stupid, father."

"Oh?"

"I know who the father of this baby is but I never told him."

"I see."

"He knows I'm pregnant but he doesn't know it's his."

"I would say the truth will set you free."

"I lied."

"Oh?"

"It's Caleb's. I met him before he showed up for that hunt."

"Oh."

"I'd seen him before that hunt even and I hadn't told him."

"Why not?"

"I'm scared. I'm okay with raising my kids on my own. I'm okay with them not having a father. I don't want them to have the kind of father I had."

"I see."

"Caleb's a good man. He's good with Marty… I just…"

"I see… well… I'm not going to tell him. I'm not going to tell you to tell him. That's a decision all to yourself."

"Huh." She sat there while he stormed around the room putting books away and pulling other books off the shelf. He closed the subject permanently and she was still confused.

Caleb had a ten year old in line of sight and a three year old on his shoulders as he waited in line for ice cream. People stared. He had a raw scar running up his neck to his face. Marty didn't care. Dylan didn't care. Most importantly, Deanna didn't care. Deanna had her own highly visible scars. She was sitting with her brother and the kids had gotten antsy. People recognized Marty. Marty was charming and introduced his brother to them. Introduced Caleb as "mom's boyfriend" and then moved right along with the stories of how awesome his mom was.

Ice cream in hand and all over children's faces, they waited for Deanna. A few people stopped to say hi to Marty. Those folks were kind enough to greet Caleb and tell him how much Dylan looked like him. He just nodded and kept eating his ice cream. When the sixth person said it, he started to really, really look at Dylan.

When Caleb took the boys back, Deanna was holding Sam's hand and the smile on her face and the way her hair fell over her shoulder was just mesmerizing. The boys washed up in the little bathroom down the hall and Caleb watched them tell stories to their uncle Sammy. The drive home was quiet and comfortable. The boys went right to bed. Caleb set the house to rights while Deanna took a long bath.

She climbed into bed with him all smooth and relaxed. "You've been quiet."

"Just thinking."

"What about?"

"I remember the way you were that night we met. You were stressed out and kind of violent." He kissed her head. "That next time you were so… urgent and fun. Then when we… you said you were having a girl."

"I said I thought I was having a girl."

"Why'd you think that?"

"It felt different. Marty was such a slug in my belly. Dylan… he was… hellfire." She laughed and stroked her fingers through the hair on his chest. She sighed heavily. "I can't believe you're still here."

"Of course I am."

"I wouldn't have made it after Jim died." She whispered. "Or through today. Marty humors me."

"He knows you love your brother."

"Should I turn off those machines?"

"I can't tell you what to do but… is he in there?"

"He could be."

"You do what you need to do. I'll be here."

Deanna tilted her head back and ran a finger over his newest scar. It was healed and pink and made her want to hold him closer so she could keep him longer. He'd gone from a visit and romp every few months to permanent fixture in her home. She laid kisses on his neck and felt around for the scars on his thigh. The sex was angrier than Caleb had intended. His hand tangled in her hair, ball deep inside her, face down on the mattress. Detangling himself, he pushed away and kissed all the little scars and tattoos on her back. When she rolled over, beneath him, he pressed himself back against her.

Long moments passed before he got the words together. "Let's have a baby."

"What?" She turned her cheek against his.

"Bet I could give you a little girl."

"Thought you didn't want any of your own."

"I never said that. Just never thought I could have them… before you…"

"How many you want? I don't have a lot of years left in my ovaries."

"You want my kids?" He picked up his head to look in her face.

"I like my kids. I like you. I like how you treat me when I'm having one."

"Yeah?"

"I didn't have you full time but when you were with me, it was loads better than when I was alone."

"You gonna marry me?"

"I don't know."

Caleb almost asked her, right then, if Dylan was his. He didn't know why he didn't. "Okay. How many you think we could have?"

"You got baby fever?" Deanna held him tight against her. "I'm 35. We got one, maybe two shots at this."

He sighed heavily. "I love Marty and Dylan. Like my own. If there are never more, they will be enough."

Sam held the spoon and got most of the food in his mouth. Deanna paced and listened to doctors, belly round. When the doctor was done and Sam was still working on his seventh bite, Deanna got to work on him. She shook stuff in his hair and worked it through with her fingers before she pulled it back and ran a braid down the back of his head. "Your hair is prettier than mine and it's not fair."

He worked steadily on eating. She'd been gone four months and no one had called because she'd lost her phone on a hunt. "Dee… Dee… an… na."

"What's up?" She moved around to look at his filthy face.

"Where… D… Dad?"

She took a breath. "Gone. 10 years."

"Oh." He worked his mouth around his bite. "You. Old."

"You, too, genius."

"Fat."

"Pregnant, asswipe."

He gave her a crooked smile and shoved food in his mouth. He watched her stare at him. "W… what?"

"We need to get you laid."

"Shut… Shut… Up."

Then Caleb showed up with the kids. A gangly teenager, a pre-teen and a baby. Sam used his fingers to put more food on his spoon. "Kids… lot."

"Yep. I'm a breeder."

"Hunt?"

"Yeah." Marty answered. "Dad's teaching Dylan to shoot."

"No." Sam threw his spoon.

"Caleb, take them outside." Deanna motioned and took a seat next to her brother. She held his dirty hands and made him look at her. "You've been asleep a long time. Dad's been gone a long time. He only met Marty. He never met my other kids. When I met Caleb, I was tired. I thought about giving Marty up so he could be normal. I saw something in him. He saw something in me and then suddenly… being a hunter and raising a family seemed to make the best sense.

"I know you hate it. You ain't hunting. We'll take care of you, however long it takes to make you, you. I need Caleb in my life. My kids need him. We're hunters. All of us. This one, too." She laid her hand on her belly. "I've told them stories about their uncle Sammy their whole lives. They've watched me sit beside you all this time, even with all the docs telling me to just… cut off the machines." She grinned at him. "You never said anything about my face."

"Dog shit."

"Thank you." She set about cleaning up his hands and face and finished feeding him his meal. He was quiet for a long time. His eyes kept wandering to the window where Caleb paced with a hefty baby and the two boys mock-wrestled.

"How long? Caleb?"

"We hooked up when I was pregnant with Dylan." It was the same lie she told everyone.

"Baby. Dylan. Look like him."

"He doesn't know." Deanna finally admitted. "I was protecting myself in case he didn't stick around."

"Full. Shit."

"I know. Then it was just too late to tell the truth."

"You think doesn't know? I got eyes. I see. I know."

Caleb watched Deanna rub her belly and stare out the window. "You think you got our girl in there?"

"I hope so. I'm ready to cut you off." She grinned and turned to face him.

"You okay?"

"Yeah. He's still him. Just… slower." She snorted. "They say he's making a rapid recovery. He'll be home in three months. He'll have to do rehab for a long time but he'll make it."

"Good."

"Think we can find a bigger place by then?"

"Absolutely. I'll go play a few hands somewhere. I'll get us a down payment." Caleb got up and kissed her mouth.

"He'll have to get his GED. We'll have to get him a hooker." She laughed at his face. "My baby brother is a 34 year old virgin. We have to fix that."

"Okay." He pulled her against him.

"I want a DNA test."

"For what?"

Deanna just didn't know how else to do it and Sam would open his big mouth soon enough if left alone with Caleb. "Dylan."

"Why?"

"To satisfy my suspicions."

"Okay. Who do I have to hunt down?"

"You." She nodded and sniffed.

"Deanna…" Caleb let out a breath and held her tighter.

"I'm so sorry, Caleb. I wanted to tell you but… I've been burned so many times before. Then I fell in love with you and I didn't know how to even bring it up. And then you wanted kids and I'd do anything for you, Caleb."

"Sh…" Caleb stroked her hair. "Why'd you tell me now?"

"Sammy sees every damn thing. He knew just by looking and he's never let me keep a secret."

"Why tell me? Why not tell me your brother is full of shit?"

"We have to take him home with us and he'll turn our children against us and our life. We're hunters and he was never gonna do it. Doesn't want anyone else to do it either. Are you with me?"

"Do we even need that damn test? Is Dylan mine?"

"Yes."

"Okay. I'll go get us started. Marty will look out for Dylan and Johnny. You take care of your brother and you take care of yourself. I want to meet my little girl soon."